Beware the Superman (7/19)
Title: Beware the Superman
Rating: R
Pairings: James/Carlos, Kendall/Logan
Words: 76,216
Summary: What really matters in life, what makes someone human? Having someone to love or the ability to be able to love back?
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
Chapter 7: Love You Forever
~
"Why am I here again?"
"We believe this will be most beneficial to you, Mr. Knight. You and a few select others," the man in the white coat said simply and Kendall raised an eyebrow.
"Then just what is it that will be so beneficial?"
"Patience, Mr. Knight. You'll see soon," the man said, Kendall could hear the pride and arrogance in his voice that made Kendall's mouth turn into a frown and begrudgingly follow close behind. The walls were white and bare, the two of them walking down the hall and no one else in sight. Not even a noise other than the sound of their feet stepping along the tile entered Kendall's ears and he could feel his heart beating quick with nerves. What was he here for? Why did they ask him to come? Why did his psychiatrist tell him to come? What was the reason?
Kendall didn't ask anymore questions as the man drew near a door as blank and white as the walls, hand on the knob as he turned to smile at Kendall. He pushed it open, stepping inside and Kendall followed behind. Then the blond paused at the sight, his breath caught in his chest and his heart dropping.
Logan. With bouquet of fresh red roses clutched tight in his hands. And eerily the same shade of the roses Kendall left on the casket at the funeral.
How is this possible?
How could Logan be standing right there in front of him when Kendall had saw his lifeless body in the coffin, how he saw the pale and cold face that he cried over and let tears fall on and now is there standing and smiling that crooked smile Kendall missed and so often took for granted? Kendall felt his body convulsing as the man walked over, placing hands on Logan's shoulders and leading him over to Kendall. He was smiling too, like he was getting pleasure from seeing Kendall like this, a total emotional wreck.
"This is Alpha. Or better yet. . .Logan?" the man introduced and it took Kendall a second to get over the shock of seeing his loved one to process what the man was talking about. Alpha? What was that? What was going on? Logan stepped forward, the flowers in his hand brushing against Kendall's chest as he drew near, and he smiled.
"It's very nice to meet you. . .Kendall," he whispered and Kendall felt his body shake and he coughed. Then he felt Logan lean up and lips plump and plush grazed over his jaw before moving up to suck gently on his lower lip. . .
Kendall slammed a fist into the tile stall, the water running over his body as he let out a strangled cry. He hated that thing, he hated it. He hated everything about that imposter, that monster. He hated how much it tried to be like Logan, he hated how it acted so nice and loving when Kendall wanted it to just disappear, he hated how soft the android's skin was when he felt it try to kiss him and hug him to say sorry.
He hated how he was able to turn into a complete and total wreck just from one glance.
The water was hot and the bathroom was beginning to fill with steam, Kendall standing in there and letting the water run over his body. He didn't want to think about that day, that day that he was so happy when he should have been appalled and disgusted at what they were doing. Trying to replace someone, trying to replace someone that was close to Kendall with a machine. It was horrible, revolting, them choosing to make him happy and play God. He slammed his fist back again, hitting the tile wall and he growled. He hated that thing so much.
Kendall grabbed the towel and squeezed some soap on it, taking the cloth and scrubbing at his arms and torso. His skin was growing red from the heat, Kendall's hand that gripped the towel moving down and wrapping around his length to clean and he let out a shallow breath. . .
"He's designed to bring you happiness and pleasure. Whatever you need, whatever you want, he'll do," the man said, that stupid and arrogant grin never leaving his face as the android wrapped arms around Kendall and snuggled into his chest.
"I'll love you, Kendall. I'll love you til the end of the time. I won't ever leave you," he murmured, kissing Kendall's throat and Kendall shuddered a breath at the soft and warm touch. So human-like. . .
He hated that thing. He hated it. His hand was moving quicker now, his back moving to slouch against the back wall of the shower and the steam intensified. He hated himself now, how that thing was able to reduce him to this, a torrid mess that got off on fantasies of his once beloved and ready to be loved. He hated how the android's skin felt so silk smooth and smelled scented and sweet all the time no matter what, smelled so sensual and made Kendall's body ache with want and desire. He hated how the voice would grow soft and loving, like he wants Kendall to touch him, to please him as if he were a human that had the same basic needs. He hated how Kendall would roll out of the bed, with the android still calmly resting beside him to want to wash away any of it's scent from sleeping in the same bed with him but end up masturbating to the very thought.
