(no subject)
Part One: Foundations
Chapter One
He woke up walking. He was in his castle, with tall towers -one of which he was perusing right at that very moment- and solid walls made out of mismatched pieces of stone and rock that he felt when he pressed his palms against the surface. The corridors were lined with marble at the sides and the ceiling high above him. There was a rustle of fabric coming from behind him and he turned, hoping to see a face behind the sound but he realized it was just the sound of his red cape trailing behind him.
He smiled to himself, as if saying, of course.
He wondered how much time he had to explore the castle, even though he knew the land with his eyes closed. He knew that if he turned right and went up the stairs there, he would be welcomed to a row of guest rooms, each furnished with magnificent bedding -red in colour, of course- and a bowl of fresh fruit for each of the guests. He knew that if he turned back and went down the winding stairs, went further ahead, just a bit, he would smell the cooking of the kitchen staff and maybe poke his head into the spare window he found just to see what he would be eating for lunch.
He knew that his own chambers were at the end of the hallway he would find if he stepped back a few steps. He knew that just a few steps ahead from where he was standing a window stood.
He stopped walking as he saw the window overlooking the outside. He poked his head through it, trying to breathe in the life outside the window, down by the marketplace. He liked going there, liked blending in with the rest of the crowd, seeing what it was the world outside his castle had to offer him in such a limited space crowded by people. Sometimes, when they saw him, they would part their ways for him but, mostly, he never wanted them to. He wanted to see the world as they saw it, feel the smells around him like some odd security blanket.
The world smelt like smoke and freshly-baked pastry this morning. He wondered if it always smelt like this, he forgot what they smelt like on other mornings. Why was that?
His chainmail was getting heavy around his body and he yearned to take the armour off and go to bed for a while. Not yet, though, he told himself. He withdrew himself from the window, from the world outside that would still be waiting for him when he got back and walked more hurriedly -more with a purpose- towards the main room further ahead.
It wasn’t just the main room to him, it was where he found himself in the midst of capes and chainmail, found his purpose and aim in life. The room seemed to be empty, as light poured into it through the stained glass windows that painted streams of light on the hardwood floors, as if they were celebratory streamers, welcoming him back to where he belonged.
It was a big expansive space, framed with wooden floors and stone walls, that gave him the peace of being himself at being alone. There was a long, red carpet leading further ahead and he smiled at the sight for, there, right there at the end of the room, was a throne. Perhaps, to others, it was nothing more than a decorative chair for someone important to sit on but to him, however, it was a symbol of his efforts for getting here. He deserved to sit here, to adjust the crown upon his head and the red cape around him, to look presentable to the fates that led him here.
Perhaps he was just boasting himself a bit more than he should but efforts should be celebrated, should they not? Efforts were, were they not, the only thing one had at the end of the day. The effort to get out of bed, to live, to know without uncertainty what their plan was for that day and all the days after.
Maybe it wasn’t wishes or hopes or dreams or naïve ideals that float away along with your adolescence as you grow up and become hardened with the tough facts of life: that it was all about survival and to get what you came for, no matter what it took. Maybe it was this, it was fighting and surviving until there was nothing left to take but everything left to give for others.
The thing was, as his eyes surveyed the throne room, he became frighteningly aware at how his hands were getting wrinkled and withered from age; at how he leaned in his seat with no seeming energy. He became frighteningly aware that he was alone and he’d been alone for a while now.
He was woken up with a sharp prod in his ribs. His eyes made an effort to open without his consent only to be blinded by the morning sun and he only groaned at the contact.
“Oy, come on, then!” another poke came.
“I hate you,” he managed to grumbled.
“No, you don’t, you sod. Your life would be miserable without me,” the other voice said and he could almost see his smirk.
“Hey, don’t forget who you’re talking to!”
“Yeah, I’m talking to Uther Pendragon, insufferable twat, my best friend and future leader of us all, may the Gods help us,” his friend chuckled.
