nii~!
yosh~! finally posted this fic! n_nV
Title: The Closest Thing to Happiness
Genre: Angst (with a dash of fluff on the side)
Pairing: Hikakei (and an extra pairing on the side... try to guess...) ^^
Notes: Since our classes were suspended today due to a storm , I was possessed by an unknown spirit and I managed to write a couple of stories… I was supposed to post it last night, but some negative thoughts entered my head and I was unable to finish typing it… Again, comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated (I think this will be a little bit confusing to read... please bear with me...)
~♥~
Happiness in an entity that is very hard to obtain. Many strive to achieve it, yet only a select few have the privilege to experience it.
He never thought he would be one of them.
It was like one of those songs that you couldn't get out of your head. Continuously, it flows throughout your entire being. Every waking moment, every wink of sleep, the plethora of dreams that you experience, the music fills your soul. The feeling befuddles you, exhausts you, overwhelms you to the point of insanity. The best part is, you can't get enough of it.
The spirit of the song flows from his heart, to his head, to his fingertips, producing notes, chords, lyrics, a song. After finishing the masterpiece from his heart, he smiled the angelic smile that would make any fangir within a one-mile radius faint or, at the very least, cause blood to shoot out from their nostrils. He felt accomplished and oddly light-headed, as if he was about to burst from some unknown emotion that he couldn't quite put his finger on. But still, he smiled on... and why wouldn't he?
Giving shape to something that the mind cannot even begin to comprehend is no easy task... But love was never meant to be easy, anyways...
He went on with his work, the melody echoing inside his head. Occasionally he would hum quietly to himself, earning a few curious glances from his fellow members.
"Ne~, we don't have a new song right? What are you singing~?"
Smiling, he ruffled the younger boy's hair fondly, (earning a couple of death glares from the hairstylist), and went to the director calling him, leaving the little one very much confused (and with hair that has seen better days). He stared at the older boy for a few more moments before his attention was diverted by the entrance of his favorite chair, sporting bloody bruises on the face that he loved so much.
"Eh?! What happened to you? Were you kidnapped by aliens?!"
"Huh? Oh, this? Daijobu, it's just make-up. I was in a hurry to come here that I forgot to wash it off."
"Were you hurrying here because you missed me?"
"No, I didn't want to be scolded for being late again..."
"Ah... sou desu ka...?" the younger boy replied, his cheerful smile disappearing. The tall, brown-haired boy stared at him for a few moments before laughing and pulling him into a hug.
"Of course I missed you, baka~. What kind of question is that?" he softly whispered, burying his face into the younger boy's hair. Seeing that he wasn't getting any response, he pulled away from the hug and knelt down to the shorter boy's height, placing his hands on his shoulders.
"I have some Pocky~, want to share?" he said enticingly.
The smaller boy visibly brightened and threw his arms around the brown-haired boy's neck.
"Hai~!"
The older boy smiled, and with the little boy on his back, the two of them went off to some place and ate Pocky... together~
He was watching the scene, unbeknownst to the happy couple. Again that soft, angelic smile... but this time there was something not right...
Sadness... Longing... Uncertainty...
Why was he feeling those things all of a sudden?
"Minna-san, we have ten minutes before filming. Everybody needed on the set, please be ready to go to your places in two minutes. For the rest, please stand by."
"Hai~"
BEST was scheduled first to perform. They chattered noisily amongst themselves, one particular member being unusually chirpier than usual. He was continuously bouncing around, earning a scolding from the oldest of the group, and a smack at the head from the brown-haired boy and the shortest among them.
He laughed at the antics of his friends, especially when the member in question smiled his adorable, dorky grin, dissolving the angry faces of the other three and making all of them burst out in a fit of giggles.
"Come on guys, we need to be serious here..." the oldest scolded.
"Hai, hai~"
They arrived at the set five minutesbefore filming. After a final check, they quickly went to their places. As expected, he was at the back again. Oh, the disadvantages of being tall--
"Yo! Ganbatte ne?"
"Huh? Ah, h-hai!"
A quick smile, a simple phrase, and now he felt like his legs had turned to jelly. He was stuttering like an idiot, just because he wished him good luck... just because of that cute, crooked-tooth grin...
What in the world was happening to him?
The opening strains of the song were playing, and his body took over. He grooved to the beat, but he wasn't really paying attention to the music. His body moved on its own volition, but his entire being was dancing a different tune, a song that no one can hear but him...
Okay, now he was seriously confused...
And before he knew it, the dance has ended. Without realizing it, he was already standing next to him, breathing heavily from the exertion of dancing. Their hands touched for the briefest moment, and something like an electric shock ran up his arm. His heart was beating like crazy... from dancing perhaps...
Everything that happened after that was a blur... He knew that they were being interviewed... He knew he was being asked questions, but the only thing he could focus on was the person standing next to him, answering questions with a quick, ready smile and witty replies. He knew that he would probably get a scolding later on, but he couldn't help being thrilled as he nudged him to answer a question that he didn't hear. And he knew that he was on the brink of insanity, but he felt a warm, fluttery feeling in his stomach as he whispered the question to him.
And then he knew.
These things that are happening to him... those moments when his thoughts turn to an incomprehensible mess... the dreams that he's been having... the song that's been constantly replaying itself in his head... it was all because of him...
Yappari, he wasn't going crazy after all...
A smile of understanding and acceptance lit his face... but something made him stop in his tracks...
