(no subject)
Title: Nothing in the Dark
Characters: Mara, Ben, Jacen, others
Rating: G
Summary: Everyone needs help sometimes.
A/N: Takes places during Sacrifice.
As she passes -- as she thinks she's passing -- she says goodbye. A whisper to Ben, a ruffle to Luke's hair.
But then she's tumbling and it's nothing like she's imagined. The ground she slams into is similar to the tunnels she just fought in. Mara knows she can't be dead, because there's too much pain radiating through her core, and the dart was paralyzing every part of her only minutes earlier. Something must have gone wrong. Adrenaline forces her eyes open and she immediately jumps to her feet.
Posion. The poison must have at least damaged her vision. Everything's a blueish grey, even her arms as they fly to her belt-- kriff. No lightsaber. No blaster. But her body is a weapon. She takes off running, her destination not mattering, because anywhere is better than where Jacen left her.
Why aren't I dead?
There are no more walls. No crumbling ceiling or open Hapan sky. Just mist. Depth perception doesn't matter. Mara yells his name. Her voice echoes back from every part of the void, unanswered.
Her run slows to a brisk jog. There's no use in exerting energy if the coward isn't waiting to finish what he started. Still, she takes caution when pressing her ear to the ground, trying to sense seismic waves or electric hums.
Then he appears.
The figure is tall, human male, adult, and Mara rushes toward him, aiming a kick right for his chest. Her foot slams in. He falls back.
It's not Jacen.
She continues to hover, vowing to never fall for that trick again. But the Force doesn't feel any different here; as the man convulses before her, Mara stretches out to feel his presence. There's none of her nephew's malice.
"On your feet," she orders.
He stirs and coughs. "You'll... you'll have to give me a second..."
Mara pulls him up by the tunic collar. "Where are we?"
He rolls his eyes. "Good question--" then his voice rattles again when she shakes him. "I- I don't know. I swear I don't. Stop!"
The man falls to the floor. Mara crimps an eye. "Are you working for Solo?" He groans. She kicks. "Answer me."
"Listen, lady, I don't know who the kriff that is. I was going to ask you the same kind of--" he doesn't finish. The woman beating him has already started charging in the other direction.
//
Mara scratches the floor with small camouflaged marks that would escape Jacen's eye, to tell whether or not she's been over the same terrain. She never passes by the same ones.
And then, there are more forms ahead in the mist. Two this time. Every step brings her closer to--
-- a mirror?
But she's standing. Her eyes are open. The replica is crumpled on the ground. Mara reaches out a hand to feel her own pulse, but suddenly her fingers are pushed back. She punches as hard as she can. The force-field blocking her is weightless and impenetrable all at once.
She's been too disturbed and engrossed to let the other form register. She watches a hand sweep over her double's face. Why is that person able--
Her baby.
She throws out her arms toward Ben. The field blocks her once more, not even providing the satisfaction of a surface to pound against to ease her frustration. He doesn't notice her -- when did he get here? -- and oh gods, Jacen, Jacen could still be watching him. Mara screams her son's name but he never responds. Never looks at her.
Her throat grows hoarse. Ben's not safe here, and her inability to protect him makes Mara cover her face in shame. She takes a few deep breaths. Finds her center. Lowers her hands, and the look on his face makes her soul go cold. She swears and tries to wipe his tears away. It doesn't work. Nothing works.
Mara picks herself up and watches, powerless, until her son and her corporeal body grow hazy and eventually the mist moves in to replace them.
//
Eventually, she finds the man again.
"What do you know?"
His face would be colorless even in regular lighting. He's wrapped his arms around himself to stop shaking, but even that warmth -- it's so cold here -- doesn't stop it. "I think I was in a speeder crash. I mean-- that's where I was before here. In a speeder. Then I saw myself and a medical crew... " he can't force the rest of the words out.
Her eyes narrow. "Could you communicate with anyone?"
"No one looked at me."
Mara nods, not trusting him enough to know she's just as clueless. Not yet. She has to keep the high ground.
"I'm Dev," he quietly says.
"Arica."
