Breaking Free
Title: Breaking Free
Pairing: Sihan
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Geng thinks that more than anyone else, Siwon would understand
Geng thinks that more than anyone else, Siwon would understand. Because Siwon had known, had been there, all those times when he’d been close to giving up. Siwon had held him, had promised him, that things would get better, the he should never give up. He hadn’t given up then. He wasn’t giving up now. He was putting a stop to it. He wanted it to end.
He thought Siwon would understand.
But the silence that followed his announcement came as no surprise. What did surprise him was how long the silence extended. Hours turned to days to weeks. To months. Now, five months later, he still hasn’t heard from the younger boy.
Geng isn’t stupid. He isn’t going to push it. He knows he’s hurt everyone by leaving. He won’t be easily forgiven. He’d expected that. The cold silence, the singeing anger. He could take it; it was his form of retribution. His way of saying, I’m sorry. But Siwon’s continued silence stings more than anything anyone else said. Because it’s Siwon. And he thought Siwon would understand.
More than anyone else, hadn’t it been Siwon who had known how much pain he’d endured? How many tears he’d shed? And it wasn’t like he’d kept anything from the other boy - he’d mentioned how much he wanted to go back home, back to China. How much he regretted leaving in the first place. How, even with so many people around him, he still felt the pang of loneliness.
This isn’t my dream, he’d told Siwon, I want to dance.
You’re dancing ge, Siwon had told him, a hand squeezing his gently, eyes watching him closely.
Not like this, he remembered saying.
Siwon hadn’t understood it then, and Geng had tried to explain, not so much with words as with actions, but it was only when Siwon saw him dancing alone in the studio that he finally got it.
You want freedom, he’d said, a sad smile on his face.
What? It was his turn to be confused.
You’re not happy here. I see it now. Siwon stepped closer and pulled him into a tight embrace. I’m sorry.
They had stood there for seconds, minutes, hours. Just holding each other.
Ge, Siwon said once they pulled apart, tell me how to make it better. I’ll do anything.
The problem was, Geng didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he was happy - there were moments where he felt that this was where he belonged, but for every one of those moments, there were many unhappy ones. And Siwon said he wanted freedom, but he wasn’t sure freedom was something he wanted. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to dance. He wanted to be happy.
I want you to be happy, was what Siwon had told him many times. I want you to always smile.
Leaving was what made him happy. Not the act per se, but what the act represented. It was his first step towards happiness. He’d made the right decision. It hadn’t been easy, it still wasn’t easy, but it had been the right one. He thought Siwon knew that, thought Siwon would understand.
He obviously thought wrong.
Geng sighs, and the stylist gives him a look that is both questioning and concerned. Don’t worry, he tells her, I’m a little tired. She smiles at him and continues styling his hair. He stares straight ahead at his reflection in the mirror and wonders if Siwon will ever talk to him again.
-
Siwon knows he should call. But it’s been months since Geng left and he’s not sure he has a right to anymore. He should’ve never stopped calling. He doesn’t know why he did.
He looks at his phone everyday, and his fingers are poised to make the call, but he never does. He chickens out every time because he’s scared of that soft voice, and what it will do to him.
He doesn’t want to fall apart. Because that’s what happened when Geng left. And he’s scared that if he hears Geng, he’ll want Geng. But he’ll never have Geng because Geng is back home, he is dancing, and he is happy.
He’s seen him on shows. His smile is radiant, he’s healthy and glowing and more beautiful than he’s ever been. Siwon thinks that leaving Korea and returning to China is doing Geng a lot of good and he doesn’t want to ruin that because Siwon is from Korea, and Geng is from China and Geng doesn’t have many good memories of Korea. He doesn’t want to remind him, but he thinks he will.
Sometimes, when he’s up at night because he can’t sleep because he’s wondering if Geng is sleeping, or if he’s crying - No, he’s happy, he’s happy now, he thinks that maybe he’s being a little stupid and he should just call Geng because if Geng knew the reason why Siwon doesn’t call, he’d hit Siwon and call him an idiot.