How could he possibly tell him?
Right on cue, he came into the room, the other members of BEST right behind him. He watched how he interacted with the other members of the group. He searched for a clue, for a sign, anything that would suggest that he has a sliver of a chance of him liking him back…
But it was the same for everyone else: the same friendliness, the same attitude, the same smile. He treats every one of them as a special friend… certainly nothing more, nothing less… All of them just hold the same special place in his heart…
Now he knew that things will never be the same again.
He began avoiding him, making lame excuses for the first time since kindergarten. When he greeted him good morning, he’ll just nod his head. The phone calls and text messages stopped coming. Sleepovers, eating together, and hanging out at each other’s house became a thing of the past. He now walks home alone, berating himself if he’s doing the right thing after all… in the end, he consoles himself with the thought that it’s for the best…
He wonders if he’s still mentally healthy.
One day, he finished later than usual. As a result, he was the last one to go home. Locking the door of the dressing room behind him, he slowly made his way out of the jimusho. He passed by an open door… He really wanted to go home, but something in that room made him turn back.
A grand piano.
It was as if the piano was a magnet, slowly drawing him in until he stood directly in front of it. Tentatively, he stroked the ivory keys and pressed one. That one clear note rang throughout the room, giving him courage. He removed his bag and sat himself in front of the piano, but as he placed his hands over the keys, a question suddenly entered his mind.
What exactly is he going to play?
His fingers hovering above the keyboard, he searched his memory for a song that would calm him down. While he was pressing random keys, his hands began playing a familiar melody… he didn’t know why, but this was the piece that he chose… this piece was filled with happy thoughts, overflowing with light and love… and his hands stilled on the keys. He finally remembered what this song is…
It was his song… the song that he made for him… Although he didn’t knew it that time, the song itself was telling him for whom it was made for in the first place. The song opened up the heart that he kept tightly locked this past few days, filling it with the feelings that he has fought to forget… He wanted to stop playing, but his hands didn’t belong to him anymore. The song has controlled him, speaking of the things he had shut himself out from, ringing with the poignant, honest simplicity of his true feelings. Tears started falling as he listened to the hopes and dreams that he had naively thought would become true. How had things ended like this? Why can’t he go back to being blissfully innocent?
He wished he could be five forever…
His hands pressed down on the keys, but he couldn’t play anymore. The sadness enveloped him as he covered his face with his hands, tears flowing unabated from eyes that now refuse to see what it should see…
He stopped crying after a while… no one would come to wipe away his tears, so what was the sense in waiting? He needed to go home anyway… it was getting dark…
He picked up his bag from the floor and wiped his eyes on his sleeve (no point in looking like he cried his eyes out). After a last backward glance at the piano, he sighed and turned around to go home.
“Why did you stop playing?”
He stopped dead in his tracks, and prayed that he was just dreaming… but no amount of pinching himself could make him go away. There he was, leaning on the doorframe, blocking the only means of escape…. And still looking like his handsome, dorky ol’ best friend…
He clutched the strap of his bag tightly in his hands, as if by some divine force he would notice and go away. The two of the stared at each other…
Silence.
He decided to speak first.
“W-what are you doing here?”
Great. The first time he talks to him again, and he can’t even speak coherently.
“I forgot something in the dressing room, so I went there to get this, then I happened to hear you playing,” he said, holding up a folder that he recognized as his script for his new show.
“Then… y-you heard?”
“Your song? Oh, yeah… but I still think my takoyaki song is better…”
He saw it as a joke… after all the effort he gave… it became a stupid laughing matter…
He knew he would just look more stupid, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He bowed his head, and the tears just came out. He didn’t even think what his reaction will be… this was certainly more than enough.
The boy leaning on the doorframe looked shocked. “Oi, you’re crying? Eh? Oi, chotto… I don’t know how to deal with this kind of things… Please stop crying… Onegai…”
He was coming closer… he knew that anyone in this situation would be lost for words, so he liked to hear what this normally noisy person would say. He felt him stop a few feet away from him, and he waited…
What he heard was something totally unexpected.
“I like you.”
His head snapped up, and he looked at him. He stood there, looking at him with a serious expression, unlike any that he had ever seen in his face before… He searched his face for anything that may indicate that he’s lying, or pulling a prank on him, just like on other countless occasions.
“I like you.”
He said it again, taking one step closer to him. Try as he might, he can’t tear his eyes away from the person in front of him, approaching him step by step.
“I like you.”
He finally reached him. The white skinned-boy finally had the courage to look away, staring at the wood patterns of the floor. A pair of arms wrapped around him, surrounding him with heat… and a voice whispered three words into his ear.
“I like you.”
Tears spilled from his eyes, soaking the shirt of the one hugging him. He weakly smacked his hand against the other boy’s chest, his head wanting to deny what he just heard.
“Baka…”
“I like you.”
“Baka…”
“I like you…”
“Baka, baka, BAKA~!”
“I really like you.”
“Baka…” he said softly, weakly. Cautiously, he wrapped his arms lightly around him…
They just stood there for a long time, just hugging each other… he was still crying, but realization slowly came to him…
Smiling doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re happy… and tears don’t always mean sadness…
He may be crying… but if he can stay like this forever, then this is the closest thing to happiness that he will ever get…
~♥~
*OWARI*
I finished another fic, but I'll just post it tomorrow... n_n