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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THEY KILLED XAVIER AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG HOW WONDERFUL I WANTED TO PLAY THAT SCENE ON REPEAT AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And, um, yes.
Ok, on to other things:
So, I realized very early on, that as long as I considered it as a serious movie, I was going to hate it. But once I realized it was a farce, I loved it. I don't think that was how it was intended to be taken, but hey, when Juggy-with-a-British-accent runs around saying you-know-what, how else am I supposed to take it?
As a farce, it was bloody brilliant.
-It kind of says something about the fandom that the first thing I thought when Chuckles and Mags got out of the car in the flash back was oh, the slashers are going to have a field day with this. The second thing I thought, of course, was "omg could they possibly have any more makup on they can't even move their facial muscles".
-Was it just me or did anyone else notice that they used Phoenix: Endsong and Astonishing #4-6 in the flip-bits for the Marvel logo? Ok, so, anyone who would recognize those probably already knows what the basic plot is, but still. Giving it away, much?
-HANK. So, I didn't actually like his costuming, etc., because I still had the same problem I had in the trailer -- he looked plastic. However. It didn't matter, because all I had to do was see Big Blue and Furry on screen and I spontaneously ovulated. Yes I did. I also shouted that I wanted to have his babies, which got me some odd looks from the crowd.
And while I have to say I'm annoyed about the whole making-Hank-a-diplomat-instead-of-a-scientist bit (I mean, wtf?), I ended up not caring in the slightest because, omg, Hank in action, my hormones were just out of control.
HANK! I LOVE YOU!
-AHAHA JAMIE AHAHA. Omg. Brilliant Jaime. Just what Jamie should be! PAD should pay attention! Square jawed and hot and a little bit sketchy but not really evil. That's the boy I want dating my Rahne! Moira would have a heart attack!
-Speaking of which, MOIRA. I WANT ONE. Omg, could I have one? Please? Please? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I'd even promise to be a good girl and share her with Sean!
-Man, I want X4 to be "The Sean and Moira Show". Could they do that? I'm sure they could find a good Sean if they tried hard. Watch Sean point and laugh as his cousin goes to find his idiotic friend with the incomprehensibly British accent! Watch Moira hyperventillate as Rahne dates Jamie! Watch Jean come back to life and shoot Onslaught Legion Xavier in the head!
-So about half way through the movie, I was enjoying it but still a little angry, because, you know, not really the Dark Phoenix saga here at all, and then -- and then. Wolverine is attacking the camp and who starts fighting him?
ABSALOM. THE EXTERNAL.
Yeah, that's right, Absalom of "I am an External and mightier than mere mortals but I would totally do your girlfriend anyway, do you mind, hey, why are you getting mad at me?". Absalom of "just because I've lived seven hundred years doesn't mean I'm actually bright". Absalom of "OH WOE IS ME LEGACY VIRUS WOE no your girlfriend's really hot WOE". Yeah. That Absalom.
Really, when Magneto has Externals guarding his camp, you know the movie's a farce.
-BOBBY GOES ICE. Need I say more. I literally got up from my seat and cheered when that happened.
-Ok, one thing I really didn't like? The effects for Collosus's steel. Last movie, they CGed it really brilliantly, I thought, it actually looked like a steel skin. This time, it looked like a fake metal suit, which, as I understand, it was. I thought it was crap. Which was a pity, because I was really enjoying Piotr, especially shouting out "she's right in front of you just grope her already" every time he was on the screen with Kitty.
-Speaking of which, the whole Bobby/Kitty thing didn't piss me off, although I thought it was extraneous, mostly because I didn't really feel that much of a romance vibe from it at all. I really felt like they were good friends and just acting like good friends with maybe just a bit of potential sexual undertone, but nothing to really take away from the whole incredibly idiotic (but kind of sweet) Bobby/not!Rogue thing or the (come on you know it's going to happen) Kitty/Piotr thing.
-I really adored Bobby in this movie. Before, I've just been to distracted by the "wtf de-aged Bobby and hello Rogue what?" thing, but I really thought he was cute and sweet and kinda really Bobby even being the wrong age and me looking for JP around corners and such. And besides, he went ice. How awesome was that?