And maybe Siwon really is an idiot because he can never get the courage to make the call.
-
Heechul thinks that Siwon is stupid. Even he, who is Geng’s best friend and undoubtedly the one person in the world who is closest to Geng and who owns Geng, has forgiven Geng (and in turn, Geng has forgiven him), and is talking to him like they’re still friends, because they are, even if Geng is in China and probably never coming back.
Siwon is stupid because he loves Geng more than anything, but he’s too chickenshit to make the call to set things right. Heechul doesn’t even know why Siwon hasn’t made the call, because if he remembers correctly (and he always does), Siwon thinks the world of Geng and would do anything and everything to make him happy, yet he can’t call or send an email to say sorry or hi or even a fucking bye. Heechul doesn’t get it because this kind of stupidity is beyond him.
Geng is hurt, he wants to tell Siwon, beat it into his head, because you’re not talking to him.
But he doesn’t because Geng begs him not to, and he listens because it’s Geng and really, if Heechul wants to blame anyone, he blames Geng. Because if there’s anyone stupider than Siwon, it’s Geng. For falling for an idiot in the first place.
-
Ryeowook worries. Siwon hasn’t been himself since Geng left them. He’s lost, lonely, and Ryewook wishes he could do something but there’s nothing he can do to help because Siwon is pining for Geng who is a thousand miles away.
Hyung, he tells Siwon one day when they’re backstage preparing for a show, maybe you should take a break.
Siwon startles because he’d been spacing out and Ryeowook doesn’t miss the way he subconsciously reaches out to his left for a hand that isn’t there. His heart aches for the other because he remembers times when Siwon would reach out and Geng would be there and there would be smiles and laughter, not empty eyes and empty spaces.
Go to China, he says. Siwon stiffens but Heechul smiles and Ryeowook knows that this is how he can help.
Go to China, he repeats, he’s waiting.
The smile Heechul throws his way is almost blinding.
-
Siwon stares at his phone, Ryeowook’s words still ringing in his ears. Maybe he really does need a break. He’s been working too hard, trying to keep himself busy. He knows it’s not healthy - he’s nagged at Geng enough in the past to know, but what he really needs is to see Geng.
He’s scared. What if Geng hates him now? What if he doesn’t want to talk, see, be with Siwon anymore? They were so close, they’re so far apart now. It’s been months, and Siwon hasn’t said a word since he left. He knows Geng must’ve been hurt, but he’s probably moved past that and moved on because Geng is strong like that.
He flips his phone shut and closes his eyes. Is this really how he’s going to be the rest of his life?
He’s waiting.
He’s heard Heechul talk to Geng on the phone. Every time he does, his heart sinks a little and he feels sick because he wants to do that, he wants it to be him, knows it should be him, but Geng doesn’t know it because Siwon is an idiot and a coward and…
Geng is waiting. Even if it’s been five months, he knows Geng’s still waiting. Even if he’s late, Geng will wait.
Because Geng is perfect like that and Siwon can’t let him go.
-
Is your address still the same? Heechul asks the moment he answers the phone.
Yes?
Good.
There is a smirk and smugness in the voice and he wonders what the other boy is up to. Good? he echoes, What are you planning?
Heechul just laughs before hanging up. Geng stares at the phone, worried, because it’s been a while since Heechul has laughed like that and he’s a little scared.
-
Siwon doesn’t expect Heechul to still be awake so late at night, or for the paper that is shoved into his face.
Hyung? he calls out, more than a little confused because Heechul is already stomping back to his room.
The older boy waves him off and shuts the door behind him. Siwon looks at what’s written on the paper. It’s Geng’s address in Beijing (although Siwon already has that) and an unfamiliar number.
The first thing he does is dial Geng’s number that’s stored on his phone. It doesn’t connect. Because it’s not in service anymore. Siwon stares at his phone in horror, because how did it get to this? Geng changed his number and Siwon had no idea and this, this has got to stop.
