Paid in Full - Part 2
Jared nails a huge test during midterms and does really well on reports that he had turned in the week before, so to celebrate they end up at a local bar just a few blocks down from where they live. Jensen thinks it’s the last place where he’ll run into anyone but of course, there’re tons of people from work and a few students from Jared’s classes. They get separated, being pulled in opposite directions and Jensen is forced to make awkward conversation yet again. These guys are stuffy, balding, and tell really bad jokes. Jensen thinks they’re all at the bar to avoid going home to their wives, much like the clients he represents.
It takes Jared thirty minutes to find him, and then with a warm hand on Jensen’s shoulder they fight their way towards the bar. He turns his back to the kids from his class, orders two and slides a bottle to Jensen.
“Aren’t those your friends over there?”
“Not really, just ‘cause they’re in some of my classes doesn’t mean I like to hang out with ‘em. I’d much rather be over here.”
“Just promise to save me again if I get dragged over to the lawyer table again. Jesus, they’re fucking boring.”
“Deal.” Jared toasts to that, clinking his bottle neck to the one sitting in front of Jensen. “Now drink up so we can get the hell outta here and go drink back at my place.”
“Is it weird that we don’t find each other annoying?” Jensen asks while he takes a pull, looking around at all the other groups of guys in the bar being loud and obnoxious. “I kinda want to punch everyone else I come in contact with.”
“Aw, that’s sweet.” Jared laughs. “In a really weird, violent kinda way. And most people are annoying assholes so I can relate. And just wait, I’m sure I’ll get on your nerves sooner or later.”
Jensen doesn’t say anything. He really doubts it. He watches as Jared knocks back the rest of the bottle and starts to ramble, about what Jensen’s really not too sure because he’s very much distracted by Jared’s lips, slick from the beer and the color of a soft pink, which Jensen can only dare describe as plush and very kissable.
“What’s up?” Jared asks, noticing Jensen’s gaze practically glued to his mouth. “Do I have something in my grill?” Then he smiles real big and starts picking at his teeth.
It ruins the momentary lapse of attraction and Jensen laughs a little, shaking his head.
“Oh. Good. Hey, does that mean we’re like, friends now? How cool is that? We can be BFFs and everything, share all of our secrets, braid each other’s hair, paint each other’s toes.” Jared flutters his eyelashes and it’s all so ridiculous.
“Oh god, you getting on my nerves? It’s starting already. I take back everything I just said. Also? I wouldn’t get near your crazy toes even if you paid me.”
Jared drops his mouth in shock and then frowns. “You’d have to if you want to maintain our BFF status. Don’t you want that, Jensen? I’m an awesome friend.”
Yes, Jensen really does. More than anything. He’d take anything Jared offered to him and probably always want so much more, but he’ll always fight to admit it, even to himself. “Fine, you big baby. Also, you’re a giant girl.”
Jared lets out a happy “Whoop!” and smiles bright and wide. Jensen can’t help but to laugh and shake his head at his friend.
“Hey Jared, what kind of ship never sinks?”
“What kind?”
“Friendship.”
Jared throws his head back and laughs so hard that half the bar crowd is smiling at him.
When he finally quits his hysterical giggles, Jared leans in all close, “D’aw, that was so sweet. It’s like you wrote me a little friendship poem. And now who’s the girl?”
Jensen just shrugs. He’s okay with it.
Weeks go by and Jensen doesn’t hear any moaning or banging from the headboard coming from Jared’s place. He figures maybe Jared’s having a dry spell or maybe he’s really busy with school.
It’s not like it matters at all, too much, it’s just something Jensen’s noticed and made a happy mental note of.
He still comes over every weekend to watch Dexter, but that’s been the extent of it. Jared’s schedule is super hectic with finals and Jensen saw the stress lines all around Jared’s face last time he was over. The worry creases in his forehead and the tightness of his smile, never reaching his eyes and causing that distinctive little spark of energy in the blue-green hazel to disappear.
And Jensen really does remember those days, how incredibly crappy they were. When all life consisted of was studying, class, shitty food, a wink of sleep and nothing else. Except Jensen had Noah to get him through most of his last year of law school, always there to massage those tension headaches away and run out to get coffee, make dinner and do the laundry, whatever Jensen was too busy to do, hell even think about. And to watch Jared to go through it alone, without even support from his ma and pa, it well… it just kind of sucks.
So Jensen figures he’s a pretty nice guy and while he doesn’t want Jared to get the wrong idea, he starts helping in ways that he hopes will maybe help without Jared realizing what he’s doing.
If Jensen cooks up a big pot of chili and bakes entirely too much cornbread, it’s not by coincidence, but he’ll say it is as he knocks on Jared’s door.
“Hey, Jensen.” It comes out as a sigh of relief, probably for the distraction. Jared looks exhausted, hair all out of place and clothes rumpled into wrinkles.
Jensen smiles, wants to give him a big hug but holds out his care package instead. “Hi. Made too much dinner tonight. Thought you might wanna taste.”
“Are you serious? That smells so fucking good.” Jared makes a grab for it and heads back to the kitchen, leaving the front door wide open as an invite. “I was about to eat my own arm, I’m so god damn hungry but I can’t stop writing this paper.”
“What’re you writing about?” Jensen asks, taking in the messy living room with books and clothes scattered all over the furniture.
“I have to write a business analysis using financial statements.” Jared takes a big bite of chili and moans around his spoon. “Holy crap, this is good.”
Jensen lets out a low chuckle and picks up a dirty t-shirt from the coffee table. “I’m glad you like it. There’s a whole lot more at my place if you get hungry in a few hours.”
“Yeah? Thanks, man.” Jared smiles, true and wide, and stretches his arms way over his head causing his shirt to ride up his flat stomach. “Feels good to take a break, actually. I’ve been at this all day.”
“I should let you get back to it, then. Don’t wanna distract you n’all.” Jensen hesitates by the door, takes another look around and can feel Jared’s gaze on him.
“Jensen? What’s up?”
“Look, this might sound really weird, but I remember how shitty finals week can be. So if you, ya know, need anything, like a cup of coffee or whatever, I’m just next door. Doing nothing.” Jensen adds with a grin.
Jared is practically beaming with the offer. “Cup of coffee sounds great. Maybe, in like an hour or two? I’ll need another pick me up by then.”
“Sure. I’ll be there. See you later.” Jensen’s smooth when he leaves, but he has to really try because all he wants to do is dance around like an idiot. It’s nice to feel needed again, to help someone out, even if it’s something simple like a cup of coffee. It reminds him of a time when he was happy and could share it with someone. And even if it’s just a false fantasy he’s having, it still makes that sweet little tingle in his stomach start to twist with warmth, a simple flutter he hasn’t felt in a long while.
