[OS] Turning Darkness into Light [Ohmiya / Sakumiya]
Titel: Turning Darkness into Light
Pairing: Sakumiya (friendship), Ohmiya (onsided)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, friendship
Words: 3,120
Summary: Ninomiya Kazunari's life is anything but normal. Hated by his parents and loved by his teacher he tries to navigate the ups and downs of everyday life in the hopes of one day achieving his personal happy ending. But the way to happiness is long and hard, and he soon realizes that he can never make it on his own.
A/N: This oneshot has a new style :) It's from a universe, I created with nanao253 and tells just a little bit of the long and intricate storyline. I think I will never write the whole story down, it's too much XD But if you like this oneshot, maybe I'll write another one about this universe.
#0
Nino often asked himself what it might have been like to have an ordinary school time. But this question immediately brought up another: What was normal anyway? Before he could lose himself in this deep train of thoughts, he extracted himself from it to reformulate the question: What would he have liked to be different?
It wasn't that he was unhappy. Of course, there were certain people trying to destroy his happiness (and often they succeeded) but nevertheless Nino supposed he was happy.
Well, not exactly; he supposed he had been happy once.
And that was enough, wasn't it?
Wasn't it?
#1
His parents hated him. He was sure of it.
There had been a time when he was happy, when everything was perfect. Truly perfect, even if he wasn't aware of it at the time. Only now, in retrospect, did he realize just how perfect his life had been. He had been popular, well known, renowned.
A little celebrity, everyone had said and so had his parents with pride shining in their eyes. He had even enjoyed it: the music, the shows.
Then came the time where he couldn't enjoy it anymore.
Exactly when it had started to become a burden, weighing him down more and more every day, he didn't know anymore. The feeling had just somehow appeared and together with a crushing exhaustion forced him to give up. However, when you make a decision, you are seldom aware of the consequences it might have. When he finally went to his parents at the age of fifteen and told them that he didn't want to become a musician after all, it started to get dark around him.
#2
His teacher loved him.
At first he thought he was imagining things. He was ashamed to think that way. Each time, with each fleeting touch to his thighs, back, or maybe somewhere in between, he was ashamed to think that his PE teacher might have done it deliberately.
After all, Matsumoto-sensei was a popular, renowned teacher, well respected because of all the money he invested in the school. Our main sponsor everyone said at school festivities.
But on that one fateful day on the roof of the school building, just after classes had ended, it had happened. Another decision where Nino was unaware of the consequences, when he lit his first cigarette with trembling hands. Had he known that Matsumoto-sensei was just waiting for an opportunity like this - oh, he would've never done it! Never ever.
But he had done it and with it gave his teacher perfect blackmail material.
‘You'll do what I say or your parents will learn about this. You wouldn't want, would you?’
And he did do everything Matsumoto-sensei wanted him to; each time in the small teachers' bathroom, the one with the dark blue tiles. He let Matsumoto touch him, touched the teacher himself. And the darkness around him grew.
#3
The light.
With seventeen, the only light for him, when he came out of the teachers' bathroom the first time, trembling all over, was his best friend.
He couldn't tell him about it at the time; the fear to drag Sho into all of this was too great and sealed his lips. Nino suffered alone and wanted to keep it that way. So he gathered all his strength to play for his friend the role of the Nino he had been before the incident with Matsumoto-sensei. Two years where he had to disappear during breaks only to return to class pale-faced and invent yet another excuse.
But Sho was his light, even when he didn't know it and thus couldn't actively help Nino. There were times when Sho was the only thing that prevented him from taking the final step into the darkness; in whose presence he could feel as if he were leading a normal life with loving parents and supporting teachers.
Nino continued on with this charade without realizing that he was losing himself more and more. Because fighting the dark has its price and Sho's light alone just wasn't enough.
#4
The warmth.
It was paradox. Funny even, if everything else hadn't been so bitterly serious.
Nino loved his teacher. The new art and music teacher, Ohno-sensei.
It had started out completely differently, though: Didn't he originally want to get rid of him? Nino remembered the bet with Sho to get Ohno-sensei to quit. However, I'll give him one week to quit had somehow evolved into:
I'll give him one week to win my heart.
