[Oneshot] All about Paris
TITLE: All about Paris
AUTHOR: nicis_anatomy
CHARACTER: Jenny Shepard/Trent Kort
GENRE: Drama, Romance
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 8064
SUMMARY: Jenny and Paris ... a relationship that has always been complicated in the past, but when she decides to go back, one last time, everything suddenly changes ... Written for prompt #23 " In Time " for 24_times and quote #07 "So we’re popping back double espressos and all of a sudden out of the blue, he says, 'I really really like you.'" for madame_director.
WARNINGS: Spoiler for season 5! English still isn't my native language (although I wish) and the story is not beta'd. My colleague helped me with the Japanese. I hope he deserved my trust :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters (although I'd love to own Action Figure Gibbs), nor am I making any money from them. If I would Season 5 would have ended different.
NOTE: It's been a while that I was in Paris (and only once). I tried to recreate the city from what I remembered and with the help of google - I'm sorry for any mistakes I may have made. And a big thank you to marciafan for encouraging me the last two days while I was writing this story, losing my mind at times. This is for her (and all Trenny lovers out there)!
"How can you be in Paris
and not climb the Eiffel Tower?"
(Abby in 4.24 "Angel of Death")
~*~*~*~*
We will always have Paris ...
Jenny had always loved that line and when she’d first seen "Casablanca", as a child, she’d started to dream of the moment when she would hear this line from the man she truly and deeply loved (or - as an alternative - would tell him this).
Up until today, this had never happened, and when Jenny finally reached the lift that would bring her up to the Eiffel Tower, she was almost certain that she would die without ever experiencing the feeling Rick and Ilsa had shared during that moment, when they had made Paris their city to remember; a memory to hold on to - for the rest of their lives.
Paris held some memories Jenny would never forget and as much as she’d tried to love this city, the memories that made her sad outnumbered the ones that made her smile.
Of course, she had spend some great moments full of passion and love here, nine years ago, when she’d been working with Jethro, but this was also the place where she’d left him behind to start the next chapter of her career; leaving him with nothing but a letter, and herself with guilt and regret that had turned the first months afterwards into her own personal hell. She had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life back than and here, and should she ever get the chance to change one moment of her life, turning right instead of left, she would most likely choose this one. Of course, she knew this would never happen, but still ... that decision she’d made here, nine years ago, was on top of her "Why I don't like Paris" list.
But it wasn’t the first time Paris had disappointed her, and maybe the week, she’d spend here with her parents more than thirty years ago, doing nothing but watching French TV in their hotel room while her parents were busy doing their jobs, was the main reason why Jenny had so many disappointing memories of this city, and maybe her childhood experience was also the main reason, why she was here today, giving the city another chance to make up for every pain it had caused her in the past.
Back then, her parents had promised her a week she wouldn’t forget, and as organized as Jenny had been even as a child, she had made this long list of places she wanted to visit, only to end up with getting a short glimpse of the Eiffel Tower from her airplane window, and the Louvre passing by on their way to the hotel. They had never made it to Notre Dame, they never saw the Mona Lisa, and they never climbed the Eiffel Tower.
Later, when she’d been here with Jethro, she had asked - and almost begged him to take one day off and do what tourist usually do, when they are in Paris. But the more she’d asked, the more excuses Jethro had come up with to not go, and in the end Jenny had just given up.
A few years later, she’d been back in Paris with Ziva. But also then they hadn’t found the time for sightseeing.
Last year, however, Jenny had made room for her day off, last year she had been closer to every treasure Paris was offering than ever before, and yet she hadn’t made it. The Interpol Conference was supposed to end on Wednesday Evening but she’d asked Cynthia to book her a flight on Friday. Thursday was supposed to be her day off; a day she wanted to spend on her own, discovering the city on her own, giving Paris another chance to make up for everything.
Unfortunately, she’d spend the day in Moscow, listening to lies a dying man had told her. By the time, Kort had recommended her to fly to Russia and she had been ready to trade Moscow for Paris without hesitation; now she wasn’t so sure anymore if it was the best she could’ve had done. Of course, it had brought her one step closer to La Grenouille, and in the end she’d gotten her revenge for her father’s death, but this flight to Moscow had been nothing more but another piece of La Grenouille’s games, and from today’s point of view, this visit had been nothing but a waste of time; time she could’ve spend instead with other things she would have enjoyed.
Like climbing the Eiffel tower ...
It was sad that you always start to learn to appreciate something when it’s almost too late. For Jenny everything was almost too late already. She was running out of time, no one knew how much time she’s left, and when Ducky had told her it was unlikely that she would celebrate her next birthday, despair had crippled her for a couple of days. But after the first shock was over, she’d started to feel guilty for everything she’d done wrong and deep regret for everything she hadn’t done yet (and most likely would never be able to catch up on).
She’d spend the first weeks wallowing in self-pity until one morning when she’d woken up, realizing that she was still making the same mistakes, over and over again by wasting even the few days she’d left, regretting all the things she hadn’t done in her past.
That morning had became the first day of the rest of her life, and she’d finally started living again. As odd as it may sound, but that moment had offered her a new perspective on life and on what was really important to her. She had stopped living in her past and had instead focused on the future. She had no longer tried to change what she couldn’t change. She had accepted the life in front of her and had started to make the best out of it.
It still wasn’t always easy but in the end it would all be worth it.
She had made up for some of her mistakes, she’d spend some time on doing things she really enjoyed doing (or missed doing while she’d been too focused on her career). Life had started to make sense again, and this vacation, this journey, the time she’d taken off from work, was the best thing that could’ve happened to her.
As expected, she’d made another list, another five-point plan of things she wanted to do as long as she was still able to do them, but with the difference that this time it was a flexible list; flexible enough for some detour or additional points, and she’d already made some changes whenever necessary. Visiting Paris for the last time, climbing the Eiffel Tower was the last point on her list before she would fly home to Washington DC on Sunday to start working again.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t considered that it was the first warm week after a long and cold winter and Paris was crowded with tourists from all over the world.
The line in front of the Eiffel Tower was endless, and Jenny had almost given up before she could finally enter the lift that would bring her - and, as it felt, a few hundred tourists - up to the top floor. Jenny moved out of the way when a family of five tried to enter the already crowded passenger area, making space for the little boy and his cuddly green dinosaur that was almost as big as his little sister who was happily smiling and save sitting on her father’s hip.
Watching the happy family, Jenny couldn’t help but smile - although it was a sad smile, filled with regret and sorrow that she’d never had any children. She knew that kids also meant a lot of stress and sacrifices, but she’d also learned that one look into a young kid’s eyes totally made up for all this. The short time she’d spend with Carson a few months ago had shown her that being a mum wasn’t less fulfilling than having a career. And sometimes it was even possible to have both ... Now, it was too late to have own kids and all she could do was enjoying the ones she met on the street and showing them with a smile that she liked them, and when they returned the smile - like the baby girl did -, the warm feeling rising up in Jenny’s body, dispelled every piece of regret or sadness inside of her.
It didn’t take long until the lift reached the top level of the Eiffel tower, the highest place of Paris, tourists were allowed to visit. Although this spring day was warmer than usual, the wind up here was still chilly and Jenny wished she’d taken her warm coat with her instead of the beige windbreaker she was now wearing. Shivering, she pulled her jacket tighter, and she was just about to walk over to the barrier to get a better look, when her phone rang.
Later, she would remember that moment as the one that saved her day, by finally turning Paris into a city to remember, but right now, it was just an embarrassing and awkward moment that attracted too much attention.
Sighing, Jenny fumbled in her bag but it took her a while to found her cell phone and answer the call. From the corner of her eyes she noticed an older woman shaking her head in disgust, while she talked to the man next to her - obviously her husband - explaining him how annoying cell phones were (since these seemed to be German tourists they spoke German and Jenny couldn’t understand every word of the conversation but she noticed with a smile that Germans indeed used the word ‘handy’ instead of ‘cell phone’. It was true that cell phones were ‘handy’ but in her case ... it took her way too long to find it, and her phone was definitely not within reach (or handy).
"Shepard," she answered, when she finally managed to get the phone out of her bag. She didn’t bother checking the caller ID - the ring tone was still way to annoying and it had already caught too much attention of too many people around her. She just hoped it wasn’t work related or someone telling her Leon had demolished the agency by setting everything on fire to destroy all evidence (after killing Jethro and his team) - or the other way around with Vance as a victim of her favorite team of agents.
"Enjoying the view?" a hoarse voice, Jenny didn’t recognize immediately, asked. Alarmed, Jenny turned around, trying to get a close look on everyone with her on the platform. But the area was too crowded already and when the next lift stopped, releasing even more people, the chaos was perfect.
Slowly, Jenny moved to her left until she stood with her back against a wall, still trying to figure out how was calling and why he knew where she was. She cursed herself for not taking any protection with her, and although her life was almost over, she still had no intention to get herself killed or - what would have been even worse - get kidnapped again.
"Who are you?" she asked, still nervously looking around. "How do you - Wait ... Trent Kort?"
