A Very Serious Teen Wolf Retrospective: 02.01-02.06
Roughly chronological.
-People running as wolves…does not look good. Does not look physically possible.
-Everyone continues to be that life-ruining mix of adorable and sexy.
-UGH JACKSON. WET AND BITTEN JACKSON. Bitten on the hip to boot. Because why go for the already-exposed throat on the terrified man-boy that came to you begging to be bitten when you can claw his clothes off and sink your teeth into his rock-hard hip?
Seriously Derek/Jackson oh god gimme.
-I know I berate these fictional characters a lot for their actions but let me real talk for a second: I would be weeping pretty much constantly if this was my life. Sometimes I would be bawling, sometimes I would just be crying silently, but it would be happening because I would be fucking terrified all the time.
-I hope they chose this angle and those jeans for story purposes.
THE STORY OF MAKING DEREK'S DICK LOOK HUGE.
Ain't no shame in that game, Derek. Bite boys in private places and try not to tip over from the weight of your ginormous package while you "rescue" other boys. Get some, as we say.
-Stiles and Scott are remarkably free with their discussions about Scott the werewolf. I bet so many random peers are confused about so many things.
-I'm pretty impressed by how high school most of the cast looks, but Danny does not oh man does he not. Not that I really care.
-I see the scary as hell position is being taken by GRANDPA.
-Homeless werewolf what?????? Oh man, an omega. I love fakey dog/werewolf pack science!
-Poor Lydia :(. Being lost in the woods but also in general. Everyone is so terrible to her.
-Oh god Derek is just all over the boys all the time. Just constantly mauling and dragging and pressing against things. Good gravy. Get some indeed.
-I don't get the bisecting thing. How does that work? Is it just supposed to be such massive trauma that they can't heal?
-Isaac. Poor baby Isaac. Let me embrace you. Or let Derek allow you into his probably-mangy bed when you're terrified. I do love the reveal that he's been turned though. EAT IT, DAD.
-Okay, so the Argents are massively fucked up and fucking terrifying. Grandpa as the principal is so holy shit no. And as if they'd be able to pull that off.
-Question: how does Derek pay for things? That's a fancy-ass car, dude. I guess he can feed himself pretty good but I doubt he makes his own tight jeans.
-Uhhhhhhhhh by the time Derek turns Erica it's obvious that Derek is basically preying on sad, insecure teens. HAHA OH GOD SO CREEPY. Derek, friend, I understand you're lonely and terrible at emotions and being a human in general, but this is so, so wrong.
-How, exactly, does becoming a werewolf give you a sexy-hot makeover? Especially the part where you can walk in platform heels? Because if I could walk in platform stilettos without decking myself I might become a werewolf. Like, right now.
(Where is Isaac's sexy-hot makeover? He could use some eyeliner and his very own leather jacket. Although I do like his cowering.)
-Poor jerkass Jackson. Poor frustrated, self-hating baby Jackson.
-Lmao I love how Dr. Deaton pretends to be so dumb.
(Yes, sexy-hot makeover for Isaac!)
-This whole ice rink scene is just so, so hilariously dumb.
(Okay, so. I want a lot of stories about stupid, irresponsible Derek and his stupid, irresponsible babies and how he treated them all when he go them. Like, Isaac was kind of pathetisad but Derek felt for him and probably let him sleep in his weird, nestlike bed [see above]. And he clearly took Erica shopping which was probably kind of hot and since he's terrible he was surely like, "Yes, let us rip up this shirt a little so your glorious boobs show. Also, my baby, this is how we shoplift." And, well, since I haven't seen Boyd actually do anything yet I assume Derek started talking and Boyd cut him off and was like, "No matter what, just keep chilling on the zamboni?" and Derek was like, "Good man," in a very paternal fashion and then they both put on sunglasses and walked into the sunset. I'll amend this last one at some point, once Boyd does more than stay out of things.)
-Dr. Deaton is pretty badass, in this totally calm way.
-oh god oh god Stiles just has to watch a dude get smushed??? WHAT IS THIS SHOW?
-Gerard/GRANDPA is so cliche and superevil oh god it's terrible.
-Derek is the best or worst wolf daddy. I can't decide. Terrible choice in setting but A+ work kicking the hell out of your babies.
-Yesss Bestiary! I love the whole thing where there's a book or something of monsters. It's probably cheating but I think the idea is so interesting.
-I want more of Danny and Jackson being bros. And by bros I mean Jackson being a giant douche and Danny suffering through it because he loves that dumb sack of skin and cheekbones.
