(no subject)
I relate more in mood than in literal meaning, I suppose.
And So It Goes, by the King's Singers
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self-defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon, I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I will choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
I spent this evening eating massive amounts of ice cream and playing cards with my grandparents. We've been in Eugene since last Thursday (and will be until the 17th) for the annual Oregon Bach Festival. I've been coming with my grandparents every summer since 7th grade or so.
Hearing the concerts and listening to a cappella music on my computer (which I've also been doing today) is helping me realize that I miss making music. There are too many things in the world to learn and to know and to be good at.
I've been crying a lot for me lately but only the unsatisfying, just-a-few-tears variety of crying. I want a catharsis. I want to be able to cry -- really cry -- to sob without control over myself to stop it until it stops itself. (Thursday night was somewhat cathartic but it lacked the crucial part where one is supposed to feel better afterwards. I expect that this is due to the fact that the negative emotions were fully charged but not fully purged the way they're supposed to be.)
All in all, things are not well for me right now, but I hope they will be eventually. I feel like the relationships that are most important to me are coming apart at the seams. My panic and feelings of helplessness are beginning to give way to flat depression, though, which is easier (strangely enough...I guess I just can't deal with any kind of anxiety) to live with, and so today I was somewhat functional.
As a general rule, avoidant behavior is a good thing to try and always avoid. That's my advice for you tonight. (edit: I just realized that sentence sounds ironic and funny. Avoid avoiding things. Haha. Hahahaha. Yeah, I'm a nerd.)
And So It Goes, by the King's Singers
In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self-defense
And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon, I suppose
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
So I will choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
I spent this evening eating massive amounts of ice cream and playing cards with my grandparents. We've been in Eugene since last Thursday (and will be until the 17th) for the annual Oregon Bach Festival. I've been coming with my grandparents every summer since 7th grade or so.
Hearing the concerts and listening to a cappella music on my computer (which I've also been doing today) is helping me realize that I miss making music. There are too many things in the world to learn and to know and to be good at.
I've been crying a lot for me lately but only the unsatisfying, just-a-few-tears variety of crying. I want a catharsis. I want to be able to cry -- really cry -- to sob without control over myself to stop it until it stops itself. (Thursday night was somewhat cathartic but it lacked the crucial part where one is supposed to feel better afterwards. I expect that this is due to the fact that the negative emotions were fully charged but not fully purged the way they're supposed to be.)
All in all, things are not well for me right now, but I hope they will be eventually. I feel like the relationships that are most important to me are coming apart at the seams. My panic and feelings of helplessness are beginning to give way to flat depression, though, which is easier (strangely enough...I guess I just can't deal with any kind of anxiety) to live with, and so today I was somewhat functional.
As a general rule, avoidant behavior is a good thing to try and always avoid. That's my advice for you tonight. (edit: I just realized that sentence sounds ironic and funny. Avoid avoiding things. Haha. Hahahaha. Yeah, I'm a nerd.)