"Are we dead?"
Mara snorts. "You're still rubbing your collarbone," she answers half-halfheartedly, instead of telling him that she doesn't know.
"Yes, because you really kriffing hurt me--!" Dev's flash of anger shifts to realization. "Oh. Right."
She sees Leia and other Knights as they feel her leave them.
Is this my punishment?
//
Luke's going after the wrong killer.
It shouldn't matter. A full investigation will start soon, and Mara trusts them to find the truth, but Luke's going to kill Lumiya. The guilt is going to devour him alive. Mara can't be there to tell him to stop being so self-righteous. She's tried yelling at Jaina and Zekk and grabbing objects, knowing it won't work, and then her dignity gets in the way so she stops.
When the bright blue blade comes down for the final blow on Lumiya, Mara has to close her eyes.
//
The hours of watching turn into days. Whenever Dev finds her and babbles excitedly or sadly, she can't help but share small tidbits from her own life without her. Unlike him, she never gives real names. She's careful.
After a while, she can tell Dev only has light inside his soul. They're both profoundly confused as the other. Mara never shows it; the young man has no cruelty in him, annoying as he may be at times, and she has to be extra strong for both of them. She's not sure where the loyalty comes from.
"Arica?"
Slowly, Mara opens her eyes from the spot a few feet away from where Dev is resting. "What is it?"
"I saw my sister today." He's leaning back on his elbows. "I... I don't think she's doing so well."
"Well," her legs are cramping. "I think that's to be expected."
"Yeah," he sighs. "Yeah."
He never asks Do you think we'll ever leave? and Why are we the only ones here? Mara couldn't be more thankful.
"How about your boy?" Dev asks.
Mara runs a hand through her hair. "There's a strength building up in him that wasn't there before. At least, not one that was so embedded inside." A connection has built up between her and Dev. And more importantly, saying these things outloud, outside of her own internal monologue, makes Mara feel as if she's not going insane. "There's a part of him now that isn't relying on other beings for validation."
Dev cocks his head.
A very small smile, the only positive thing Mara's felt since waking here, touches her lips. "Whatever happens to my son isn't going to destroy him. He'll learn to heal."
"Good." There's a strange look of relief that washes over Dev's face. "That's wonderful to hear." His posture relaxes. "You're absolutely correct. And you were the one to teach him that, Mara."
Oh my gods.
NO.
She jumps up. Begins walking backwards. "You know my name."
"I'm sorry, Mara," He shakes his head. "After all I've done to you, I... I didn't want to be the one to trick you like this."
When she runs, he pulls her back. If he wants to, he can paralyze Mara and force her to be still until she listens.
But Anakin adores her too much.
"Let me go." For the first time since dying, she's letting herself cry. It breaks his heart. "Who are you?"
He wants to cradle her. He wants to tell her that they'll all fix her and love her as soon as she agrees to come with him. "They picked me to bring you home because I watched my son be tempted, too," Anakin whispers. "And Ben will learn from Luke's triumphs just as he learns from yours."
"Anakin," she nearly spits. "I believed your entire stupid karking story. All of your lies. Are you proud of yourself?" Mara's sob comes out as an unamused laugh. "You bastard."
Anakin nods. "I wish I didn't have to. It was the only way for you to admit to yourself what you needed to know before leaving."
I was never going back the entire time. He knew. He knew.
"Help me get back." Hysteria. "Gods, Anakin, if any part of you doesn't hate me, you'll help me get back to them."
He looks just as sad as her. "We all learn to manifest in time. You still have a while to go. But Mara, you'll have your family again some day. I promise you."
She doesn't want to ask him anything else. That's a sign of trust, and he's already shattered hers.
"I don't have to follow you," Mara growls. "Leave me be."
Anakin snorts. "Do you intend to stay on this plane of ignorance until Luke and Ben join you? Is the thought of watching their suffering without knowing why it is happening appealing?"
"Don't give me that shavit." Yet it still sounds like a good idea. "I don't want to know. Not if it means accepting the path they're on." More mist is filling in the space between them.
