Merlin Big Bang: Academy (Part Seven)
~.~.~
During the summer of 1977, the last summer they had before they were considered adults in the wizarding world, Arthur invited all of his friends (well, the ones that weren’t already staying with him already, anyway) to stay at his house for a few weeks. Morgana and Gwen hadn’t come over last year, nor the year before that, but that didn’t mean they thought of the place as any less their third home (after their actual homes and the Academy, obviously).
Merlin, however, was a new addition. They were boyfriends now, he knew they were. Arthur could hold his hand whenever he wanted to and kiss him when they were alone. They carried themselves like a secret, a secret everyone knew. Arthur didn’t mind, though, he wanted to do anything that made Merlin more comfortable.
When Arthur told his parents, who were already weakening in age, that Merlin was coming over, they actually clapped and his mother jumped in excitement until Arthur was worried they might just get an accidental heart attack about the fact that their ‘little boy had a boy himself.’
Arthur’s own heart was threatening to do the same. They had two weeks together, two whole weeks where Merlin could get closer to his friends; two whole weeks for them to be together, like a real couple; two whole weeks.
They could share a room just because they could and sit next to each other during meals and do all the things they never got to do before. His parents were excited to meet him, especially his mum, who looked like she was going to burst out tears.
“So, what’re you boys and girls going to get up to today?” his father asked over breakfast when everyone assembled.
“We might go swimming,” Arthur suggested.
The whole table, save for Merlin, groaned. He couldn’t help the fact that he loved the water, he always had. His Animagus form was a horse for a reason.
“Why not?” Arthur asked while Merlin gave a cute, small chuckle next to him.
“We’re all getting bored from it, Arthur. Maybe some other time. But, today, let’s do something that involves dry land,” Morgana said, a perfect mixture of comfort and sarcasm.
“I have a great idea,” Lance suddenly said.
“Yeah?” Gwen asked, politely chewing her eggs (if someone could do, it was Gwen.)
“Do you remember me talking about my cousin, Emmy? Yeah, I think this could be the perfect time to visit, what with me getting disowned and everything.”
“That would be nice,” Gwen nodded. “It would be nice to meet someone in your family that you actually like.”
There was a chorus of agreement around the table, even from Merlin, who didn’t even know who Emmy was and how she was significant. He was trying to blend into his group, Arthur realised. He was trying to figure out a way to be friends with his friends and that meant more to him than Merlin would ever understand.
Merlin didn’t have to do this, didn’t have to spend his two weeks here when he would’ve been perfectly happy in his parents’ beach house, he knew. But he’d come, anyway, he’d come to make Arthur happy and that sent a glow into his being as if he’d just cast a Lumos spell at his heart.
Emmyria’s house was cosy, built like a home meant to be filled with loving people. Arthur was almost nervous, he’d heard so much about her from Lance and she seemed to be his favourite family member and this was the first time meeting her. This was the first time meeting someone in the DuLac family that was good and just, besides Lance, that was.
He knew Merlin could feel his nervousness when they Apparated to the front of the house. Almost immediately, his fingers found his hand, for a moment staying there and tracing the veins in his hand. When he looked at him, Merlin smiled his Merlin smile, clearly telling him that everything was okay.
Lance knocked on the door three times, like it was a signal that he was him, some sort of code. The door was opened almost immediately by a small boy, with blonde curls and a happy smile. “Lance!” the boy shouted happily.
“Hey, there, Pelly,” Lance smiled and picked the boy up, swinging him from side to side as Gwen and Morgana laughed in the background. “Are your parents home, then?”
“Just Mummy, Daddy’s gone off to work,” the boy answered. He looked over Lance’s shoulder and surveyed Arthur and the rest. “Who are they?”
“They’re my friends,” Lance put him down and introduced them one by one to the boy. “And, this here is the wonderful Pellinore. But you’re very welcome to call him Pelly, instead.”
“Hello there Pellinore,” Gwen stretched out her hand and he shook it as if it was a plaything and she laughed.
“Come on in, guys,” Lance picked Pelly up again and walked into the house, calling out, “Emmy! Your favourite cousin’s here!”
“I’ll never admit it,” a woman said, coming into their space. She was a petite, blonde woman who was wearing an apron with her wand in the pocket. She had a warm smile, like Lance’s and a pretty much cheery disposition.
Emmyria (“Emmy, call me Emmy,” she had said) welcomed all of them into the kitchen, where the smell of lunch wafted through their noses and where Arthur realized just how hungry he was. Apparating always made his stomach empty and yearning for food.