Uther opened his eyes and saw his best friend sitting at the edge of his bed. Readily dressed, Gaius looked at him like a mother hen with his green eyes shot disapprovingly. Usually, if anyone else put on the demeanour, he’d get out of bed and do something about it but Gaius’s hair ruined the whole illusion, what with the red hair poking this way and that like it was on crack.
“We’ve got a class, Uther, come on,” Gaius prodded him again to which Uther surrendered, saying, “Okay! I give! I’ll get dressed, you loser.”
“You better,” Gaius stood up, crossing his arms. “Have you looked in the mirror lately? I bet I could even look a right side better than you on my hangover days, mate. And, really? Loser? That’s the best insult you can come up with?”
“Alright, alright, I’m going! And you know the best way to wake me up is not to play Iron and Wine, you know they put me to sleep. Play some goddamn Arcade Fire, at least.” He got off the bed and he may or may not have kicked Gaius in the shins in the process but his best friend didn’t have a witty remark or anything, he knew better than to retaliate in a fight when they were supposed to be in a hurry. “Honestly, mate, how does Alice cope with you?”
“Well, I’m nice to her,” Gaius answered, smiling fondly at the thought of his girlfriend.
“So what? I’ve got to shag you to get special treatment?”
“Pretty much, yeah. I’ll wait here, go on then,” he gestured to the toilet. “Oh, and just for insulting Iron and Wine, I’ll wake you up with the Small World song next time.”
“You have been reduced to cheap tricks, Germaine. You’re tacky and I hate you.”
Uther dodged the incoming pillow coming his way and stuck his tongue out as he took his towel. Yeah, they were really mature.
Their room wasn’t much; it was just one bed on each side of the room but it was spacious in between them. It was like there was a line drawn on the floor to keep from getting their stuff mixed up but they ended up getting mixed up anyway. That was alright, wasn’t it? That was what it was like with best friends: there was no real sense of ownership with either of their stuff and Uther was pretty okay with Gaius touching or sharing his things. There was a window on the wall, one desk for each of them and that was basically it.
Uther’s family had money, had a big house and nice cars to fit inside their spacey garage but his father said that the only way his son could see the real world and grow within it is to limit his expenses and, so, instead of being top priority at the uni, he got the normal rooms normal guys got. Not that he minded, he knew that there was not going to be real success if he started at the top. He had that ideal ever since he was a boy and it was too late to take it back.
There was obviously no room for a toilet in this space to they had to make do with a shared toilet across the hall. Luckily, everyone else had bathed and gotten ready for class -he probably shouldn’t mention that to Gaius or else it’d be even more evidence for him to say Uther was a lazy slob- so he didn’t need to share. Gaius was right about one thing, though, he looked horrible.
On good days, his dark hair would be messy in a neat kind of way but now it was just messy like someone decided to unleash a tornado around him. His blue eyes looked a bit bloodshot and oh god how much did he drink last night?
However much it was, he really should not be held responsible because his guardian last night was Gorlois. Gaius had to go to a date with Alice, which left him, Gorlois and his on-and-off lady friend Vivian in the nearby pub. The combination of all three of them and bad 90s pop music was never to be trusted because he could vaguely remember the bubblegum pop tunes of Spice Girls and Gorlois yelling in his ear to ‘tell me what you want, what you really, really want.’
Uther sighed, looking at his face, and then decided he should probably get ready.
When he got back to the room, he found his best friend on his bed packing his bags and smiling at him. He was always a little bit more calm after seeing that they were just a bit more closer to leaving. He was a bit anal, Gaius was, always organized on his side of the room and he wanted to get to class on time but, ever since meeting Uther a few months ago at the beginning of the school year, he learned to loosen up a bit. A bit being the emphasized part of the sentence.
Part of him felt lucky that this was the only class he and Gaius shared because he didn’t have to wake up like this all the time but, once again, as the sentimental side of him took over, it was weird to only have one class with your close friend.
“Come on, then, I’m ready,” Uther said when he finally put on his jacket.
It was weird, though, wasn’t it? To call someone your best friend after barely three months together? Uther had a lot of friends in high school but none of them came over to Caerleon Academy to study, they all scattered across the country, even the world, and, of course, they promised to keep in touch but, after a while, they never did.