-JUGGERNAUT. OMG. So, completely and utterly not Cain, but who gives a damn? Fucking hilarious. Omg. So funny. "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" Omg.
-So that was our dear Betsy off in the corner (yes it's her, not Kwannon, I checked IMDB), which made me spend the first hour going, "hello, you have a telepath with you, hello, are you missing this, hello", and then they had her shadowwalk, which was dumb as all hell, but, ok, whatever, a cameo's a cameo, right?
-And Quills. Which was just fucking odd, because he used to be a New New Mutant, so, W. T. F.?
-The only way I got past Callisto was by ignoring her. She just fucking annoyed me, I couldn't find her funny. However, Storm smacking her down was the only time I liked Storm, so, hey, there's advantages to everything.
-STORM/CALLISTO SMACKDOWNS. BLOODY AWESOME. And I didn't like Halle Storm this time any more than I did before, but still. BLOODY AWESOME.
Saw it again. Took notes this time.
It is telling, I think, that almost every page contains the words "Hank I want to have your blue furry babies".
Yes.
*ahem* Off the subject of my hormones, I'm not going to list exactly what my notes said (except when they amuse me greatly), but instead will try to go through the movie and have some coherent thoughts.
-The graphics used at the begining are highly odd. Spikey blood? Wtf?
-I loved the Danger Room scene. Watching it again, I realized that that point is the only point in the movie where it's honestly a comic book. And that has its good points -- we want a live-action comic, right? -- but its bad points as well -- when we compare the amusing frivolity of the DR scene to the pathos of the line at the end, the line is a much more powerful and, frankly, much truer to the spirit of the X-Men. But more on that later.
-I'm glad they managed to slip the Sentinels in, even if it was just a holographic robotic head. Still, the fan in me appreciates it.
-Also noted: Kitty rocks like a rocking thing. Yes. Now if only she and Piotr would get their act together and start groping!
-I guess I can put this at the begining because it's true throughout the entire movie: there is no character in the movie who is less like her comic counterpart than Storm. I mean, seriously. Could anyone be any less Storm? She's just completely unrecognizable (except when she fights, at which point she does indeed become the Storm we all know and love). There are sections of my notes that read thusly:
"God, Halle, go away."
"Omg Halle go away."
"HOW CAN ANYONE BE SO NOT STORM HALLE GO AWAY."
Yeah.
-I have to say that, while I have issues with character portrayal, angsty-emo-Scott is really quite attractive. I mean, really hot. And very... Oh, Scott, honey, the universe will never let you die because it wouldn't ever be that nice to you. Here, have a stick to place up your ass.
-I want to have Hank's babies.
-This is the first time I've actually been comfortable with Mystique. Movie!Mystique is very not our normal Mystique, but here, I actually felt some of our 'Stique come through. I think it was the "homo sapiens" line. Now, our Raven would never lose control like that, never let that kind of anger show through -- but that is very much her mindset, that utter scorn, so for the first time I was ok with this Mystique. And, of course, she moves so beautifully that I can ignore most things.
-I'm still not happy with Hank as a diplomat instead of as a scientist. It's just... Ok, so, if any of them were to become a diplomat, it would be Hank, because he is by far the most "civilized" of all of them. Yes, even more than Scott. But Hank would never leave the team for that! Hank's first loyalty has always been to the team, and to his lab. Making Hank a diplomat instead of a scientist... I understand why, in the movie's world, it had to be done, but it's still not really Hank. And that upsets me.
But, in the end, it doesn't matter, because... I want to have Hank's babies. Yes I do.
-So, in the "Xavier lecturing on ethics is funnier than Emma lecturing on ethics, really, you evil evil man" scene, (where Kitty points out that Einstein pwns Xavier, oh Kitty, I love you so), who are the twins? Are we supposed to recognize them? I thought they were Jamie at first, but then, of course, we meet Jamie later. (Oh, do we ever.)
-I want a Moira for my very own.
-It was a bit of a disconect, the Worthingtons coming up with the cure, but it's something I can glide right by. I also found it jaring that they used the doctor from Astonishing #1-6 -- yes, I know you're basing it on that storyline, but I don't expect to be smacked in the face with it. Having blatant imagery from multiple comics at one time gets to be disconcerting; I don't know what story I'm supposed to be following.