“I’ve heard a lot about you from Lance,” Emmy said. “Especially you, Gwen. I was wondering when I would finally meet the infamous Marauders.”
“He’s been hiding us,” Morgana said, leaning into her seat, smiling.
“Though I haven’t heard about you,” Emmy said to Merlin.
“Oh, I’m Merlin, I’m their new intruder.”
“Merlin Emrys?” Emmy asked. “I thought they hated you.”
“Yeah, now I’m this clotpole’s boyfriend,” Merlin nudged to Arthur. “Funny how things turn out.”
“Utterly hilarious,” Arthur said sarcastically before wrapping his hand around Merlin’s under the table because he called him his boyfriend. That was the first time they had been introduced as boyfriends.
“I expect all of you to stay for lunch. I won’t hear this nonsense about you being polite. I’ve heard enough stories to know that you’d eat anything presented to you,”
“Hey, Pell, you wanna go the other room and play a little? Mummy will call you when lunch is ready, alright, buddy?” Emmy asked to her son, ruffling up her hair. The boy happily obliged -because what kid wanted to be stuck in a kitchen talking to a butch of grown-ups when there were perfectly good toys in the other room?- and waved to all of them.
“So, how’s living alone?” Emmy asked Lance as she poured tea into their cups with a few swishes of her wand.
“If living alone means sharing my room, leaving his stuff around and eating food, then he’s doing just fine,” Arthur said.
“You love me,” Lance took his face in his hands and kissed him on the cheek sloppily.
“Get away from me, you dog,” Arthur pushed him back, not even trying to contain his laughter.
“You’re lucky you have Arthur. Getting burned off isn’t very easy for most of us dishonoured DuLacs,” Emmy laughed. Right, inside joke.
“Burned off, what does that mean?” Merlin asked, sipping a bit of his tea.
“The DuLac family is a proud clan. When one of them steps out of line, they cease to be one of them anymore. There’s a wall in their place in Grimmauld Place, full of family names, a sort of family tree. If you do something wrong, like fall in love with a Muggle-born wizard or defend them, your name gets burned off. for being a decent human being, you get disowned,” Emmy told him.
“Well that’s not fair,” Gwen whined like a small girl.
“Fair in the DuLac clan means stamping over everyone else so, yeah, me and Emmy are quite happy to be unfair in this scenario,” Lance said.
“And now Vivian’s marrying that pureblood scum Alvarr and Morgause is getting betrothed to Cenred. My sisters are all making the typical DuLac decisions. And I can’t even help them,” for a moment, Emmy looked sad for the fate of her family, that she hated. “You know Vivian came over when I found out I was pregnant with Pell? She told me all I had to do was apologize to our parents and everything would be fine. I told her that she needed to stop listening to them and she told me she had to stop trying to help me.”
“Hey, don’t think about it, alright? It was always going to be shit,” Lance held her hand on the table.
“Yeah, I know. But Vivian and I were always close and she personally came to me when she got the news she was going to marry Alvarr. I told her not to do it and I almost saw that she didn’t want to. Do you ever think we were the lucky ones to be burned off? I mean, Alvarr’s a Death Eater. And now, you have to choose sides. You have to-”
She stopped herself, like she realized just who she was talking to. “I’m sorry, you guys. A lot of things have been happening to me lately.”
“What’s wrong?” Lance asked, leaning in so that his voice could reach a whisper and still be heard.
“I don’t know if I should tell you,” Emmy looked hesitant. “I mean, you’re just kids.”
“We’re all of age here, Emmy,” Lance assured her but Arthur could see that all he wanted was to know what she was hiding.
“You-Know-Who’s recruiting,” Emmy said gravely.
“Yeah, I know. And some of our family joining, I know.”
“No, I don’t mean just wizards and witches, Lance, she’s getting everyone. Giants and every manner of Dark creatures are under his command. They’re even talking about he’s rounding up Dementors to work on his side.”
“Dementors?” Arthur asked.
“All these attacks and slow murders of Muggles and Muggle-borns and everyone defending them, it’s leading up to something. She’s gonna come up and find a way to take everything we hold dear. This is a war, kids, whether you like it or not,” Emmy sighed, slumping in his seats. “We’re recruiting, as well. Taliesin’s trying to round up good witches and wizards to help us in our cause, trying to join the group.”
“Group?” Merlin asked, confused. Right, Arthur hadn’t really gotten around the fact of telling him about the Order.
“The Order,” Arthur answered.
“Wait, how do you know about that?” Emmy asked.