Jensen doesn’t see much of Jared throughout the holidays. He went back to California to visit his mom for Thanksgiving and stayed all the way to New Year. Jared ended up getting high grades on his finals and when he met with his advisor, they discovered that he could graduate a semester early if he wanted to. Of course, Jared was all about it so he went home one last time before sinking into a brand new job.
Jensen was sad to see him go, but put a brave face on and when Jared slipped him a piece of paper with his phone number on it, he could feel the beaming smile form on face.
“Ya know, in case my place catches on fire or something.” Jared says, the day before he leaves. “Seriously though, you should have this for emergencies and I should get yours too.”
So they exchange numbers and Jared wraps Jensen up in those big arms of his before he has to get packed. “Have good holidays, Jen. Enjoy yourself some, try’n get out.” He winks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe try to get some too, huh?”
“Jackass.” Jensen slaps Jared on the back fondly, and maybe tightens his hold just a little.
It’s a really long month while Jared is gone and Jensen tries so hard not to think about it, about his stupid neighbor who Jensen had grown used to. Because the reality is that Jensen does need to get out and meet new people, he just doesn’t have the strength to face the world. He doesn’t want to embark on a journey when there’s no map to guide him. He’d much rather have someone shove him in the right direction, steer him towards the different destinations that are out there. And there’s one person in particular that makes the unknown a little less scary. So Jensen figures he’ll wait until Jared gets back and then he promises himself he’ll get out.
In the meantime, Jared texts him at least once every few days while he’s gone. Things like…
There’re too many people in California. They all suck at driving. Traffic sucks.
My mom is making me go insane. You might have to take me to the nut house when I get back
Good cooking though
My sister is on a softball team! Still not butch… ok, maybe a little. She just beat me up
You know that little coffee place on Briar Hill? I could really go for a latte from there.
I miss home.
I miss you.
The last one comes on New Year’s Eve and it hits Jensen with a force that probably shouldn’t be there for his own good. He has only known the guy for a few months now and Jensen knows he could fall hard if he lets himself. A whole three minutes goes by before Jensen texts back.
I miss you too.
“I’m home!”
Jensen left his front door open for this exact reason. He knew Jared would want to announce his arrival home and didn’t want to miss it.
“Hey! How was the flight?”
“I felt like a pretzel the entire time, but other than that, not too bad. How’s everything here? How’re you? Is the old lady upstairs still alive? God, I feel like I missed tons of stuff. How’s the--”
“Jared.” Jensen laughs. “Seriously, everything’s fine. Same old, same old. I promise you didn’t miss anything.”
“Really?” Jared frowns and then narrows his eyes. “Did you see the new Air Bender movie without me?”
“No, I said we’d see it together, you dork. I didn’t sneak off and watch it, I waited for you.”
Jared is extremely satisfied. “Okay then.”
“So how was the trip?” Jensen asks. He sets out two coffee cups and starts to pour. “How’s your mom doing? The family?”
Jared plops down on the couch and shucks off his sandals before putting his bare feet on the coffee table. “Dude, not great. My mom just does not look good. I mean, it’s been four years since my dad passed away and I thought she’d be more like herself by now, ya know? But I think she’s getting weaker and she’s depressed. It just sucked seeing her like that.” Jared rubs a hand down his face.
“She lives alone?”
“Yeah. Right now she does. It’s too expensive for me to move back there, but my brother might take her in for awhile. She’s gonna be pissed leaving the house she and dad built together. We just don’t know what else to do.”
“It’ll all come together, Jay. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Jared closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his head falling back to the couch cushion. “Feels good to be home.”
Jensen gives him a hard squeeze on the shoulder and goes to the kitchen for more coffee. Home. God, he would love for Jared to consider his place home. Or even consider Jensen to be home, he’s not picky.
“So I guess I have some news…” Jensen starts after he gives Jared a few minutes of silence.
“Mmm?” Jared’s barely conscious and now Jensen feels bad for not letting him fall asleep.
“I kinda made partner last week.”
“Really?” Jared’s wide awake now. “Jen, that’s great! Congrats, man! You shoulda told me! So what does that mean now? You already work your ass off. Wait, you don’t have to move, right? ‘Cause that would really suck.”
“No, no, I don’t have to move.” Jensen laughs. He wants to run his hand through Jared’s hair so badly, but sits down next to him instead. “It’s just longer hours, more responsibility, better pay. The usual. I might have to travel more.”
“Can I stay here when you go outta town? You’re place is way nicer than mine.” Jared snuggles further down into the couch and lets out a huge yawn.
“We have the exact same townhouse.”
“Nicer stuff than mine.”
And that’s true. Jared’s place is kind of a pigsty. “You can stay here for as long as you want.” And Jensen means that, probably more than he should.
Jared yawns again, but starts to get up. “I need to shower and go to bed. Big week ahead.”
“When does the job start?”
“On Monday. I can’t believe I have to start out as a fucking secretary. I have a degree and I’m gonna be making less than I did mowing lawns when I was a kid.”
“I’m sure it’ll only be for a few months. Gotta start somewhere, right?” Jensen says, walking with Jared towards the door.
“Guess so. When does the new being a kick-ass partner start?”
“Already has. It was a pretty quick transition since one of the senior lawyers retired a few weeks ago and I had to pick up the slack.”
Jared nods and yawns again. He slumps his entire body down on Jensen to hug it out and Jensen struggles with the unexpected weight. Another big inhale and Jared lets it out slowly, his nose pressed to Jensen’s temple. “So good to be home.”
Jensen rushes past Jared’s open door and shouts, “I’m late, I’m sorry! Did I miss the kick off?” as he jams the key in his front door, fiddles with the lock for a second too long and throws his briefcase on the chair as soon as he’s inside his place.
“No, you jerkface.” Jared says with a smile and a plate of hamburgers, pushing his way through the living room. “And you promised you’d be on time.”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Fucking reports wouldn’t cooperate and then this guy, I think he picked up on the fact that I’m gay, keeps staring me down like I’m a piece of meat and like, distracting me with these stupid jokes until I finally had to throw him outta my office so I could get some work done and then the computer fucking crashed right before I’m leaving and I needed these statements like, fucking yesterday--”
“Jensen, just breathe man, its fine.” Jared pats him on the shoulder. “And turn on the tube, will ya? Game’s about to start.”
And Jensen wants to keep rambling about how awful his day was, but god, Jared doesn’t care. Jared doesn’t give a damn and doesn’t want to hear about the freak in the mail room or how often his printer jams. Jensen remembers the glazed over look Noah used to get when he came home from school talking all about property settlement agreements or litigations, going off about whatever he learned that day and a little of him thinks that’s another reason Noah left him. Because Jensen can be fucking boring.
“Right, shit. Yeah, sorry. I’ll get the TV, there’s some beers in the fridge.”
