on new stories and not much else..

[nice_on_ice]

 hello...

below you'll find a link to my first MFA submission.  I did several drafts on this story, and I'm decently satisfied with this one, though it still feels a little top-heavy to me.  as always, fell free to tell me what you think. it'll be critiqued a week from today.  i can't think of a title for the life of me.

William Torrey

Comments

[hug_your_kids]

i enjoyed reading this.

re: story

[anonymous]

Will, I enjoyed your story very much and I found that it held my attention the whole way through. I am curious to know why you set your story in what appears to be the late 70's and why your protagonist's family has just transferred to Ft. Hood from Taiwan. That he comes from abroad certainly makes him more of an "outsider" than usual, but I don't really see you doing anything more with this detail in the story, except for the small anecdote about the East v. West game near the middle. Since this was the first thing that stood out to me, I expected the "Taiwan Connection" to continue throughout the story, but it seems you have kind of dropped it

[o_heraclitus]

sorry, that was me. i didn't intend to post my comments anonymously.

[dustedoldman]

this is a very odd story coming from you. i really don't know what to think. why is it a military family? why taiwan? why killeen? why baseball?

[nice_on_ice]

why is it a military family? why taiwan? why killeen? why baseball?

Once I found an old photograph of my father; he couldn't have been been more than 15, and was wearing a baseball uniform. The caption on the back read 'Bill. Taiwan Pony League 1963.' He finished high school in Killeen while his father was stationed at Ft. Hood.

[dustedoldman]

ah. i see.

[onisamsha]

'the motorized light of television '

beeeee-utiful

i'll have more thoughts on it when i get a chance to read it again, but i seriously liked it from top to bottom