When they left, Uther met Gaius. It wasn’t the sort of meeting that would go down in the books, though -the first time they met, Gaius opened the door to Uther’s face, resulting in him having a bump on his head and a wicked headache during fresher orientation. They sat together then, with Gaius apologizing profusely, but that was that. After that, it was just them. No effort required.
It was also weird, he supposed, how close they were considering the fact that they were both on different paths as far as careers and academics were concerned. The pre-law student with the future doctor -even though Gaius liked the term ‘physician’ better.
“Hey, Uther!” a familiar voice hollered at him on the way to the lecture hall. Gorlois, accompanied, as always, by Vivian. “Stop! In the name of love!”
“Oh, now, that’s just unfair,” Uther said to Gorlois. “Aren’t you hungover at all?”
“I’ve got my secret ways of getting over a drunken night, Pendragon, maybe I should show you one of these days,” Gorlois smirked, arm going around Viv’s waist.
“Please do, I’ve suffered through many a hangover with the bloke,” Gaius said to them.
They looked like the picture perfect couple, both of them, with Gorlois’s good looks he had no problem with showing off -the dark hair, the build girls always love from the swimming- and Vivian with her own beauty -stereotypical blonde hair and full lips that guys fawn over. If this was a 80s high school movie, Gorlois and Vivian would definitely be that couple that was followed by light shows or a wind machine when they walk down the hallway.
“We’ll see you later, Uther?” Vivian asked him and he nodded. People always figured Viv wouldn’t be as sweet as she was, being the way she looked and how she carried herself but if there was anyone to defy all stereotypes, it’d be her. In fact, Uther wondered sometimes if she was a Women’s Studies minor just to make sure people got her point.
They said goodbye and Gaius tugged on Uther so they wouldn’t be late to the class. The lecture hall was already pretty full by the time they got there but it wasn’t like that was an issue because they had seats saved for them.
Technically speaking, there were no assigned seats but that didn’t bother them. For three months, they’d been sitting at the same spot and they probably always would. Nim waved them over to their seats next to her and they shuffled until Uther was in the middle of the two of them.
“Nim, tell him we’re not late,” Uther said to her.
Nim smiled to Gaius and said, “Calm your balls, you’re not late.”
“My balls are very calm, thank you very much,” Gaius smirked.
“Run and tell dat, homeboy,” Uther laughed and settled in his seat.
Nim smiled at them both and opened her notebook to start copying down the History notes. To think, Uther almost never joined this class because he wondered what it would do for him as far as a legal future career went but, here he was regardless. But, truth was, he hardly thought Gaius belonged here, either, with being pre-med, and sometimes Nim, although she was a ruddy Philosophy major, barely fit in here either.
She always said she was never really interested Philosophy, she was really just interested in Magical Studies but the university only offered it as a minor. It was lucky the academy offered it at all because Magical Studies was something they didn’t normally teach around here. Or anywhere, for that matter.
Uther always thought Nim was more fitted to that, though, those out-of-the-world things that most people found out of reach, she belonged in that realm of reality. Even her appearance, all dark hair and fair skin, seemed to emphasize that fact.
“I’m hungry,” Uther said to anyone that would listen. Nim raised her eyebrows. “What? Gaius didn’t feed me this morning.”
“Shut up, you sod,” Gaius grumbled next to him. “We’re having breakfast after this.”
“Ah but you’re forgetting, I’ve got Political Science after this,” Uther noted.
“Riigghhhttt,” Gaius nodded, putting on a sing-song voice. It was rare that Uther ever wanted to punch the smile right off his friend’s face but, whenever he did this, the urge always came back. “Political Science.”
“Fuck off.”
Thankfully, Nim, though knowing exactly what Political Science meant, refrained from teasing him all the same and gave him one half of the sandwich she had in her bag and it was warm like it’d just been cooked. Having a magical friend was a perk sometimes.