Jared yawns and settles into the couch with a napkin tucked into the collar of his shirt and takes a big bite of hamburger. A blob of ketchup falls and lands in the middle of the paper towel. It’s funny and something so Jared that Jensen feels his bad mood lift.
“Long day getting a bunch of asshole’s coffee?”
Jensen smirks at Jared’s eye roll and even though no one wants to hear about his shitty life, he’ll always want to listen how Jared’s day went.
“Oh god, don’t get me started. Wanna know why I’m so tired? Because I spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing. I almost fell asleep five different times at my desk. I got twenty cups of coffee. Oh! I did get to open the mail today. That was new and exciting.” Jared crosses his legs and brushes a hand through his hair. “I swear dude, if they don’t give me some actual responsibility soon, I’m gonna lose it.”
“Just hang in there. Gotta prove yourself first.” Jensen advises.
Jared huffs an agreement. “I’m not used to having all this time on my hands either. I kinda miss being busy.”
“You complained about homework and studying none stop.”
“Yeah well. I thought we’d be hangin’ out more but no, you have to go get yourself a stupid cool job with actual things to do.”
Figures, Jensen thinks. Now Jared actually has time to hang out, he’s busy as all hell. Down playing never hurt anyone though and Jensen decides to do just that.
“Oh yeah. Fighting off Chester in the mail room all day is really important.”
“Chester?” Jared laughs. “Chester wants your body!” He sings and then gets quickly distracted by the television. “Fumble! Did you see that?”
“We so got this game in the bag.” Jensen burps loudly and kicks up his feet too. Jared beams at him, finally relaxing more. Jensen might have an all important job now, but at this moment, Jared is his main priority.
They watch the game for a few minutes and then Jared starts yapping again, never able to keep quiet for very long. “So what else happened at work today?”
“Um…” Jensen thinks about the new client he’s representing and how he actually feels bad for her. Her asshole husband filed for divorce because she can’t get pregnant. Jensen doesn’t want to be a downer though, and he really doesn’t want that smile to disappear from Jared’s face. “Nothing too exciting.”
Jared turns back to the television and flips the remote in his hand. “Got any plans this weekend?”
“Actually, I’m going under the knife.” Jensen says seriously. “Major surgery Saturday morning.”
“What? For real?” The remote drops onto the couch, suddenly forgotten and Jared’s expression becomes so sincere and worried.
Jensen smiles and points to his mouth. “I have to get a crown.”
“Oh. Pssh.” Jared rolls his eyes and mutters something about being a baby. “You need to cut out the gummy bears.”
“Are you crazy? Gummy bears are sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day.”
“Gummy shit is nasty. Now skittles on the other hand? Talk about party in my mouth.”
Oh how Jensen would love to experience anything to do with Jared and his mouth.
“What time’s your appointment?”
“Eight in the morning. Luckily I found a dentist that works a Saturday once a month.” Jensen stretches and fights off a yawn, already beat from a long week.
“You wanna go to a movie on Sunday if you feel up to it?”
“Yeah, that sounds like something.” Jensen can’t believe how tired he is and realizes now he never should’ve sat down. He should get up and move around a little; otherwise he’ll end up dead to the world.
“Jense? You gonna fall asleep on me, man?”
“Nope.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Mmm. Maybe.” It comes out softly and Jensen thinks he should be a little embarrassed. But then he feels Jared’s hand on top of his head for half a second, a soothing little pat, and Jensen fights against his tired eyes, lazily watches the game and enjoys the comfort quiet.
That Saturday Jensen spends almost two hours with his mouth stretched open, pain seeping from his jaw and forming into a pounding headache while he sits reclined in a dentist chair.
Essentially, the start of his weekend completely sucks.
Jared, however, is there when Jensen gets home with a cautious smile and a huge blueberry smoothie.
“I cooked!”
Jensen tries to musters up a small smile until he remembers his swollen lips. “I think I’m gonna go ahead and die now.”
“Want some Advil?” Jared asks as he moves through the house right at Jensen’s heels.
Jensen shuffles into the living room. “Yeah, please.” He goes to the couch and sinks down, cradles his chin the best he can.
Somehow Jared knows Jensen keeps the pain medicine in the cabinet with the coffee cups. “Here. Take these.”
“Thanks.” Jensen swallows the pills and closes his eyes. “Don’t you have better things to do today?”
“Not really. All my friends graduated and moved away or have real jobs or ya know, have a real family. I guess I’m stuck with your ass.”
Jensen curls more into a pillow. “I feel really bad for you.”
“I feel bad for me too. You’re not much fun right now. And now I’ll have to go to the gym because you can’t distract me.”
Slowly, Jensen opens his eyes at that. “I’m in agonizing pain. A little sympathy here?”
Jared sighs and throws a blanket over Jensen’s body. “It’s worth the pain when your pearly whites are still pretty. Want me to do anything?”
There’s plenty Jensen would like from Jared but nothing’s coming to mind that would be appropriate to say. Instead he shakes his head and gives a pitiful frown.
“You’re probably just gonna pass out anyway.” Jared decides.” I guess I’ll leave you alone. Let me know when you’re drooling less and able to talk without a lisp. Not sexy, man.”
Jensen gives him the finger, then feels Jared patting his arm and a moment later chuckling on the way out.
Turns out that Jared is a little liar. He does have friends that he sometimes still hangs out with. Hot friends too, who like to play basketball at the park around the corner. Friends that get all sweaty and take their shirts off, which then inclines Jared to take off his shirt too and strut around like a fucking hot ass.
After Jared’s constant whining that they needed a sixth player, Jensen’s joined in a few games by now, not minding the accidental groping at all and actually encourages it in any way he can. He’ll hog the ball and foul, then just laugh it off like it wasn’t on purpose. Jared, of course, starts to catch on.
They’re walking back home and the afternoon sun is hot on Jensen’s back. Jared’s dribbling the basketball down the sidewalk as they go, t-shirt stuck in the waistband of his shorts and sunglasses pushed on top of his head.
“Dude, you realize it’s never gonna happen, right?”
“What’s never gonna happen?”
“Uh…” Jared scratches at his temple. “Hold on, I gotta figure out a way to put this delicately.”
“Well just put it anyway you want. M’ not sensitive.” Jensen steals the ball and spins it on his index finger. Yeah, he’s got some skills.
“My friends aren’t gay, man.”
Jensen throws a side glance, still keeping one eye on the ball. “You sure about that?”
“Craig has had the same girlfriend since high school, Aaron is married, Rick is engaged and Nick is just a douche so even if he was gay, you probably shouldn’t date him.”