The thought of being in the same bed and touching him, legs getting accidentally tangled, arms wrapping around each other, the scent of the android flowing into Kendall's nose and making his mind grow hazy with arousal.
He gasped, dropping the towel and letting his hand slide up and down the shaft himself, his hand wet and thumb running over the tip. The water from the shower head was stinging his skin and he let a breathy whine slip from his lips. He hated that thing so much, he hated himself, he hated everything. That android caused more harm than good, it was supposed to make Kendall happy. Instead, it made Kendall feel horrible and sick and sexually charged and angry. Such conflicting emotions and Kendall hated it. He wanted it all to stop, he wanted it all to go away. He just wanted to escape.
He wanted to die.
Kendall grunted, giving his dick a rough squeeze and his lips parted to gasp as he felt his orgasm rip through him. His body shook and the semen was washed away down the drain by the hot water until there wasn't a trace of white on Kendall's hand or legs or slowly growing flaccid member. He stepped forward, the water now running over his head and his face growing wet and stood there, thinking about what he had just done and his heart quivered.
He hated that thing.
He hated himself.
Every Tuesday morning before Kendall would come down the stairs, Logan would always walk out to the backyard to cut maybe one or two or four fresh American Beauties. He would then take the roses back inside, place them in a vase of fresh water and sit down to look at them for as long as he could. Kendall never understood why, his real Logan loved flowers very much and the garden in the backyard carried some of the flowers that he would take care of. But this. . .this Logan. . .would stare at them. He would look puzzled, confused, almost in a sort of pain of not being able to understand and it made Kendall angry. When the android wasn't looking, he would take the flowers and throw them in the garbage.
Only for Logan to go back out and cut more roses to replace them with.
When Kendall came from downstairs, today was no exception. Logan was sitting at the table, a hot breakfast composed of eggs, bacon, french toast and a tall glass of orange juice meant for Kendall in front of the chair beside him, and was looking at the flowers. Kendall stared at the android, Logan noticing the blond's presence and giving a soft yet worried smile.
"Good morning," Logan greeted and Kendall mumbled a 'Morning' back, walking over to take the plate and move to a chair that wasn't by Logan. The android didn't say anything about the gesture as Kendall sat across from him, the blond beginning to eat in silence. Ten minutes in Kendall hated the silence but at the same time, he didn't want to hear Logan talk, it just hurt him too much. ". . .How is breakfast?" Logan asked and Kendall paused.
". . .It's fine," he muttered, giving an off-handed shrug and continued to eat.
"Good, I'm glad that you like it," Logan said with a smile that Kendall did his best to ignore but couldn't help but blush at. He grabbed the glass of orange juice, quickly drinking it down and finishing up the last bit of french toast on his plate.
"I'm going to work," he said, getting up from his chair and Logan blinked.
"But you have today off, don't you?" Logan asked and Kendall paused. Oh yes, that was right. He had today and tomorrow off. But usually, he would have some sort of excuse to not be around Logan for today. He had to go do some work, he had to go shopping, he had to do everything but be in proximity of the android. Now, he had nothing. Kendall heard a chair scoot across the tile and out of the corner of his eye saw Logan walking over to take the dish out of Kendall's hand.
"Maybe today. . .we can go to the park? Or the art museum? Or-"
"Why do you want to go to an art museum?" Kendall asked, already feeling anger boiling inside of him and Logan bit his lip. Clearly, the android learned when Kendall was getting mad and when Kendall was neutral, now trying to carefully choose his words.
"Well. . .I would want to see the new exhibits. . .spend time with you-"
"You don't like art! Logan likes art, not you!" Kendall suddenly shouted and the android quickly stepped back.
"Please Kendall, please don't-" he plead and Kendall fumed. He wanted to hurt Logan, he wanted to break him somehow. But he just found himself getting sick from looking at Logan's frightened face.
"You. . .you don't like art. . .you don't understand art. . .you just. . ." Kendall's head was hurting and he sighed. He glanced at the roses sitting in the vase, so beautiful and pure, and he reached in and took them out of the vase. "I'm going out," he muttered and Logan didn't say otherwise as the blond moved to the front door. Kendall had one foot out the doorway when he heard Logan give a soft, 'I love you' and Kendall closed his eyes.