“Taliesin told us,” Arthur and Lance said simultaneously. Arthur smiled and said, “He thinks we could make good members when we’re out of school.”
“Wait, I still don’t get it, how is it that we haven’t heard about the Order, other than from Taliesin? Aren’t they fighting? Because I don’t hear about it in the newspapers nowadays,” Morgana pressed. “Sure, the newspapers are filtering but, you know, a big group against the Death Eaters and their fearless leader, we should’ve heard about it.”
“The Order’s a small group; they are only a few of us. A lot of people are scared, guys, and when they hear about the Order, they fear for their families. What if they join us and the Death Eaters find out about it? People are running, not a lot are actually staying and helping. Honestly, I don’t blame them. I’m scared if they find where we live and go after my family. But I’m doing what I can to protect the people I love.”
“Are you ever going to actually fight against her, though? And her Death Eaters? Like, openly?” Gwen asked.
“We’re gonna have to at some point. We can’t just preach out our truth only to let our members down. People are sacrificing their lives for this and it needs to mean something. But, for now, we’re laying low, until the people really need us,” Emmy explained and brushed a hair out of her face.
“Okay, so I know I don’t speak for all of you but, for me, I’m going to join the Order right after we graduate,” Lance announced.
“You speak for me, alright,” Gwen agreed. She and Lance smiled at each other in a kind of understanding Arthur hadn’t seen in a while.
“Me, too,” Morgana proclaimed.
Arthur looked over to Merlin, who had just minutes ago been thrust into this reality of the Order, of having a life of fighting after they graduated, where he had the absolute choice of not following him, who actually turned his lips up in a small smile and nodded. At this point, he didn’t care who saw and took Merlin’s hand up to his lips to kiss it. He knew it was cheesy and corny and his friends were going to deduct marks from him for it but he didn’t care.
When he looked back to his friends, they weren’t laughing or pointing at them like schoolyard children, no, they were smiling with approval. So, they were better friends than he gave them credit for.
“You’re all old enough to make these decisions for yourselves and I respect all of you for what you’re going to do but you need to know this is a hard life. Always looking over your shoulder, seeing if anyone’s there, keeping your hand on your wand at all times, having a back-up plan in case something goes wrong. This isn’t any kind of good life for the people that deserve good lives, like you kids,” Emmy leaned forward and made sure to establish eye-contact with all of them, just so they knew how serious this whole thing was.
“It’s a hard life, in the Order or not, Emmy,” Lance said and took her hand in his. “We might as well go out with a fight, eh?”
His cousin gave a small laugh and gripped on his hand. “Okay, enough with this somber talk. Lunch is ready and I’m not gonna hear any of this nonsense of no seconds.”
“Stop reading,” Lance shouldered her. They were sitting at their table in the Great Hall, all five of them, enjoying a nice breakfast during their second week of the new school year.
Going back to school after they had all decided what they were going to do after it ended was sort of weird. It was weird shuffling around students who just considered this school, not a stepping stone to a dangerous future. But at least she wasn’t alone in the fact.
The five of them bonded over how they were going to approach the new school year, take their exams and maybe concentrate more on the Dark Arts and stick to their strengths. That didn’t mean they stopped their lives, however. Gwen happily resumed her Prefect duties and while Lance, Arthur and Morgana did what they did best: being themselves.
They were still the group that cracked the most jokes at the back of the classroom but scored pretty good during exams. Nothing had changed. Except, perhaps, the new addition of Merlin into their crowd.
Gwen liked having Merlin with them. It sucked seeing Arthur pine for all those months, waiting for Merlin to come around, and she always knew Merlin was a good guy. Lance and Morgana took a while longer to adjust to Arthur’s boyfriend -and the fact that Arthur now had a boyfriend when Lance usually looked up to him for girl advice- but they started accidentally smiling at Merlin’s jokes until they weren’t accidental anymore. They began seeking him out in crowds and waiting for him outside of classes.
They were a good group, with Merlin in. Gwen had certainly never seen Arthur so happy before.
“I can’t help it,” Gwen shrugged. “Our N.E.W.T.s are this year. This is an important year.”
“Yes, we know, Gwenny, we all know this is an important year. But you, my friend, need to chill,” Lance said. Well, it was easy for him to say. Lance was always chill, he was always calm and collected and he was always the one they looked to when they needed a burden lifted off their shoulders. Gwen, on the other hand, willingly put the burden on her shoulders, what with her studies and her Prefect duties and trying to keep her friends in line.
Not that Arthur needed much controlling nowadays. Merlin kept him in line most of the time because, now, Arthur spent all his time with him and not making small crimes in the Academy. He would never admit it but Arthur changed for the good.