"Good guess, director."
"What do you want?" Jenny asked in a harsh voice.
"Still no foreplay?" Kort's voice sounded amused instead.
"Still no time."
Kort chuckled. "So American ..."
Jenny smiled, remembering the similar conversation they’d had one year ago in this city, but her voice was still cold when she asked, "How do you know that I’m in Paris?" She hadn’t forgotten what he’d done to her last year, by playing La Grenouille’s games. She knew most of it had been part of his cover and she would’ve maybe done the same in his position, but still ... she was sure that he’d also followed his own agenda and some things he had done out of pure enjoyment.
"Remember who I work for?" Kort replied. The amusement in his voice was starting to annoy Jenny and she wished she hadn’t answered the call.
"Does the CIA have nothing better to do than following the director of a sister agency?" she asked, realizing too late how close this maybe was to the truth and that this was exactly what had happened the last time she’d been in Paris; and after the investigation just a few days ago, everything was possible.
Kort must have senses her mood change because it took him a while, before he spoke again, his voice calm and serious now.
"I’m not on duty," he said, "and this call is made from my private phone."
"So you’re on vacation?" Jenny asked. She was finally starting to relax again. She still suspected Kort and she had no idea why he called, but at least he was less of a threat than some psycho trying to shot or abduct her.
Jenny walked away from the wall she’d been leaning against, trying to find a free spot in the crowd to finally take a look at Paris from above. Kort's voice in her ear might lessen her enjoyment a bit, but that was something she could only change by hanging up on him - something she didn't want to either, since she secretly loved his deep British accent.
"Let’s just say, I’m between two jobs at the moment," he told her and Jenny was about to ask him if there was no arms dealer in need of a personal assistant when he said something that surprised her even more than his call. "I was thinking if ... if you’d like to have a cup of coffee sometime." Jenny wasn’t sure, but there a hint of uncertainty in his voice or not, but it made her insecure herself, and it caused her to stop again.
Looking at a young couple in front of her, she tried to take a deep breathe to calm down. Without much success.
Has Kort just invited her on date? Or was just coffee. Why? Why did he want to have coffee with her? Was this still all part of his game; long planned, even before she had made sure his assignment with La Grenouille was over? Or was he trying to make up for everything he’d done to her? And if so ... why with coffee? Coffee was a bit cheap compared to all the suffering he’d caused her.
But then again ... coffee was more than she’d ever expected from. And then there was also this thing he’d done for her a few weeks ago when he’d covered for her to end an investigation against her and her whole agency ...
Still busy trying to figure out where his motives were, she realized too late that she was already accepting his invitation.
"Coffee sounds good," she said. "When? Where?"
"How about ... here? And now?" Suddenly, there was a cup of hot, steaming coffee hovering in front of her, only held by a strong hand of a man in a black coat and with a smile on his face that shocked Jenny even more than his sudden appearing out of nowhere.
He had his cell phone still on his ear and he continued talking to the phone, she, on the other hand, had almost dropped hers by surprise.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "Are you stalking me?"
"Hello to you, too, Jenny," Kort said, completely calm. "It’s nice to see you, too. Coffee?"
"Thanks," Jenny said. Still stunned, she took the coffee from him and almost burned her fingers. "How the hell did you manage to smuggle hot coffee up here? I waited more than two hours to only enter the lift."
"I have my connections." Kort shrugged. He put his cell phone back in one of the large pockets of his coat, and then placed his hand on the Jenny’s back, leading her a few steps to their right, away from the large group of a dozen tourists, every single one of them eagerly trying to get the best place at the railing or one of the telescopes that were installed on every side of the platform.
Jenny didn’t protest and she even took a sip of coffee, without feeling guilty for taking advantage of his kindness. It was still hot but Jenny drank it anyway. She’d always loved hot coffee - especially when she was freezing; and the wind up here was starting to turn the nice sunny morning into a chill April day.
They spend a few minutes in silence, leaning against the railing far away from the loud and noisy tourist groups. While enjoying the hot beverage in her hand, Jenny tried to figure out what made a visit up here so special. The city beyond them was hidden under smoke and dust and she could hardly see anything. No wonder, she thought, that only tourist ever come up her, while all Parisians stay at home, laughing at the stupid foreigner who spend there money on a building that had almost been torn apart shortly after it was built.
"You look like you’re freezing, Jenny," Kort said, looking concerned at Jenny who was indeed shivering. She hadn’t noticed how cold she felt, and even afterwards she couldn’t tell if the goosebumps that covered her arms and her back then, were caused by the chilly air or by her company. Maybe from both ...
"Here, take my coat," Kort said and before Jenny even had the chance to protest, he had removed his coat and placed it around her shoulders. Jenny could feel his body heat through the soft material and she closed her eyes, sighing, feeling more comfortable already.
"Thank you." Jenny smiled, deeply grateful for this gesture. Turning around, she propped her back against the railing, fixing Kort with her green eyes. "So, tell me ... do you usually go sightseeing when you are between two jobs or are you here because you did follow me?"
"What do you prefer?" Kort asked, grinning. He moved a bit closer to Jenny and when she didn’t back away he also made the last step and leaned his hip against the railing right next to her.
"I don’t know."
"What if it is the latter?"
"I don’t know," Jenny repeated, and this was the truth. She really didn’t know how to feel about his presence. She knew it wasn’t a coincidence that she met him here, but she still wasn’t sure about the motives for his caring and the smile he continued giving her. It made her nervous. He made her nervous. The uncertainty made her nervous. And she didn’t like being nervous.
"So you are stalking me? Why?"
"I’m not." Kort shock his head. "I called your office the other day and your assistant ..."
"Cynthia."
"Right, Cynthia ... she told me you were on vacation. She wouldn’t tell me where you were and how long you'd be gone, but I made a few calls, calling in some favors. I found out where you were staying and that you were alone." He paused, looking at her. "Where’s good old Hector? Isn’t the director of NCIS supposed to be under protection 24-7?"
"Having a vacation paid by the tax payer’s money?" Jenny asked amused. "I don’t think so. I had some company, when I was in Nice, but ..."
"You escaped?"
"Exactly." Jenny sighed. She turned her head to watch a group of Japanese tourists leaving the lift, spreading in every direction, while she tried to understand what Kort had just told her. He was here because of her. He had followed her to Paris. Again. And he wasn’t even trying to deny it ...
"You’re risking much, Jenny," Kort said in a tone that made her feel like she was a little girl again, getting a lecture from her father.
"I can take care of myself," she answered, a bit too stubborn for her taste. But as soon as she'd spoken these words, it was too late to take them back and she had to live with the grin Kort gave her.
"I'm sure you can," he said. "But I'm also sure you have a right to be protected."
"I don't think this is any of your business, Mr. Kort."
"Oh, we are back to Mister and Director then?" Kort asked. There was still amusement in his voice that forced Jenny to playfully hit his chest with her fist, before she even had the chance to keep herself from doing it. Doing something and thinking about it afterwards, seemed to happen a lot to her lately, and she couldn't say that this knowledge about it was comforting. She secretly blamed Kort for it and hitting him was only the punishment he deserved. Sort of ...
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"For being such a smart-ass," Jenny replied, grinning. She turned around again, facing the skyline of Paris that was still hidden by smoke and mist. She started to wonder why so many people (including herself) spend money to see ... well, nothing at all. But maybe that was just one of these things you just had to do when visiting Paris. And why was she even thinking about something as unimportant as this was, when the bigger - and more important - secret was standing right next to her?
Maybe because it was easier to deal with things that concern everyone than with something that was her problem alone; or maybe it wasn't her problem at all - or should be any longer. Maybe she should just give him his coat back, thank him for the coffee and go. Why bothering spending time with someone you don't really like when there is still so much to do and not enough time left?
The only problem was that Jenny really started to like Kort's company and she had to admit that standing here with him was so much better than making this experience alone and having no one to talk about it ... well, whatever there was to talk about with a view like this.
Jenny signed and took another sip of coffee. This was starting to get way too complicated and her thoughts were starting to confuse her. Maybe she should really leave.
"I know what day today is," Kort said, quietly, just the second when Jenny had made her decision to leave. But instead of getting rid of this really warm and comfortable coat whose tempting smell made her dizzy, she stopped halfway, confused and surprised by his words.
"What do you mean?" she asked, although she already had an idea what was coming next.
She herself had done everything to not think of her father's death - his murder that had happened thirteen years ago today. But as usual it hadn't worked and there wasn't a moment she hadn't thought of him. Of course, being in Paris and having all these memories - good and bad - was not helping to repress unwelcome thoughts either, but now that Kort had mentioned it (he hadn't really mentioned it yet, but she was pretty sure what he meant) everything was back and it hurt almost as bad as it had when La Grenouille had still been alive, reminding him every day what he'd done to her and what she wanted to do to him.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Jenny said but this time she kept eye contact instead of turning around or walking away. She wasn't as strong anymore as she pretended to be, but she was good in pretending and what had worked all these years should still work. Of that she was sure ... until she met Kort's eyes and noticed how kind they were, full of emotions she'd never thought he would have. It felt as if he was looking right through her - a privilege normally belonging to Jethro -, ignoring the mask she'd put on to protect her own feelings. She felt naked under his look, but she kept eye contact, even when he placed both of hands on her shoulder, keeping her at place.