"I can't believe you still don't understand." She's always been difficult. "You already influenced the galaxy and its methods while alive. Leaving the material world won't change that."
It all becomes meaningless when Mara shakes her head and turns away. In the large blue world before her, there are more beings than she's seen during her time here. The centerpiece of their gathering is a pyre supporting a red-headed woman.
"You cannot return to a body of dust," Anakin's soft voice is jarring. His hand on her shoulder makes Mara go rigid. "Not when there's so much more ahead of you."
Her eyes travel from being to being, memorizing each face. The sheer magnitude is overwhelming. Rows and rows of mourners extend into the mist. When she was younger, Mara never dreamed of having this many people care about her. There are Knights and Masters surrounding Ben and Luke in comfort. And then, suddenly, Jacen is entering. Mara's adrenaline begins to pump again. Her muscles shake uncontrollably. No. Force, she knows Ben will be all right, but she has to do something tangible again. She has to.
"Help me." For her Ben, she'll beg. "Anakin, do something."
He bites his lip. He raises his head and looks at both of his living grandsons, then grabs Mara's shoulders and presses his forehead to hers. An intense tingling travels from her skull to her spine and out through the center of her abdomenem. Their memories and abilities flow freely between them. Every nerve and cell is lit, not from torture, but from coils of her own knowledge colliding with what the galaxy and its children have never shown her before.
Her body is no longer on the pyre.
Ben will understand.
Exhausted, Mara falls into Anakin's arms, quietly trembling. He tenderly brushes her hair back. "Are you ready?"
All she can do is laugh. "We... we just went through all of that, and now I'm scared. Isn't that stupid?"
Anakin shakes his head. "Everyone's scared."
"Tell me..." her funeral is becoming more opaque with each second. "Tell me there's more to accomplish. Tell me we don't stop fighting."
"Oh, Jade." He raises her chin with his fingers. "I treasure you. I would never take you somewhere boring."
She grins, face full of joy. Her hand slips into his own. The blinding light is making them regain color. Oh... oh. She knows those eyes.
"Don't let go, Anakin. Please."
Characters: Mara, Ben, Jacen, others
Rating: G
Summary: Everyone needs help sometimes.
A/N: Takes places during Sacrifice.
As she passes -- as she thinks she's passing -- she says goodbye. A whisper to Ben, a ruffle to Luke's hair.
But then she's tumbling and it's nothing like she's imagined. The ground she slams into is similar to the tunnels she just fought in. Mara knows she can't be dead, because there's too much pain radiating through her core, and the dart was paralyzing every part of her only minutes earlier. Something must have gone wrong. Adrenaline forces her eyes open and she immediately jumps to her feet.
Posion. The poison must have at least damaged her vision. Everything's a blueish grey, even her arms as they fly to her belt-- kriff. No lightsaber. No blaster. But her body is a weapon. She takes off running, her destination not mattering, because anywhere is better than where Jacen left her.
Why aren't I dead?
There are no more walls. No crumbling ceiling or open Hapan sky. Just mist. Depth perception doesn't matter. Mara yells his name. Her voice echoes back from every part of the void, unanswered.
Her run slows to a brisk jog. There's no use in exerting energy if the coward isn't waiting to finish what he started. Still, she takes caution when pressing her ear to the ground, trying to sense seismic waves or electric hums.
Then he appears.
The figure is tall, human male, adult, and Mara rushes toward him, aiming a kick right for his chest. Her foot slams in. He falls back.
It's not Jacen.
She continues to hover, vowing to never fall for that trick again. But the Force doesn't feel any different here; as the man convulses before her, Mara stretches out to feel his presence. There's none of her nephew's malice.
"On your feet," she orders.
He stirs and coughs. "You'll... you'll have to give me a second..."
Mara pulls him up by the tunic collar. "Where are we?"
He rolls his eyes. "Good question--" then his voice rattles again when she shakes him. "I- I don't know. I swear I don't. Stop!"
The man falls to the floor. Mara crimps an eye. "Are you working for Solo?" He groans. She kicks. "Answer me."