Honestly, Lance needed a woman at his side so he’d stop fooling around so much. A real one, not a fling or some fun. Sometimes she had an odd moment where she thought she could be that person to him because they had kissed in fifth year and he told her he liked her but forgot all about it when she said no.
Sometimes she regretted that decision and often wondered why she made it.
She liked how Morgana was the only one in their group she didn’t have to think about. They were just best friends and that was it. She would be there for her and likewise. Morgana, whatever it was, was going to be okay.
“Hey, Merlin,” someone called out. Gilli looked flustered, as if he’d been running for a while. He straightened himself up and breathed.
“Gilli, you okay?” Merlin asked.
“Professor Taliesin would like to see you in his office, Merlin,” the boy said.
“Did he say why?”
“Dunno,” Gilli shrugged. Merlin smiled at him, offering a piece of his toast as he got up from his seat.
This had to be about his singular gift thing. There really was no other reason Taliesin would want to talk to him.
Merlin gained entrance into the office by calling out, “Tolkien,” and jumping up the stairs until he reached the wide space of Taliesin’s office. There, he saw the Headmaster in a corner of the room, over some sort of basin that contained a silvery liquid that shone across the old man’s face.
“Sir?” Merlin called to get his attention.
“Ah, Mister Emrys, come sit down,” Taliesin said quickly, his hand pointing to the chair across his own his own big chair at his desk. “I see you have been adjusting well to your seventh year, having found yourself a new group of friends.”
“Yes, well, it’s odd but they’re Arthur’s friends and since he and I are, uhm, together, it’s only fitting that I’m friends with his friends,” Merlin said. why was he telling this to Taliesin? Why was Taliesin asking?
“Good, good,” he nodded enthusiastically. “And how are your gifts progressing?”
Who called it? Merlin called it.
“Oh, they’re fine. They’re good, I guess, progressing. I can do most simple spells without using my wand. But not with big spells. And I’m controlling it nicely, used to be, I just give out one big ball of energy or something,” Merlin explained with words not good enough. He sounded like an immature brat.
“Wonderful,” Taliesin nodded. “And I have no doubt that, now, you have heard from Arthur and his friends about the Order? I knew those boys would tell at least someone.”
“Well, yes, sir, I know about the Order,” Merlin nodded.
“The Order of the Phoenix,” Taliesin said. Only it was like to himself. He walked over to a cage situated in the middle of his room, occupying a majestic bird coloured red and gold. “Phoenixes are strange and wonderful creatures, Merlin. They never really die; they only disintegrate to ashes only to be reborn again. A never ending cycle of life and hope.”
“And their tears heals wounds,” Merlin said, remembering some odd text from a book he once read.
“Yes, they do. Curious creatures, phoenixes. They’re rare but when you find one, they’re quite amazing,” Taliesin stroked the phoenix tenderly. “Not unlike you, Mister Emrys.”
“Sir?”
“Years ago, I told you that I suspected one other student in the Academy who was like you?” his eyes pored into his and Merlin felt on the spot, even if they were talking about someone else. “I was right. There’s someone in this school that is as gifted as you. She’s more controlled, however, but you are both singularly gifted.”
“Who is she?” Merlin asked, excited to meet a fellow peer and maybe she could teach him some of the tips for controlling his powers.
“Elena Godwyn,” Taliesin announced.
“El? Are you serious?” Merlin asked, all the while knowing how likely it was. El was smarter than he was and it was only natural that her natural wisdom translated to the control of her powers.
“I expect the choice to tell her or not to tell her of another singularly gifted being is your ultimately your decision but make one that’s good for both of you,” Taliesin smiled at him. “As for the Order, I take you are considering the option to join?”
“Well, of course. And not just because Arthur and his friends are, too but because I wanna help. And Percy’s death…” Merlin closed his eyes, trying not to remember what he felt like that day and how he saw his coffin being lowered down into the ground.
“Yes, I know you were both fond of each other,” Taliesin said. He figured it was supposed to be sympathetic but the tone carried no such emotion.
“He was my best friend.”
“Some might argue Miss Lake was your best friend.”
“Past tense, sir. Not to say that I hate her guts or anything, there will always be a part of me that cares fo her. But we’ve grown apart and she’s-”
“Chosen a side,” Taliesin said absent-mindedly, as if he’d been down the exact road Merlin was in right then.
“Well, yes,” he nodded.
The old man that carried himself like an antique walked over to the basin with the silvery liquid, as if looking for something. He dipped his finger then withdrew it, thinking better.