He deletes the number, keys in the new one, and presses the call button.
He’s had enough.
-
Hello? Geng’s voice is muffled and sleepy and it squeezes his heart because he’s missed it so much.
Ge, his voice comes out less stable, more breathy and he’s just glad it doesn’t crack.
He hears shuffling and movement and then Geng’s voice is clearer and more awake, Shiyuan?
He clenches his fist at the wonder he hears in Geng’s voice and wants to hit himself. He put it there. He should’ve called sooner. He should’ve never stopped calling.
Why are you calling at this hour? Geng asks, It’s really late.
Siwon glances at the clock and realises with a start that yes, it’s nearly three in the morning and he really should’ve picked a better time.
Sorry! he hurries to apologise, annoyed that the first thing he does after so long is to mess up, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise the time…. he trails off as laughter, so familiar to him, carries over the line.
It’s okay, Geng tells him, why are you still up?
Siwon considers telling him the truth. That he misses him so much he can’t sleep at night, that when he does sleep he only dreams of Geng leaving, but instead he settles for, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to Beijing.
Geng makes that sound he always does when he’s surprised. It makes Siwon smile. You are? Again, that voice is filled with wonder and Siwon really hates himself for putting it there.
Yes, his voice is strong, firm this time. I’m taking the next available flight.
Oh. Geng sound hesitant, almost cautious as he asks, What are you coming to Beijing for?
Shit, Siwon thinks. So much damage. He wonders if things will ever be back to normal. He wants that, more than anything. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want more.
I miss you, he says simply, and I want to see you. And apologise. For not coming sooner. He makes a face the moment he realises he hasn’t asked properly. Can I come see you?
He sleeps fitfully that night, Geng’s soothing voice and delighted laughter playing in his head.
-
The moment he sees Geng, his heart stops beating. Or at least he thinks it does because it does a leap and then there’s a lump in his throat and he feels like all the breath has been knocked out of him because Geng is here, in China, and he’s here, in China, and they’re finally together and Geng is more gorgeous than he’s ever been and Siwon wants to-
Shiyuan! the older man throws himself bodily into Siwon, who catches him easily and they spin around a little in the hallway outside Geng’s apartment, giddy with excitement.
Geng is the first to pull away, face flushed, eyes shining, a little breathless and so, so beautiful. We should go in first, he tells Siwon, the smile bright on his face.
Siwon knows his smile is just as bright as he follows Geng in eagerly. He’ll follow Geng anywhere.
Geng gestures at him to sit while he gets them both a drink but Siwon can’t bear to be apart and tails him, startling the Chinese boy when he turns away from the fridge.
Shiyuan! he laughs and Siwon can’t stand it anymore. He knows he probably should wait after he’s apologised and they’ve talked and maybe he should do this only after he’s confessed and Geng’s accepted but it’s been too long and he’s missed him so much that Siwon actually thinks what the hell, and pulls Geng in for a kiss.
When they part, Geng is staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face, while Siwon knows he’s frowning, because while Geng didn’t push him away, he didn’t kiss back either. He watches as Geng walks to the living room and follows. He always follows.
He sits down next to Geng who places the beer on the table before turning to him. Siwon swallows.
Beer is cold, is all Geng says before he leans in and kisses Siwon.
-
They talk after that. Siwon apologises for not calling, and Geng forgives. Geng apologises for leaving but Siwon silences him with a finger to his lips, telling him that that’s not something to be sorry for and isn’t he happy now?
He catches the lone tear from the corner of Geng’s eye with his thumb.
I just want you to be happy, he tells Geng for the first time since all this started.
Yes, Geng murmurs.
I love you, he watches Geng closely, more than anything. When you left, a part of me died. He holds Geng’s hands in his. I want to be with you.
Geng’s smile is so soft, so gentle, so sweet it tugs at his heart.
Ge, he leans in closer, unable to resist.
Shiyuan, Geng stops him, one hand against his chest, the other brushing his cheek tenderly, you make me complete.