The reason? A cliché, with Ohno-sensei as the knight in shining armor. Did everybody fall in love with their savior, the person who promised safety and offered support? When it escalated between Nino and Matsumoto-sensei, one day in the showers, he had suddenly appeared. Ohno-sensei had pulled Matsumoto away from Nino, had yelled at him and pushed him away. Then he took care of Nino. To develop feeling in such a situation was so very cliché, wasn't it? But every cliché has its truth.
This love was pure warmth, even more so when he had built up the courage to tell him with Sho's help. Ohno-sensei was so considerate, and did so much for him that Nino couldn't help but feel his love - and hope - grow.
Ohno-sensei had even helped him to finally confide in Sho. And so Nino had two people with him in his fight against Matsumoto-sensei.
But like before, his happiness was shattered.
It was a shock, this one evening, when he stood at his beloved teacher's door out of fear of Matsumoto, their shared enemy. Had he known that he would get to know Ohno-sensei's girlfriend, he would've never gone there.
The warmth vanished then.
#5
The light, on the other hand, grew stronger that night.
He immediately went to Sho when he learned of Ohno-sensei's girlfriend. His legs just took over; he ran and ran to his best friend. Nino threw himself in his arms without thinking. He just wanted to feel the light, to know that he had someone left in his life who would keep him going.
But his words seemed to stir something in his friend; something that Nino hadn't know was there.
~
"Matsumoto beat him up“, Nino whispered painfully, clinging to his best friend and burying his face in the other's shirt. "He was injured... that's why Ohno-sensei wasn't at school.“
He had to swallow hard and could not prevent the tears from pooling in his eyes again. Nino cried often, he couldn't help it.
"And then... he collapsed. He fell into my arms and... oh my god.“
The memories suddenly washed over him again - after all, it had happened only recently. He could still feel how Ohno had responded to his embrace, but had immediately pulled back when his girlfriend had entered the room. It really stung.
"It hurts so much, Sho“, he said desperately. Then his voice gave out, overwhelmed by sobbing.
Nino dind't notice the light becoming brighter and stronger, to the point of being blinding. Because too much light isn't good either.
"I'm here for you, Nino“, Sho said soothingly, before he suddenly put his lips on Nino's.
The kiss started slowly, tentatively. A forbidden kiss in Nino's mind, but so good. Could something that felt so nice even be wrong?
And Nino gave in, without thinking he let himself be engulfed by the bright, strong light, only because he wanted to feel love and warmth. The warmth he had lost only recently.
That in fact he was just using Sho, did not occur to him.
#6
At one point realization hit him. Much too late, though. Too often he had kissed Sho and instilled hope in him. Only when Sho confessed his love to him did Nino realize that it had gone awry.
Because his heart still beat solely for Ohno-sensei.
~
'I will hurt him. But it will only get worse if I don't tell him', Nino pondered during class. Even on their way home, and when they had nearly reached his appartement, his thoughts were only on this subject.
'You are almost home. Do it now!' And so he did, killing the last ray of light in his life.
"Listen, Sho-kun... I...“ He had trouble finding the words, especially because he knew that the other would be devastated and deeply hurt.
"Hm?“, came the friendly prompt. It almost sounded as if Sho had no idea what Nino might be about to tell him. However, the silently pleading look, which had appeared in his eyes during Nino's silence, spoke otherwise.
There was no reason not to tell him.
"Sho, you're very important to me - and you know that“, Nino started, his voice hesitant and cautious. "And you're my best friend.“
He took a deep breath showing not only himself how hard this was for him.
"But I'm afraid that it will remain that way. I...“ He had to avert his gaze, couldn't look Sho into his eyes anymore. Because it was hard, so damn hard to know that he was about to deeply hurt tone of the most important people in his life.
For a moment his words hung in awkward silence as he made himself look up again. He had to look Sho into the eyes.
"I can't see you as more than... my best friend.“
He should have known that Sho would get angry. Nevertheless he flinched when Sho stepped closer, pulled him down by collar, and gave him an incredibly dark look.
"So you... you've really just used me? Nothing was real, you did all this so you would feel better?! So you would be distracted, could forget?“ Sho's voice became louder while he tightened his grip.