“The time in front of us is crucial, Merlin. We all need to decide where our loyalties lie. This is the time to choose. Because it’s safe to say that we are all expected to make hard choices for the greater good,” he said pensively, as if in a thought or a dream. He snapped out of it and smiled jovially at Merlin like nothing was wrong, like a mist hadn’t just lifted itself from his eyes. “You may go now, Mister Emrys.”
“Uh, okay, sir,” he said awkwardly. He felt like he was intruding him in a very private moment somehow, even if he was invited.
“Oh and I think it wise to tell Arthur about your gifts. If what you two have is indeed long lasting,” he told him.
“I plan for it to be, sir,” Merlin said, without even thinking.
“I think Arthur has a few secrets of his own to divulge if that was the case. Run along now, Mister Emrys.”
Whenever she saw future Death Eaters roaming the halls of the Academy, she felt a pull. She wanted to fight against them or do something worthwhile but, she knew, they were harmless inside these walls.
They were underage and followed blindly, like donkeys, and the only damage they could do here under the supervision of teachers and the Headmaster was a few degrading insults that Morgana could shield herself against. And, besides, they still had time to change their minds.
She saw one of them, now, in the form of a skinny boy with messy brown hair. Cedric lurked around the Academy like he was a ghost and hung around them, too. Some said that he and Peeves were as thick as thieves as far as their strength of their mischief went.
“Hey, Morgana,” Cedric greeted her. They weren’t friends; they only shared one class together. Why would he be talking to her?
“Cedric,” Morgana said curtly.
“What’s up?” Cedric asked.
“Nothing, nothing at all.”
She got the feeling that they both knew which side they were going to be on once they left school but no one said anything about it. No one said anything about anything. Death Eaters weren’t really feared, they were ignored. It was simple that way, ignoring what they were now so they could be more when they grew up.
“Last year, eh?” he asked. “Think it’ll be one for the books?”
“Yeah, think so.”
“Any plans after you leave school?”
“Why are you talking to me, Cedric?” Morgana cut to the chase. She didn’t want to be around his company for very much longer.
Cedric looked at her and smiled. “No reason, just, the people we are now aren’t necessarily what we’ll stay.”
He probably figured that they still had time to change their minds, too.
“What do you reckon you’re gonna do when we leave school?” Lance asked in the library.
“Join the order?” Gwen shrugged.
“I mean, besides that. I mean, what are you going to do? Like for a living,” he put his chin on his arms.
“Oh, I dunno. I’ll probably end up teaching or something. I can’t imagine myself being an Auror or a Healer. Teaching would be nice, maybe Defence Against the Dark Arts,” Gwen pondered. She looked as if she was already considering buying a stock in professor-like jackets.
“Here?” Lance asked.
“Maybe, I mean, it’ll be familiar and stuff. I dunno, it’d be nice to come back all grown up and see what happened to us and see that the place is exactly the same.”
“Maybe after you open a fledging bookstore wherein no one is allowed to buy anything you love too much. If it was up to you, that would be everything. You’d end up dead poor and sleeping on the streets and giving all your blankets to your books so they’d be safe,” Lance said, laughing because it would probably be true.
“Shut up, Lancelot, just because I love books more than you,” Gwen smacked him on his head with the book she was reading.
“That’s a lie, Guinevere, and you know it,” Lance leaned over and tried to kiss her on the face like he usually did when he was in Animagi form. She wouldn’t have it and push his face away like it was rubber or something.
“What about you, though? What are you going to do?”
“Oh, I’ll gonna end up your guard dog. Don’t pretend that you don’t want me to cuddle up to you as this big ball of fur,” Lance opened his arms, presenting himself.
He wondered how long he was going to have to flirt until she realized that he wanted this, he wanted them and he could tell she did, too. What was keeping her back? He wanted them to be like Merlin and Arthur. It actually stung a bit to see his best friend get the guy he always wanted when he was more screwed up than Lance would ever be, meaner to students and whatnot.
He didn’t mean to sound so sour and mean about it but it hurt. Why couldn’t he have the same? If Merlin itched away at first, he’d come to Arthur nonetheless. But Gwen seemed like she was just going to be at a distance. He could look and play and joke but he could never touch. It was like she was in this glass chamber she put herself in.
“Do you ever think about getting married?” Lance asked suddenly. “Finding someone, settling down and having the whole white picket fence thing?”
“I dunno, do you really see me doing that kind of thing?” Gwen was looking down at her book, concentrating, not paying attention.
“Can you see me doing that?”
