[FIC] Forever [One-shot]
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Surrounded by the dark, I knew I was in the same dream that I had these few weeks, since my wife got pregnant.
I saw him smiling sweetly to me although he looked really pale. I wanted to touch him but I couldn’t move a muscle. There was something which was holding me, preventing me from touching the person that I love.
“Yunho, I miss you.” He whispered lifelessly.
I could feel my tears rolling down my cheek. I wanted to hold him against my chest so much so that I can feel him again.
But I couldn’t.
I saw him fading away but I could not reach him.
“Yunho, yunho.” Who’s that? Who’s calling me?
I felt dizzy and struggled to open my eyes.
I hoped I could see him when I opened my eyes and everything would be back to the time when I was living a contented life with him.
But, I was disappointed to see my wife’s worried face. It was not him. Everything was still terrible for me.
“Yunho, are you alright? You’re sweating.” Yes, it was my wife, the wife who I don’t love and I would never love.
“I’m okay, it’s just a bad dream.” I comforted her and then got up and headed to the bathroom.
I couldn’t hold back my tears once I locked up the bathroom door. I slid down at the back of the door, the cold air was freaking me out but it’s nothing compared to my heartache.
I was living for everyone, my family and my friends, but I was not living for myself. I was forced to get married and now she was having my baby. I was not convinced that I would love my child after it was born.
If only he was here, he would know that I was suffering. But he would never be here for me anymore, because he was the cause of my sufferings. I wanted to hate him for putting me into such horrible life, but I love him and I just couldn’t blame him.
Despite the particular dream I had every night, I had fooled everyone by being a caring and responsible husband.
In fact, I was anticipated to get my sleep and had the dream again every night, so that I could see him.
******
Finally, it was time for the baby to come to this cruel world.
My mind was blank while I was waiting outside the operation unit, I could only see my parent’s worried and nervous face. I could not feel anything, not even happiness.
I did not know how long the operation was, but as the doctor came out from the room and announced that it was a baby boy and brought about the news of the mother’s death, I thought I was alive again.
It seemed good to me to have a wife who was an orphan. I would not have to take criticisms from her family.
So what if I was cold-hearted. Since he died, my tears were only for him.
I would not grieve for her death and my heart told me not to. I was cruel but there was nothing I could do to control my heart.
I knew my family was scolding me for my cruelty but I didn’t care. It was them who lied and forced me to get married. They should be grateful that I did not blame them for my loss.
Ignoring them, I proceeded to see my baby.
I smiled when I saw my cute baby. Those big eyes and the fair complexion reminded me of him.
Holding the little hand, I saw a scar on his wrist, I wondered how it gets there, but soon I forgot about it.
From that day onwards, it would be only me and my baby.
I named him Jung Jaejoong. Yes, my baby.
******
I love my baby so much.
Jaejoong resembled him so much as he grew up and I would sometimes stare at his face for a long time. His smile, his pout, everything seemed so familiar and similar.
I was thinking if he had come back for me by reincarnate as my baby, so that he could be together with me again.
I remembered that my sister scolded me as a crazy man.
Yes, I’m crazy because I was over possessive with my son.
I would be outraged with anyone who hurts him, including my parents. I wanted to keep him only in my world and I would protect him no matter what.
For the worse, I could even felt lust and yearn for him when I looked at Jaejoong, but he was my son. My blood was running inside his body and we were blood-related. No one could change this fact, although I was thinking to change all my blood but it would not be possible.
When he called me daddy, my heart ached seeing his beautiful face, the beautiful face which I loved so much.
But, he was after all my son.
******
It was Jaejoong’s 16th birthday and we would only celebrate together and no one else.
As time passed by, Jaejoong grew up to be a very pretty boy, so much like him.
I gazed at his face while he made a wish and blew the candles on the cake. It reminded me of the birthdays I had with him.
“Daddy, can I request for something?”
I patted on his head and said, “Yes sure, anything.”