-Callisto. Having Caliban's powers. This definately annoyed me, mostly because I am used to Caliban being Caliban (hey, you don't mess with X-Force characters, ok? Even dorky ones!). I have this in my notes every time Callisto was onscreen, so obviously it smacked me in the face multiple times. I mean -- let Callisto be Callisto! Don't make me say "hello, Caliban, where's your teddy bear?" every time she's onscreen! Also, she's way to pretty!
-Oh, and, btw, I want to have Ian McKellan's babies, too.
-Leech. I have something to say about Leech. I don't like how they've used him -- I loved Leech in X-Factor I and Gen X, and seeing him here is a dramatic disconect. Moreover, I'm still annoyed about the "now Leech is going to affect physical mutations, it's some kind of electromagnetic thing, and he gets to produce something biologically deliverable, and did I mention he can affect physical mutations?". But you know what? They dealt with the movie version perfectly. That Leech? And the way he watches out the window, especially when Warren is flying? Beautiful. Perfect. So perfect.
-When Jean comes out of the water, I sorely missed her "I AM FIRE AND LIFE INCARNATE" speech. But alas. We don't get everything.
-On that note, I dislike not having the Phoenix being a cosmic entity. But I can live with it. It just... is a little more empty, if that makes any sense. Still, her not being a cosmic entity does give us more excuses to realize how much of an evil, manipulative mind-wiping bastard Xavier is, and that's always good.
-I loved the shot of Scott and Jean at the water's edge. Baby's first OTP!
-Movie!Warren is a little... jarring. But -- everything, and I mean everything, in the entire movie, that I might have a bit of a problem with or even a lot of a problem with, is all made up for by that one shot of Warren sweeping out the building with his wings in full Archangel glory. Oh, Warren. You may be a bastard, but you are so beautiful.
-Jamie. Can I state again how perfect that Jamie is? PAD! Pay attention! (Also, can he date Rahne yet? Because, yes.)
-Juggy. There... is nothing to say.
-Depowered Raven is, somehow, just stunningly beautiful. I don't quite know why. But she is.
-Ok, so my biggest gripe. Magneto. Leaving 'Stique. That's just... Not Magneto. It's certainly not comic!Magneto, and I can't even see it as being movie!Magneto. It's just not. Mags would never abandon 'Stique. Mags would forget about his plans for world domination and do everything in his power to get Mystique's powers back. And even if he had left her, 'Stique would never betray Magnus. Bah.
-I want to have Hank's babies.
-I'm seriously impressed by Famke's ability to inact the dichotomy between Jean and Dark Phoenix. I mean, I've always kinda like Famke, but I thought she was a pretty and sweet Jean. Now she really lets loose and damn, she can really pull it off. I'm very impressed.
-And Famke gets it on. James Mardsen and Hugh Jackman? Go, girl! Seriously!
-Ok, so, I'm going to talk about this later, but I thought I'd mention it here -- I wrote down every time I saw absolute blatant imagery from one of the comics. Then I counted them up. Dark Phoenix Saga: 1. Phoenix: Endsong: 7. Yeah. (Astonishing #1-6 "Hope": 4.)
-So, is it just me, or is movie!Cain a little weak? I mean, for the Juggernaut? Comic!Cain would have pwned Wolvie so much more.
-I love the house scene. I love it primarily because it really is just their brains -- nothing thrown, nothing smashing, no explosions (except those caused by the pawns off fighting their fight). It really is a war of telepaths. And unless they go on the psychic plane -- which is cheesy in the comics and would be unbearable in a movie -- that's the only way they can show it. I'm so glad they weren't afraid of doing it so understated, instead of making it into some "metaphorical" action scene or something equally dumb.
-Also, I don't know how they do it, but Dark Phoenix is just stunningly beautiful. Scary as all fuck, but beautiful.
-Did I mention how glad I am they killed Xavier? Take that, you evil fuck. AND because it leaves it open for Onslaught, next round.