"I've always had your back. The whole time, and you - you thank me by hurting my feelings, by playing with them. You think that's fair?“
Then he pushed Nino away with such force that he stumbled back and barely remained on his feet.
"Do you really think that's fair, Nino? What have I done to deserve this? Tell me, what?“
No matter how much he had prepared himself for this, how often he had played the scene through in his mind, it hurt so much more than expected. Each of Sho's loud words burned in his chest making it hard to breathe.
He was about to lose Sho. Damn, he was about to lose the last person by his side.
'I should 've never done this. Should've never kissed him. But until recently I didn't even know that he is...'
His thoughts were sharply interrupted when Sho grabbed him again and pulled him close.
"Sho... I...“ But his voice failed him at first, he was too shaken by his best friend's fierce look.
"You don't deserve this, of course you don't“, he finally whispered. He even managed to keep his gaze up.
"I wasn't fair to you - so you should vent all your anger on me. Because I do deserve it. Let it all out... do with me what you want.“
Nino thought that this was the least he owed him. However, his words provoked a totally unexpected reaction. Sho released him with a jerk, though not as harshly as before. He was deadly calm, his eyes no longer showing any anger.
But instead of the usual warmth, there was only icy coldness in them.
"Don't compare me to Matsumoto-sensei. I would never stoop so low to take advantage of you in any way.“
~
And Sho had turned away, leaving him behind without another word. Soon, Nino fell to his knees asking himself whether Sho had left him for good.
'Have I lost everyone around me? Am I completely alone now?'
The loneliness that followed tore his soul apart.
#7
His parents weren't there when he somehow dragged himself home after the fight with Sho. There was only a small, carelessly written note on the table:
Kazunari, we'll be on vacation for three weeks. You're responsible for yourself and the house of course, while we're gone. Nothing more.
And he again realized just how alone he was now.
The days passed and he didn't go to school. He simply couldn't, because he didn't want to run into Sho, or, worse, Ohno-sensei. He didn't eat, didn't do anything but lie in bed swallowed up by his loneliness and despairing thoughts.
Even Ohno standing at his door after one week did nothing to change Nino's state. How could it - without any warmth and light in his life?
~
"Ninomiya-kun, you haven't been to school for over a week now. There hasn't been a sick note either. I was worried!“ The words were spoken softly as the teacher approached the door with a concerned look.
But Nino quickly blocked the entrance with his outstretched arm, before the older man could enter. Although it wouldn't be Ohno-sensei had he just gone away.
"It seems as if I was right to worry. You look terrible! Tell me what's bothering you. And where are your parents? They should have informed us.“
Even if it wasn't true, in Nino's mind Ohno was partly responsible for his state, for his loneliness. Because he had been so nice and caring only to let him down in showing him that he had a girlfriend.
Nino continually told himself that Ohno had never had good intentions and that he had used him like Nino himself had probably used Sho. He needed to hang onto this thought for the moment so as not to completely lose the ground under his feet.
'As if he's really worried. The headmaster probably sent him here. But he won't wrap me 'round his finger this time - I won't let him!'
"Everything's fine here. Now go away“, Nino said in a flat voice, looking his teacher straight in the eyes. He ignored his body's weakness, the dizziness, and the urge to lay back down. He didn't show any of it, did not want Ohno to see it.
Ohno was apparently too stunned by his answer to say anything. But just as Nino turned around to go inside again, he pulled himself together.
"I won't go before you tell me why you haven't been at school and why you look like such a mess“, he said seriously. „I'm really worried about you, Ninomiya-kun. I can't bear seeing one of my students like this. Let me help you. Please...“
Nino then felt Ohno's warm hand on his shoulder and froze.
"I... don't need your help, sensei“, he said, unable to suppress the bitterness in his voice.
Finally he was able to move again. He turned around, made the important step back into the appartement, and closed the door behind himself, leaving Ohno-sensei standing outside.
'I'm beyond help, sensei.'
Shortly after, he collapsed on the floor.
#8
And Nino asked himself again what it would be like to be happy; he was asking himself that right now, lying on the couch whereto he had somehow dragged himself after his breakdown.
He feared to completely forget what happiness felt like, even though he was only nineteen.
He was lying there, too weak to go to his room, staring at the ceiling and unable to grasp what had become of his life. Lonely and abandoned, too weak to help himself, too stupid to accept help from others.