He stepped out and closed the door, the roses now just hanging in his hands.
Kendall didn't go out on walks that many times, he didn't remember the last time that he had went out on a walk. But he did like how the air smelled fresh and calmed him, the flowers in his hand lightly fluttering with few rose petals flying off into the wind. He didn't know where he was walking to, not sure of how far his destination might be or how long it might take for him to get back home but right now, all he cared about was the silence around him. Peace and quiet. . .
"I can't believe it! Now how are we going to clean you up?!" he heard a shout and Kendall turned his head to see two individuals standing in front of an apartment complex, the smaller of the two dirtied up with mud and soil. "I told you don't go playing in the yard, what were you doing in there anyways?"
"The bunnies," the smaller one said and the taller one groaned.
"Carlos, those things are diseased and Bitters needs to call animal control to get them away. Don't play with them, understand?"
"Okay!" the small one chirped happily and the taller one smiled. Kendall watched the two, feeling sick to his stomach and the smaller one glanced behind the taller one, smiling directly at the blond, "Hello!"
Now Kendall remembered, it was those two that were at his home. The android and that flirty brunette. The brunette turned, eying Kendall with confusion and then stepping in front of the android protectively.
"What do you want? Going to talk or fight?" he asked and Kendall shook his head.
"Just walking, don't mind me," Kendall said quickly, turning away and ready to walk off when he heard someone shout out, "Wait!"
Kendall turned, seeing the android rushing up to him, face dirtied and smiling bright as he pointed at the roses in Kendall's fist. Kendall glanced down at the flowers himself, raising them up to eye level with the android.
"What, you want these?" Kendall asked and the android nodded enthusiastically, gently taking the roses out of Kendall's hand to look at them. In the android's eyes, Kendall could see something different than in Logan's eyes when Logan looked at the flowers. They were bright, excited and admiring, gazing at the flowers with love and adoration. He was smiling, almost giving a little laugh as he let the petals tickle his nose and breath in the floral scent. This android was infatuated with the flowers, seeing the true beauty that Logan never could understand.
And Kendall couldn't help but begin to smile.
The small android rushed over to the brunette, practically shoving the flowers into his face for him to smell.
"Pretty! Aren't they?"
"Yeah, yeah. . .what do you say?" the brunette chided and the android turned quickly.
"Thank you!" he chirped and Kendall blushed.
"Um, you're welcome. . .he really needs a bath," Kendall observed and the brunette rolled his eyes.
"Well duh, I'm not blind. . .say. . .do you. . .you know. . ."
"Do I what?"
". . .Does Logan take his own baths or do you. . ."
Kendall blushed even deeper red, "He can clean himself, he doesn't need me to wash him," he said sternly and the brunette raised his hands in defense.
"Just wondering," he said, turning to the android, "Do you think you can give yourself a bath?"
". . .Bath?" the android cutely asked and Kendall continued to blush. He should just leave and spare himself of the embarrassment, the blond turning on his heel to take his leave again. Only this time, he felt someone grab onto him, pulling him back instead of him going forward. Kendall glanced over his shoulder, seeing the brunette taking him into the apartment complex with the android running off with flowers in hand.
"What are you doing?!"
"Well, can you help me give him a bath?"
"W-Why should I do that?"
"Because you have Logan. Okay, I don't know everything on how Carlos works but you at least know the basics, right? Just tell me what I need to do, okay?"
Kendall really couldn't object, he was already being pulled into the apartment and towards the bathroom door. Once inside the small space, the brunette moved to begin the bath water and Kendall fidgeted in his spot.
"I really need to get going. . .uh. . ."
"My name is James, forgot?" the brunette said with a sly smile and Kendall blushed. No, he didn't forget. In fact, that first encounter with James had to have been the high point of his entire week other than the occasional wank in the shower. "What do you need to do anyways? Thought you were going for a walk."
He had a point, Kendall had absolutely no where to be right now and he wasn't ready to go home just yet. But he felt rather uncomfortable being in the presence of James and that android. Speaking of which, the door opened and in stepped the small android, looking in amazement at the hot bath water James prepared with mountains of soap bubbles. James turned to Kendall, expectant look on his face. "Okay, what do we do first? Will water get. . .in or something?"
"N-No, he'll be fine. The water isn't too deep for any to leak in," Kendall said and James turned to the android.