-Right. Kitty and Bobby and angst. Which, as a scene, I don't mind, because as I said before I don't really feel much sexual tension from it, just friendship. And Bobby is a nice guy (nicer here than he is in the comics, certainly), and is trying to take care of a friend, and honestly is confused about why this bothers Rogue. Which tells a lot about movie!Rogue's character, of course. Anyway, I like the scene because it's cute, but I still spend the entire time wondering when Piotr is going to show up. It's all just "You have Rogue and I have..." PIOTR YOU HAVE PIOTR WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING TO TALK TO THIS SWEET BUT HOPELESSLY NAIVE BOY WHEN YOU HAVE PIOTR JUST WALK INTO HIS ROOM AND SHAG HIM ALREADY IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER I PROMISE PIOTR YOU HAVE PIOTR HE'S RIGHT BLOODY THERE OMG. Yes.
-Jean pwns Magneto. Oh, Jeannie, I love you so.
-Pyro is an idiot. Also? Teh gay.
-Did anyone notice that the bronze casting on Xavier's grave really emphasizes just how big a head Patrick Stewart has? 'Cause yeah.
-Pyro. Is ugly, but damn are his powers beautiful. Also, props to Bobby for walking away. Not the time nor the place. Good boy.
-Also, did anyone else notice that Jamie (whom I love, oh Jamie) has his comic-canon Multiple Man signs on his t-shirt? I loved that. Jamie! PAD! This is Jamie! Pay attention! (Date Rahne!)
-Hmmm. Aparently I thought Piotr was hot. Also, he should be Russian. And sleeping with Kitty. SHE'S RIGHT THERE JUST GROPE HER ALREADY.
-Magneto. While this Magneto isn't really the Magneto I like -- and I do like comic!Magnus -- his powers, omg, so beautiful. Watching him move the Golden Gate Bridge... Just, so beautiful. Oh, Mags.
-Somone who's review I was reading mentioned that it's actually managable to take this Wolverine as who he is as long as you realize that he's not supposed to be the Wolverine from the comics. Instead, he is a mixture of Scott and Logan, just like movie!Rogue is a mixture of Jubilee and Rogue. And once you realize that, everything makes sense. He is Scott. And Logan as well. But Scott. And it becomes very obvious here.
-Oh yeah, issue: the needles. What are they, plastic? Because last time I checked, I'd only ever heard of metal needles, so... Mags? Yeah.
-The Arclight thing. Was dumb. It should have been Rictor. DUMB.
-Also dumb? Shadow-walking Psylocke who wasn't Psylocke. And Quills. Because, wtf? Quills?
-I want to have Hank's babies. Especially when he says "oh my stars and garters".
-So, the final fight. That is, finally, when the characters finally become actually the characters, and not some farsical representation of them. Hank, Logan, Storm, Kitty, Piotr, Bobby... As soon as they start fighting, I recognize them again. Because they are actually the X-Men.
-This is never moreso than when they hold the line. That one image -- six superheroes against an army -- that is what the X-Men are. That is why I still, and will always, love them with everything that is me. They stand, sometimes foolishly, sometimes heroicly, but always, always together, without any thought for themselves but everything for each other and for what they fight for. They stand.
Gods, I love that.
-So, I love Kitty pwning Juggy, I really do, but, um, so, when she sank him into the floor -- that totally would have fused his molecules with the floor. Because, um, that's how it works. So, unstoppable or not ("I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"), he'd be missing half his body. "As deaths go, not the funnest," as Kitty once said to Emma. (Oh, Kitty, why didn't you just give into that little voice and leave her in the wall? Please?)
-Did anyone else think "what an odd looking Wade Wilson" at that guy who kept regrowing stuff? Yeah.
-The flaming cars? Bloody awesome. Bobby going ice? BLOODY AWESOME. I love Bobby. Now all he needs is JP and I'm one happy slashy fangirl.
-Jean. When she lets loose... How can a chick be hot when she's demolecularizing people? Because damn it, Jean, you really are. I mean, really are.
-And....... It was Phoenix: Endsong. That entire last scene. Phoenix: Endsong. Which was beautiful, yes, very beautiful, but... Just not the Dark Phoenix Saga, you know? So, beautiful, but slightly distracting.
-Also? MOIRA. I WANT ONE. And they better do Onslaught/Legion for X4 (if there is an X4), that's all I'm saying.