And Siwon doesn’t know how a heart could break and mend at the same time but it did.
-
Yah, so finally together? Heechul’s voice is too demanding this early in the morning. Siwon groans and from next to him, Geng buries his head under his pillow. I know you can both hear me, you’re just too lazy to pick up the phone. Or maybe too sore? They can hear the leer in his voice. Siwonnie, you shouldn’t be so rough. It’s Geng’s first time… Geng throws something at the phone but he misses completely, head still under the pillow. Heechul’s voice continues to filter through, But all I can say is that it’s about time! If you had confessed years ago, Siwonnie, you wouldn’t have been pining for -
Heechul’s voice is cut off abruptly as Siwon presses the mute button.
Go back to sleep, he whispers to Geng, stroking his back gently.
I need to wake up soon, Geng’s voice is muffled and Siwon smiles because it’s adorable the way the older boy is talking into the mattress while buried under his pillow. I’ve got dancing.
Siwon remembers a conversation long ago about dancing and freedom and happiness. You’re dancing now? His voice is teasing, because he knows the answer already.
Geng removes the pillow so that Siwon can see his smile. Yes, I’m dancing, and I’m happy. He reaches up to tweak Siwon’s nose. And I’m free.
Siwon’s grin turns into a smirk as he leans in close. Well then, I’ll help myself. Since you’re not taken.
I’m not a buffet! Geng nearly squeals as he tries to wriggle away. And I’m already taken!
I’ll just have to wait till you’re free again then.
Won’t happen, Geng’s eyes are twinking, his lips teasing and Siwon really wants to kiss him.
Why not? He plays along, eyes following every movement of the body beneath him.
Because this is forever.
Siwon stares into Geng’s eyes and he recognises what he’s seeing because it’s the same thing Geng can see in his eyes. I’ll never leave you, he promises, this is forever.
And he kisses Geng because he’s done with talking and teasing and playing. Geng kisses back.
They’re happy.
They’re free.
-
Pairing: Sihan
Rating: PG 13
Summary: Geng thinks that more than anyone else, Siwon would understand
Geng thinks that more than anyone else, Siwon would understand. Because Siwon had known, had been there, all those times when he’d been close to giving up. Siwon had held him, had promised him, that things would get better, the he should never give up. He hadn’t given up then. He wasn’t giving up now. He was putting a stop to it. He wanted it to end.
He thought Siwon would understand.
But the silence that followed his announcement came as no surprise. What did surprise him was how long the silence extended. Hours turned to days to weeks. To months. Now, five months later, he still hasn’t heard from the younger boy.
Geng isn’t stupid. He isn’t going to push it. He knows he’s hurt everyone by leaving. He won’t be easily forgiven. He’d expected that. The cold silence, the singeing anger. He could take it; it was his form of retribution. His way of saying, I’m sorry. But Siwon’s continued silence stings more than anything anyone else said. Because it’s Siwon. And he thought Siwon would understand.
More than anyone else, hadn’t it been Siwon who had known how much pain he’d endured? How many tears he’d shed? And it wasn’t like he’d kept anything from the other boy - he’d mentioned how much he wanted to go back home, back to China. How much he regretted leaving in the first place. How, even with so many people around him, he still felt the pang of loneliness.
This isn’t my dream, he’d told Siwon, I want to dance.
You’re dancing ge, Siwon had told him, a hand squeezing his gently, eyes watching him closely.
Not like this, he remembered saying.
Siwon hadn’t understood it then, and Geng had tried to explain, not so much with words as with actions, but it was only when Siwon saw him dancing alone in the studio that he finally got it.
You want freedom, he’d said, a sad smile on his face.
What? It was his turn to be confused.
You’re not happy here. I see it now. Siwon stepped closer and pulled him into a tight embrace. I’m sorry.
They had stood there for seconds, minutes, hours. Just holding each other.
Ge, Siwon said once they pulled apart, tell me how to make it better. I’ll do anything.