-Lacrosse is weirdly important in this tv show. I'm surprised at how often they actually show people playing it. Or show people wolfing out while playing it.
-Re: pool scene: WELL. Well well well. I just tented my fingers, if you were wondering. Love how they are still scabby with each other the whole time.
-I would read Pack/Jackson, just saying. In any tone. "You're still gonna have to do something for us."
-WHO ARE THESE TEACHERS? THESE SUPER JAGHOLE TEACHERS.
-I want Scott and Boyd to be friends, for some reason. Idek. Just, every time they're together I just want to see friendship sparkles around them.
-Derek and Co. are really lazy detectives. Just D- work all around. There are, oh, a million other things you can do other than killing Lydia. You stupid jags!
-Oh man I totally want Lydia and Jackson to be together. I can't explain myself. I just want them to be happy! Even though Jackson is a gross lizard monster!
-Ugh the speeches on this show suck. Especially coming from Derek. Sorry, Derek, but your little alpha speech was terrible.
-I'm annoyed by how hard they're working to make Erica unlikeable. I really want to like the girl who got treated shittily and now is making a badass comeback but she's written to be so grating and awful. I bet in fanon it works.
-Scott's an omega? Haven't they referred to him as a beta multiple times before this?
-LMAO Why would werewolf and a kanima, two animals, punch each other? No! They would FIGHT. Like animals! With the claws and the teeth!
(I guess I never said this anywhere above but I love the opening credits. Surprisingly slick hahaha get it I'm funny. because of the greasy people?)
- "Dude, everyone here is a dude." Scott, you are the WORST. Stiles is totally into the whole gay club experience though, which is awesome. And lol yes at Stiles being outraged when his dad says he's not gay.
-Danny, get some!! Or not. Thanks for doing your part, Stiles. (Stiles/Danny? I would go there)
-I love Lydia. Straight-up love that girl.
-"YOU'RE KILLING PEOPLE. TO DEATH."
-Lmao the Argents taking over the school is so un-fucking-believable.
(Stiles/Jackson in the van in the woods please!)
-Poor baby Jackson in the van. Thank glob for dumb, tenderhearted Scott sticking up for him.
-Yessss someone is the master of Jackson yessssss all my yeses.
Thoughts?? As usual, if you spoil me for the back-end of the season I'm taking you to Murdertown, USA.
-People running as wolves…does not look good. Does not look physically possible.
-Everyone continues to be that life-ruining mix of adorable and sexy.
-UGH JACKSON. WET AND BITTEN JACKSON. Bitten on the hip to boot. Because why go for the already-exposed throat on the terrified man-boy that came to you begging to be bitten when you can claw his clothes off and sink your teeth into his rock-hard hip?
Seriously Derek/Jackson oh god gimme.
-I know I berate these fictional characters a lot for their actions but let me real talk for a second: I would be weeping pretty much constantly if this was my life. Sometimes I would be bawling, sometimes I would just be crying silently, but it would be happening because I would be fucking terrified all the time.
-I hope they chose this angle and those jeans for story purposes.
THE STORY OF MAKING DEREK'S DICK LOOK HUGE.
Ain't no shame in that game, Derek. Bite boys in private places and try not to tip over from the weight of your ginormous package while you "rescue" other boys. Get some, as we say.
-Stiles and Scott are remarkably free with their discussions about Scott the werewolf. I bet so many random peers are confused about so many things.
-I'm pretty impressed by how high school most of the cast looks, but Danny does not oh man does he not. Not that I really care.
-I see the scary as hell position is being taken by GRANDPA.
-Homeless werewolf what?????? Oh man, an omega. I love fakey dog/werewolf pack science!
-Poor Lydia :(. Being lost in the woods but also in general. Everyone is so terrible to her.
-Oh god Derek is just all over the boys all the time. Just constantly mauling and dragging and pressing against things. Good gravy. Get some indeed.
-I don't get the bisecting thing. How does that work? Is it just supposed to be such massive trauma that they can't heal?
-Isaac. Poor baby Isaac. Let me embrace you. Or let Derek allow you into his probably-mangy bed when you're terrified. I do love the reveal that he's been turned though. EAT IT, DAD.
-Okay, so the Argents are massively fucked up and fucking terrifying. Grandpa as the principal is so holy shit no. And as if they'd be able to pull that off.
-Question: how does Derek pay for things? That's a fancy-ass car, dude. I guess he can feed himself pretty good but I doubt he makes his own tight jeans.