"You know what I am talking about, Jenny," he said, his voice still quiet and caring. "You don't need to pretend otherwise. I know what happened today thirteen years ago and I know how you feel. You don't need to keep this to yourself."
"You know nothing," Jenny said, her voice hoarse. "You have no idea how it is to loose someone ... someone ... you ..."
"... someone you looked up to? Someone you loved more than anything else in this world? I know, Jenny. I know how it feels when the world is crushing down on you because someone tries to tell you that everything you've believed it was a lie. Believe me, I know."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Jenny tried to free herself from his tight grip but with every move she made his grip tightened even more. But he never hurt her. His hands were strong but at the same time his touch was careful, gently and she knew she just needed to try a bit harder and he would let go off her. To her own surprise, she never felt the urge to fight harder. Instead she gave up, relaxing in his arms, when he pulled her closer.
"It's okay, Jenny." He moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her, carefully and shy at first, as if he was afraid of her or her reaction, but when she didn't protest, he pulled her closer, until her head was resting at his shoulder.
He just stood there, holding her and gently caressing her back.
Jenny could feel his body heat, smell his aftershave, and for a long moment she forgot - or ignored - everything around her and even who the man was, who was holding her. She stopped thinking, she stopped feeling bad for breaking down in front of him. She stopped hating him for everything he'd done to her last year, and she finally started to accept that she owed him so much for saving her only a few weeks ago. She had no idea how he did this and why he was suddenly on her side, but she had the feeling that whatever had brought him to do it, was also responsible for his presence today. It scared her and she was more than just a bit confused by the different emotions fighting inside of her. But she was also tired of thinking and of searching for reasons that may - or may not - be there. Maybe Jethro's theory was wrong, and there were such things as coincidences ... maybe it all had to happen. Maybe whatever had caused everything that had happened in the past, had happened just to bring her - them - here. Together.
Or maybe she was finally starting to lose her mind. Maybe she was already crazy. Insane.
Was this a side-effect of the pills she was taking? Or was it just another weak moment she would feel sorry for later?
Slowly and as polite as even possible Jenny made a step backwards until she could look at him again.
"Thank you, I guess ...," she mumbled, hiding behind the cup of coffee she was still holding in her hand. Part of her wanted to ask him, why he was so sure he knew how it felt to lose someone close, but the other part, the major part of her, was afraid to hear the answer or - in the worse case - of being snubbed. She was curious, though, and the feeling he was ready to give her an answer grew with every second the kept looking at him, but before she had the chance to ask, they were disrupted by one of the Japanese tourists, who was suddenly standing in front of them, but keeping a polite distance.
"Sumimasen. Excuse ... me," the man asked, bowing non-stop and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Sumimasen. Shashin o totte mo desu ka? You want me ... take picture?" Still looking at Kort he pointed first at Jenny's digital camera, she had tied around her wrist (and totally forgot), than at her and Kort. "Kamera?"
It took Jenny a moment to understand what the man with this ridiculous looking orange cap that couldn’t even cover half of his gray hair wanted from them and when she'd finally made sense of it, Kort had already taken care of everything. Unnoticed by her, he'd handed her camera to the man, who was now giving them instructions in a mix of English and Japanese words to move closer and more to the right (at least, that's what Jenny guessed he was doing) and before she even realized what had happened the camera was back in her hand.
"Domo arigato, Mamuro-san," Kort said, hinting at a bow.
"Dou Itashi Mashite," the Japanese man (Mamuro-san) replied and bowed again, a satisfied smile on his face. "Sayounara, Miss. Mister ..." He bowed one last time in Jenny's direction, before turning around to return to his group, leaving a stunned and confused Jenny behind.
She had no idea that this Japanese guy made his appearance not only for her right in time, but also for Kort, who had already started to regret for opening up to Jenny so much, trying to assure her that he knew exactly how it was to lose a father, who had been a role model all of his life. He trusted Jenny somehow (even though they didn’t know each other that well) and this trust had been the reason, why he’d said something in the first place, but he wasn’t ready to tell her everything; not yet - and maybe even never. He liked to keep things to himself - especially private things that were his business alone, and breaking his own rule had been more disturbing for him than anything else. But he was good at hiding his feelings, and Jenny never realized that his politeness towards the Japanese man was rather based on his relief not to need to answer inconvenient questions, than caused by the kindness the Japanese man had shown by offering to take a picture of them.
"What ... what was that about?" Jenny asked, when they were alone again and she noticed the satisfied look in Kort's face.
"What do you mean? He wanted to take a picture of us. That's all. No danger." Kort shrugged, his expression blank as if everything was normal and if nothing unusual had happened. "I think he believed we were a couple." Noticing the shock in Jenny’s eyes, Kort grinned. "But I'm not sure if 'tsuma' really means wife or something else."
"Yes, but ... I had no idea you speak Japanese. Where did you learn this? Is this part of your ... training?"
"Oh, I don't speak Japanese. Just enough to order the right things at a Japanese restaurant. That's all. Shall we?" He asked, offering Jenny his arm and since she was still confused and distracted, she took it without thinking twice about this gesture. Jenny was sure that the main part of the conversation he’d just had with the Japanese man was something you don’t learn when you order sushi in a restaurant., but she also felt that she had no right to ask - or if she did, she wouldn’t get a satisfied answer. So, she kept quiet and just nodded.
In the end it was none of her business, anyway.
Kort led her to the lift and it wasn't until they were back on the ground, walking down the Champ to Mars that Jenny spoke again.
"You are full of surprises, Trent," she said, using his forename for the first time. But she really meant it and it scared her a bit that, in this case, her judgment was mainly based on her former experiences with Jethro. Jethro would have killed that friendly man with his stare or scared him to death with some unfriendly spoken words. Maybe Jethro even would have ignored him and his offer until Jenny was too embarrassed to apologize for his behavior. And he also would have made clear that Jenny and he weren't a couple - even back when they had been together, he would have lied about it in front of strangers and Jenny couldn't blame him for this. They had started as colleagues, moved on to being partners and ended up being lovers, while on duty. Nothing about their relationship had been normal, and maybe they weren't even a couple in the usual sense. Maybe it wouldn't be a lie at all. But still ... Jethro's reaction would have been quite the opposite of what she had just experienced with Kort.
Kort had done none of these things. He had been kind and friendly, without showing a sign of discomfort or irritation. In fact, he was really sweet and so different from the man she’d got to know one year ago, that Jenny wasn’t even sure if it was really him and not his twin brother ,she had no idea even existed.
"What’s wrong, Jenny?" Kort asked, noticing Jenny’s disbelief when she didn’t answer, and he obviously even sensed her insecurity and discomfort. But instead of leaving her alone or giving her some space, he placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, while they walked slowly towards the Seine.
"You really shouldn’t be alone out here," Kort finally said, breaking the silence, when Jenny didn't answer his question. He nodded towards a group of dubious looking guys sitting on a bench and making jokes at passing tourists. Jenny had noticed them, too, and although she wouldn’t want to be alone with even one of them at night, in a dark alley, she wasn’t afraid of them. She knew she would be able to deal with them, should they start to threaten her. And she was sure, Kort knew it, too. He wasn’t concerned about her safety that may be jeopardized by some strangers. No, these guys were just an excuse to pick up where they’d left before the Japanese man had taken their picture, and although she was still curious about the hints he'd given her, Jenny wasn’t ready for that talk at all.
But she also was tired of arguing or trying to convince Kort that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She just wanted to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere this city was suddenly exuding. For the first time in weeks, ever since she’d started to make the best of her current situation, she felt calm, and like she was coming home. She had the feeling Kort had something to do with it and it still scared her (or it scared her even more, now that she was ready to admit that she was glad he was here) that he was doing this to her, but she had also learned to be thankful for everything life was giving her these days, and she had stopped questioning it a long time ago.
Life was just too short to waste precious time thinking too much or trying to change things that couldn’t be changed; and Kort wouldn’t leave - even when she tried to push him away, he would stay. He had made that pretty clear to her earlier.
Without making plans or really talking about what they were doing, they spent the rest of they day with sightseeing; visiting all the places, Jenny wanted to see for so long. They went to the Louvre, admired the Mona Lisa, they visited Montmartre and the Basilique du Sacré-Cœur, they enjoyed the sunny weather while walking through the Tuileries Garden, and when it was starting to get dark, they sat down in front of a small café on the Champs-Élysées, enjoying the beautiful view on the Arc de Triomphe and the people passing by.
The whole time they had talked about anything and anyone but their feelings or the reasons why they were both here. Jenny had talked about her work, the experiences she’d made as the first female director of an armed federal agency, and Kort had shared some anecdote about his work with the CIA. Neither one of them mentioned La Grenouille or the circumstances of his death, Operation Lodestone and everything else that had brought them together one year ago. Not talking about these things was like another pact they’d agreed to tacitly.