"Okay Carlos, get undressed," he said and the android smiled. He tugged off the dirty shirt to reveal the soft looking tan skin of his torso and made quick work of the belt buckle. Kendall turned his head in embarrassment when Carlos pulled his pants and underwear down in one swoop, surprise coming over him when he saw James do the same thing with blush on his face. The brunette gave a nervous cough. "He's uh. . ."
"Y-Yeah. . ." Kendall stuttered out awkwardly, hearing the sound of water shifting and a contented sigh. James turned, crouching beside the bathtub and watching the android play in the water.
"Feels good?" James asked and Carlos nodded. Then Carlos caught both Kendall and James by surprise, grabbing onto the front of James' shirt and pulling James into the tub with him. The water splashed about, James sputtering and shouting at Carlos to stop while Carlos giggled and laughed thinking James was playing a silly little game in which he couldn't breath from the water beginning to get into his lungs and clothes getting soaked. Kendall watched the two fumble about in the tub, James managing to resurface and cough with wet hair in his eyes and Carlos laughing.
"I like baths!" Carlos chirped happily and James just groaned.
"Yeah, yeah. . ." he muttered and Kendall was slowly taking steps away from the two that weren't noticing him leave, now only focusing on each other and smiling at each other. Kendall felt sick, his heart filled with want at the happiness in front of him. The happiness that he wouldn't let himself have because he couldn't let go of the mistake he caused in the past.
And once he was out of the apartment and down the street heading back home with roses gone, Kendall began to hate himself.
And hate James and Carlos.
Logan was sitting on the couch in the living room when Kendall arrived back home, getting up quickly to watch Kendall slip off his shoes and begin to head to the bedroom.
"Kendall?" Logan called out and Kendall paused, "I'm sorry, Kendall. I'm sorry for making you upset. I never want to make you upset," he said quietly, Kendall feeling arms wrapping around him and holding him tight as Logan nuzzled into his back. Kendall let out a soft sigh, turning and allowing Logan to hug his front, nuzzling into his chest and breathing contented sighs. Logan glanced up at Kendall, brown eyes wanting and Kendall knew what the android desired as he felt Logan lean up to kiss his jaw and lower lip. Kendall's eyes closed and he hummed in pleasure, feeling Logan pushing him back until he stumbled onto the couch. Logan crawled onto him, straddled his waist and leaned forward to kiss Kendall's lips and suck gently. Kendall felt his body become hot, hands beginning to roam Logan's back and rest on his hips as he felt his own jut up a bit to grind against the android. He wanted this, he wanted this so bad and his heart was ready to speed out of his chest as his eyes fluttered.
Then his fingers went up into Logan's hair and brushed against that red wire.
And Kendall felt repulsed.
Disgusting, how disgusting. Getting aroused by a machine, a doll, a robot and not even a real human. How pathetic was he? And not just any machine, a machine that resembled his old love, what a loser he is. He was pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. And Kendall felt that self-pity turn into anger. How dare this thing try and seduce him. How dare this thing continues to play and flirt and try to take over that special place Logan held in his heart. How dare James and Carlos be happier than he was, Carlos wasn't even supposed to belong to James, he was supposed to go to that mother. Kendall felt Logan- no, it wasn't Logan, it wasn't Logan.
"Get off of me! Get away from me!" Kendall screamed, shoving the android off of him violently and Logan tumbled to the floor. Kendall held his head, feeling tears well up in his eyes. It's all his fault Logan is gone, it's all his fault Logan had to go. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he notice? Why is this thing trying to hurt him more and make him feel guilty about what he had done? Why did this thing make Kendall want to love this replacement more than he loved Logan? Make it all go away, make it all stop.
"Kendall," Logan said softly, leaning over to touch Kendall's knee and Kendall's eyes widened.
"I said get away from me!" the blond shouted, hand raised and striking Logan across the cheek. He heard a cry, seeing Logan hold his face and Kendall felt sick, face turning into a grimace, "Please, leave me alone! Just go away!" he cried, getting up from the couch and running off to the bedroom. He flung himself on the mattress, letting out sobs and gripping the pillow tight. Everything hurt, everything ached, Kendall wanted everything to stop. He sniffled, turning his head and seeing through blurred vision something lying on the nightstand. An American Beauty rose.
Those flowers that Logan loved so much.
Those flowers that Kendall was going to surprise him with on their anniversary.
The day that Logan killed himself.