That’s true. Craig has a dark and handsome thing going for him, brown skin and chestnut colored eyes. Jensen would totally be down to date the guy because he’s just so damn nice but he’s pretty sure wedding bells are ringing. And Aaron is a dork but actually a really good basketball player, the gold band always tight around his ring finger. All Rick can do is complain about how expensive the flowers are and the honeymoon will be after the wedding. Nick is just a snarky bastard.
“Yeah, okay, okay.” Jensen mumbles and tosses the ball back to Jared. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t cop a feel once n’awhile, right?” He smiles large and playful, tries to hold in a laugh at the glare he gets.
“Look, if you gotta grope on someone just do it on me okay?” Jared says. “I probably won’t even notice and if I do, I promise not to punch you in that purty face of yours.”
Damnit. Jared knows that Jensen would never sink that low. Well, not yet anyway.
“Besides, we gotta get you some action.” Jared throws a sweaty arm across Jensen’s shoulders and pulls him in. “Otherwise your dick’s gonna shrivel up and die.”
“My dick is anything but shriveled, you asswipe. And you’re right, I do want some action but I don’t want the unnecessary drama. I’m not stupid, I know I can’t get one without the other.” Jensen also knows he’s a little bit lying to himself right now. Because if he could have sex with Jared and still be friends like they are? It’d be pretty perfect. But way too easy, and things aren’t that easy in Jensen’s life.
“Sure you can,” Jared says, the weight of his arm still heavy. “You just gotta find the right guy. I’m sure there’s a dude out there for ya. Maybe he’d have to be a little retarded, maybe a little deformed--”
“Like you?”
“That’s not what your mama said last night.”
“Jerk off.” Jensen shoves at Jared, which doesn’t move him even an inch, the fucking human brick wall.
“Exactly. Jerking off is bad. Getting laid is good!” This time Jared actually rubs at his arm where Jensen punches him.
By now they’ve reached their place and Jensen is pulling his key out from his shoe. “I don’t see why you’re so concerned about my sex life when you have your own to worry about.”
“Hey man, the ladies ain’t complainin’ about nothin’ round here.” Jared stretches his arms over his head and flexes, all his muscles bulging and abs becoming more defined.
Jensen rolls his eyes as he heads into the kitchen for some water. “Yeah well. Seems like the girls haven’t been ‘round at all lately.”
Jared’s rooting around in Jensen’s refrigerator and suddenly he freezes. “And how would you know that?”
“Uh. These walls ain’t so thick, Jay-man.” And then Jensen goes for the kill and makes mock mattress squeaking noises in that perfect tempo that only can mean one thing.
“Are you serious right now?” Jared’s face instantly flushes and his mouth hangs open in shock. “Tell me you’re kidding.”
Jensen takes a long drink of water and lets out a satisfying sigh as he pushes past Jared to the living room. “Oh I’m so not kidding.”
“How much did you hear!?”
Stretching out on the couch, Jensen clears his throat for maximum performance. “Ohhhh Jared, oh yeah baby, right there, oh fuck, you’re soooo good, oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD.”
Jared shakes his head in disbelief. “Yep, that’s a perfect impression of Erica all right.”
“You’re very quiet when you have sex.” Jensen says. “You should learn to let go more. Didn’t hear a peep outta you.” He lies again. Might as well not make an awkward situation worse.
“Yeah, I’ll get right on that, sex-pert. Fuck, that’s so embarrassing.”
“Nah. What’s really embarrassing is the headboard banging against the wall. That’s the really bad part.”
“Okay,” Jared puts his hand over Jensen’s mouth and pushes before crawling onto the recliner. “You can stop now.”
Jensen snickers. “Sorry. But seriously, it was only one or two times. Don’t even worry about it. You wanna know what’s really worse? Fucking hearing your parents in the room right above you, dude, that’s like life damaging right there.”
“Oh god.” Jared winces and fakes gag. “That’s gross.”
“So what happened to this Erica?” Jensen asks, not sure if he really wants to know. Jared’s never talked about old girlfriends before and it’s new territory. Not like Jensen would ever have a chance with Jared. That’s why he likes him so much, purely because he’s safe. A safe crush that will go absolutely nowhere.
Jensen’s seen what being in a relationship can do to people. It destroys them from inside out. It transforms people into these needy, groveling, disgusting excuses for human beings. He never wants to be with someone for so long that it changes him. And it happens. He's seen it. And it’s the scariest shit he has ever witnessed. Fucking psychotic is how people turn. And god damn, the stupid things married couples on the brink of divorce will fight about are the most idiotic, shameful, selfish shit he’s ever heard of. Luckily he got out from his relationship with Noah before it got that destructive. Honestly, Jensen’s surprised Noah managed to worm his way into Jensen’s life at all. It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens again though. Especially because the aftermath of Noah still stings.
“Erica, Erica, Erica.” Jared starts and presses the cold water bottle to his forehead. “She was this girl in my finance class who liked me.”
“Obviously.” Jensen points out with a smirk.
Jared glares again.
“Sorry, keep going.”
“There’s not much to tell.” Jared stops and tilts his head thoughtfully.”Jensen, do you remember what my typical day looked like when I was in school?”
Jensen thinks about the question. “Well you’d get up at the ass crack of dawn sometimes to go for a run before class. Get home, shower, go to school, have class all day, go to the library, come home, maybe go to a night class or to the gym, dinner, some video games, study, and sleep.”
“Uh huh. And where in that schedule does that fit a girlfriend?”
“Ah.” Jensen understands now. “Kinda like my life right now. Couldn’t find the time, huh?”
“Oh Erica found tons of time for me to be with her. She wanted me to give up my runs, going to the gym, basketball games...”
“Everything important to you.”
“Yep.” Jared nods. “Girls dig the way I look but hate all the time I spend at the gym. So I just found some random hookups to get me by until my workload let up a little bit.”
“And now?” Jensen asks. “You’re not that busy anymore. You could handle it.” And it kills Jensen to say this. He doesn’t want some girl to take Jared away from him, not this soon after getting to know him.
Jared leans his head back on a pillow and sighs. “Maybe you’re right. Just the thought of dating though. It’s so much work.”
Jensen laughs. “Try dating guys and you’ll never have to buy flowers or sit through a crappy chick flick ever again.”
When Jared finally retreats next door and Jensen slips under the sheets on his bed, it’s only then that he realizes that Jared can just smile and wink to change the subject in a conversation whenever he wants and that’s exactly what he did a few hours ago. After talking about relationships and possibilities, gay options included, they somehow got to playing video games for a about an hour, had dinner together, and Jared had gone home. Jensen’s too tired to think about it now, his body sore from playing ball so hard and he has to get up early in the morning.
Just as he’s about to fall asleep, a banging noise filters through the wall. Then there’s exaggerated moaning mixed with Jared’s stupid laugh and Jensen can’t keep the smile from his face. He groans as he reaches for his phone.