Tears came and went. Time was flying by him, while he was still lying there and did not want to think about anything.
Then the door bell rang the second time that day.
"Go away“, he breathed. But it rang again. And another time.
At some point he picked himself up, stumbled to the door and froze at the sight of him standing there, gasping, drenched to the bone and looking completely done for.
Nino let himself fall right into Sho's arms; the urge to do so was too overwhelming, his longing for company too strong to send this person away, too.
'Sho... Sho...!'
When he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him, he knew he had done the right thing. Sho hugged him to his chest, pulled him into a firm embrace that at once chased away all traces of loneliness.
"Nino, I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry“, he said bitterly, while Nino felt the embrace tighten, almost to the point of hurting. But he didn't care, because he needed it. He needed Sho so much.
"I won't leave you again. I swear! I'll always be by your side... as your best friend. You hear me? You're not alone.“
Everything in this instance provided Nino with stability and strength. Sho's words, his being near; they had probably never held each other so tight, had never been so close. Not even the shared kisses, the touches could compare to this.
'Sho... oh god, Sho...'
Nino buried his face in the other's wet shirt, not caring about the pelting rain. Under no circumstances could he let go of his friend - his best friend - right now.
"Stay with me“, he murmured into the damp cloth, clinging to Sho's back.
"Stay with me!“
His words were answered by a nod from the older boy, which Nino couldn't see but feel. Just like the hands slowly stroking through his hair bringing so much light. The light he simply could not live without.
"I'm here, Nino... right here. With you. And I won't go away. As long as you need me, I'll be there. I promise. I promise!“
And Sho stayed.
What Nino didn't know, was that Sho himself had gone through hell during the last week. He had fallen for the nice promises by a man who had picked him up in the street and had told him of affection and love. Sho had spent his nights at a men's club, selling his body on the search for love. Love that he could not get from Nino. But one night, another teacher, Aiba-sensei, had appeared and given him his light.
Because nobody can go on without light in their life.
# ∞
Nino understood this fact when he was lying in bed with Sho, as close to him as possible. He understood that he could be happy as long as he always found the light in his life again.
The End
Pairing: Sakumiya (friendship), Ohmiya (onsided)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: angst, friendship
Words: 3,120
Summary: Ninomiya Kazunari's life is anything but normal. Hated by his parents and loved by his teacher he tries to navigate the ups and downs of everyday life in the hopes of one day achieving his personal happy ending. But the way to happiness is long and hard, and he soon realizes that he can never make it on his own.
A/N: This oneshot has a new style :) It's from a universe, I created with nanao253 and tells just a little bit of the long and intricate storyline. I think I will never write the whole story down, it's too much XD But if you like this oneshot, maybe I'll write another one about this universe.
#0
Nino often asked himself what it might have been like to have an ordinary school time. But this question immediately brought up another: What was normal anyway? Before he could lose himself in this deep train of thoughts, he extracted himself from it to reformulate the question: What would he have liked to be different?
It wasn't that he was unhappy. Of course, there were certain people trying to destroy his happiness (and often they succeeded) but nevertheless Nino supposed he was happy.
Well, not exactly; he supposed he had been happy once.
And that was enough, wasn't it?
Wasn't it?
#1
His parents hated him. He was sure of it.
There had been a time when he was happy, when everything was perfect. Truly perfect, even if he wasn't aware of it at the time. Only now, in retrospect, did he realize just how perfect his life had been. He had been popular, well known, renowned.
A little celebrity, everyone had said and so had his parents with pride shining in their eyes. He had even enjoyed it: the music, the shows.
Then came the time where he couldn't enjoy it anymore.
Exactly when it had started to become a burden, weighing him down more and more every day, he didn't know anymore. The feeling had just somehow appeared and together with a crushing exhaustion forced him to give up. However, when you make a decision, you are seldom aware of the consequences it might have. When he finally went to his parents at the age of fifteen and told them that he didn't want to become a musician after all, it started to get dark around him.
#2
His teacher loved him.
At first he thought he was imagining things. He was ashamed to think that way. Each time, with each fleeting touch to his thighs, back, or maybe somewhere in between, he was ashamed to think that his PE teacher might have done it deliberately.