"So, you and Agent Gibbs were here before?" Kort asked, after the waiter had brought them their coffee. "Undercover. On a secret mission."
Jenny nodded without looking up. Jethro and their past were things she couldn’t talk about as easily as other things, especially when there was this arrogant undertone in Kort’s voice, suggesting his disapprove of Jethro. She knew this tone all too well and it still forced her to justify everything she’d done and everything she and Jethro had shared - and still shared.
"We were partners. He was my boss. Until ... until I left, choosing my career instead of returning with him to DC" she explained after a while, when Kort hadn’t stopped staring at her, waiting for an answer.
"And now you are his boss. I’m sure he didn’t like that very much."
"No, he didn’t." Jenny smiled, remembering the hard time Jethro had given her during her first year and how hard dealing with him still was - although it had been easier lately, and she felt Jethro had finally started to accept her as director and as his boss.
"He couldn’t accept that I traded my field work for politics and a boring desk job. But I think we are good now. Yes, we really are," she added, when Kort gave her a funny look. "Jethro ... Gibbs isn’t as bad as you think. He is a good agent and a loyal partner. He has his issues, but everyone does. And once you get to know him, you start to like him."
"What if I don’t want to like him?" Kort asked, looking at Jenny over the rim of his coffee cup. "What if I don’t need to like him?"
"Why wouldn’t you want to do this?" Jenny asked, confused by the sudden seriousness in his voice. "Do you want to hate him?"
"No." Kort lowered his cup and he reached out to touch Jenny’s hand. "I just think that ... that after today he might have a serious problem with me."
"And why is that?" Jenny asked, fighting the urge to pull her hand back. But his touch felt so good and right and she was still captivated by his eyes that she wasn’t able to think properly, yet to react in any other way but the keep her hand where it was, covered by his, while his thumb gently stroke over the back of her hand.
"Because I really like you, Jenny," Kort replied quietly, taking Jenny totally by surprise. For a minute she just stared at him, not sure if she had understood what he'd said. Finally, she took a deep breathe, hoping it would calm her down, but her voice was still trembling when she spoke.
"You ... is that why you are here?"
"I told you why I was here, Jenny. That was the truth."
"But ..."
"No ‘but’," he interrupted her, squeezing her hand, before he pulled his hand back, concentrating again on his coffee.
Jenny didn’t know what to say or do. For the first time in a long while she was speechless and even more confused than she’d been ever since Kort had called her today. It wasn’t that she hated what he’d just told her. She liked the Kort she was able to get to know today and she felt flattered by his confession - every women would -; but she had no idea what he expected her to say or do, or what he was hoping for. She was dying. She had no time for whatever relationship he was looking for; besides, that their past made thing even more complicated than the things she shared with Jethro.
"I ... I don’t know what to say," she finally managed to stumbled, helpless and without really knowing what to say. But at the same time she felt she had to say something. For the first time the silence between felt really awkward and made her uncomfortable.
"You don’t have to say anything, Jenny. And I don’t expect you to do anything. I just wanted you to know that ..." He signed. "I know I hurt you in the past. And I know I don't deserve anything but hate from you. I really was a bastard and it would be a lie to say that everything was just part of my assignment. It wasn’t. I’m truly sorry for what I’ve done, and I would take it back if that would be possible. I’m not a good man, Jenny, and I know you deserve so much more, so much better. But ..." He stopped, taking a deep breathe, and this time it was Jenny who reached out to take his hand. Kort smiled. "What I wanted to say is ... in our jobs ... with what we do ... we know how short life can be and how suddenly death knocks at our doors. I have made this mistake in my past and I don’t want to make it again. As I said ... I don’t expect anything from you, and I can understand that you hate me for what I’ve done to you. I just ..."
"I don’t hate you," Jenny whispered. "I ... I don’t know what I do feel right now, but I don’t hate you."
"You don’t?"
Jenny shook her head, giving him a faint smile. "No, I don't. I did, but not anymore. The past is the past, and you can't change it, no matter how hard you try. I've learned that and ... Is this why you saved me last month when the FBI was investigating me?"
"No," Kort said, grinning. He squeezed Jenny's hand. Leaning back on his chair, he crossed his arms in front of him. "That was because I can’t stand Fornell. And because I don’t like people who confuse toothpicks with chewing gums, thinking it would make them one of the cool kids."
Jenny laughed, relieved that they managed to change the subject and focus on something other than the confession he’d just made. This subject wasn't over yet, and she wanted to continued this conversation at one point - also to ask him what mistake he'd made in his past he didn't want to make again - but for the moment it was better to talk about something else. He wanted it, and she wanted it, too. And when Vance was the subject ... well, she could live with that.
"You should tell Vance that," she suggested, still laughing. "I don’t think he knows how ridiculous he looks with this toothpick."
"Maybe I will do this; next week, when we are back in DC."
"We?" Jenny asked, before she could stop herself, changing the subject again - and sooner as she'd hoped for.
"Yes. My flight back is not until Sunday. Paris isn’t a city for just one day. There’s so much to discover. One day just can't be enough." He was looking at her with such intense in his eyes that Jenny wasn’t sure if he was still talking about the city or about something else, and to her surprise, she secretly wished it was something else - her - he was talking about, and not Paris.
"Then I guess you ... we should take our time," she said, quietly, losing herself ones again in his dark eyes. She had no idea what was going on and how he was doing whatever he was doing to her. All she knew was that she couldn’t wait to leave this café again - with him - to continue whatever they were about to do someplace else. And as if he’d read her mind, Kort was already waving down the waiter, and they left the café as soon as they’d paid, almost in a hurry.
As soon as they were back on the street, walking towards the Arc de Triomphe, Jenny took Kort’s hand in hers, as if this was the most normal thing to do, making him smile. Although it was already getting dark, it was still warm and despite the pollution the city smelled like spring, giving her the feeling that someone was about to start; a new beginning of something wonderful. Jenny knew that whatever would begin tonight, wouldn’t last long, but as someone wiser once said: "Every song ends but that's no reason not to enjoy the music."
And the music she was listening to right now was one of the most beautiful melodies she’d ever heard ...
When they reached Jenny's hotel (too soon for Jenny's taste), they slowed down and then stopped in front of the entrance, both unsure what to do next. Jenny couldn’t find the courage to ask him to come in, and it seemed that Kort wasn’t so sure about his next step either.
Most of the way back to the hotel, they’d spend in silence, both of them dealing with what had happened today, trying to figure out where this was leading them. Jenny still had this overwhelming feeling that everything that had happened today was just a dream or something unreal; too good to be true. And still, it felt like something she had been waiting for far too long; something that just wasn’t supposed to happen sooner. One last chance to be happy; one last chance to make things right ...
She’d always hoped it would be Jethro she would have that chance with, but after all that had happened between them, Jethro and her was almost impossible. But that didn't necessarily mean she wasn’t allowed to be happy again, ever. It had never meant this - it had only taken her so long to see and accept it, and she was glad that realization had hit her right in time. Whatever power had Kort brought her here, it was a good one; one she would have to thank later, too.
"Thank you for looking after me," Jenny said, when the silence between them was starting to become unbearable again.
"You’re welcome, Jenny. It was a great day," Kort replied, smiling shyly like a small boy. It looked so funny and so out of character that Jenny almost laughed. But only almost ... she managed to stay calm and smiled instead.
"It was," she said, looking deep into his eyes; taking in as much as she could before everything would be over again and she would wake up - alone, as usual.
Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe his silence, his insecurity, was just another task life was challenging her with, and all she had to do was accepting the challenge. And why not? Why was she still hesitating? She had nothing to loose ... but so much to win.
What was she waiting for?
"So ... about that foreplay you keep missing -," she started, but was silenced by Kort who hasten to put a finger on her lips.
"I thought you’d never ask ..." he whispered. Smiling, he step closer until he was standing right in front of her, his body softly pressing against her. Slowly but more certain than seconds before, he replaced his finger with his lips, kissing her gently at first, and when she didn’t pull back, his hand moved to the back of her head, keeping her in place, while he pressed his mouth to hers. She responded without hesitation, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body closer to his. Deepening his kiss, he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, teasing her until she opened her mouth, willingly, to let him in.
Closing her eyes, Jenny stopped thinking for the second time today, allowing herself to feel nothing else but his touch, his kiss, and his warm body pressed against her. For a long moment nothing else mattered; nothing that was more important than doing what was best for her.
She was done fighting. She was done making compromises or sacrifices. She was tired of restraining herself just because it might have consequences.
Tonight was what mattered tonight. And with everything else she would deal tomorrow; not today, not tonight. And no matter what tonight would cost her, she’d already won the top prize; a price no one would ever take away from her, from them, because after today they would always have Paris ...