He widened his eyes, “Can I have a kiss from daddy?”
Just when I was to respond, my lips was captured by another warm lips.
I was frowned at first but the next thing I did was pressing my lips hard on his luscious lips, the lips which I desire for. Those lips and touches were just too familiar to me.
While my tongue intruded into his mouth and played with his pinkish tongue, he moaned.
I could not help it but slid my hands under his shirt and pinched his sensitive nipples.
“Daddy.” He moaned.
I stopped and let go of him when I heard this.
I…… I could not make love to my own son.
He looked at me with his innocent eyes, “Don’t you remember me? I’m your Jaejoong.”
“I knew it, the scar on your wrist tells me everything. God had brought you back to me but I could not love you more than a father’s love. Jaejoong, I love you but you are my son.”
I love him, but he was my son. This was the only brick wall which was blocking us and it was pathetic that I could never break it.
******
It felt great to have Jaejoong lying in my embrace, even if our lives were fading away.
“Does it hurt?” I asked as I saw blood running out of his wrist.
“No, my heart ached more when I knew that you were getting married. I wondered how it would be if I did not end my life at that time. But it hurts to see you together with your wife and your future baby.” He smiled weakly but I could see his tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” This was the apology that I owed him.
“Next time, I want to be a girl, who can have your baby, our baby.” He gasped and I knew it was near the end of his life.
“And we’ll have many many babies until we can form a football team.” I helped him to continue as I saw him closing his eyes.
Jaejoong……
Next time, I would be chasing behind you, even if you don’t love me, and even you are a boy.
I will still love you.
I could feel my blood draining and the coldness of my flesh was making me numb.
But I was happy.
This time, we would die together and we would find each other again in the next live. I would never ever let you leave my side anymore, this was my promise to you.
With my last breath, I whispered near his ears.
I love you, Kim Jaejoong.
END
====================================================================================
My first sad ending one-shot, I couldn't believe that I actually wrote this.
Anyway, comments are loved^^
Surrounded by the dark, I knew I was in the same dream that I had these few weeks, since my wife got pregnant.
I saw him smiling sweetly to me although he looked really pale. I wanted to touch him but I couldn’t move a muscle. There was something which was holding me, preventing me from touching the person that I love.
“Yunho, I miss you.” He whispered lifelessly.
I could feel my tears rolling down my cheek. I wanted to hold him against my chest so much so that I can feel him again.
But I couldn’t.
I saw him fading away but I could not reach him.
“Yunho, yunho.” Who’s that? Who’s calling me?
I felt dizzy and struggled to open my eyes.
I hoped I could see him when I opened my eyes and everything would be back to the time when I was living a contented life with him.
But, I was disappointed to see my wife’s worried face. It was not him. Everything was still terrible for me.
“Yunho, are you alright? You’re sweating.” Yes, it was my wife, the wife who I don’t love and I would never love.
“I’m okay, it’s just a bad dream.” I comforted her and then got up and headed to the bathroom.
I couldn’t hold back my tears once I locked up the bathroom door. I slid down at the back of the door, the cold air was freaking me out but it’s nothing compared to my heartache.
I was living for everyone, my family and my friends, but I was not living for myself. I was forced to get married and now she was having my baby. I was not convinced that I would love my child after it was born.
If only he was here, he would know that I was suffering. But he would never be here for me anymore, because he was the cause of my sufferings. I wanted to hate him for putting me into such horrible life, but I love him and I just couldn’t blame him.
Despite the particular dream I had every night, I had fooled everyone by being a caring and responsible husband.
In fact, I was anticipated to get my sleep and had the dream again every night, so that I could see him.
******
Finally, it was time for the baby to come to this cruel world.
My mind was blank while I was waiting outside the operation unit, I could only see my parent’s worried and nervous face. I could not feel anything, not even happiness.
I did not know how long the operation was, but as the doctor came out from the room and announced that it was a baby boy and brought about the news of the mother’s death, I thought I was alive again.