Strictly speaking, Political Science should be his most hated subject. He never really wanted to take it; he only took it because he should, what with his future career path. It would give him some insight on his political choices in the future: to see the ones people took before him. He had no friends in this class; Gaius was, after all, pre-med and had no need for Political Science and Gorlois always often joked he was majoring in fun and, in fact, not engineering, so he refused to take classes where he had to go out of his way to understand the ways of others. Not even Nim, even though she belonged to the liberal arts college, she took Ethics and Philosophy, not wanting to learn about the stature of other governments.
Obviously, he should’ve hated this class. But he didn’t. Because, on the first day of class a few months ago, Uther found himself in shambles and ran to class a bit late and there were only a few seats left. He refused to sit at the back of the lecture hall like some kind of lazy arse but sitting at the front would only label him as some kind of teacher’s pet. It was funny how uni was really no different than high school; they were all bred in a factory system with the same fears. Uther found himself in the middle of the lecture hall, with a good view of the professor, and decent people next to him.
Then, as fate would have it, his pen fell from his grasp while he was writing notes and bounced to the seat in front of him. He cursed but the girl in front of him just laughed, took the pen and turned around. There she was, right then and there, as if there should be cheesy music playing in the background as she brushed strands of hair out of her eyes and smiled at him, handing back his pen. Her hair was blonde, tied up in a lazy ponytail, face smooth and smile genuine.
Uther wasn’t one to have crushes -girls usually had crushes on him- but this girl seemed to be worth it, at least in the few moments he had with her. Ygraine, her name was, Ygraine de Bois, but she hated the name, she told him.
“Ray,” she had said to him. “Just call me Ray.”
“Uther,” he had responded back.
They were acquaintances outside class, that was it, they smiled at each other when they saw each other in hallways and politely gave them way at the local Starbucks. But, in class, well, he liked to think they were friends in class.
It wasn’t as if it wasn’t actually awkward talking to someone who was a seat in front of you but they made do. First, it was just the note passing and the normal, “You okay?” when he saw her cough or when she was absent during classes, then it got better. Then, Uther started whispering jokes into her ear about he thought their professor was some kind of slug worm because he moved around like he had no spine and she started trying to conceal her laughter behind subtle movements of her hand.
“I hate you,” she had told him once which was good because he always thought that the true point of when friendship started was when they started insulting each other with absolutely no guilt whatsoever. It was why Sam and Dean always called themselves jerk and bitch, right? Sure, they were brothers but the point still stood.
The thing was, though, Uther hadn’t figured out what he wanted. Not to say that he wanted something from everyone he knew but all things had a purpose, right? And this thing with Ray, if it even constituted as a thing, he didn’t know why he was doing it. It was odd because he was always doing things according to a plan or leading to somewhere but Ray completely threw him off the map.
Clearly all his friends thought he was completely in love with her and he wanted to get it on with her, as Gorlois said, but it wasn’t just that. He supposed he wasn’t completely against the idea of it being okay that he knew her odd quirks and using them, like helping her into a jacket when it dropped a certain temperature or making sure things were exactly right in her coffee. But, actually, he respected her far too much for that.
He sighed, crossing his arms and burrowing deeper into his jacket, feeling comfortable in his own cage of thoughts. It was okay, he told himself, he didn’t have to figure this out right now. He could just go on being confused for a while; it was good for him to feel things he couldn’t figure out.
“Hey, you okay?” Ray nudged him and Uther realized the class was over.
“Just lost in my own thoughts, I guess,” Uther shrugged.
“Anything interesting?” Ray asked, holding up her books against her chest.
Uther almost wanted to laugh. “Nah.”
He saw her raise an eyebrow -how was it that girls always knew how to do that and have that silent judgement face like you just grew an extra head- and shrugged it off. She was starting towards the door which meant that she was stepping outside the friendship zone and they were acquaintances from that point on. It was fucking ridiculous, actually, who ever said that their friendship had to be confined to the lecture hall?
“You wanna go get some coffee?” he found himself asking her, just to spite this unspoken rule fuck knows who made up. It could’ve been him, though, when he was looking but he’s looking now.
“Coffee?” Ray asked him.
“It’s a caffeinated beverage that’s enjoyed by many a person, young or old, and it’s conveniently served at a Starbucks five minutes away.”