- The End -
AUTHOR: nicis_anatomy
CHARACTER: Jenny Shepard/Trent Kort
GENRE: Drama, Romance
RATING: PG
WORD COUNT: 8064
SUMMARY: Jenny and Paris ... a relationship that has always been complicated in the past, but when she decides to go back, one last time, everything suddenly changes ... Written for prompt #23 " In Time " for 24_times and quote #07 "So we’re popping back double espressos and all of a sudden out of the blue, he says, 'I really really like you.'" for madame_director.
WARNINGS: Spoiler for season 5! English still isn't my native language (although I wish) and the story is not beta'd. My colleague helped me with the Japanese. I hope he deserved my trust :)
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters (although I'd love to own Action Figure Gibbs), nor am I making any money from them. If I would Season 5 would have ended different.
NOTE: It's been a while that I was in Paris (and only once). I tried to recreate the city from what I remembered and with the help of google - I'm sorry for any mistakes I may have made. And a big thank you to marciafan for encouraging me the last two days while I was writing this story, losing my mind at times. This is for her (and all Trenny lovers out there)!
"How can you be in Paris
and not climb the Eiffel Tower?"
(Abby in 4.24 "Angel of Death")
~*~*~*~*
We will always have Paris ...
Jenny had always loved that line and when she’d first seen "Casablanca", as a child, she’d started to dream of the moment when she would hear this line from the man she truly and deeply loved (or - as an alternative - would tell him this).
Up until today, this had never happened, and when Jenny finally reached the lift that would bring her up to the Eiffel Tower, she was almost certain that she would die without ever experiencing the feeling Rick and Ilsa had shared during that moment, when they had made Paris their city to remember; a memory to hold on to - for the rest of their lives.
Paris held some memories Jenny would never forget and as much as she’d tried to love this city, the memories that made her sad outnumbered the ones that made her smile.
Of course, she had spend some great moments full of passion and love here, nine years ago, when she’d been working with Jethro, but this was also the place where she’d left him behind to start the next chapter of her career; leaving him with nothing but a letter, and herself with guilt and regret that had turned the first months afterwards into her own personal hell. She had made one of the biggest mistakes of her life back than and here, and should she ever get the chance to change one moment of her life, turning right instead of left, she would most likely choose this one. Of course, she knew this would never happen, but still ... that decision she’d made here, nine years ago, was on top of her "Why I don't like Paris" list.
But it wasn’t the first time Paris had disappointed her, and maybe the week, she’d spend here with her parents more than thirty years ago, doing nothing but watching French TV in their hotel room while her parents were busy doing their jobs, was the main reason why Jenny had so many disappointing memories of this city, and maybe her childhood experience was also the main reason, why she was here today, giving the city another chance to make up for every pain it had caused her in the past.
Back then, her parents had promised her a week she wouldn’t forget, and as organized as Jenny had been even as a child, she had made this long list of places she wanted to visit, only to end up with getting a short glimpse of the Eiffel Tower from her airplane window, and the Louvre passing by on their way to the hotel. They had never made it to Notre Dame, they never saw the Mona Lisa, and they never climbed the Eiffel Tower.
Later, when she’d been here with Jethro, she had asked - and almost begged him to take one day off and do what tourist usually do, when they are in Paris. But the more she’d asked, the more excuses Jethro had come up with to not go, and in the end Jenny had just given up.
A few years later, she’d been back in Paris with Ziva. But also then they hadn’t found the time for sightseeing.
Last year, however, Jenny had made room for her day off, last year she had been closer to every treasure Paris was offering than ever before, and yet she hadn’t made it. The Interpol Conference was supposed to end on Wednesday Evening but she’d asked Cynthia to book her a flight on Friday. Thursday was supposed to be her day off; a day she wanted to spend on her own, discovering the city on her own, giving Paris another chance to make up for everything.
Unfortunately, she’d spend the day in Moscow, listening to lies a dying man had told her. By the time, Kort had recommended her to fly to Russia and she had been ready to trade Moscow for Paris without hesitation; now she wasn’t so sure anymore if it was the best she could’ve had done. Of course, it had brought her one step closer to La Grenouille, and in the end she’d gotten her revenge for her father’s death, but this flight to Moscow had been nothing more but another piece of La Grenouille’s games, and from today’s point of view, this visit had been nothing but a waste of time; time she could’ve spend instead with other things she would have enjoyed.
Like climbing the Eiffel tower ...
It was sad that you always start to learn to appreciate something when it’s almost too late. For Jenny everything was almost too late already. She was running out of time, no one knew how much time she’s left, and when Ducky had told her it was unlikely that she would celebrate her next birthday, despair had crippled her for a couple of days. But after the first shock was over, she’d started to feel guilty for everything she’d done wrong and deep regret for everything she hadn’t done yet (and most likely would never be able to catch up on).
She’d spend the first weeks wallowing in self-pity until one morning when she’d woken up, realizing that she was still making the same mistakes, over and over again by wasting even the few days she’d left, regretting all the things she hadn’t done in her past.
That morning had became the first day of the rest of her life, and she’d finally started living again. As odd as it may sound, but that moment had offered her a new perspective on life and on what was really important to her. She had stopped living in her past and had instead focused on the future. She had no longer tried to change what she couldn’t change. She had accepted the life in front of her and had started to make the best out of it.
It still wasn’t always easy but in the end it would all be worth it.
She had made up for some of her mistakes, she’d spend some time on doing things she really enjoyed doing (or missed doing while she’d been too focused on her career). Life had started to make sense again, and this vacation, this journey, the time she’d taken off from work, was the best thing that could’ve happened to her.
As expected, she’d made another list, another five-point plan of things she wanted to do as long as she was still able to do them, but with the difference that this time it was a flexible list; flexible enough for some detour or additional points, and she’d already made some changes whenever necessary. Visiting Paris for the last time, climbing the Eiffel Tower was the last point on her list before she would fly home to Washington DC on Sunday to start working again.
Unfortunately, she hadn’t considered that it was the first warm week after a long and cold winter and Paris was crowded with tourists from all over the world.
The line in front of the Eiffel Tower was endless, and Jenny had almost given up before she could finally enter the lift that would bring her - and, as it felt, a few hundred tourists - up to the top floor. Jenny moved out of the way when a family of five tried to enter the already crowded passenger area, making space for the little boy and his cuddly green dinosaur that was almost as big as his little sister who was happily smiling and save sitting on her father’s hip.
Watching the happy family, Jenny couldn’t help but smile - although it was a sad smile, filled with regret and sorrow that she’d never had any children. She knew that kids also meant a lot of stress and sacrifices, but she’d also learned that one look into a young kid’s eyes totally made up for all this. The short time she’d spend with Carson a few months ago had shown her that being a mum wasn’t less fulfilling than having a career. And sometimes it was even possible to have both ... Now, it was too late to have own kids and all she could do was enjoying the ones she met on the street and showing them with a smile that she liked them, and when they returned the smile - like the baby girl did -, the warm feeling rising up in Jenny’s body, dispelled every piece of regret or sadness inside of her.
It didn’t take long until the lift reached the top level of the Eiffel tower, the highest place of Paris, tourists were allowed to visit. Although this spring day was warmer than usual, the wind up here was still chilly and Jenny wished she’d taken her warm coat with her instead of the beige windbreaker she was now wearing. Shivering, she pulled her jacket tighter, and she was just about to walk over to the barrier to get a better look, when her phone rang.
Later, she would remember that moment as the one that saved her day, by finally turning Paris into a city to remember, but right now, it was just an embarrassing and awkward moment that attracted too much attention.
Sighing, Jenny fumbled in her bag but it took her a while to found her cell phone and answer the call. From the corner of her eyes she noticed an older woman shaking her head in disgust, while she talked to the man next to her - obviously her husband - explaining him how annoying cell phones were (since these seemed to be German tourists they spoke German and Jenny couldn’t understand every word of the conversation but she noticed with a smile that Germans indeed used the word ‘handy’ instead of ‘cell phone’. It was true that cell phones were ‘handy’ but in her case ... it took her way too long to find it, and her phone was definitely not within reach (or handy).
"Shepard," she answered, when she finally managed to get the phone out of her bag. She didn’t bother checking the caller ID - the ring tone was still way to annoying and it had already caught too much attention of too many people around her. She just hoped it wasn’t work related or someone telling her Leon had demolished the agency by setting everything on fire to destroy all evidence (after killing Jethro and his team) - or the other way around with Vance as a victim of her favorite team of agents.
"Enjoying the view?" a hoarse voice, Jenny didn’t recognize immediately, asked. Alarmed, Jenny turned around, trying to get a close look on everyone with her on the platform. But the area was too crowded already and when the next lift stopped, releasing even more people, the chaos was perfect.
Slowly, Jenny moved to her left until she stood with her back against a wall, still trying to figure out how was calling and why he knew where she was. She cursed herself for not taking any protection with her, and although her life was almost over, she still had no intention to get herself killed or - what would have been even worse - get kidnapped again.
"Who are you?" she asked, still nervously looking around. "How do you - Wait ... Trent Kort?"
"Good guess, director."