After all, Matsumoto-sensei was a popular, renowned teacher, well respected because of all the money he invested in the school. Our main sponsor everyone said at school festivities.
But on that one fateful day on the roof of the school building, just after classes had ended, it had happened. Another decision where Nino was unaware of the consequences, when he lit his first cigarette with trembling hands. Had he known that Matsumoto-sensei was just waiting for an opportunity like this - oh, he would've never done it! Never ever.
But he had done it and with it gave his teacher perfect blackmail material.
‘You'll do what I say or your parents will learn about this. You wouldn't want, would you?’
And he did do everything Matsumoto-sensei wanted him to; each time in the small teachers' bathroom, the one with the dark blue tiles. He let Matsumoto touch him, touched the teacher himself. And the darkness around him grew.
#3
The light.
With seventeen, the only light for him, when he came out of the teachers' bathroom the first time, trembling all over, was his best friend.
He couldn't tell him about it at the time; the fear to drag Sho into all of this was too great and sealed his lips. Nino suffered alone and wanted to keep it that way. So he gathered all his strength to play for his friend the role of the Nino he had been before the incident with Matsumoto-sensei. Two years where he had to disappear during breaks only to return to class pale-faced and invent yet another excuse.
But Sho was his light, even when he didn't know it and thus couldn't actively help Nino. There were times when Sho was the only thing that prevented him from taking the final step into the darkness; in whose presence he could feel as if he were leading a normal life with loving parents and supporting teachers.
Nino continued on with this charade without realizing that he was losing himself more and more. Because fighting the dark has its price and Sho's light alone just wasn't enough.
#4
The warmth.
It was paradox. Funny even, if everything else hadn't been so bitterly serious.
Nino loved his teacher. The new art and music teacher, Ohno-sensei.
It had started out completely differently, though: Didn't he originally want to get rid of him? Nino remembered the bet with Sho to get Ohno-sensei to quit. However, I'll give him one week to quit had somehow evolved into:
I'll give him one week to win my heart.
The reason? A cliché, with Ohno-sensei as the knight in shining armor. Did everybody fall in love with their savior, the person who promised safety and offered support? When it escalated between Nino and Matsumoto-sensei, one day in the showers, he had suddenly appeared. Ohno-sensei had pulled Matsumoto away from Nino, had yelled at him and pushed him away. Then he took care of Nino. To develop feeling in such a situation was so very cliché, wasn't it? But every cliché has its truth.
This love was pure warmth, even more so when he had built up the courage to tell him with Sho's help. Ohno-sensei was so considerate, and did so much for him that Nino couldn't help but feel his love - and hope - grow.
Ohno-sensei had even helped him to finally confide in Sho. And so Nino had two people with him in his fight against Matsumoto-sensei.
But like before, his happiness was shattered.
It was a shock, this one evening, when he stood at his beloved teacher's door out of fear of Matsumoto, their shared enemy. Had he known that he would get to know Ohno-sensei's girlfriend, he would've never gone there.
The warmth vanished then.
#5
The light, on the other hand, grew stronger that night.
He immediately went to Sho when he learned of Ohno-sensei's girlfriend. His legs just took over; he ran and ran to his best friend. Nino threw himself in his arms without thinking. He just wanted to feel the light, to know that he had someone left in his life who would keep him going.
But his words seemed to stir something in his friend; something that Nino hadn't know was there.
~
"Matsumoto beat him up“, Nino whispered painfully, clinging to his best friend and burying his face in the other's shirt. "He was injured... that's why Ohno-sensei wasn't at school.“
He had to swallow hard and could not prevent the tears from pooling in his eyes again. Nino cried often, he couldn't help it.
"And then... he collapsed. He fell into my arms and... oh my god.“
The memories suddenly washed over him again - after all, it had happened only recently. He could still feel how Ohno had responded to his embrace, but had immediately pulled back when his girlfriend had entered the room. It really stung.
"It hurts so much, Sho“, he said desperately. Then his voice gave out, overwhelmed by sobbing.
Nino dind't notice the light becoming brighter and stronger, to the point of being blinding. Because too much light isn't good either.
"I'm here for you, Nino“, Sho said soothingly, before he suddenly put his lips on Nino's.