"Listen, lady, I don't know who the kriff that is. I was going to ask you the same kind of--" he doesn't finish. The woman beating him has already started charging in the other direction.
//
Mara scratches the floor with small camouflaged marks that would escape Jacen's eye, to tell whether or not she's been over the same terrain. She never passes by the same ones.
And then, there are more forms ahead in the mist. Two this time. Every step brings her closer to--
-- a mirror?
But she's standing. Her eyes are open. The replica is crumpled on the ground. Mara reaches out a hand to feel her own pulse, but suddenly her fingers are pushed back. She punches as hard as she can. The force-field blocking her is weightless and impenetrable all at once.
She's been too disturbed and engrossed to let the other form register. She watches a hand sweep over her double's face. Why is that person able--
Her baby.
She throws out her arms toward Ben. The field blocks her once more, not even providing the satisfaction of a surface to pound against to ease her frustration. He doesn't notice her -- when did he get here? -- and oh gods, Jacen, Jacen could still be watching him. Mara screams her son's name but he never responds. Never looks at her.
Her throat grows hoarse. Ben's not safe here, and her inability to protect him makes Mara cover her face in shame. She takes a few deep breaths. Finds her center. Lowers her hands, and the look on his face makes her soul go cold. She swears and tries to wipe his tears away. It doesn't work. Nothing works.
Mara picks herself up and watches, powerless, until her son and her corporeal body grow hazy and eventually the mist moves in to replace them.
//
Eventually, she finds the man again.
"What do you know?"
His face would be colorless even in regular lighting. He's wrapped his arms around himself to stop shaking, but even that warmth -- it's so cold here -- doesn't stop it. "I think I was in a speeder crash. I mean-- that's where I was before here. In a speeder. Then I saw myself and a medical crew... " he can't force the rest of the words out.
Her eyes narrow. "Could you communicate with anyone?"
"No one looked at me."
Mara nods, not trusting him enough to know she's just as clueless. Not yet. She has to keep the high ground.
"I'm Dev," he quietly says.
"Arica."
"Are we dead?"
Mara snorts. "You're still rubbing your collarbone," she answers half-halfheartedly, instead of telling him that she doesn't know.
"Yes, because you really kriffing hurt me--!" Dev's flash of anger shifts to realization. "Oh. Right."
She sees Leia and other Knights as they feel her leave them.
Is this my punishment?
//
Luke's going after the wrong killer.
It shouldn't matter. A full investigation will start soon, and Mara trusts them to find the truth, but Luke's going to kill Lumiya. The guilt is going to devour him alive. Mara can't be there to tell him to stop being so self-righteous. She's tried yelling at Jaina and Zekk and grabbing objects, knowing it won't work, and then her dignity gets in the way so she stops.
When the bright blue blade comes down for the final blow on Lumiya, Mara has to close her eyes.
//
The hours of watching turn into days. Whenever Dev finds her and babbles excitedly or sadly, she can't help but share small tidbits from her own life without her. Unlike him, she never gives real names. She's careful.
After a while, she can tell Dev only has light inside his soul. They're both profoundly confused as the other. Mara never shows it; the young man has no cruelty in him, annoying as he may be at times, and she has to be extra strong for both of them. She's not sure where the loyalty comes from.
"Arica?"
Slowly, Mara opens her eyes from the spot a few feet away from where Dev is resting. "What is it?"
"I saw my sister today." He's leaning back on his elbows. "I... I don't think she's doing so well."
"Well," her legs are cramping. "I think that's to be expected."
"Yeah," he sighs. "Yeah."
He never asks Do you think we'll ever leave? and Why are we the only ones here? Mara couldn't be more thankful.
"How about your boy?" Dev asks.
Mara runs a hand through her hair. "There's a strength building up in him that wasn't there before. At least, not one that was so embedded inside." A connection has built up between her and Dev. And more importantly, saying these things outloud, outside of her own internal monologue, makes Mara feel as if she's not going insane. "There's a part of him now that isn't relying on other beings for validation."
Dev cocks his head.