"What do you want?" Jenny asked in a harsh voice.
"Still no foreplay?" Kort's voice sounded amused instead.
"Still no time."
Kort chuckled. "So American ..."
Jenny smiled, remembering the similar conversation they’d had one year ago in this city, but her voice was still cold when she asked, "How do you know that I’m in Paris?" She hadn’t forgotten what he’d done to her last year, by playing La Grenouille’s games. She knew most of it had been part of his cover and she would’ve maybe done the same in his position, but still ... she was sure that he’d also followed his own agenda and some things he had done out of pure enjoyment.
"Remember who I work for?" Kort replied. The amusement in his voice was starting to annoy Jenny and she wished she hadn’t answered the call.
"Does the CIA have nothing better to do than following the director of a sister agency?" she asked, realizing too late how close this maybe was to the truth and that this was exactly what had happened the last time she’d been in Paris; and after the investigation just a few days ago, everything was possible.
Kort must have senses her mood change because it took him a while, before he spoke again, his voice calm and serious now.
"I’m not on duty," he said, "and this call is made from my private phone."
"So you’re on vacation?" Jenny asked. She was finally starting to relax again. She still suspected Kort and she had no idea why he called, but at least he was less of a threat than some psycho trying to shot or abduct her.
Jenny walked away from the wall she’d been leaning against, trying to find a free spot in the crowd to finally take a look at Paris from above. Kort's voice in her ear might lessen her enjoyment a bit, but that was something she could only change by hanging up on him - something she didn't want to either, since she secretly loved his deep British accent.
"Let’s just say, I’m between two jobs at the moment," he told her and Jenny was about to ask him if there was no arms dealer in need of a personal assistant when he said something that surprised her even more than his call. "I was thinking if ... if you’d like to have a cup of coffee sometime." Jenny wasn’t sure, but there a hint of uncertainty in his voice or not, but it made her insecure herself, and it caused her to stop again.
Looking at a young couple in front of her, she tried to take a deep breathe to calm down. Without much success.
Has Kort just invited her on date? Or was just coffee. Why? Why did he want to have coffee with her? Was this still all part of his game; long planned, even before she had made sure his assignment with La Grenouille was over? Or was he trying to make up for everything he’d done to her? And if so ... why with coffee? Coffee was a bit cheap compared to all the suffering he’d caused her.
But then again ... coffee was more than she’d ever expected from. And then there was also this thing he’d done for her a few weeks ago when he’d covered for her to end an investigation against her and her whole agency ...
Still busy trying to figure out where his motives were, she realized too late that she was already accepting his invitation.
"Coffee sounds good," she said. "When? Where?"
"How about ... here? And now?" Suddenly, there was a cup of hot, steaming coffee hovering in front of her, only held by a strong hand of a man in a black coat and with a smile on his face that shocked Jenny even more than his sudden appearing out of nowhere.
He had his cell phone still on his ear and he continued talking to the phone, she, on the other hand, had almost dropped hers by surprise.
"What are you doing here?" she asked, shaking her head in disbelief. "Are you stalking me?"
"Hello to you, too, Jenny," Kort said, completely calm. "It’s nice to see you, too. Coffee?"
"Thanks," Jenny said. Still stunned, she took the coffee from him and almost burned her fingers. "How the hell did you manage to smuggle hot coffee up here? I waited more than two hours to only enter the lift."
"I have my connections." Kort shrugged. He put his cell phone back in one of the large pockets of his coat, and then placed his hand on the Jenny’s back, leading her a few steps to their right, away from the large group of a dozen tourists, every single one of them eagerly trying to get the best place at the railing or one of the telescopes that were installed on every side of the platform.
Jenny didn’t protest and she even took a sip of coffee, without feeling guilty for taking advantage of his kindness. It was still hot but Jenny drank it anyway. She’d always loved hot coffee - especially when she was freezing; and the wind up here was starting to turn the nice sunny morning into a chill April day.
They spend a few minutes in silence, leaning against the railing far away from the loud and noisy tourist groups. While enjoying the hot beverage in her hand, Jenny tried to figure out what made a visit up here so special. The city beyond them was hidden under smoke and dust and she could hardly see anything. No wonder, she thought, that only tourist ever come up her, while all Parisians stay at home, laughing at the stupid foreigner who spend there money on a building that had almost been torn apart shortly after it was built.
"You look like you’re freezing, Jenny," Kort said, looking concerned at Jenny who was indeed shivering. She hadn’t noticed how cold she felt, and even afterwards she couldn’t tell if the goosebumps that covered her arms and her back then, were caused by the chilly air or by her company. Maybe from both ...
"Here, take my coat," Kort said and before Jenny even had the chance to protest, he had removed his coat and placed it around her shoulders. Jenny could feel his body heat through the soft material and she closed her eyes, sighing, feeling more comfortable already.
"Thank you." Jenny smiled, deeply grateful for this gesture. Turning around, she propped her back against the railing, fixing Kort with her green eyes. "So, tell me ... do you usually go sightseeing when you are between two jobs or are you here because you did follow me?"
"What do you prefer?" Kort asked, grinning. He moved a bit closer to Jenny and when she didn’t back away he also made the last step and leaned his hip against the railing right next to her.
"I don’t know."
"What if it is the latter?"
"I don’t know," Jenny repeated, and this was the truth. She really didn’t know how to feel about his presence. She knew it wasn’t a coincidence that she met him here, but she still wasn’t sure about the motives for his caring and the smile he continued giving her. It made her nervous. He made her nervous. The uncertainty made her nervous. And she didn’t like being nervous.
"So you are stalking me? Why?"
"I’m not." Kort shock his head. "I called your office the other day and your assistant ..."
"Cynthia."
"Right, Cynthia ... she told me you were on vacation. She wouldn’t tell me where you were and how long you'd be gone, but I made a few calls, calling in some favors. I found out where you were staying and that you were alone." He paused, looking at her. "Where’s good old Hector? Isn’t the director of NCIS supposed to be under protection 24-7?"
"Having a vacation paid by the tax payer’s money?" Jenny asked amused. "I don’t think so. I had some company, when I was in Nice, but ..."
"You escaped?"
"Exactly." Jenny sighed. She turned her head to watch a group of Japanese tourists leaving the lift, spreading in every direction, while she tried to understand what Kort had just told her. He was here because of her. He had followed her to Paris. Again. And he wasn’t even trying to deny it ...
"You’re risking much, Jenny," Kort said in a tone that made her feel like she was a little girl again, getting a lecture from her father.
"I can take care of myself," she answered, a bit too stubborn for her taste. But as soon as she'd spoken these words, it was too late to take them back and she had to live with the grin Kort gave her.
"I'm sure you can," he said. "But I'm also sure you have a right to be protected."
"I don't think this is any of your business, Mr. Kort."
"Oh, we are back to Mister and Director then?" Kort asked. There was still amusement in his voice that forced Jenny to playfully hit his chest with her fist, before she even had the chance to keep herself from doing it. Doing something and thinking about it afterwards, seemed to happen a lot to her lately, and she couldn't say that this knowledge about it was comforting. She secretly blamed Kort for it and hitting him was only the punishment he deserved. Sort of ...
"Ouch! What was that for?"
"For being such a smart-ass," Jenny replied, grinning. She turned around again, facing the skyline of Paris that was still hidden by smoke and mist. She started to wonder why so many people (including herself) spend money to see ... well, nothing at all. But maybe that was just one of these things you just had to do when visiting Paris. And why was she even thinking about something as unimportant as this was, when the bigger - and more important - secret was standing right next to her?
Maybe because it was easier to deal with things that concern everyone than with something that was her problem alone; or maybe it wasn't her problem at all - or should be any longer. Maybe she should just give him his coat back, thank him for the coffee and go. Why bothering spending time with someone you don't really like when there is still so much to do and not enough time left?
The only problem was that Jenny really started to like Kort's company and she had to admit that standing here with him was so much better than making this experience alone and having no one to talk about it ... well, whatever there was to talk about with a view like this.
Jenny signed and took another sip of coffee. This was starting to get way too complicated and her thoughts were starting to confuse her. Maybe she should really leave.
"I know what day today is," Kort said, quietly, just the second when Jenny had made her decision to leave. But instead of getting rid of this really warm and comfortable coat whose tempting smell made her dizzy, she stopped halfway, confused and surprised by his words.
"What do you mean?" she asked, although she already had an idea what was coming next.
She herself had done everything to not think of her father's death - his murder that had happened thirteen years ago today. But as usual it hadn't worked and there wasn't a moment she hadn't thought of him. Of course, being in Paris and having all these memories - good and bad - was not helping to repress unwelcome thoughts either, but now that Kort had mentioned it (he hadn't really mentioned it yet, but she was pretty sure what he meant) everything was back and it hurt almost as bad as it had when La Grenouille had still been alive, reminding him every day what he'd done to her and what she wanted to do to him.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Jenny said but this time she kept eye contact instead of turning around or walking away. She wasn't as strong anymore as she pretended to be, but she was good in pretending and what had worked all these years should still work. Of that she was sure ... until she met Kort's eyes and noticed how kind they were, full of emotions she'd never thought he would have. It felt as if he was looking right through her - a privilege normally belonging to Jethro -, ignoring the mask she'd put on to protect her own feelings. She felt naked under his look, but she kept eye contact, even when he placed both of hands on her shoulder, keeping her at place.