It seemed good to me to have a wife who was an orphan. I would not have to take criticisms from her family.
So what if I was cold-hearted. Since he died, my tears were only for him.
I would not grieve for her death and my heart told me not to. I was cruel but there was nothing I could do to control my heart.
I knew my family was scolding me for my cruelty but I didn’t care. It was them who lied and forced me to get married. They should be grateful that I did not blame them for my loss.
Ignoring them, I proceeded to see my baby.
I smiled when I saw my cute baby. Those big eyes and the fair complexion reminded me of him.
Holding the little hand, I saw a scar on his wrist, I wondered how it gets there, but soon I forgot about it.
From that day onwards, it would be only me and my baby.
I named him Jung Jaejoong. Yes, my baby.
******
I love my baby so much.
Jaejoong resembled him so much as he grew up and I would sometimes stare at his face for a long time. His smile, his pout, everything seemed so familiar and similar.
I was thinking if he had come back for me by reincarnate as my baby, so that he could be together with me again.
I remembered that my sister scolded me as a crazy man.
Yes, I’m crazy because I was over possessive with my son.
I would be outraged with anyone who hurts him, including my parents. I wanted to keep him only in my world and I would protect him no matter what.
For the worse, I could even felt lust and yearn for him when I looked at Jaejoong, but he was my son. My blood was running inside his body and we were blood-related. No one could change this fact, although I was thinking to change all my blood but it would not be possible.
When he called me daddy, my heart ached seeing his beautiful face, the beautiful face which I loved so much.
But, he was after all my son.
******
It was Jaejoong’s 16th birthday and we would only celebrate together and no one else.
As time passed by, Jaejoong grew up to be a very pretty boy, so much like him.
I gazed at his face while he made a wish and blew the candles on the cake. It reminded me of the birthdays I had with him.
“Daddy, can I request for something?”
I patted on his head and said, “Yes sure, anything.”
He widened his eyes, “Can I have a kiss from daddy?”
Just when I was to respond, my lips was captured by another warm lips.
I was frowned at first but the next thing I did was pressing my lips hard on his luscious lips, the lips which I desire for. Those lips and touches were just too familiar to me.
While my tongue intruded into his mouth and played with his pinkish tongue, he moaned.
I could not help it but slid my hands under his shirt and pinched his sensitive nipples.
“Daddy.” He moaned.
I stopped and let go of him when I heard this.
I…… I could not make love to my own son.
He looked at me with his innocent eyes, “Don’t you remember me? I’m your Jaejoong.”
“I knew it, the scar on your wrist tells me everything. God had brought you back to me but I could not love you more than a father’s love. Jaejoong, I love you but you are my son.”
I love him, but he was my son. This was the only brick wall which was blocking us and it was pathetic that I could never break it.
******
It felt great to have Jaejoong lying in my embrace, even if our lives were fading away.
“Does it hurt?” I asked as I saw blood running out of his wrist.
“No, my heart ached more when I knew that you were getting married. I wondered how it would be if I did not end my life at that time. But it hurts to see you together with your wife and your future baby.” He smiled weakly but I could see his tears in his eyes.
“I’m sorry.” This was the apology that I owed him.
“Next time, I want to be a girl, who can have your baby, our baby.” He gasped and I knew it was near the end of his life.
“And we’ll have many many babies until we can form a football team.” I helped him to continue as I saw him closing his eyes.
Jaejoong……
Next time, I would be chasing behind you, even if you don’t love me, and even you are a boy.
I will still love you.
I could feel my blood draining and the coldness of my flesh was making me numb.
But I was happy.
This time, we would die together and we would find each other again in the next live. I would never ever let you leave my side anymore, this was my promise to you.
With my last breath, I whispered near his ears.
I love you, Kim Jaejoong.
END
====================================================================================
My first sad ending one-shot, I couldn't believe that I actually wrote this.
Anyway, comments are loved^^