Ah that lovely drowning feeling
This is just an emotional dump needed to try to clear my mind.
I'm feeling an extroardinary amount of stress at the moment. Ridiculous considering I was really lucky to have not one but two friend visits within the last week, but at the moment all I feel is that keen sense of lonliness.
Most of my stress is based on money woes. I feel crsuhed by bill worries. I want a job asap, well as much as one can want a job. I just need something, anything to get me by for at least the next few months. I hate not being able to buy groceries without worrying. Its really rather annoying. I know these anxieties are just exacerbated by the stress I'm going through right now.
We will be officially moving this week, whether on Tuesday, wednesday or Tursday I dont know. Pax sent out a brief email to see if anyone at the fire dept can help and that will determine the day. This is a good thing but at the moment it feels more like a noose tightening around my neck. Im worrying about whether or not everything will truly be ready to be shoved in a truck. Gah! Well at least it will be there and we can stop this stupid back and forth every day crap. That in and of itself is costing more money than we should be spending.
Another major point of stress is my parents and the things they have/want to bring to the house is a major point of contention. While I know they only want to help, this need to bring things down right away is immensely frustrating! Theres too much crap to fit in their car, but the rocking chairs and other various furnishings arent enough to fill a moving van or warent to insane $400+ they want for the rental! I had a blow out with my mother on the phone saying what a waste of money it is and that it be better spent just giving to me! haha
Then the whole conversation de-evolved into a frustarting lack of communication. Most of the time my mom talks on the phone within earshot of my father, which modifies her ability to communicate. Its amazingly aggravating to have what amounts to a one sided conversation. Again I know they want to help but I think they dont realize that a lot of the help feels like they are trying to take over the furnishing and decorating of my house. Perhaps Im just over reacting due to being stressed and emotional, perhaps not. I'm not so sure anymore.
We left it at basically pushing out the date of when I will come to visit, so now I have no idea of when I will get up to MA. This smacks in the face of how lonely I feel. I was looking forward to seeing my friends, now its not going to happen at least not for a while. But it cant be sooner because I cant have my parents stay at my house, there's no room well technically no bed which is the major issue.
Ugh! This is a circle of anxiety. I know it will work out, I know I will not actually be crushed by these issues and feeling but thats what is swimming in my mind.
I'm feeling an extroardinary amount of stress at the moment. Ridiculous considering I was really lucky to have not one but two friend visits within the last week, but at the moment all I feel is that keen sense of lonliness.
Most of my stress is based on money woes. I feel crsuhed by bill worries. I want a job asap, well as much as one can want a job. I just need something, anything to get me by for at least the next few months. I hate not being able to buy groceries without worrying. Its really rather annoying. I know these anxieties are just exacerbated by the stress I'm going through right now.
We will be officially moving this week, whether on Tuesday, wednesday or Tursday I dont know. Pax sent out a brief email to see if anyone at the fire dept can help and that will determine the day. This is a good thing but at the moment it feels more like a noose tightening around my neck. Im worrying about whether or not everything will truly be ready to be shoved in a truck. Gah! Well at least it will be there and we can stop this stupid back and forth every day crap. That in and of itself is costing more money than we should be spending.
Another major point of stress is my parents and the things they have/want to bring to the house is a major point of contention. While I know they only want to help, this need to bring things down right away is immensely frustrating! Theres too much crap to fit in their car, but the rocking chairs and other various furnishings arent enough to fill a moving van or warent to insane $400+ they want for the rental! I had a blow out with my mother on the phone saying what a waste of money it is and that it be better spent just giving to me! haha
Then the whole conversation de-evolved into a frustarting lack of communication. Most of the time my mom talks on the phone within earshot of my father, which modifies her ability to communicate. Its amazingly aggravating to have what amounts to a one sided conversation. Again I know they want to help but I think they dont realize that a lot of the help feels like they are trying to take over the furnishing and decorating of my house. Perhaps Im just over reacting due to being stressed and emotional, perhaps not. I'm not so sure anymore.
We left it at basically pushing out the date of when I will come to visit, so now I have no idea of when I will get up to MA. This smacks in the face of how lonely I feel. I was looking forward to seeing my friends, now its not going to happen at least not for a while. But it cant be sooner because I cant have my parents stay at my house, there's no room well technically no bed which is the major issue.
Ugh! This is a circle of anxiety. I know it will work out, I know I will not actually be crushed by these issues and feeling but thats what is swimming in my mind.