The kiss started slowly, tentatively. A forbidden kiss in Nino's mind, but so good. Could something that felt so nice even be wrong?
And Nino gave in, without thinking he let himself be engulfed by the bright, strong light, only because he wanted to feel love and warmth. The warmth he had lost only recently.
That in fact he was just using Sho, did not occur to him.
#6
At one point realization hit him. Much too late, though. Too often he had kissed Sho and instilled hope in him. Only when Sho confessed his love to him did Nino realize that it had gone awry.
Because his heart still beat solely for Ohno-sensei.
~
'I will hurt him. But it will only get worse if I don't tell him', Nino pondered during class. Even on their way home, and when they had nearly reached his appartement, his thoughts were only on this subject.
'You are almost home. Do it now!' And so he did, killing the last ray of light in his life.
"Listen, Sho-kun... I...“ He had trouble finding the words, especially because he knew that the other would be devastated and deeply hurt.
"Hm?“, came the friendly prompt. It almost sounded as if Sho had no idea what Nino might be about to tell him. However, the silently pleading look, which had appeared in his eyes during Nino's silence, spoke otherwise.
There was no reason not to tell him.
"Sho, you're very important to me - and you know that“, Nino started, his voice hesitant and cautious. "And you're my best friend.“
He took a deep breath showing not only himself how hard this was for him.
"But I'm afraid that it will remain that way. I...“ He had to avert his gaze, couldn't look Sho into his eyes anymore. Because it was hard, so damn hard to know that he was about to deeply hurt tone of the most important people in his life.
For a moment his words hung in awkward silence as he made himself look up again. He had to look Sho into the eyes.
"I can't see you as more than... my best friend.“
He should have known that Sho would get angry. Nevertheless he flinched when Sho stepped closer, pulled him down by collar, and gave him an incredibly dark look.
"So you... you've really just used me? Nothing was real, you did all this so you would feel better?! So you would be distracted, could forget?“ Sho's voice became louder while he tightened his grip.
"I've always had your back. The whole time, and you - you thank me by hurting my feelings, by playing with them. You think that's fair?“
Then he pushed Nino away with such force that he stumbled back and barely remained on his feet.
"Do you really think that's fair, Nino? What have I done to deserve this? Tell me, what?“
No matter how much he had prepared himself for this, how often he had played the scene through in his mind, it hurt so much more than expected. Each of Sho's loud words burned in his chest making it hard to breathe.
He was about to lose Sho. Damn, he was about to lose the last person by his side.
'I should 've never done this. Should've never kissed him. But until recently I didn't even know that he is...'
His thoughts were sharply interrupted when Sho grabbed him again and pulled him close.
"Sho... I...“ But his voice failed him at first, he was too shaken by his best friend's fierce look.
"You don't deserve this, of course you don't“, he finally whispered. He even managed to keep his gaze up.
"I wasn't fair to you - so you should vent all your anger on me. Because I do deserve it. Let it all out... do with me what you want.“
Nino thought that this was the least he owed him. However, his words provoked a totally unexpected reaction. Sho released him with a jerk, though not as harshly as before. He was deadly calm, his eyes no longer showing any anger.
But instead of the usual warmth, there was only icy coldness in them.
"Don't compare me to Matsumoto-sensei. I would never stoop so low to take advantage of you in any way.“
~
And Sho had turned away, leaving him behind without another word. Soon, Nino fell to his knees asking himself whether Sho had left him for good.
'Have I lost everyone around me? Am I completely alone now?'
The loneliness that followed tore his soul apart.
#7
His parents weren't there when he somehow dragged himself home after the fight with Sho. There was only a small, carelessly written note on the table:
Kazunari, we'll be on vacation for three weeks. You're responsible for yourself and the house of course, while we're gone. Nothing more.
And he again realized just how alone he was now.
The days passed and he didn't go to school. He simply couldn't, because he didn't want to run into Sho, or, worse, Ohno-sensei. He didn't eat, didn't do anything but lie in bed swallowed up by his loneliness and despairing thoughts.
Even Ohno standing at his door after one week did nothing to change Nino's state. How could it - without any warmth and light in his life?
~
"Ninomiya-kun, you haven't been to school for over a week now. There hasn't been a sick note either. I was worried!“ The words were spoken softly as the teacher approached the door with a concerned look.