The problem was, Geng didn’t know. He wasn’t sure if he was happy - there were moments where he felt that this was where he belonged, but for every one of those moments, there were many unhappy ones. And Siwon said he wanted freedom, but he wasn’t sure freedom was something he wanted. He just wanted to go home. He wanted to dance. He wanted to be happy.
I want you to be happy, was what Siwon had told him many times. I want you to always smile.
Leaving was what made him happy. Not the act per se, but what the act represented. It was his first step towards happiness. He’d made the right decision. It hadn’t been easy, it still wasn’t easy, but it had been the right one. He thought Siwon knew that, thought Siwon would understand.
He obviously thought wrong.
Geng sighs, and the stylist gives him a look that is both questioning and concerned. Don’t worry, he tells her, I’m a little tired. She smiles at him and continues styling his hair. He stares straight ahead at his reflection in the mirror and wonders if Siwon will ever talk to him again.
-
Siwon knows he should call. But it’s been months since Geng left and he’s not sure he has a right to anymore. He should’ve never stopped calling. He doesn’t know why he did.
He looks at his phone everyday, and his fingers are poised to make the call, but he never does. He chickens out every time because he’s scared of that soft voice, and what it will do to him.
He doesn’t want to fall apart. Because that’s what happened when Geng left. And he’s scared that if he hears Geng, he’ll want Geng. But he’ll never have Geng because Geng is back home, he is dancing, and he is happy.
He’s seen him on shows. His smile is radiant, he’s healthy and glowing and more beautiful than he’s ever been. Siwon thinks that leaving Korea and returning to China is doing Geng a lot of good and he doesn’t want to ruin that because Siwon is from Korea, and Geng is from China and Geng doesn’t have many good memories of Korea. He doesn’t want to remind him, but he thinks he will.
Sometimes, when he’s up at night because he can’t sleep because he’s wondering if Geng is sleeping, or if he’s crying - No, he’s happy, he’s happy now, he thinks that maybe he’s being a little stupid and he should just call Geng because if Geng knew the reason why Siwon doesn’t call, he’d hit Siwon and call him an idiot.
And maybe Siwon really is an idiot because he can never get the courage to make the call.
-
Heechul thinks that Siwon is stupid. Even he, who is Geng’s best friend and undoubtedly the one person in the world who is closest to Geng and who owns Geng, has forgiven Geng (and in turn, Geng has forgiven him), and is talking to him like they’re still friends, because they are, even if Geng is in China and probably never coming back.
Siwon is stupid because he loves Geng more than anything, but he’s too chickenshit to make the call to set things right. Heechul doesn’t even know why Siwon hasn’t made the call, because if he remembers correctly (and he always does), Siwon thinks the world of Geng and would do anything and everything to make him happy, yet he can’t call or send an email to say sorry or hi or even a fucking bye. Heechul doesn’t get it because this kind of stupidity is beyond him.
Geng is hurt, he wants to tell Siwon, beat it into his head, because you’re not talking to him.
But he doesn’t because Geng begs him not to, and he listens because it’s Geng and really, if Heechul wants to blame anyone, he blames Geng. Because if there’s anyone stupider than Siwon, it’s Geng. For falling for an idiot in the first place.
-
Ryeowook worries. Siwon hasn’t been himself since Geng left them. He’s lost, lonely, and Ryewook wishes he could do something but there’s nothing he can do to help because Siwon is pining for Geng who is a thousand miles away.
Hyung, he tells Siwon one day when they’re backstage preparing for a show, maybe you should take a break.
Siwon startles because he’d been spacing out and Ryeowook doesn’t miss the way he subconsciously reaches out to his left for a hand that isn’t there. His heart aches for the other because he remembers times when Siwon would reach out and Geng would be there and there would be smiles and laughter, not empty eyes and empty spaces.
Go to China, he says. Siwon stiffens but Heechul smiles and Ryeowook knows that this is how he can help.
Go to China, he repeats, he’s waiting.
The smile Heechul throws his way is almost blinding.