“Maybe, if you met the right girl. If she was right and good for you, yeah, I could see you doing that,” Gwen said.
Maybe you’re that girl, please be that girl, I want you to be that girl, was all he thought. He wanted to tell her how he felt, how he wanted to hold her and never let her and love her for as long as she wanted him but, for the first time in his life, he was scared.
He was scared of losing her and all that they already had; the relationship they had effortlessly built in the course of six years. He was scared he would exchange this care from her for something worse, something he never wanted. People always said that you should do what feels right to your heart but he didn’t know what he felt anymore.
Was he just selfish for wanting this when it seemed like she didn’t want the same? Was he mean for trying to force her into this? Was he everything his parents were? Because he didn’t want to be. He wanted something selfless and pure, even if that meant feeling as if his heart was being gnawed by a dragon. Gwen might not want his love but neither did he.
Maybe one day she would know, maybe one day she would love him, too. But, for now, he didn’t want to risk everything.
“Nah,” he answered, trying to bite back the tears that were threatening to pour out. “I don’t think I’ll end up the marrying type.”
His parents told him that, in every relationship, there had to be some form of honesty. Not radical honesty -too much of a good thing could hurt sometimes- but divulging big secrets about each other was a must. Arthur figured that being an unregistered Animagus counted for something.
He kept looking for the right time to tell him but there really was no time. NEWTs were happening in a month’s time and everyone was cramming their studies and neglecting their sleep. Arthur barely remembered when the last time was that he slept in his own bed and without his books crowding around him.
Lately, he’d either be sleeping on the couch of the common room or bunking with Merlin after a long study session. Sometimes, he woke up earlier than Merlin did after those nights of studying and waving their wands, trying to make things go. He couldn’t believe he had him.
After a year or so of chasing him and thinking about him and them together, he still couldn’t believe that he finally had him. They might not have had the most conventional way of coming together but they were together nonetheless. And, he knew, if he wanted to keep him, he had to know all the things about him. The secrets and everything that came in between.
So he left Merlin a note to meet him in the Forest tonight.
The note sounded weird on its own, he probably would’ve guessed that Arthur wanted to get his way with him in the Forest. That wasn’t such a bad of an idea but there were better places to have heated make-out sessions than in a forest where they didn’t know what was behind the other tree.
Arthur had told his friends over lunch that day, hoping they would give him their consent. This would be the first time anyone would know about them and it was a big decision and it was okay for them to decline the offer but, surprisingly, they said it was okay.
Maybe this was how Gwen felt when she found out they Changed for her, too. This overwhelming feeling of just pure acceptance.
“Do you want us to go with you?” Morgana had asked. “If that would help.”
“No,” Arthur had shaken his head confidently. “I need to do this alone. He’s my boyfriend and he deserves the truth from me and me alone.”
“My, who thought we’d see the day where Arthur Pendragon would be honourable?” Gwen had smiled, clearly impressed by his ways.
“That’s unfair. I thought we would be complete arses together, forever,” Lance had said solemnly but Arthur knew that behind that smile, his best friend was really happy for him.
So, now, he was just standing there with his hands in his pockets, freezing his balls off, waiting for Merlin in the Forest. He had never been so scared to Change to his Animagus form before.
He heard some leaves rustling in the night and kept his heart in his mouth.
“Hi,” Merlin said nervously as he came into his line of vision.
“Hi,” Arthur smiled at him. This felt awkward. He didn’t know if he should come in to hug him or kiss him or just not do anything at all. He settled for the latter option because he didn’t know what was going through Merlin’s mind at the moment.
“Uh, what exactly are we doing here, Arthur?” Merlin asked.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Okay.” Merlin’s face wasn’t taking him seriously. He figured this was a joke.
“I’m serious, Merlin. This is important, for once in my life I am not kidding with you.”
His face straightened after that and Arthur wished he had put it into better words but he couldn’t take it back now. All he could do was close the distance between them, put his hand on Merlin’s cheek and make sure he was alright. He stroked the skin there and kissed him gently, just to let him know this was about him and he had every reason not to be part of this as soon as he told him.
“This is important, Merlin, I need to know you’ll keep a secret.”
“Okay,” he nodded.
Arthur stepped back and breathed in slowly. He managed to take a look at Merlin one last time before he closed his eyes and concentrated. Changing always felt odd, like dropping into a vat of hot wax but now more so. He was nervous.
Despite this, Changing always took little time, as if by quicksilver. Soon, he was no longer human. Soon, he stood in front of his boyfriend in his horse form.