Jensen to Jared: Stop that, u freak!
All the noise immediately stops and Jared just texts back a dumb smiley face. Jensen pounds on the wall shared between them once and a double knock comes back soon after.
Jensen figures its Jared’s way of saying good night.
Part 3
It takes Jared thirty minutes to find him, and then with a warm hand on Jensen’s shoulder they fight their way towards the bar. He turns his back to the kids from his class, orders two and slides a bottle to Jensen.
“Aren’t those your friends over there?”
“Not really, just ‘cause they’re in some of my classes doesn’t mean I like to hang out with ‘em. I’d much rather be over here.”
“Just promise to save me again if I get dragged over to the lawyer table again. Jesus, they’re fucking boring.”
“Deal.” Jared toasts to that, clinking his bottle neck to the one sitting in front of Jensen. “Now drink up so we can get the hell outta here and go drink back at my place.”
“Is it weird that we don’t find each other annoying?” Jensen asks while he takes a pull, looking around at all the other groups of guys in the bar being loud and obnoxious. “I kinda want to punch everyone else I come in contact with.”
“Aw, that’s sweet.” Jared laughs. “In a really weird, violent kinda way. And most people are annoying assholes so I can relate. And just wait, I’m sure I’ll get on your nerves sooner or later.”
Jensen doesn’t say anything. He really doubts it. He watches as Jared knocks back the rest of the bottle and starts to ramble, about what Jensen’s really not too sure because he’s very much distracted by Jared’s lips, slick from the beer and the color of a soft pink, which Jensen can only dare describe as plush and very kissable.
“What’s up?” Jared asks, noticing Jensen’s gaze practically glued to his mouth. “Do I have something in my grill?” Then he smiles real big and starts picking at his teeth.
It ruins the momentary lapse of attraction and Jensen laughs a little, shaking his head.
“Oh. Good. Hey, does that mean we’re like, friends now? How cool is that? We can be BFFs and everything, share all of our secrets, braid each other’s hair, paint each other’s toes.” Jared flutters his eyelashes and it’s all so ridiculous.
“Oh god, you getting on my nerves? It’s starting already. I take back everything I just said. Also? I wouldn’t get near your crazy toes even if you paid me.”
Jared drops his mouth in shock and then frowns. “You’d have to if you want to maintain our BFF status. Don’t you want that, Jensen? I’m an awesome friend.”
Yes, Jensen really does. More than anything. He’d take anything Jared offered to him and probably always want so much more, but he’ll always fight to admit it, even to himself. “Fine, you big baby. Also, you’re a giant girl.”
Jared lets out a happy “Whoop!” and smiles bright and wide. Jensen can’t help but to laugh and shake his head at his friend.
“Hey Jared, what kind of ship never sinks?”
“What kind?”
“Friendship.”
Jared throws his head back and laughs so hard that half the bar crowd is smiling at him.
When he finally quits his hysterical giggles, Jared leans in all close, “D’aw, that was so sweet. It’s like you wrote me a little friendship poem. And now who’s the girl?”
Jensen just shrugs. He’s okay with it.
Weeks go by and Jensen doesn’t hear any moaning or banging from the headboard coming from Jared’s place. He figures maybe Jared’s having a dry spell or maybe he’s really busy with school.
It’s not like it matters at all, too much, it’s just something Jensen’s noticed and made a happy mental note of.
He still comes over every weekend to watch Dexter, but that’s been the extent of it. Jared’s schedule is super hectic with finals and Jensen saw the stress lines all around Jared’s face last time he was over. The worry creases in his forehead and the tightness of his smile, never reaching his eyes and causing that distinctive little spark of energy in the blue-green hazel to disappear.
And Jensen really does remember those days, how incredibly crappy they were. When all life consisted of was studying, class, shitty food, a wink of sleep and nothing else. Except Jensen had Noah to get him through most of his last year of law school, always there to massage those tension headaches away and run out to get coffee, make dinner and do the laundry, whatever Jensen was too busy to do, hell even think about. And to watch Jared to go through it alone, without even support from his ma and pa, it well… it just kind of sucks.
So Jensen figures he’s a pretty nice guy and while he doesn’t want Jared to get the wrong idea, he starts helping in ways that he hopes will maybe help without Jared realizing what he’s doing.
If Jensen cooks up a big pot of chili and bakes entirely too much cornbread, it’s not by coincidence, but he’ll say it is as he knocks on Jared’s door.
“Hey, Jensen.” It comes out as a sigh of relief, probably for the distraction. Jared looks exhausted, hair all out of place and clothes rumpled into wrinkles.
Jensen smiles, wants to give him a big hug but holds out his care package instead. “Hi. Made too much dinner tonight. Thought you might wanna taste.”
“Are you serious? That smells so fucking good.” Jared makes a grab for it and heads back to the kitchen, leaving the front door wide open as an invite. “I was about to eat my own arm, I’m so god damn hungry but I can’t stop writing this paper.”
“What’re you writing about?” Jensen asks, taking in the messy living room with books and clothes scattered all over the furniture.
“I have to write a business analysis using financial statements.” Jared takes a big bite of chili and moans around his spoon. “Holy crap, this is good.”
Jensen lets out a low chuckle and picks up a dirty t-shirt from the coffee table. “I’m glad you like it. There’s a whole lot more at my place if you get hungry in a few hours.”
“Yeah? Thanks, man.” Jared smiles, true and wide, and stretches his arms way over his head causing his shirt to ride up his flat stomach. “Feels good to take a break, actually. I’ve been at this all day.”
“I should let you get back to it, then. Don’t wanna distract you n’all.” Jensen hesitates by the door, takes another look around and can feel Jared’s gaze on him.
“Jensen? What’s up?”
“Look, this might sound really weird, but I remember how shitty finals week can be. So if you, ya know, need anything, like a cup of coffee or whatever, I’m just next door. Doing nothing.” Jensen adds with a grin.
Jared is practically beaming with the offer. “Cup of coffee sounds great. Maybe, in like an hour or two? I’ll need another pick me up by then.”
“Sure. I’ll be there. See you later.” Jensen’s smooth when he leaves, but he has to really try because all he wants to do is dance around like an idiot. It’s nice to feel needed again, to help someone out, even if it’s something simple like a cup of coffee. It reminds him of a time when he was happy and could share it with someone. And even if it’s just a false fantasy he’s having, it still makes that sweet little tingle in his stomach start to twist with warmth, a simple flutter he hasn’t felt in a long while.
Jensen doesn’t see much of Jared throughout the holidays. He went back to California to visit his mom for Thanksgiving and stayed all the way to New Year. Jared ended up getting high grades on his finals and when he met with his advisor, they discovered that he could graduate a semester early if he wanted to. Of course, Jared was all about it so he went home one last time before sinking into a brand new job.