-
Siwon stares at his phone, Ryeowook’s words still ringing in his ears. Maybe he really does need a break. He’s been working too hard, trying to keep himself busy. He knows it’s not healthy - he’s nagged at Geng enough in the past to know, but what he really needs is to see Geng.
He’s scared. What if Geng hates him now? What if he doesn’t want to talk, see, be with Siwon anymore? They were so close, they’re so far apart now. It’s been months, and Siwon hasn’t said a word since he left. He knows Geng must’ve been hurt, but he’s probably moved past that and moved on because Geng is strong like that.
He flips his phone shut and closes his eyes. Is this really how he’s going to be the rest of his life?
He’s waiting.
He’s heard Heechul talk to Geng on the phone. Every time he does, his heart sinks a little and he feels sick because he wants to do that, he wants it to be him, knows it should be him, but Geng doesn’t know it because Siwon is an idiot and a coward and…
Geng is waiting. Even if it’s been five months, he knows Geng’s still waiting. Even if he’s late, Geng will wait.
Because Geng is perfect like that and Siwon can’t let him go.
-
Is your address still the same? Heechul asks the moment he answers the phone.
Yes?
Good.
There is a smirk and smugness in the voice and he wonders what the other boy is up to. Good? he echoes, What are you planning?
Heechul just laughs before hanging up. Geng stares at the phone, worried, because it’s been a while since Heechul has laughed like that and he’s a little scared.
-
Siwon doesn’t expect Heechul to still be awake so late at night, or for the paper that is shoved into his face.
Hyung? he calls out, more than a little confused because Heechul is already stomping back to his room.
The older boy waves him off and shuts the door behind him. Siwon looks at what’s written on the paper. It’s Geng’s address in Beijing (although Siwon already has that) and an unfamiliar number.
The first thing he does is dial Geng’s number that’s stored on his phone. It doesn’t connect. Because it’s not in service anymore. Siwon stares at his phone in horror, because how did it get to this? Geng changed his number and Siwon had no idea and this, this has got to stop.
He deletes the number, keys in the new one, and presses the call button.
He’s had enough.
-
Hello? Geng’s voice is muffled and sleepy and it squeezes his heart because he’s missed it so much.
Ge, his voice comes out less stable, more breathy and he’s just glad it doesn’t crack.
He hears shuffling and movement and then Geng’s voice is clearer and more awake, Shiyuan?
He clenches his fist at the wonder he hears in Geng’s voice and wants to hit himself. He put it there. He should’ve called sooner. He should’ve never stopped calling.
Why are you calling at this hour? Geng asks, It’s really late.
Siwon glances at the clock and realises with a start that yes, it’s nearly three in the morning and he really should’ve picked a better time.
Sorry! he hurries to apologise, annoyed that the first thing he does after so long is to mess up, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise the time…. he trails off as laughter, so familiar to him, carries over the line.
It’s okay, Geng tells him, why are you still up?
Siwon considers telling him the truth. That he misses him so much he can’t sleep at night, that when he does sleep he only dreams of Geng leaving, but instead he settles for, I wanted to tell you that I’m going to Beijing.
Geng makes that sound he always does when he’s surprised. It makes Siwon smile. You are? Again, that voice is filled with wonder and Siwon really hates himself for putting it there.
Yes, his voice is strong, firm this time. I’m taking the next available flight.
Oh. Geng sound hesitant, almost cautious as he asks, What are you coming to Beijing for?
Shit, Siwon thinks. So much damage. He wonders if things will ever be back to normal. He wants that, more than anything. But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want more.
I miss you, he says simply, and I want to see you. And apologise. For not coming sooner. He makes a face the moment he realises he hasn’t asked properly. Can I come see you?
He sleeps fitfully that night, Geng’s soothing voice and delighted laughter playing in his head.