“Oh my god,” Merlin covered his mouth with his hands when he saw him. He carefully stepped forward and nervously outstretched his hand to stroke his mane.
They stayed like that for a while, in a kind of comfortable silence until Merlin told him, “Change back.”
Arthur did and he looked back at Merlin, just to be sure he was still there. Not only was he there, he was smiling. He was looking at him with pride and happiness and was saying things like, “You’re amazing!” to him.
“Really?” Arthur asked as he pulled away from the hug.
“Of course, really! We’ve read up on Animagi and studying for it is hard enough but actually doing it is unbelievable!” Merlin said excitedly.
“Well, I’m glad you feel that way,” he smiled.
Merlin kissed him but it wasn’t like any of their other kisses, this was heated and it felt like it promised something. It promised an empty bed and no one watching. It promised what Arthur said they didn’t need to do until Merlin was absolutely ready.
“Come on, let’s get back to the dormitory,” Merlin tugged on his hand. “I’ve got a secret, too.”
Merlin told him about his destiny as they held hands, walking up to the Gryffindor tower. He told him about, even when he didn’t want it; Arthur had been destined to be part of Merlin’s life. They had been intertwined. Arthur never interjected Merlin’s story, from the part he described the splitting headaches the Dragon gave him to when he saved his life after the Quidditch game that Sunday morning.
He wanted to ask so many questions but he could tell from Merlin’s look that he had questions about Arthur’s Animagi, as well. But it was late and dark and they didn’t need this. What they needed was to go to bed.
They found themselves in the darkness, alone, and Merlin began kissing him with a kind of fervour Arthur had never found before. He did his best trying to keep up but he couldn’t. He couldn’t keep up with anything. He just let him be.
As the clothes went off and the bed dipped, they just let each other be each other with each other. If that made any sense at all.
“I can’t believe this is our last day,” Merlin said into Arthur’s shoulder. They both lay there in Arthur’s bed -fully clothed, he had to add- wrapped in each other’s arms, not ever wanting to get up because then they would see all their packed bags and realize they weren’t coming back next year.
“Me neither,” Arthur shook his head.
Merlin felt hazy and unreal. He wanted to blame it on all the beer he consumed last night during the customary end-of-year party but he knew that wasn’t it. It was the feeling of melancholy and sadness and nostalgia for the things he felt in the seven years he was kept safe in this castle.
The train was coming soon, they both knew. In a few hours, they would officially no longer be students of the Academy but adults. Fully-grown adults who now had the free choice to do whatever they wanted in life and not get detention for it. It was odd, feeling old like this. Most people dreamed of this thing, leaving the nest and whatnot but he was nervous.
He had been good here, clever and smart in school’s own terms, friendly and kind in his friends’ and when he left; would he still remain all those things? He wanted to think he would.
Arthur would be there, after all. Arthur would still be a part of his life when everything ended. He knew he could count on Arthur to be a constant. It seemed like ages ago when he convulsed at the thought of spending his entire life with Arthur and wanted only Freya to stick around in the end.
It was like he said to Emmyria: funny how things turned out.
Things changed, situations changed and people chose sides. The reality of all of their choices was going to be as real and as concrete as anything when they stepped off that train today. Everything was going to be, well, something. He wasn’t sure if anything was going to change but something was going to happen.
“We should go down,” Arthur said.
“Yeah, I guess we should,” Merlin nodded. He reached up and kissed him slowly on the mouth. This might be their last year at Academy but this was not going to be their last year together, not if he had anything to say about it.
The Great Hall looked pretty normal. He guessed there was the poetry; when he felt that everything was going to change, he would look at this school and realize that this place and its floors and high ceilings and everything contained in the walls would be the same. In this school, everything lived forever.
Merlin saw Gwaine and Elena huddled together and waved. He saw Leon with a small group of his friends and smiled at them. He saw Gilli and Will Daira, he saw Morgause and Cenred, who were to marry each other when they graduated, he saw friends and enemies -and for a scary moment, he started looking for Percy- but he couldn’t see the one person that fell in between those categories.
“Hey, Emrys,” Lance waved at him at their corner of the table.
“DuLac,” Merlin said playfully.
“Everything’s packed, then?” he asked.
“Pretty much, yeah,” Merlin nodded. “When’s the train coming?”
“In an hour or so. I figure we could fit in some goodbyes in that time. I’m putting together a list. I’m just going to say goodbye to the kids I saw in classes and stuff and I’m going to hug the people that deserve it.”
“What do we fall under?” Morgana asked.
“The people that get absolutely nothing.”