"You know what I am talking about, Jenny," he said, his voice still quiet and caring. "You don't need to pretend otherwise. I know what happened today thirteen years ago and I know how you feel. You don't need to keep this to yourself."
"You know nothing," Jenny said, her voice hoarse. "You have no idea how it is to loose someone ... someone ... you ..."
"... someone you looked up to? Someone you loved more than anything else in this world? I know, Jenny. I know how it feels when the world is crushing down on you because someone tries to tell you that everything you've believed it was a lie. Believe me, I know."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Jenny tried to free herself from his tight grip but with every move she made his grip tightened even more. But he never hurt her. His hands were strong but at the same time his touch was careful, gently and she knew she just needed to try a bit harder and he would let go off her. To her own surprise, she never felt the urge to fight harder. Instead she gave up, relaxing in his arms, when he pulled her closer.
"It's okay, Jenny." He moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her, carefully and shy at first, as if he was afraid of her or her reaction, but when she didn't protest, he pulled her closer, until her head was resting at his shoulder.
He just stood there, holding her and gently caressing her back.
Jenny could feel his body heat, smell his aftershave, and for a long moment she forgot - or ignored - everything around her and even who the man was, who was holding her. She stopped thinking, she stopped feeling bad for breaking down in front of him. She stopped hating him for everything he'd done to her last year, and she finally started to accept that she owed him so much for saving her only a few weeks ago. She had no idea how he did this and why he was suddenly on her side, but she had the feeling that whatever had brought him to do it, was also responsible for his presence today. It scared her and she was more than just a bit confused by the different emotions fighting inside of her. But she was also tired of thinking and of searching for reasons that may - or may not - be there. Maybe Jethro's theory was wrong, and there were such things as coincidences ... maybe it all had to happen. Maybe whatever had caused everything that had happened in the past, had happened just to bring her - them - here. Together.
Or maybe she was finally starting to lose her mind. Maybe she was already crazy. Insane.
Was this a side-effect of the pills she was taking? Or was it just another weak moment she would feel sorry for later?
Slowly and as polite as even possible Jenny made a step backwards until she could look at him again.
"Thank you, I guess ...," she mumbled, hiding behind the cup of coffee she was still holding in her hand. Part of her wanted to ask him, why he was so sure he knew how it felt to lose someone close, but the other part, the major part of her, was afraid to hear the answer or - in the worse case - of being snubbed. She was curious, though, and the feeling he was ready to give her an answer grew with every second the kept looking at him, but before she had the chance to ask, they were disrupted by one of the Japanese tourists, who was suddenly standing in front of them, but keeping a polite distance.
"Sumimasen. Excuse ... me," the man asked, bowing non-stop and grinning like a Cheshire Cat. "Sumimasen. Shashin o totte mo desu ka? You want me ... take picture?" Still looking at Kort he pointed first at Jenny's digital camera, she had tied around her wrist (and totally forgot), than at her and Kort. "Kamera?"
It took Jenny a moment to understand what the man with this ridiculous looking orange cap that couldn’t even cover half of his gray hair wanted from them and when she'd finally made sense of it, Kort had already taken care of everything. Unnoticed by her, he'd handed her camera to the man, who was now giving them instructions in a mix of English and Japanese words to move closer and more to the right (at least, that's what Jenny guessed he was doing) and before she even realized what had happened the camera was back in her hand.
"Domo arigato, Mamuro-san," Kort said, hinting at a bow.
"Dou Itashi Mashite," the Japanese man (Mamuro-san) replied and bowed again, a satisfied smile on his face. "Sayounara, Miss. Mister ..." He bowed one last time in Jenny's direction, before turning around to return to his group, leaving a stunned and confused Jenny behind.
She had no idea that this Japanese guy made his appearance not only for her right in time, but also for Kort, who had already started to regret for opening up to Jenny so much, trying to assure her that he knew exactly how it was to lose a father, who had been a role model all of his life. He trusted Jenny somehow (even though they didn’t know each other that well) and this trust had been the reason, why he’d said something in the first place, but he wasn’t ready to tell her everything; not yet - and maybe even never. He liked to keep things to himself - especially private things that were his business alone, and breaking his own rule had been more disturbing for him than anything else. But he was good at hiding his feelings, and Jenny never realized that his politeness towards the Japanese man was rather based on his relief not to need to answer inconvenient questions, than caused by the kindness the Japanese man had shown by offering to take a picture of them.
"What ... what was that about?" Jenny asked, when they were alone again and she noticed the satisfied look in Kort's face.
"What do you mean? He wanted to take a picture of us. That's all. No danger." Kort shrugged, his expression blank as if everything was normal and if nothing unusual had happened. "I think he believed we were a couple." Noticing the shock in Jenny’s eyes, Kort grinned. "But I'm not sure if 'tsuma' really means wife or something else."
"Yes, but ... I had no idea you speak Japanese. Where did you learn this? Is this part of your ... training?"
"Oh, I don't speak Japanese. Just enough to order the right things at a Japanese restaurant. That's all. Shall we?" He asked, offering Jenny his arm and since she was still confused and distracted, she took it without thinking twice about this gesture. Jenny was sure that the main part of the conversation he’d just had with the Japanese man was something you don’t learn when you order sushi in a restaurant., but she also felt that she had no right to ask - or if she did, she wouldn’t get a satisfied answer. So, she kept quiet and just nodded.
In the end it was none of her business, anyway.
Kort led her to the lift and it wasn't until they were back on the ground, walking down the Champ to Mars that Jenny spoke again.
"You are full of surprises, Trent," she said, using his forename for the first time. But she really meant it and it scared her a bit that, in this case, her judgment was mainly based on her former experiences with Jethro. Jethro would have killed that friendly man with his stare or scared him to death with some unfriendly spoken words. Maybe Jethro even would have ignored him and his offer until Jenny was too embarrassed to apologize for his behavior. And he also would have made clear that Jenny and he weren't a couple - even back when they had been together, he would have lied about it in front of strangers and Jenny couldn't blame him for this. They had started as colleagues, moved on to being partners and ended up being lovers, while on duty. Nothing about their relationship had been normal, and maybe they weren't even a couple in the usual sense. Maybe it wouldn't be a lie at all. But still ... Jethro's reaction would have been quite the opposite of what she had just experienced with Kort.
Kort had done none of these things. He had been kind and friendly, without showing a sign of discomfort or irritation. In fact, he was really sweet and so different from the man she’d got to know one year ago, that Jenny wasn’t even sure if it was really him and not his twin brother ,she had no idea even existed.
"What’s wrong, Jenny?" Kort asked, noticing Jenny’s disbelief when she didn’t answer, and he obviously even sensed her insecurity and discomfort. But instead of leaving her alone or giving her some space, he placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, while they walked slowly towards the Seine.
"You really shouldn’t be alone out here," Kort finally said, breaking the silence, when Jenny didn't answer his question. He nodded towards a group of dubious looking guys sitting on a bench and making jokes at passing tourists. Jenny had noticed them, too, and although she wouldn’t want to be alone with even one of them at night, in a dark alley, she wasn’t afraid of them. She knew she would be able to deal with them, should they start to threaten her. And she was sure, Kort knew it, too. He wasn’t concerned about her safety that may be jeopardized by some strangers. No, these guys were just an excuse to pick up where they’d left before the Japanese man had taken their picture, and although she was still curious about the hints he'd given her, Jenny wasn’t ready for that talk at all.
But she also was tired of arguing or trying to convince Kort that she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She just wanted to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere this city was suddenly exuding. For the first time in weeks, ever since she’d started to make the best of her current situation, she felt calm, and like she was coming home. She had the feeling Kort had something to do with it and it still scared her (or it scared her even more, now that she was ready to admit that she was glad he was here) that he was doing this to her, but she had also learned to be thankful for everything life was giving her these days, and she had stopped questioning it a long time ago.
Life was just too short to waste precious time thinking too much or trying to change things that couldn’t be changed; and Kort wouldn’t leave - even when she tried to push him away, he would stay. He had made that pretty clear to her earlier.
Without making plans or really talking about what they were doing, they spent the rest of they day with sightseeing; visiting all the places, Jenny wanted to see for so long. They went to the Louvre, admired the Mona Lisa, they visited Montmartre and the Basilique du Sacré-Cœur, they enjoyed the sunny weather while walking through the Tuileries Garden, and when it was starting to get dark, they sat down in front of a small café on the Champs-Élysées, enjoying the beautiful view on the Arc de Triomphe and the people passing by.