Jensen was sad to see him go, but put a brave face on and when Jared slipped him a piece of paper with his phone number on it, he could feel the beaming smile form on face.
“Ya know, in case my place catches on fire or something.” Jared says, the day before he leaves. “Seriously though, you should have this for emergencies and I should get yours too.”
So they exchange numbers and Jared wraps Jensen up in those big arms of his before he has to get packed. “Have good holidays, Jen. Enjoy yourself some, try’n get out.” He winks and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Maybe try to get some too, huh?”
“Jackass.” Jensen slaps Jared on the back fondly, and maybe tightens his hold just a little.
It’s a really long month while Jared is gone and Jensen tries so hard not to think about it, about his stupid neighbor who Jensen had grown used to. Because the reality is that Jensen does need to get out and meet new people, he just doesn’t have the strength to face the world. He doesn’t want to embark on a journey when there’s no map to guide him. He’d much rather have someone shove him in the right direction, steer him towards the different destinations that are out there. And there’s one person in particular that makes the unknown a little less scary. So Jensen figures he’ll wait until Jared gets back and then he promises himself he’ll get out.
In the meantime, Jared texts him at least once every few days while he’s gone. Things like…
There’re too many people in California. They all suck at driving. Traffic sucks.
My mom is making me go insane. You might have to take me to the nut house when I get back
Good cooking though
My sister is on a softball team! Still not butch… ok, maybe a little. She just beat me up
You know that little coffee place on Briar Hill? I could really go for a latte from there.
I miss home.
I miss you.
The last one comes on New Year’s Eve and it hits Jensen with a force that probably shouldn’t be there for his own good. He has only known the guy for a few months now and Jensen knows he could fall hard if he lets himself. A whole three minutes goes by before Jensen texts back.
I miss you too.
“I’m home!”
Jensen left his front door open for this exact reason. He knew Jared would want to announce his arrival home and didn’t want to miss it.
“Hey! How was the flight?”
“I felt like a pretzel the entire time, but other than that, not too bad. How’s everything here? How’re you? Is the old lady upstairs still alive? God, I feel like I missed tons of stuff. How’s the--”
“Jared.” Jensen laughs. “Seriously, everything’s fine. Same old, same old. I promise you didn’t miss anything.”
“Really?” Jared frowns and then narrows his eyes. “Did you see the new Air Bender movie without me?”
“No, I said we’d see it together, you dork. I didn’t sneak off and watch it, I waited for you.”
Jared is extremely satisfied. “Okay then.”
“So how was the trip?” Jensen asks. He sets out two coffee cups and starts to pour. “How’s your mom doing? The family?”
Jared plops down on the couch and shucks off his sandals before putting his bare feet on the coffee table. “Dude, not great. My mom just does not look good. I mean, it’s been four years since my dad passed away and I thought she’d be more like herself by now, ya know? But I think she’s getting weaker and she’s depressed. It just sucked seeing her like that.” Jared rubs a hand down his face.
“She lives alone?”
“Yeah. Right now she does. It’s too expensive for me to move back there, but my brother might take her in for awhile. She’s gonna be pissed leaving the house she and dad built together. We just don’t know what else to do.”
“It’ll all come together, Jay. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Jared closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his head falling back to the couch cushion. “Feels good to be home.”
Jensen gives him a hard squeeze on the shoulder and goes to the kitchen for more coffee. Home. God, he would love for Jared to consider his place home. Or even consider Jensen to be home, he’s not picky.
“So I guess I have some news…” Jensen starts after he gives Jared a few minutes of silence.
“Mmm?” Jared’s barely conscious and now Jensen feels bad for not letting him fall asleep.
“I kinda made partner last week.”
“Really?” Jared’s wide awake now. “Jen, that’s great! Congrats, man! You shoulda told me! So what does that mean now? You already work your ass off. Wait, you don’t have to move, right? ‘Cause that would really suck.”
“No, no, I don’t have to move.” Jensen laughs. He wants to run his hand through Jared’s hair so badly, but sits down next to him instead. “It’s just longer hours, more responsibility, better pay. The usual. I might have to travel more.”
“Can I stay here when you go outta town? You’re place is way nicer than mine.” Jared snuggles further down into the couch and lets out a huge yawn.
“We have the exact same townhouse.”
“Nicer stuff than mine.”
And that’s true. Jared’s place is kind of a pigsty. “You can stay here for as long as you want.” And Jensen means that, probably more than he should.
Jared yawns again, but starts to get up. “I need to shower and go to bed. Big week ahead.”
“When does the job start?”
“On Monday. I can’t believe I have to start out as a fucking secretary. I have a degree and I’m gonna be making less than I did mowing lawns when I was a kid.”
“I’m sure it’ll only be for a few months. Gotta start somewhere, right?” Jensen says, walking with Jared towards the door.
“Guess so. When does the new being a kick-ass partner start?”
“Already has. It was a pretty quick transition since one of the senior lawyers retired a few weeks ago and I had to pick up the slack.”
Jared nods and yawns again. He slumps his entire body down on Jensen to hug it out and Jensen struggles with the unexpected weight. Another big inhale and Jared lets it out slowly, his nose pressed to Jensen’s temple. “So good to be home.”
Jensen rushes past Jared’s open door and shouts, “I’m late, I’m sorry! Did I miss the kick off?” as he jams the key in his front door, fiddles with the lock for a second too long and throws his briefcase on the chair as soon as he’s inside his place.
“No, you jerkface.” Jared says with a smile and a plate of hamburgers, pushing his way through the living room. “And you promised you’d be on time.”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. Fucking reports wouldn’t cooperate and then this guy, I think he picked up on the fact that I’m gay, keeps staring me down like I’m a piece of meat and like, distracting me with these stupid jokes until I finally had to throw him outta my office so I could get some work done and then the computer fucking crashed right before I’m leaving and I needed these statements like, fucking yesterday--”
“Jensen, just breathe man, its fine.” Jared pats him on the shoulder. “And turn on the tube, will ya? Game’s about to start.”
And Jensen wants to keep rambling about how awful his day was, but god, Jared doesn’t care. Jared doesn’t give a damn and doesn’t want to hear about the freak in the mail room or how often his printer jams. Jensen remembers the glazed over look Noah used to get when he came home from school talking all about property settlement agreements or litigations, going off about whatever he learned that day and a little of him thinks that’s another reason Noah left him. Because Jensen can be fucking boring.
“Right, shit. Yeah, sorry. I’ll get the TV, there’s some beers in the fridge.”
Jared yawns and settles into the couch with a napkin tucked into the collar of his shirt and takes a big bite of hamburger. A blob of ketchup falls and lands in the middle of the paper towel. It’s funny and something so Jared that Jensen feels his bad mood lift.
“Long day getting a bunch of asshole’s coffee?”