“Aren’t you ungrateful, Pads,” Morgana stuck her tongue out to Lance.
“Just a tad, yes.”
“I can’t believe it, we actually did it,” Gwen leaned one side of her face on her hand.
“This warrants an honorary drink,” Arthur said and took out a flask of liquid from his jacket pocket. “Leftovers from last night.”
“And to think that being with me made you a better man,” Merlin said with a narrow smile.
“You all should be grateful I befriended all of you. You’d never be sitting here if it was for me saving your arses a thousand times over,” Gwen said, taking a sip and giving out a small hiccup. “You’re all knobs. Except for Merlin. I like Merlin.”
“Thank you for the sentiment, Gwen,” Merlin laughed as she passed the flask to Morgana.
“I dunno about Gwen but I’m pretty happy you guys are my friends,” Morgana saluted them with a swig of beer.
“Let’s not get sappy here, it’s not like we’re never gonna see each other,” Arthur told them. “We’re gonna go into the Order and fight alongside each other. We’ll be friends forever, alright? No goodbyes for us.”
There was one person that deserved his goodbye, if he could be categorized as person, someone that he owed a big part of his life to. Someone he would never see again, not like the friends he’d met here. They would make arrangement to see each other on the holidays but he was never going to see the Dragon again.
He excused himself from the group and went his way. He often wondered what happened to the dragon before Merlin and his big, gay destiny came along but, now, he was going to wonder what was going to happen to him once Merlin and his big, gay destiny left.
“Emrys,” the Dragon said. “What’s the occasion this time?”
“I’m finally graduating school. I won’t be back. I guess I just wanted to say goodbye,” Merlin said awkwardly and started to wonder why he wanted to do this in the first place.
“Well, goodbye, then.”
“Goodbye.”
“I dunno about you but it seems weird to me. You tell me these things and you change my life by putting Arthur in it and I don’t even know your name. Do you even have one?”
“Yes, I do,” it nodded. “I can see it in your heart, young warlock, that you are worried about me. I am genuinely surprised. But, regardless, you need not worry about me. Life will go on.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Life will go on.”
Two hours later, life went on for him. All of his bags were loaded onto the train and kids were shuffling in around him, smoke curling up in the air, as if saying goodbye, as Arthur held his hand all the while.
“Gwen and Lance already went in already. Morgana’s taking a bit longer. What that girl gets up to, I don’t even know, I swear,” Arthur was saying. “Do you wanna wait for her or something?”
“No,” Merlin said, at the same time someone else called out his name. It was just like their first year all over again. “Go inside first, go.”
As Freya came up, her hair a mess and her breath a little short, Arthur gripped his hand tighter. He didn’t want to go and leave him with her. “Go on, first, I’ll catch up,” Merlin told him reassuringly.
He let go of him and managed to shoot a look of loathing to Freya’s direction before he got into the train.
Merlin looked back at Freya. She had grown taller, her hair longer and her face a little thinner. Otherwise, it was still Freya.
“What is it, Freya?” he asked. He didn’t mean to sound mean, he honestly didn’t.
“I just- do you remember that day at the lake, when we were kids?” she asked.
He remembered. It was almost two weeks after they had first met and they only just started growing into their powers. The lake had been beautiful, all sparkly in the sunlight and Merlin remembered thinking that the reflection of light looked like watery stars. They had been six.
“Of course I do,” Merlin nodded.
“Why can’t we go back to that?”
“Because we’ve both changed, I have and so have you. Those people, they…” corrupted you? Made you less of the you I know you are? Merlin couldn’t find the right words.
“Merlin.”
“Be the woman I know you are, Freya. Whatever happened to the girl that made the leaves float for me that day? Don’t let them change you too much, Freya,” Merlin said tenderly. He wanted to hug her, like he always did when she was feeling sad, and tell her things that would make her smile in between their tears but he couldn’t do that.
So he leaned in, gave her a kiss on the cheek and said, “Goodbye.” Like the Dragon, he would never see her again, at least not under the right circumstances and like the Dragon, he would worry about her future.
He had to physically restrain himself from looking back her and focus on getting on the train for the last time. He found the compartment where the Marauders -Morgana had joined them already- were seated and sat next to Arthur, leaning into him.
“Say goodbye to our childhood, ladies and gentlemen,” Lance told them. They all looked out the window at that moment and watched the smoke and the setting of the Academy’s expansive frontyard. They saw the gates close and the big outline of the castle.
“What happens now?” Gwen asked, holding Morgana’s hand.
Arthur looked at all of them and thoughtfully said, “Everything.”