The whole time they had talked about anything and anyone but their feelings or the reasons why they were both here. Jenny had talked about her work, the experiences she’d made as the first female director of an armed federal agency, and Kort had shared some anecdote about his work with the CIA. Neither one of them mentioned La Grenouille or the circumstances of his death, Operation Lodestone and everything else that had brought them together one year ago. Not talking about these things was like another pact they’d agreed to tacitly.
"So, you and Agent Gibbs were here before?" Kort asked, after the waiter had brought them their coffee. "Undercover. On a secret mission."
Jenny nodded without looking up. Jethro and their past were things she couldn’t talk about as easily as other things, especially when there was this arrogant undertone in Kort’s voice, suggesting his disapprove of Jethro. She knew this tone all too well and it still forced her to justify everything she’d done and everything she and Jethro had shared - and still shared.
"We were partners. He was my boss. Until ... until I left, choosing my career instead of returning with him to DC" she explained after a while, when Kort hadn’t stopped staring at her, waiting for an answer.
"And now you are his boss. I’m sure he didn’t like that very much."
"No, he didn’t." Jenny smiled, remembering the hard time Jethro had given her during her first year and how hard dealing with him still was - although it had been easier lately, and she felt Jethro had finally started to accept her as director and as his boss.
"He couldn’t accept that I traded my field work for politics and a boring desk job. But I think we are good now. Yes, we really are," she added, when Kort gave her a funny look. "Jethro ... Gibbs isn’t as bad as you think. He is a good agent and a loyal partner. He has his issues, but everyone does. And once you get to know him, you start to like him."
"What if I don’t want to like him?" Kort asked, looking at Jenny over the rim of his coffee cup. "What if I don’t need to like him?"
"Why wouldn’t you want to do this?" Jenny asked, confused by the sudden seriousness in his voice. "Do you want to hate him?"
"No." Kort lowered his cup and he reached out to touch Jenny’s hand. "I just think that ... that after today he might have a serious problem with me."
"And why is that?" Jenny asked, fighting the urge to pull her hand back. But his touch felt so good and right and she was still captivated by his eyes that she wasn’t able to think properly, yet to react in any other way but the keep her hand where it was, covered by his, while his thumb gently stroke over the back of her hand.
"Because I really like you, Jenny," Kort replied quietly, taking Jenny totally by surprise. For a minute she just stared at him, not sure if she had understood what he'd said. Finally, she took a deep breathe, hoping it would calm her down, but her voice was still trembling when she spoke.
"You ... is that why you are here?"
"I told you why I was here, Jenny. That was the truth."
"But ..."
"No ‘but’," he interrupted her, squeezing her hand, before he pulled his hand back, concentrating again on his coffee.
Jenny didn’t know what to say or do. For the first time in a long while she was speechless and even more confused than she’d been ever since Kort had called her today. It wasn’t that she hated what he’d just told her. She liked the Kort she was able to get to know today and she felt flattered by his confession - every women would -; but she had no idea what he expected her to say or do, or what he was hoping for. She was dying. She had no time for whatever relationship he was looking for; besides, that their past made thing even more complicated than the things she shared with Jethro.
"I ... I don’t know what to say," she finally managed to stumbled, helpless and without really knowing what to say. But at the same time she felt she had to say something. For the first time the silence between felt really awkward and made her uncomfortable.
"You don’t have to say anything, Jenny. And I don’t expect you to do anything. I just wanted you to know that ..." He signed. "I know I hurt you in the past. And I know I don't deserve anything but hate from you. I really was a bastard and it would be a lie to say that everything was just part of my assignment. It wasn’t. I’m truly sorry for what I’ve done, and I would take it back if that would be possible. I’m not a good man, Jenny, and I know you deserve so much more, so much better. But ..." He stopped, taking a deep breathe, and this time it was Jenny who reached out to take his hand. Kort smiled. "What I wanted to say is ... in our jobs ... with what we do ... we know how short life can be and how suddenly death knocks at our doors. I have made this mistake in my past and I don’t want to make it again. As I said ... I don’t expect anything from you, and I can understand that you hate me for what I’ve done to you. I just ..."
"I don’t hate you," Jenny whispered. "I ... I don’t know what I do feel right now, but I don’t hate you."
"You don’t?"
Jenny shook her head, giving him a faint smile. "No, I don't. I did, but not anymore. The past is the past, and you can't change it, no matter how hard you try. I've learned that and ... Is this why you saved me last month when the FBI was investigating me?"
"No," Kort said, grinning. He squeezed Jenny's hand. Leaning back on his chair, he crossed his arms in front of him. "That was because I can’t stand Fornell. And because I don’t like people who confuse toothpicks with chewing gums, thinking it would make them one of the cool kids."
Jenny laughed, relieved that they managed to change the subject and focus on something other than the confession he’d just made. This subject wasn't over yet, and she wanted to continued this conversation at one point - also to ask him what mistake he'd made in his past he didn't want to make again - but for the moment it was better to talk about something else. He wanted it, and she wanted it, too. And when Vance was the subject ... well, she could live with that.
"You should tell Vance that," she suggested, still laughing. "I don’t think he knows how ridiculous he looks with this toothpick."
"Maybe I will do this; next week, when we are back in DC."
"We?" Jenny asked, before she could stop herself, changing the subject again - and sooner as she'd hoped for.
"Yes. My flight back is not until Sunday. Paris isn’t a city for just one day. There’s so much to discover. One day just can't be enough." He was looking at her with such intense in his eyes that Jenny wasn’t sure if he was still talking about the city or about something else, and to her surprise, she secretly wished it was something else - her - he was talking about, and not Paris.
"Then I guess you ... we should take our time," she said, quietly, losing herself ones again in his dark eyes. She had no idea what was going on and how he was doing whatever he was doing to her. All she knew was that she couldn’t wait to leave this café again - with him - to continue whatever they were about to do someplace else. And as if he’d read her mind, Kort was already waving down the waiter, and they left the café as soon as they’d paid, almost in a hurry.
As soon as they were back on the street, walking towards the Arc de Triomphe, Jenny took Kort’s hand in hers, as if this was the most normal thing to do, making him smile. Although it was already getting dark, it was still warm and despite the pollution the city smelled like spring, giving her the feeling that someone was about to start; a new beginning of something wonderful. Jenny knew that whatever would begin tonight, wouldn’t last long, but as someone wiser once said: "Every song ends but that's no reason not to enjoy the music."
And the music she was listening to right now was one of the most beautiful melodies she’d ever heard ...
When they reached Jenny's hotel (too soon for Jenny's taste), they slowed down and then stopped in front of the entrance, both unsure what to do next. Jenny couldn’t find the courage to ask him to come in, and it seemed that Kort wasn’t so sure about his next step either.
Most of the way back to the hotel, they’d spend in silence, both of them dealing with what had happened today, trying to figure out where this was leading them. Jenny still had this overwhelming feeling that everything that had happened today was just a dream or something unreal; too good to be true. And still, it felt like something she had been waiting for far too long; something that just wasn’t supposed to happen sooner. One last chance to be happy; one last chance to make things right ...
She’d always hoped it would be Jethro she would have that chance with, but after all that had happened between them, Jethro and her was almost impossible. But that didn't necessarily mean she wasn’t allowed to be happy again, ever. It had never meant this - it had only taken her so long to see and accept it, and she was glad that realization had hit her right in time. Whatever power had Kort brought her here, it was a good one; one she would have to thank later, too.
"Thank you for looking after me," Jenny said, when the silence between them was starting to become unbearable again.
"You’re welcome, Jenny. It was a great day," Kort replied, smiling shyly like a small boy. It looked so funny and so out of character that Jenny almost laughed. But only almost ... she managed to stay calm and smiled instead.
"It was," she said, looking deep into his eyes; taking in as much as she could before everything would be over again and she would wake up - alone, as usual.
Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe his silence, his insecurity, was just another task life was challenging her with, and all she had to do was accepting the challenge. And why not? Why was she still hesitating? She had nothing to loose ... but so much to win.
What was she waiting for?
"So ... about that foreplay you keep missing -," she started, but was silenced by Kort who hasten to put a finger on her lips.
"I thought you’d never ask ..." he whispered. Smiling, he step closer until he was standing right in front of her, his body softly pressing against her. Slowly but more certain than seconds before, he replaced his finger with his lips, kissing her gently at first, and when she didn’t pull back, his hand moved to the back of her head, keeping her in place, while he pressed his mouth to hers. She responded without hesitation, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body closer to his. Deepening his kiss, he ran his tongue along her bottom lip, teasing her until she opened her mouth, willingly, to let him in.
Closing her eyes, Jenny stopped thinking for the second time today, allowing herself to feel nothing else but his touch, his kiss, and his warm body pressed against her. For a long moment nothing else mattered; nothing that was more important than doing what was best for her.
She was done fighting. She was done making compromises or sacrifices. She was tired of restraining herself just because it might have consequences.
Tonight was what mattered tonight. And with everything else she would deal tomorrow; not today, not tonight. And no matter what tonight would cost her, she’d already won the top prize; a price no one would ever take away from her, from them, because after today they would always have Paris ...
- The End -