Jensen smirks at Jared’s eye roll and even though no one wants to hear about his shitty life, he’ll always want to listen how Jared’s day went.
“Oh god, don’t get me started. Wanna know why I’m so tired? Because I spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing. I almost fell asleep five different times at my desk. I got twenty cups of coffee. Oh! I did get to open the mail today. That was new and exciting.” Jared crosses his legs and brushes a hand through his hair. “I swear dude, if they don’t give me some actual responsibility soon, I’m gonna lose it.”
“Just hang in there. Gotta prove yourself first.” Jensen advises.
Jared huffs an agreement. “I’m not used to having all this time on my hands either. I kinda miss being busy.”
“You complained about homework and studying none stop.”
“Yeah well. I thought we’d be hangin’ out more but no, you have to go get yourself a stupid cool job with actual things to do.”
Figures, Jensen thinks. Now Jared actually has time to hang out, he’s busy as all hell. Down playing never hurt anyone though and Jensen decides to do just that.
“Oh yeah. Fighting off Chester in the mail room all day is really important.”
“Chester?” Jared laughs. “Chester wants your body!” He sings and then gets quickly distracted by the television. “Fumble! Did you see that?”
“We so got this game in the bag.” Jensen burps loudly and kicks up his feet too. Jared beams at him, finally relaxing more. Jensen might have an all important job now, but at this moment, Jared is his main priority.
They watch the game for a few minutes and then Jared starts yapping again, never able to keep quiet for very long. “So what else happened at work today?”
“Um…” Jensen thinks about the new client he’s representing and how he actually feels bad for her. Her asshole husband filed for divorce because she can’t get pregnant. Jensen doesn’t want to be a downer though, and he really doesn’t want that smile to disappear from Jared’s face. “Nothing too exciting.”
Jared turns back to the television and flips the remote in his hand. “Got any plans this weekend?”
“Actually, I’m going under the knife.” Jensen says seriously. “Major surgery Saturday morning.”
“What? For real?” The remote drops onto the couch, suddenly forgotten and Jared’s expression becomes so sincere and worried.
Jensen smiles and points to his mouth. “I have to get a crown.”
“Oh. Pssh.” Jared rolls his eyes and mutters something about being a baby. “You need to cut out the gummy bears.”
“Are you crazy? Gummy bears are sometimes the only thing that gets me through the day.”
“Gummy shit is nasty. Now skittles on the other hand? Talk about party in my mouth.”
Oh how Jensen would love to experience anything to do with Jared and his mouth.
“What time’s your appointment?”
“Eight in the morning. Luckily I found a dentist that works a Saturday once a month.” Jensen stretches and fights off a yawn, already beat from a long week.
“You wanna go to a movie on Sunday if you feel up to it?”
“Yeah, that sounds like something.” Jensen can’t believe how tired he is and realizes now he never should’ve sat down. He should get up and move around a little; otherwise he’ll end up dead to the world.
“Jense? You gonna fall asleep on me, man?”
“Nope.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Mmm. Maybe.” It comes out softly and Jensen thinks he should be a little embarrassed. But then he feels Jared’s hand on top of his head for half a second, a soothing little pat, and Jensen fights against his tired eyes, lazily watches the game and enjoys the comfort quiet.
That Saturday Jensen spends almost two hours with his mouth stretched open, pain seeping from his jaw and forming into a pounding headache while he sits reclined in a dentist chair.
Essentially, the start of his weekend completely sucks.
Jared, however, is there when Jensen gets home with a cautious smile and a huge blueberry smoothie.
“I cooked!”
Jensen tries to musters up a small smile until he remembers his swollen lips. “I think I’m gonna go ahead and die now.”
“Want some Advil?” Jared asks as he moves through the house right at Jensen’s heels.
Jensen shuffles into the living room. “Yeah, please.” He goes to the couch and sinks down, cradles his chin the best he can.
Somehow Jared knows Jensen keeps the pain medicine in the cabinet with the coffee cups. “Here. Take these.”
“Thanks.” Jensen swallows the pills and closes his eyes. “Don’t you have better things to do today?”
“Not really. All my friends graduated and moved away or have real jobs or ya know, have a real family. I guess I’m stuck with your ass.”
Jensen curls more into a pillow. “I feel really bad for you.”
“I feel bad for me too. You’re not much fun right now. And now I’ll have to go to the gym because you can’t distract me.”
Slowly, Jensen opens his eyes at that. “I’m in agonizing pain. A little sympathy here?”
Jared sighs and throws a blanket over Jensen’s body. “It’s worth the pain when your pearly whites are still pretty. Want me to do anything?”
There’s plenty Jensen would like from Jared but nothing’s coming to mind that would be appropriate to say. Instead he shakes his head and gives a pitiful frown.
“You’re probably just gonna pass out anyway.” Jared decides.” I guess I’ll leave you alone. Let me know when you’re drooling less and able to talk without a lisp. Not sexy, man.”
Jensen gives him the finger, then feels Jared patting his arm and a moment later chuckling on the way out.
Turns out that Jared is a little liar. He does have friends that he sometimes still hangs out with. Hot friends too, who like to play basketball at the park around the corner. Friends that get all sweaty and take their shirts off, which then inclines Jared to take off his shirt too and strut around like a fucking hot ass.
After Jared’s constant whining that they needed a sixth player, Jensen’s joined in a few games by now, not minding the accidental groping at all and actually encourages it in any way he can. He’ll hog the ball and foul, then just laugh it off like it wasn’t on purpose. Jared, of course, starts to catch on.
They’re walking back home and the afternoon sun is hot on Jensen’s back. Jared’s dribbling the basketball down the sidewalk as they go, t-shirt stuck in the waistband of his shorts and sunglasses pushed on top of his head.
“Dude, you realize it’s never gonna happen, right?”
“What’s never gonna happen?”
“Uh…” Jared scratches at his temple. “Hold on, I gotta figure out a way to put this delicately.”
“Well just put it anyway you want. M’ not sensitive.” Jensen steals the ball and spins it on his index finger. Yeah, he’s got some skills.
“My friends aren’t gay, man.”
Jensen throws a side glance, still keeping one eye on the ball. “You sure about that?”
“Craig has had the same girlfriend since high school, Aaron is married, Rick is engaged and Nick is just a douche so even if he was gay, you probably shouldn’t date him.”
That’s true. Craig has a dark and handsome thing going for him, brown skin and chestnut colored eyes. Jensen would totally be down to date the guy because he’s just so damn nice but he’s pretty sure wedding bells are ringing. And Aaron is a dork but actually a really good basketball player, the gold band always tight around his ring finger. All Rick can do is complain about how expensive the flowers are and the honeymoon will be after the wedding. Nick is just a snarky bastard.