-Uhhhhhhhhh by the time Derek turns Erica it's obvious that Derek is basically preying on sad, insecure teens. HAHA OH GOD SO CREEPY. Derek, friend, I understand you're lonely and terrible at emotions and being a human in general, but this is so, so wrong.
-How, exactly, does becoming a werewolf give you a sexy-hot makeover? Especially the part where you can walk in platform heels? Because if I could walk in platform stilettos without decking myself I might become a werewolf. Like, right now.
(Where is Isaac's sexy-hot makeover? He could use some eyeliner and his very own leather jacket. Although I do like his cowering.)
-Poor jerkass Jackson. Poor frustrated, self-hating baby Jackson.
-Lmao I love how Dr. Deaton pretends to be so dumb.
(Yes, sexy-hot makeover for Isaac!)
-This whole ice rink scene is just so, so hilariously dumb.
(Okay, so. I want a lot of stories about stupid, irresponsible Derek and his stupid, irresponsible babies and how he treated them all when he go them. Like, Isaac was kind of pathetisad but Derek felt for him and probably let him sleep in his weird, nestlike bed [see above]. And he clearly took Erica shopping which was probably kind of hot and since he's terrible he was surely like, "Yes, let us rip up this shirt a little so your glorious boobs show. Also, my baby, this is how we shoplift." And, well, since I haven't seen Boyd actually do anything yet I assume Derek started talking and Boyd cut him off and was like, "No matter what, just keep chilling on the zamboni?" and Derek was like, "Good man," in a very paternal fashion and then they both put on sunglasses and walked into the sunset. I'll amend this last one at some point, once Boyd does more than stay out of things.)
-Dr. Deaton is pretty badass, in this totally calm way.
-oh god oh god Stiles just has to watch a dude get smushed??? WHAT IS THIS SHOW?
-Gerard/GRANDPA is so cliche and superevil oh god it's terrible.
-Derek is the best or worst wolf daddy. I can't decide. Terrible choice in setting but A+ work kicking the hell out of your babies.
-Yesss Bestiary! I love the whole thing where there's a book or something of monsters. It's probably cheating but I think the idea is so interesting.
-I want more of Danny and Jackson being bros. And by bros I mean Jackson being a giant douche and Danny suffering through it because he loves that dumb sack of skin and cheekbones.
-Lacrosse is weirdly important in this tv show. I'm surprised at how often they actually show people playing it. Or show people wolfing out while playing it.
-Re: pool scene: WELL. Well well well. I just tented my fingers, if you were wondering. Love how they are still scabby with each other the whole time.
-I would read Pack/Jackson, just saying. In any tone. "You're still gonna have to do something for us."
-WHO ARE THESE TEACHERS? THESE SUPER JAGHOLE TEACHERS.
-I want Scott and Boyd to be friends, for some reason. Idek. Just, every time they're together I just want to see friendship sparkles around them.
-Derek and Co. are really lazy detectives. Just D- work all around. There are, oh, a million other things you can do other than killing Lydia. You stupid jags!
-Oh man I totally want Lydia and Jackson to be together. I can't explain myself. I just want them to be happy! Even though Jackson is a gross lizard monster!
-Ugh the speeches on this show suck. Especially coming from Derek. Sorry, Derek, but your little alpha speech was terrible.
-I'm annoyed by how hard they're working to make Erica unlikeable. I really want to like the girl who got treated shittily and now is making a badass comeback but she's written to be so grating and awful. I bet in fanon it works.
-Scott's an omega? Haven't they referred to him as a beta multiple times before this?
-LMAO Why would werewolf and a kanima, two animals, punch each other? No! They would FIGHT. Like animals! With the claws and the teeth!
(I guess I never said this anywhere above but I love the opening credits. Surprisingly slick hahaha get it I'm funny. because of the greasy people?)
- "Dude, everyone here is a dude." Scott, you are the WORST. Stiles is totally into the whole gay club experience though, which is awesome. And lol yes at Stiles being outraged when his dad says he's not gay.
-Danny, get some!! Or not. Thanks for doing your part, Stiles. (Stiles/Danny? I would go there)
-I love Lydia. Straight-up love that girl.
-"YOU'RE KILLING PEOPLE. TO DEATH."
-Lmao the Argents taking over the school is so un-fucking-believable.
(Stiles/Jackson in the van in the woods please!)
-Poor baby Jackson in the van. Thank glob for dumb, tenderhearted Scott sticking up for him.
-Yessss someone is the master of Jackson yessssss all my yeses.
Thoughts?? As usual, if you spoil me for the back-end of the season I'm taking you to Murdertown, USA.