But Nino quickly blocked the entrance with his outstretched arm, before the older man could enter. Although it wouldn't be Ohno-sensei had he just gone away.
"It seems as if I was right to worry. You look terrible! Tell me what's bothering you. And where are your parents? They should have informed us.“
Even if it wasn't true, in Nino's mind Ohno was partly responsible for his state, for his loneliness. Because he had been so nice and caring only to let him down in showing him that he had a girlfriend.
Nino continually told himself that Ohno had never had good intentions and that he had used him like Nino himself had probably used Sho. He needed to hang onto this thought for the moment so as not to completely lose the ground under his feet.
'As if he's really worried. The headmaster probably sent him here. But he won't wrap me 'round his finger this time - I won't let him!'
"Everything's fine here. Now go away“, Nino said in a flat voice, looking his teacher straight in the eyes. He ignored his body's weakness, the dizziness, and the urge to lay back down. He didn't show any of it, did not want Ohno to see it.
Ohno was apparently too stunned by his answer to say anything. But just as Nino turned around to go inside again, he pulled himself together.
"I won't go before you tell me why you haven't been at school and why you look like such a mess“, he said seriously. „I'm really worried about you, Ninomiya-kun. I can't bear seeing one of my students like this. Let me help you. Please...“
Nino then felt Ohno's warm hand on his shoulder and froze.
"I... don't need your help, sensei“, he said, unable to suppress the bitterness in his voice.
Finally he was able to move again. He turned around, made the important step back into the appartement, and closed the door behind himself, leaving Ohno-sensei standing outside.
'I'm beyond help, sensei.'
Shortly after, he collapsed on the floor.
#8
And Nino asked himself again what it would be like to be happy; he was asking himself that right now, lying on the couch whereto he had somehow dragged himself after his breakdown.
He feared to completely forget what happiness felt like, even though he was only nineteen.
He was lying there, too weak to go to his room, staring at the ceiling and unable to grasp what had become of his life. Lonely and abandoned, too weak to help himself, too stupid to accept help from others.
Tears came and went. Time was flying by him, while he was still lying there and did not want to think about anything.
Then the door bell rang the second time that day.
"Go away“, he breathed. But it rang again. And another time.
At some point he picked himself up, stumbled to the door and froze at the sight of him standing there, gasping, drenched to the bone and looking completely done for.
Nino let himself fall right into Sho's arms; the urge to do so was too overwhelming, his longing for company too strong to send this person away, too.
'Sho... Sho...!'
When he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him, he knew he had done the right thing. Sho hugged him to his chest, pulled him into a firm embrace that at once chased away all traces of loneliness.
"Nino, I'm sorry! I'm so very sorry“, he said bitterly, while Nino felt the embrace tighten, almost to the point of hurting. But he didn't care, because he needed it. He needed Sho so much.
"I won't leave you again. I swear! I'll always be by your side... as your best friend. You hear me? You're not alone.“
Everything in this instance provided Nino with stability and strength. Sho's words, his being near; they had probably never held each other so tight, had never been so close. Not even the shared kisses, the touches could compare to this.
'Sho... oh god, Sho...'
Nino buried his face in the other's wet shirt, not caring about the pelting rain. Under no circumstances could he let go of his friend - his best friend - right now.
"Stay with me“, he murmured into the damp cloth, clinging to Sho's back.
"Stay with me!“
His words were answered by a nod from the older boy, which Nino couldn't see but feel. Just like the hands slowly stroking through his hair bringing so much light. The light he simply could not live without.
"I'm here, Nino... right here. With you. And I won't go away. As long as you need me, I'll be there. I promise. I promise!“
And Sho stayed.
What Nino didn't know, was that Sho himself had gone through hell during the last week. He had fallen for the nice promises by a man who had picked him up in the street and had told him of affection and love. Sho had spent his nights at a men's club, selling his body on the search for love. Love that he could not get from Nino. But one night, another teacher, Aiba-sensei, had appeared and given him his light.
Because nobody can go on without light in their life.
# ∞
Nino understood this fact when he was lying in bed with Sho, as close to him as possible. He understood that he could be happy as long as he always found the light in his life again.
The End