“Yeah, okay, okay.” Jensen mumbles and tosses the ball back to Jared. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t cop a feel once n’awhile, right?” He smiles large and playful, tries to hold in a laugh at the glare he gets.
“Look, if you gotta grope on someone just do it on me okay?” Jared says. “I probably won’t even notice and if I do, I promise not to punch you in that purty face of yours.”
Damnit. Jared knows that Jensen would never sink that low. Well, not yet anyway.
“Besides, we gotta get you some action.” Jared throws a sweaty arm across Jensen’s shoulders and pulls him in. “Otherwise your dick’s gonna shrivel up and die.”
“My dick is anything but shriveled, you asswipe. And you’re right, I do want some action but I don’t want the unnecessary drama. I’m not stupid, I know I can’t get one without the other.” Jensen also knows he’s a little bit lying to himself right now. Because if he could have sex with Jared and still be friends like they are? It’d be pretty perfect. But way too easy, and things aren’t that easy in Jensen’s life.
“Sure you can,” Jared says, the weight of his arm still heavy. “You just gotta find the right guy. I’m sure there’s a dude out there for ya. Maybe he’d have to be a little retarded, maybe a little deformed--”
“Like you?”
“That’s not what your mama said last night.”
“Jerk off.” Jensen shoves at Jared, which doesn’t move him even an inch, the fucking human brick wall.
“Exactly. Jerking off is bad. Getting laid is good!” This time Jared actually rubs at his arm where Jensen punches him.
By now they’ve reached their place and Jensen is pulling his key out from his shoe. “I don’t see why you’re so concerned about my sex life when you have your own to worry about.”
“Hey man, the ladies ain’t complainin’ about nothin’ round here.” Jared stretches his arms over his head and flexes, all his muscles bulging and abs becoming more defined.
Jensen rolls his eyes as he heads into the kitchen for some water. “Yeah well. Seems like the girls haven’t been ‘round at all lately.”
Jared’s rooting around in Jensen’s refrigerator and suddenly he freezes. “And how would you know that?”
“Uh. These walls ain’t so thick, Jay-man.” And then Jensen goes for the kill and makes mock mattress squeaking noises in that perfect tempo that only can mean one thing.
“Are you serious right now?” Jared’s face instantly flushes and his mouth hangs open in shock. “Tell me you’re kidding.”
Jensen takes a long drink of water and lets out a satisfying sigh as he pushes past Jared to the living room. “Oh I’m so not kidding.”
“How much did you hear!?”
Stretching out on the couch, Jensen clears his throat for maximum performance. “Ohhhh Jared, oh yeah baby, right there, oh fuck, you’re soooo good, oh my god, oh my god, oh my GOD.”
Jared shakes his head in disbelief. “Yep, that’s a perfect impression of Erica all right.”
“You’re very quiet when you have sex.” Jensen says. “You should learn to let go more. Didn’t hear a peep outta you.” He lies again. Might as well not make an awkward situation worse.
“Yeah, I’ll get right on that, sex-pert. Fuck, that’s so embarrassing.”
“Nah. What’s really embarrassing is the headboard banging against the wall. That’s the really bad part.”
“Okay,” Jared puts his hand over Jensen’s mouth and pushes before crawling onto the recliner. “You can stop now.”
Jensen snickers. “Sorry. But seriously, it was only one or two times. Don’t even worry about it. You wanna know what’s really worse? Fucking hearing your parents in the room right above you, dude, that’s like life damaging right there.”
“Oh god.” Jared winces and fakes gag. “That’s gross.”
“So what happened to this Erica?” Jensen asks, not sure if he really wants to know. Jared’s never talked about old girlfriends before and it’s new territory. Not like Jensen would ever have a chance with Jared. That’s why he likes him so much, purely because he’s safe. A safe crush that will go absolutely nowhere.
Jensen’s seen what being in a relationship can do to people. It destroys them from inside out. It transforms people into these needy, groveling, disgusting excuses for human beings. He never wants to be with someone for so long that it changes him. And it happens. He's seen it. And it’s the scariest shit he has ever witnessed. Fucking psychotic is how people turn. And god damn, the stupid things married couples on the brink of divorce will fight about are the most idiotic, shameful, selfish shit he’s ever heard of. Luckily he got out from his relationship with Noah before it got that destructive. Honestly, Jensen’s surprised Noah managed to worm his way into Jensen’s life at all. It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens again though. Especially because the aftermath of Noah still stings.
“Erica, Erica, Erica.” Jared starts and presses the cold water bottle to his forehead. “She was this girl in my finance class who liked me.”
“Obviously.” Jensen points out with a smirk.
Jared glares again.
“Sorry, keep going.”
“There’s not much to tell.” Jared stops and tilts his head thoughtfully.”Jensen, do you remember what my typical day looked like when I was in school?”
Jensen thinks about the question. “Well you’d get up at the ass crack of dawn sometimes to go for a run before class. Get home, shower, go to school, have class all day, go to the library, come home, maybe go to a night class or to the gym, dinner, some video games, study, and sleep.”
“Uh huh. And where in that schedule does that fit a girlfriend?”
“Ah.” Jensen understands now. “Kinda like my life right now. Couldn’t find the time, huh?”
“Oh Erica found tons of time for me to be with her. She wanted me to give up my runs, going to the gym, basketball games...”
“Everything important to you.”
“Yep.” Jared nods. “Girls dig the way I look but hate all the time I spend at the gym. So I just found some random hookups to get me by until my workload let up a little bit.”
“And now?” Jensen asks. “You’re not that busy anymore. You could handle it.” And it kills Jensen to say this. He doesn’t want some girl to take Jared away from him, not this soon after getting to know him.
Jared leans his head back on a pillow and sighs. “Maybe you’re right. Just the thought of dating though. It’s so much work.”
Jensen laughs. “Try dating guys and you’ll never have to buy flowers or sit through a crappy chick flick ever again.”
When Jared finally retreats next door and Jensen slips under the sheets on his bed, it’s only then that he realizes that Jared can just smile and wink to change the subject in a conversation whenever he wants and that’s exactly what he did a few hours ago. After talking about relationships and possibilities, gay options included, they somehow got to playing video games for a about an hour, had dinner together, and Jared had gone home. Jensen’s too tired to think about it now, his body sore from playing ball so hard and he has to get up early in the morning.
Just as he’s about to fall asleep, a banging noise filters through the wall. Then there’s exaggerated moaning mixed with Jared’s stupid laugh and Jensen can’t keep the smile from his face. He groans as he reaches for his phone.
Jensen to Jared: Stop that, u freak!
All the noise immediately stops and Jared just texts back a dumb smiley face. Jensen pounds on the wall shared between them once and a double knock comes back soon after.
Jensen figures its Jared’s way of saying good night.
Part 3