Ray bowed her head and laughed. When she looked at him again, she said, “Sure. Coffee.”
The university was big, so Uther only figured that the walk to Starbucks would be a bit awkward and long as they passed the hallways but it seemed like Ray initiated conversation just for the sake of the same fear.
“So, Uther, I don’t seem to know much about you,” she said.
“What do you wanna know?” Uther turned up his collar in the cold January winter. It still smelt like Christmas, for some reason.
“Well, for starters, where do you live? Student housing or do you live off campus?” the way she asked that implied that she knew he had money and was probably forming the thought that he was some kind of arrogant prick. Maybe he was, he wasn’t sure yet.
“Student housing. I live over at Constantine, roommate’s a complete idiot, though,” Uther laughed a bit, thinking about how Gaius would react to that.
“Oh yeah? I live at Cornwall.”
“My mate Gorlois lives there!” Uther said and that might’ve been just a tad too enthusiastic. He didn’t want her to think he was a big gay or anything.
“Yeah, I know Vivian. I’ve met Gorlois in passing. Oh, don’t tell me,” Ray started looking excited and Uther was seriously considering hiding his head in shame because Viv and Gorlois had some stories on him, “are you the bloke they told me about that snorted vodka jelly and ended up vomiting all over Viv?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Uther smiled awkwardly.
“Viv still hasn’t forgiven you for that, you know.” She laughed then, covering her mouth with her hand. He wished she wouldn’t.
“I wouldn’t forgive myself either. But I bought her a new shirt the next day.”
“Wrong size, though, she uses it as a pillow cover.”
“My choices in clothing are horrible and I take full credit for that.”
“Nah,” Ray said, looking him down. “You look good enough.”
Uther looked at her and smiled. There it was, that confidence again, the complete non-effort that came with friendships that he figured could last. Ray looked away and gave her attention to her phone, instead as it beeped.
“Oh, uh,” Ray started to say but Uther guessed.
“Raincheck?” Uther asked her with a smile, trying to disguise the fact that he was actually a bit disappointed.
Ray stopped for a moment, stopped packing and just set her eyes on him as she said, “Definitely.”
“Hey,” Gaius greeted him when he entered the library, slamming his books on the table.
“Violent towards the literature today, then?” the other boy asked with a smirk.
“What, do you think you’re funny, do you Geoff?” Gaius asked, sitting down across him.
“A bit, yeah.”
“And I thought you were nice,” Gaius said. Geoff was looking down at his books, but Gaius knew he could see a smile playing around his lips. He knew he was just joking, Geoff was always nice.
Geoffrey Magister -although if you weren’t his professor and you called him Geoffrey, you were probably going to be the victim of an excellent withering stare because he was taller than most guys and had this really great quality of staring someone down until they felt inferior- was probably the most solid and honourable chap he’s met, besides the withering stare of course. Uther always had Gorlois when he wasn’t with Gaius and when Uther was off and away or Alice, even, for that matter, Geoff provided the company.
Sometimes, he even liked Geoff better. He was good company and he was willing to listen, unlike Uther was most times. And he wasn’t boring, either, he was interesting and he knew a lot of shit most people would find useless but he found fascinating. He was studying English Lit in the college but Gaius could see the glint in his eyes when Gaius started talking about his pre-med stuff, like he was interested. He’d brush it off, though, just saying that he only liked it when Gaius was talking to him about it.
It was nice, just hanging out with Geoff like this because Geoff had this talent with silences, where he would make them comfortable, not awkward. Just, once in a while in the silence, he’d look up and smile at him or make a little joke that would make him want to smack him for distracting him from his studying, and that made all the other moments of dead silence incredibly at peace. And plus, he’d tap his fingers on the table or hum Beatles songs under his breath so that made it all the more comfortable.
Gaius was beginning to wonder if it wasn’t a talent, after all, maybe he just felt that way with him. Cause people sometimes found tapping and humming annoying, right? He just could never find it in himself to be annoyed at Geoff at all.
“What’re you doing?” Gaius asked him, taking out his anatomy textbooks out of his bag.