-
The moment he sees Geng, his heart stops beating. Or at least he thinks it does because it does a leap and then there’s a lump in his throat and he feels like all the breath has been knocked out of him because Geng is here, in China, and he’s here, in China, and they’re finally together and Geng is more gorgeous than he’s ever been and Siwon wants to-
Shiyuan! the older man throws himself bodily into Siwon, who catches him easily and they spin around a little in the hallway outside Geng’s apartment, giddy with excitement.
Geng is the first to pull away, face flushed, eyes shining, a little breathless and so, so beautiful. We should go in first, he tells Siwon, the smile bright on his face.
Siwon knows his smile is just as bright as he follows Geng in eagerly. He’ll follow Geng anywhere.
Geng gestures at him to sit while he gets them both a drink but Siwon can’t bear to be apart and tails him, startling the Chinese boy when he turns away from the fridge.
Shiyuan! he laughs and Siwon can’t stand it anymore. He knows he probably should wait after he’s apologised and they’ve talked and maybe he should do this only after he’s confessed and Geng’s accepted but it’s been too long and he’s missed him so much that Siwon actually thinks what the hell, and pulls Geng in for a kiss.
When they part, Geng is staring at him, an unreadable expression on his face, while Siwon knows he’s frowning, because while Geng didn’t push him away, he didn’t kiss back either. He watches as Geng walks to the living room and follows. He always follows.
He sits down next to Geng who places the beer on the table before turning to him. Siwon swallows.
Beer is cold, is all Geng says before he leans in and kisses Siwon.
-
They talk after that. Siwon apologises for not calling, and Geng forgives. Geng apologises for leaving but Siwon silences him with a finger to his lips, telling him that that’s not something to be sorry for and isn’t he happy now?
He catches the lone tear from the corner of Geng’s eye with his thumb.
I just want you to be happy, he tells Geng for the first time since all this started.
Yes, Geng murmurs.
I love you, he watches Geng closely, more than anything. When you left, a part of me died. He holds Geng’s hands in his. I want to be with you.
Geng’s smile is so soft, so gentle, so sweet it tugs at his heart.
Ge, he leans in closer, unable to resist.
Shiyuan, Geng stops him, one hand against his chest, the other brushing his cheek tenderly, you make me complete.
And Siwon doesn’t know how a heart could break and mend at the same time but it did.
-
Yah, so finally together? Heechul’s voice is too demanding this early in the morning. Siwon groans and from next to him, Geng buries his head under his pillow. I know you can both hear me, you’re just too lazy to pick up the phone. Or maybe too sore? They can hear the leer in his voice. Siwonnie, you shouldn’t be so rough. It’s Geng’s first time… Geng throws something at the phone but he misses completely, head still under the pillow. Heechul’s voice continues to filter through, But all I can say is that it’s about time! If you had confessed years ago, Siwonnie, you wouldn’t have been pining for -
Heechul’s voice is cut off abruptly as Siwon presses the mute button.
Go back to sleep, he whispers to Geng, stroking his back gently.
I need to wake up soon, Geng’s voice is muffled and Siwon smiles because it’s adorable the way the older boy is talking into the mattress while buried under his pillow. I’ve got dancing.
Siwon remembers a conversation long ago about dancing and freedom and happiness. You’re dancing now? His voice is teasing, because he knows the answer already.
Geng removes the pillow so that Siwon can see his smile. Yes, I’m dancing, and I’m happy. He reaches up to tweak Siwon’s nose. And I’m free.
Siwon’s grin turns into a smirk as he leans in close. Well then, I’ll help myself. Since you’re not taken.
I’m not a buffet! Geng nearly squeals as he tries to wriggle away. And I’m already taken!
I’ll just have to wait till you’re free again then.
Won’t happen, Geng’s eyes are twinking, his lips teasing and Siwon really wants to kiss him.
Why not? He plays along, eyes following every movement of the body beneath him.
Because this is forever.
Siwon stares into Geng’s eyes and he recognises what he’s seeing because it’s the same thing Geng can see in his eyes. I’ll never leave you, he promises, this is forever.
And he kisses Geng because he’s done with talking and teasing and playing. Geng kisses back.
They’re happy.
They’re free.
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