Rating: R
Pairings: James/Carlos, Kendall/Logan
Words: 76,216
Summary: What really matters in life, what makes someone human? Having someone to love or the ability to be able to love back?
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
Chapter 7: Love You Forever
~
"Why am I here again?"
"We believe this will be most beneficial to you, Mr. Knight. You and a few select others," the man in the white coat said simply and Kendall raised an eyebrow.
"Then just what is it that will be so beneficial?"
"Patience, Mr. Knight. You'll see soon," the man said, Kendall could hear the pride and arrogance in his voice that made Kendall's mouth turn into a frown and begrudgingly follow close behind. The walls were white and bare, the two of them walking down the hall and no one else in sight. Not even a noise other than the sound of their feet stepping along the tile entered Kendall's ears and he could feel his heart beating quick with nerves. What was he here for? Why did they ask him to come? Why did his psychiatrist tell him to come? What was the reason?
Kendall didn't ask anymore questions as the man drew near a door as blank and white as the walls, hand on the knob as he turned to smile at Kendall. He pushed it open, stepping inside and Kendall followed behind. Then the blond paused at the sight, his breath caught in his chest and his heart dropping.
Logan. With bouquet of fresh red roses clutched tight in his hands. And eerily the same shade of the roses Kendall left on the casket at the funeral.
How is this possible?
How could Logan be standing right there in front of him when Kendall had saw his lifeless body in the coffin, how he saw the pale and cold face that he cried over and let tears fall on and now is there standing and smiling that crooked smile Kendall missed and so often took for granted? Kendall felt his body convulsing as the man walked over, placing hands on Logan's shoulders and leading him over to Kendall. He was smiling too, like he was getting pleasure from seeing Kendall like this, a total emotional wreck.
"This is Alpha. Or better yet. . .Logan?" the man introduced and it took Kendall a second to get over the shock of seeing his loved one to process what the man was talking about. Alpha? What was that? What was going on? Logan stepped forward, the flowers in his hand brushing against Kendall's chest as he drew near, and he smiled.
"It's very nice to meet you. . .Kendall," he whispered and Kendall felt his body shake and he coughed. Then he felt Logan lean up and lips plump and plush grazed over his jaw before moving up to suck gently on his lower lip. . .
Kendall slammed a fist into the tile stall, the water running over his body as he let out a strangled cry. He hated that thing, he hated it. He hated everything about that imposter, that monster. He hated how much it tried to be like Logan, he hated how it acted so nice and loving when Kendall wanted it to just disappear, he hated how soft the android's skin was when he felt it try to kiss him and hug him to say sorry.
He hated how he was able to turn into a complete and total wreck just from one glance.
The water was hot and the bathroom was beginning to fill with steam, Kendall standing in there and letting the water run over his body. He didn't want to think about that day, that day that he was so happy when he should have been appalled and disgusted at what they were doing. Trying to replace someone, trying to replace someone that was close to Kendall with a machine. It was horrible, revolting, them choosing to make him happy and play God. He slammed his fist back again, hitting the tile wall and he growled. He hated that thing so much.
Kendall grabbed the towel and squeezed some soap on it, taking the cloth and scrubbing at his arms and torso. His skin was growing red from the heat, Kendall's hand that gripped the towel moving down and wrapping around his length to clean and he let out a shallow breath. . .
"He's designed to bring you happiness and pleasure. Whatever you need, whatever you want, he'll do," the man said, that stupid and arrogant grin never leaving his face as the android wrapped arms around Kendall and snuggled into his chest.
"I'll love you, Kendall. I'll love you til the end of the time. I won't ever leave you," he murmured, kissing Kendall's throat and Kendall shuddered a breath at the soft and warm touch. So human-like. . .
He hated that thing. He hated it. His hand was moving quicker now, his back moving to slouch against the back wall of the shower and the steam intensified. He hated himself now, how that thing was able to reduce him to this, a torrid mess that got off on fantasies of his once beloved and ready to be loved. He hated how the android's skin felt so silk smooth and smelled scented and sweet all the time no matter what, smelled so sensual and made Kendall's body ache with want and desire. He hated how the voice would grow soft and loving, like he wants Kendall to touch him, to please him as if he were a human that had the same basic needs. He hated how Kendall would roll out of the bed, with the android still calmly resting beside him to want to wash away any of it's scent from sleeping in the same bed with him but end up masturbating to the very thought.