“Studying my namesake,” Geoff answered absent-mindedly.
“Canterbury Tales? I thought you memorized that shit already.”
“Ah,” Geoff smiled at him with his finger up, trying to mimic his professor. Gaius snuck into one of his Lit classes one, just for fun, and found it strangely fascinating. He never thought much of it in high school but just seeing Geoff there, debating on literary devices of Thoreau was kind of cool, just like how Geoff found anatomy interesting. “But the mind only remembers what it wants, not what it must.”
“The next great poet, you are.”
“Nah, I can’t get into poetry. It’s kind of exhausting to try to get to the point.”
“Maybe there isn’t a point at all, maybe it’s all a metaphor,” Gaius laughed.
“Maybe the blue curtains were symbolizing his depression!”
“Instead of just symbolizing the fact he just liked the fucking colour!”
The librarian gave them a loud shush that reduced the two boys into silent gags of laughter.
“I swear, if we were all just studying Lemony Snicket, life would be so much easier. Now, that is great twenty-first century literature,” Geoff told him, trying to get back to his book.
“Preach it to the choir,” Gaius said. “Although, I’m pre-med so the change of literature syllabus won’t really affect me greatly.”
“I’m still intrigued as to why you chose pre-med, if you hate it so much.”
“I don’t hate it!”
“Oh, please, I’ve suffered through the study nights, Gaius.”
Gaius knew that he had the habit of being a complete nutjob during study nights, nights where his coursework was due the next day and it was completely Uther’s fault that it wasn’t going to be on time. He would barely know what he was talking about, coherency be damned, so he had to have a guardian around making sure he didn’t mention boobs or write down numerous curse words on the document. Geoff always volunteered which was always weird because Gaius was worse on study nights than anyone would be on a drunken night. Mostly because he’d remember it all the next day when he woke up from sleeping on the ruddy table.
“I’m in pre-med because I am. You know that feeling when you know you just do? In something, you just feel the way you feel, you just do?” Gaius asked him, leaning forward on the table.
He was never one of the kids that played around with the stethoscope or asked his parents to buy the full set for him, just so he could pretend to be saving the lives of his stuffed toys. Nah, he was the kid who went up to the top of the small hill at their neighbourhood and then attempt to roll down like a big ball of cheese. Suffice to say, there was a reason only cheese was rolled that way and he spent a week out of school because of the injuries. He was also the kid who looked at his injuries, poked a little at the blood coming out of the wound and started to wonder.
“Yeah, you just do,” Geoff nodded, then turned his attention back to his book.
“Hey, you,” a familiar voice crept up on him with a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and smiled at Alice. She leaned down to plant a soft kiss on him then sat down next to him.
“Hey, Geoff,” Alice said to him.
“Hullo, Alice,” Geoff gave him his customary smile. His customary, polite smile that was kind of like a curt nod to acquaintances. It sucked that they weren’t closer friends, Geoff and Alice, but they hardly found time to hang out together, just the three of them without Uther cockblocking the whole thing.
“You staying?” Gaius asked, putting his arm around her waist.
“Nah, I’ve got a meeting with one of the professors,” Alice smiled apologetically. “Just thought I’d stop by.”
He liked Alice, he really did; she was some kind of magic without the trouble of actually being magic. Gaius didn’t mean to be a cliché but he always thought that girls like Alice -all dirty blonde hair and wide smiles and wit- didn’t end up with ginger nerds like him. He was glad she did, though. He was happy with her, in this relationship that tasted like morning toast and smelled like worn-out sheets on the morning after the night before.
“I’ll see you later, then,” Gaius said, kissing her again. “I’m in good hands, see?”
Alice directed another smile to Geoff and nodded. Gaius thought she wished they were closer, too, instead of just being acquaintances through Gaius. He made a date with her for later as she walked away. Geoff leaned in his seat across from him and managed to put his feet up on the chair next to Gaius, his toes poking his side until he burst out laughing and the librarian looked at him like her claws were going to retract on his face.
Yeah, so sometimes, Geoff could be a bit of a brat.
part two