been a while...

[nielenon]

hm...a short something i wrote...and i am still second-guessing myself about posting. opinions? suggestions? concrit?

a prior disconnectpick up the phone

Comments

[whyless]

Lawl, it's her gmail away message too. Why? :P I'm just amazed that anyone can do that with her hips.

Your poem isn't bad. "Tainted with a sweet nostalgia" is cliche, and some of the other lines border on it, but it can easily sound mature if you just change those. The "I / who" repetition is a little too unsubtle for me, a little too melodramatic, though the idea is interesting so try to keep it if you change that stanza.

Etc., I'm too lazy to give you a full workshop-style critique. :P I'm glad you're writing again. I remember the story-snippets you used to show me in middle school.