The thought of being in the same bed and touching him, legs getting accidentally tangled, arms wrapping around each other, the scent of the android flowing into Kendall's nose and making his mind grow hazy with arousal.
He gasped, dropping the towel and letting his hand slide up and down the shaft himself, his hand wet and thumb running over the tip. The water from the shower head was stinging his skin and he let a breathy whine slip from his lips. He hated that thing so much, he hated himself, he hated everything. That android caused more harm than good, it was supposed to make Kendall happy. Instead, it made Kendall feel horrible and sick and sexually charged and angry. Such conflicting emotions and Kendall hated it. He wanted it all to stop, he wanted it all to go away. He just wanted to escape.
He wanted to die.
Kendall grunted, giving his dick a rough squeeze and his lips parted to gasp as he felt his orgasm rip through him. His body shook and the semen was washed away down the drain by the hot water until there wasn't a trace of white on Kendall's hand or legs or slowly growing flaccid member. He stepped forward, the water now running over his head and his face growing wet and stood there, thinking about what he had just done and his heart quivered.
He hated that thing.
He hated himself.
Every Tuesday morning before Kendall would come down the stairs, Logan would always walk out to the backyard to cut maybe one or two or four fresh American Beauties. He would then take the roses back inside, place them in a vase of fresh water and sit down to look at them for as long as he could. Kendall never understood why, his real Logan loved flowers very much and the garden in the backyard carried some of the flowers that he would take care of. But this. . .this Logan. . .would stare at them. He would look puzzled, confused, almost in a sort of pain of not being able to understand and it made Kendall angry. When the android wasn't looking, he would take the flowers and throw them in the garbage.
Only for Logan to go back out and cut more roses to replace them with.
When Kendall came from downstairs, today was no exception. Logan was sitting at the table, a hot breakfast composed of eggs, bacon, french toast and a tall glass of orange juice meant for Kendall in front of the chair beside him, and was looking at the flowers. Kendall stared at the android, Logan noticing the blond's presence and giving a soft yet worried smile.
"Good morning," Logan greeted and Kendall mumbled a 'Morning' back, walking over to take the plate and move to a chair that wasn't by Logan. The android didn't say anything about the gesture as Kendall sat across from him, the blond beginning to eat in silence. Ten minutes in Kendall hated the silence but at the same time, he didn't want to hear Logan talk, it just hurt him too much. ". . .How is breakfast?" Logan asked and Kendall paused.
". . .It's fine," he muttered, giving an off-handed shrug and continued to eat.
"Good, I'm glad that you like it," Logan said with a smile that Kendall did his best to ignore but couldn't help but blush at. He grabbed the glass of orange juice, quickly drinking it down and finishing up the last bit of french toast on his plate.
"I'm going to work," he said, getting up from his chair and Logan blinked.
"But you have today off, don't you?" Logan asked and Kendall paused. Oh yes, that was right. He had today and tomorrow off. But usually, he would have some sort of excuse to not be around Logan for today. He had to go do some work, he had to go shopping, he had to do everything but be in proximity of the android. Now, he had nothing. Kendall heard a chair scoot across the tile and out of the corner of his eye saw Logan walking over to take the dish out of Kendall's hand.
"Maybe today. . .we can go to the park? Or the art museum? Or-"
"Why do you want to go to an art museum?" Kendall asked, already feeling anger boiling inside of him and Logan bit his lip. Clearly, the android learned when Kendall was getting mad and when Kendall was neutral, now trying to carefully choose his words.
"Well. . .I would want to see the new exhibits. . .spend time with you-"
"You don't like art! Logan likes art, not you!" Kendall suddenly shouted and the android quickly stepped back.
"Please Kendall, please don't-" he plead and Kendall fumed. He wanted to hurt Logan, he wanted to break him somehow. But he just found himself getting sick from looking at Logan's frightened face.
"You. . .you don't like art. . .you don't understand art. . .you just. . ." Kendall's head was hurting and he sighed. He glanced at the roses sitting in the vase, so beautiful and pure, and he reached in and took them out of the vase. "I'm going out," he muttered and Logan didn't say otherwise as the blond moved to the front door. Kendall had one foot out the doorway when he heard Logan give a soft, 'I love you' and Kendall closed his eyes.
He stepped out and closed the door, the roses now just hanging in his hands.
