Yeah.....if you can't find some good sighties it gets frustrating. That and those who think they are good sighted people and still say all the stupid things and think it's okay because they are 'friends of blind people" or something. That disconnected thought brought to you by a lack of sleep. Cane = satisfying loud thump against another twit's leg....fyi :)
"Is it any wonder I've almost given up* on sighted people?** The sense of ableist entitlement and "I know things better than you do" arrogance I encounter on a regular basis is stunning."
Amen. And I know I am clueless at times, too. But I understand that sentiment...for me, I tend to insert other qualifiers (straight people, cisgendered people, middle class people, white people...)
Funny (ok, not funny) how clueless the so-called mainstream are about something "not them." And today I have no patience, so I am not even gonna get into aspects of systemic oppress. They're just freakin' stupid or at least, completely mannerless.
Funny (ok, not funny) how clueless the so-called mainstream are about something "not them."
Seriously. If "they're" so more-enlightened-than-thou and there-but-for-the-grace-of-... or whatever, how is it that they know so much less, while insisting they don't have to learn anything because "they mean well"?
And if you have it pointed out to you (or better yet, figure out on your own) that you've messed up, acknowledge it, apologize (not for how someone else felt but for what you did) and lern from it. If you really honestly meant well, it probably came through, but if you're just covering for fear/prejudice/insecurity, that will have come through too. And STOP before the "but I just" part comes out.
Now, I have found my own home area of Somerville/Cambridge to be probably the most clueful place I've ever been overall. I still encounter ignorant treatment and basic stupidity pretty regularly, obviously, but it's not the constant, demoralizing onslaught for which I'd come to brace myself in other places. (Sad that this is my criterion for a high-quality day-to-day experience, but there you go.) But even so? Essentially all my friends right now are blind, because I just cannot deal with having to explain and justify and educate within my personal circle. It's too hard, and I did it for years, and just, no. It's a temporary state of mind I know--I will actively be open to the possibility of close relationships with sighted people again in the future. But for now, I have, in a sense, given up on them. (And yeah, I know I'm very lucky to have that option. It is a huge part of why I chose the Boston area.)
*nod* I really don't want it to come to that, though. I prefer having diverse groups of friends, because my interests are so all over the place. But I've found in the last couple years that trying to bridge the gap with some sighted people to be able to share our mutual interests becomes harder when they have no understanding of and no interest in some of the other things that are (or were) part of daily life for me -- whether it's having somebody tell me that the bus has stairs (or some equivalent) or the weird attitudes and practices in sectors of the blindness industrial complex (rehab agencies, AT companies, etc.) At the same time, I can't limit my conversations to blindy-type things, which is too often what happens when I hang with other blind people.
I feel more stuck than I have in a very long time. And though I'll cop to some of it being about being tired and wanting to hide more, I don't think it is all my fault.
I find that the blind folks I hang with have very diverse interests and that we regularly have non-blink-centric conversations. In my experience, the tendency to make blindness stuff the central topic of conversation happens more when I'm first getting to know another blind person, or in a group where some of the the blind people don't know each other or don't see each other regularly. But in my regular circle of friends, we've gotten past that. Blindness is often a significant aspect of the subjects we discuss, because it's a significant aspect of our daily experience--and that's what makes those relationships feel like so much less work. But it doesn't always need to be the subject.
Still, though. I do wish I had a more diverse group of friends sometimes--nearly everyone is a female, blind, guide-dog handler. (And white, actually. The former group of characteristics is by conscious design and the latter characteristic isn't, but it's still true.)
And I also want to say that finding myself thinking this way at all is somewhat shocking. I've never been the kind of person who went for the "us vs. them" thing, about disability, or gender, or whatever. I just didn't think that way. And I don't like that I'm feeling like that even in a small way now.
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That disconnected thought brought to you by a lack of sleep.
Cane = satisfying loud thump against another twit's leg....fyi :)
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Amen. And I know I am clueless at times, too. But I understand that sentiment...for me, I tend to insert other qualifiers (straight people, cisgendered people, middle class people, white people...)
Funny (ok, not funny) how clueless the so-called mainstream are about something "not them." And today I have no patience, so I am not even gonna get into aspects of systemic oppress. They're just freakin' stupid or at least, completely mannerless.
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Seriously. If "they're" so more-enlightened-than-thou and there-but-for-the-grace-of-... or whatever, how is it that they know so much less, while insisting they don't have to learn anything because "they mean well"?
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Being "despistado" (clueless) is no excuse for bad manners! If you don't know, shut up, and if one wants to be helpful, then say so and shut up.
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Now, I have found my own home area of Somerville/Cambridge to be probably the most clueful place I've ever been overall. I still encounter ignorant treatment and basic stupidity pretty regularly, obviously, but it's not the constant, demoralizing onslaught for which I'd come to brace myself in other places. (Sad that this is my criterion for a high-quality day-to-day experience, but there you go.) But even so? Essentially all my friends right now are blind, because I just cannot deal with having to explain and justify and educate within my personal circle. It's too hard, and I did it for years, and just, no. It's a temporary state of mind I know--I will actively be open to the possibility of close relationships with sighted people again in the future. But for now, I have, in a sense, given up on them. (And yeah, I know I'm very lucky to have that option. It is a huge part of why I chose the Boston area.)
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At the same time, I can't limit my conversations to blindy-type things, which is too often what happens when I hang with other blind people.
I feel more stuck than I have in a very long time. And though I'll cop to some of it being about being tired and wanting to hide more, I don't think it is all my fault.
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Still, though. I do wish I had a more diverse group of friends sometimes--nearly everyone is a female, blind, guide-dog handler. (And white, actually. The former group of characteristics is by conscious design and the latter characteristic isn't, but it's still true.)
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