A very small smile, the only positive thing Mara's felt since waking here, touches her lips. "Whatever happens to my son isn't going to destroy him. He'll learn to heal."
"Good." There's a strange look of relief that washes over Dev's face. "That's wonderful to hear." His posture relaxes. "You're absolutely correct. And you were the one to teach him that, Mara."
Oh my gods.
NO.
She jumps up. Begins walking backwards. "You know my name."
"I'm sorry, Mara," He shakes his head. "After all I've done to you, I... I didn't want to be the one to trick you like this."
When she runs, he pulls her back. If he wants to, he can paralyze Mara and force her to be still until she listens.
But Anakin adores her too much.
"Let me go." For the first time since dying, she's letting herself cry. It breaks his heart. "Who are you?"
He wants to cradle her. He wants to tell her that they'll all fix her and love her as soon as she agrees to come with him. "They picked me to bring you home because I watched my son be tempted, too," Anakin whispers. "And Ben will learn from Luke's triumphs just as he learns from yours."
"Anakin," she nearly spits. "I believed your entire stupid karking story. All of your lies. Are you proud of yourself?" Mara's sob comes out as an unamused laugh. "You bastard."
Anakin nods. "I wish I didn't have to. It was the only way for you to admit to yourself what you needed to know before leaving."
I was never going back the entire time. He knew. He knew.
"Help me get back." Hysteria. "Gods, Anakin, if any part of you doesn't hate me, you'll help me get back to them."
He looks just as sad as her. "We all learn to manifest in time. You still have a while to go. But Mara, you'll have your family again some day. I promise you."
She doesn't want to ask him anything else. That's a sign of trust, and he's already shattered hers.
"I don't have to follow you," Mara growls. "Leave me be."
Anakin snorts. "Do you intend to stay on this plane of ignorance until Luke and Ben join you? Is the thought of watching their suffering without knowing why it is happening appealing?"
"Don't give me that shavit." Yet it still sounds like a good idea. "I don't want to know. Not if it means accepting the path they're on." More mist is filling in the space between them.
"I can't believe you still don't understand." She's always been difficult. "You already influenced the galaxy and its methods while alive. Leaving the material world won't change that."
It all becomes meaningless when Mara shakes her head and turns away. In the large blue world before her, there are more beings than she's seen during her time here. The centerpiece of their gathering is a pyre supporting a red-headed woman.
"You cannot return to a body of dust," Anakin's soft voice is jarring. His hand on her shoulder makes Mara go rigid. "Not when there's so much more ahead of you."
Her eyes travel from being to being, memorizing each face. The sheer magnitude is overwhelming. Rows and rows of mourners extend into the mist. When she was younger, Mara never dreamed of having this many people care about her. There are Knights and Masters surrounding Ben and Luke in comfort. And then, suddenly, Jacen is entering. Mara's adrenaline begins to pump again. Her muscles shake uncontrollably. No. Force, she knows Ben will be all right, but she has to do something tangible again. She has to.
"Help me." For her Ben, she'll beg. "Anakin, do something."
He bites his lip. He raises his head and looks at both of his living grandsons, then grabs Mara's shoulders and presses his forehead to hers. An intense tingling travels from her skull to her spine and out through the center of her abdomenem. Their memories and abilities flow freely between them. Every nerve and cell is lit, not from torture, but from coils of her own knowledge colliding with what the galaxy and its children have never shown her before.
Her body is no longer on the pyre.
Ben will understand.
Exhausted, Mara falls into Anakin's arms, quietly trembling. He tenderly brushes her hair back. "Are you ready?"
All she can do is laugh. "We... we just went through all of that, and now I'm scared. Isn't that stupid?"
Anakin shakes his head. "Everyone's scared."
"Tell me..." her funeral is becoming more opaque with each second. "Tell me there's more to accomplish. Tell me we don't stop fighting."
"Oh, Jade." He raises her chin with his fingers. "I treasure you. I would never take you somewhere boring."
She grins, face full of joy. Her hand slips into his own. The blinding light is making them regain color. Oh... oh. She knows those eyes.
"Don't let go, Anakin. Please."