Kendall didn't go out on walks that many times, he didn't remember the last time that he had went out on a walk. But he did like how the air smelled fresh and calmed him, the flowers in his hand lightly fluttering with few rose petals flying off into the wind. He didn't know where he was walking to, not sure of how far his destination might be or how long it might take for him to get back home but right now, all he cared about was the silence around him. Peace and quiet. . .
"I can't believe it! Now how are we going to clean you up?!" he heard a shout and Kendall turned his head to see two individuals standing in front of an apartment complex, the smaller of the two dirtied up with mud and soil. "I told you don't go playing in the yard, what were you doing in there anyways?"
"The bunnies," the smaller one said and the taller one groaned.
"Carlos, those things are diseased and Bitters needs to call animal control to get them away. Don't play with them, understand?"
"Okay!" the small one chirped happily and the taller one smiled. Kendall watched the two, feeling sick to his stomach and the smaller one glanced behind the taller one, smiling directly at the blond, "Hello!"
Now Kendall remembered, it was those two that were at his home. The android and that flirty brunette. The brunette turned, eying Kendall with confusion and then stepping in front of the android protectively.
"What do you want? Going to talk or fight?" he asked and Kendall shook his head.
"Just walking, don't mind me," Kendall said quickly, turning away and ready to walk off when he heard someone shout out, "Wait!"
Kendall turned, seeing the android rushing up to him, face dirtied and smiling bright as he pointed at the roses in Kendall's fist. Kendall glanced down at the flowers himself, raising them up to eye level with the android.
"What, you want these?" Kendall asked and the android nodded enthusiastically, gently taking the roses out of Kendall's hand to look at them. In the android's eyes, Kendall could see something different than in Logan's eyes when Logan looked at the flowers. They were bright, excited and admiring, gazing at the flowers with love and adoration. He was smiling, almost giving a little laugh as he let the petals tickle his nose and breath in the floral scent. This android was infatuated with the flowers, seeing the true beauty that Logan never could understand.
And Kendall couldn't help but begin to smile.
The small android rushed over to the brunette, practically shoving the flowers into his face for him to smell.
"Pretty! Aren't they?"
"Yeah, yeah. . .what do you say?" the brunette chided and the android turned quickly.
"Thank you!" he chirped and Kendall blushed.
"Um, you're welcome. . .he really needs a bath," Kendall observed and the brunette rolled his eyes.
"Well duh, I'm not blind. . .say. . .do you. . .you know. . ."
"Do I what?"
". . .Does Logan take his own baths or do you. . ."
Kendall blushed even deeper red, "He can clean himself, he doesn't need me to wash him," he said sternly and the brunette raised his hands in defense.
"Just wondering," he said, turning to the android, "Do you think you can give yourself a bath?"
". . .Bath?" the android cutely asked and Kendall continued to blush. He should just leave and spare himself of the embarrassment, the blond turning on his heel to take his leave again. Only this time, he felt someone grab onto him, pulling him back instead of him going forward. Kendall glanced over his shoulder, seeing the brunette taking him into the apartment complex with the android running off with flowers in hand.
"What are you doing?!"
"Well, can you help me give him a bath?"
"W-Why should I do that?"
"Because you have Logan. Okay, I don't know everything on how Carlos works but you at least know the basics, right? Just tell me what I need to do, okay?"
Kendall really couldn't object, he was already being pulled into the apartment and towards the bathroom door. Once inside the small space, the brunette moved to begin the bath water and Kendall fidgeted in his spot.
"I really need to get going. . .uh. . ."
"My name is James, forgot?" the brunette said with a sly smile and Kendall blushed. No, he didn't forget. In fact, that first encounter with James had to have been the high point of his entire week other than the occasional wank in the shower. "What do you need to do anyways? Thought you were going for a walk."
He had a point, Kendall had absolutely no where to be right now and he wasn't ready to go home just yet. But he felt rather uncomfortable being in the presence of James and that android. Speaking of which, the door opened and in stepped the small android, looking in amazement at the hot bath water James prepared with mountains of soap bubbles. James turned to Kendall, expectant look on his face. "Okay, what do we do first? Will water get. . .in or something?"
"N-No, he'll be fine. The water isn't too deep for any to leak in," Kendall said and James turned to the android.
