(no subject)
So I was having the worst two weeks ever, just failing tests left and right, feeling myself get sick, and I was just sitting back watching my life float away. I even got a ticket in the mail. Seriously if you are not driving at the time you should not be able to get tickets. That was 50 bucks i didn't have. Then my dad called, all super cheesy and excited because my temple letter came. I can clearly envision him ripping opening the medium thick envelope and his eyes devouring the words. so i got in. needless to say my dad was happy/proud and super cute about it. then i had to call my mom who was nervously waiting to hear. being a true mcgorty and a bigger/(not really bigger any more me-bitch), she was completely unable to express how she felt or say something nice at first. she screamed " "MONKEEEEEEEEEEY" MONKEY" "MONKEY YOU GOT IN" . But when she mailed me my speeding ticket she put an "I love you" sticker on it. although she would never admit it she pretty much thinks i am awesome, she called my sister to brag about me.
so obviously i am so excited.happy.relieved.thankful it is insane. But i am still super nervous. It is provisional, I still need to get above Cs this semester, and take 4 summer classes. i am also like intensely sad periodically. i'll walk into the apartment, or stilling in fuel and fuddle, or even goofing off in hillman. leaving oakland, leaving all my friends out here, and leaving my apartment sounds so awful. oakland has become home, so has Pittsburgh. i have such a strong affinity for the city itself, i love that it has so many different sections with completely different vibes and places for different types of people, even if i choose never to go to most of them. and oakland which is relatively small constantly amazes me when we turn a corner and there is some restaurant/store ive never seen before ( a la the magic store until this year) my hope is everyone after graduation either comes to philly for work or grad school. I mean it is a somewhat possible hope, the jobs are way better in philly and there are a lot of grad schools. because i have to take summer classes I am going to take them out here and get to spend some more quality time with my oakland before i have to give her back.
but forget the negatives and let me refocus. i got into motherfucking pharmacy school. when people ask me my name from now on, nicole "going to pharmacy school" mcgorty. it is pretty much fantastic. not only cause once you are in it is hard to fail and essentially starting means you are going to be a pharmacist and starting as a pharmacist means 90k for the first year, but because it is out of the way. I want to be a pharmacist and I think I will be a decent one. my parents are really serious only about one thing when it came to picking fields, "you have to be able to do it for 50 years" and pharmacy is the only thing ive felt that strong about. had i not gotten in i would have had to choose between going through the awful/expensive application process again or copping out to plan B and teaching.
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But anyone who knows me, my body has a rule: when something is going right, something else must go really wrong. As I basked in the news I tried not to get distracted, we didn't celebrate, we didn't drink, I just calmly accepted it and went back to my school work. But my body new something good was going on, and i got sicker and sicker -coughing like a lunatic. I did the unimaginable, i trucked to the doctor. I have pneumonia. Which sucks cause everything hurts, i cant control coughing, and am so tired/out breath I feel like i may have died and just no one told me. But whatever they make medicine for a reason. I am taking a really strong antibiotic which should knock it out in a week (if not i have to go to the hospital-so they are gonna work cause i am not going to the hospital) but to make breathing easier/possible I also have an inhaler like big nerd ball. Christina told me that made me lame, but i think she secretly thought it was cute.
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and then as if getting into pharmacy school and getting pneumonia wasn't enough excitement there was more. i essentially "came out" (as played out as that term is) to my mom.
background for those who are thinking "wait your not out, but your so gay":
i consider myself out, people who ask, I tell. i don't knock on everyones door to tell them, particularly if they are someone who I wouldn't talk about my sex life with anyway. I never lie. but with my parents it is really weird. cause i am not discrete and never feign interest in men or anything. but i've never felt right telling them since christina has lived with us the last couple years. my parents are typical middle class white people. they are educated professionals with some religious leanings. I knew they would deal with it, they dont think it is a choice (my mom sorta does sometimes) and they both believe in tolerance. but in the same way most people who are fine with it don't want it for their kids, my parents clearly would not be happy. and more to the point i feel like it is betraying them by being with christina. christina has slept in my bedroom for the last 5 years, my 25 year old sisters boyfriend has to sleep on the couch. also i feel telling them would lock it in, like "you are gay now, you have to be gay forever". while that is probably the case, I don't really want that decided for me, if things didn't work out with christina and I, i wouldnt rule out men. i mean they are brutish and worse lovers, but there are lots of other advantages. i think lesbians have the easy road out option, a lot of them can be with men. men are still people, and if you take it slow, work on the friendship/emotional part of the relationship the physical will come eventually. it just might not be as electric as it is with women. alex tells me this is just me and it means I am bisexual. but as i don't believe in bisexuality and because it is practically a curse in the gay community to call someone it, i think he is wrong.
what happened:
mom: when is christina gonna get a boyfriend
me: i dunno
mom: she is cute, dont any boys ask her out
me: boys ask her all the time at work
mom: and she always says non
me: as far as i know
mom: why
me: i think you know why
mom: why
me: I THINK you know
mom: does she have a girlfriend?
me: she might
mom:do i know her girlfriend
me: you might
mom: oh great.
...incredibly awkward long silence...
5 minutes later.....
mom: the stupid cat keeps getting hair all over my sweater
...semi strained chatter....
mom: make that boob {alex} get you some soup
me: hey dont make fun of that boob, alex is my man when i am sick
mom (incredibly hostile): i thought you had a woman
me (scarred/trying to lighten things up): maybe i have both
mom (new levels of hostile): oh great mother of a bisexual- i'll put that on the resume
me: you dont have to worry about being the mother of a bisexual.
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now i have to study for 18 million hours with cupid's chokehold on repeat.