"Okay Carlos, get undressed," he said and the android smiled. He tugged off the dirty shirt to reveal the soft looking tan skin of his torso and made quick work of the belt buckle. Kendall turned his head in embarrassment when Carlos pulled his pants and underwear down in one swoop, surprise coming over him when he saw James do the same thing with blush on his face. The brunette gave a nervous cough. "He's uh. . ."
"Y-Yeah. . ." Kendall stuttered out awkwardly, hearing the sound of water shifting and a contented sigh. James turned, crouching beside the bathtub and watching the android play in the water.
"Feels good?" James asked and Carlos nodded. Then Carlos caught both Kendall and James by surprise, grabbing onto the front of James' shirt and pulling James into the tub with him. The water splashed about, James sputtering and shouting at Carlos to stop while Carlos giggled and laughed thinking James was playing a silly little game in which he couldn't breath from the water beginning to get into his lungs and clothes getting soaked. Kendall watched the two fumble about in the tub, James managing to resurface and cough with wet hair in his eyes and Carlos laughing.
"I like baths!" Carlos chirped happily and James just groaned.
"Yeah, yeah. . ." he muttered and Kendall was slowly taking steps away from the two that weren't noticing him leave, now only focusing on each other and smiling at each other. Kendall felt sick, his heart filled with want at the happiness in front of him. The happiness that he wouldn't let himself have because he couldn't let go of the mistake he caused in the past.
And once he was out of the apartment and down the street heading back home with roses gone, Kendall began to hate himself.
And hate James and Carlos.
Logan was sitting on the couch in the living room when Kendall arrived back home, getting up quickly to watch Kendall slip off his shoes and begin to head to the bedroom.
"Kendall?" Logan called out and Kendall paused, "I'm sorry, Kendall. I'm sorry for making you upset. I never want to make you upset," he said quietly, Kendall feeling arms wrapping around him and holding him tight as Logan nuzzled into his back. Kendall let out a soft sigh, turning and allowing Logan to hug his front, nuzzling into his chest and breathing contented sighs. Logan glanced up at Kendall, brown eyes wanting and Kendall knew what the android desired as he felt Logan lean up to kiss his jaw and lower lip. Kendall's eyes closed and he hummed in pleasure, feeling Logan pushing him back until he stumbled onto the couch. Logan crawled onto him, straddled his waist and leaned forward to kiss Kendall's lips and suck gently. Kendall felt his body become hot, hands beginning to roam Logan's back and rest on his hips as he felt his own jut up a bit to grind against the android. He wanted this, he wanted this so bad and his heart was ready to speed out of his chest as his eyes fluttered.
Then his fingers went up into Logan's hair and brushed against that red wire.
And Kendall felt repulsed.
Disgusting, how disgusting. Getting aroused by a machine, a doll, a robot and not even a real human. How pathetic was he? And not just any machine, a machine that resembled his old love, what a loser he is. He was pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. And Kendall felt that self-pity turn into anger. How dare this thing try and seduce him. How dare this thing continues to play and flirt and try to take over that special place Logan held in his heart. How dare James and Carlos be happier than he was, Carlos wasn't even supposed to belong to James, he was supposed to go to that mother. Kendall felt Logan- no, it wasn't Logan, it wasn't Logan.
"Get off of me! Get away from me!" Kendall screamed, shoving the android off of him violently and Logan tumbled to the floor. Kendall held his head, feeling tears well up in his eyes. It's all his fault Logan is gone, it's all his fault Logan had to go. Why didn't he say anything? Why didn't he notice? Why is this thing trying to hurt him more and make him feel guilty about what he had done? Why did this thing make Kendall want to love this replacement more than he loved Logan? Make it all go away, make it all stop.
"Kendall," Logan said softly, leaning over to touch Kendall's knee and Kendall's eyes widened.
"I said get away from me!" the blond shouted, hand raised and striking Logan across the cheek. He heard a cry, seeing Logan hold his face and Kendall felt sick, face turning into a grimace, "Please, leave me alone! Just go away!" he cried, getting up from the couch and running off to the bedroom. He flung himself on the mattress, letting out sobs and gripping the pillow tight. Everything hurt, everything ached, Kendall wanted everything to stop. He sniffled, turning his head and seeing through blurred vision something lying on the nightstand. An American Beauty rose.
Those flowers that Logan loved so much.
Those flowers that Kendall was going to surprise him with on their anniversary.
The day that Logan killed himself.