(no subject)
I stole this from
wizened_cynic who posted it in september 2005, but it's just so meaty!
First, write down the names of 12 characters. Then read and answer the questions.
You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use.
1 Doris Wolfe [GL]
2 Dinah Lewis [GL]
3 Lorelai Gilmore [GG]
4 Paris Gellar [GG]
5 Alex Cabot [L&O]
6 Shell Dockley [Bad GIrls]
7 Jill Bernhardt [WMC]
8 Emily Prentiss [CM]
9 Mary Cherry [Popular]
10 Piper Halliwell [Charmed]
11 Tess ? [Roswell]
12 Emma Frost [X-Men]
Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
Shell and Tess! OMG! No never, but so much! I mean, 2 absolutely psychotic hot blondes. They’d meet in a government facility (UNIT or Torchwood probably, after Shell does something to get her considered a terrorist, like fuck and then murder the President of the EU) and hate on each other and have incredibly hot violent sex. And Tess would screw up with the mindfuck and Shell would be like, “You’re a sodding alien?”
Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Paris? Yeah… I guess so. Crazy obsessive braniacs are hot.
What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Okay… Emma Frost gets Emily Prentiss pregnant with her new super mutant powers. And neither of them have any idea what to do with the chicklet (who will grow up to be SO INCREDIBLY STUNNING, because GENES OF WIN!), so they bully Jubilee to be their live in nanny, and she’s ready to murder them after 12 minutes. Because Emma and Emily in a relationship… um… the sex would be so good, but Emma is such a dom, and Emily will not back down to dominant bitches like her mother. There will be oedipal issues. It will be rich.
Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine? Ooh! I need more, but Angelina wrote the best Lily POV where she’s in love with Mary Cherry, and cannot for the life of her, understand why.
Would Two and Six make a good couple? Dinah and Shell? Oh no, no no no! Dinah’s just learning how to be a good person, and Shell… doesn’t give a shit. If they were together, they would leave Larkhall and Springfield in ashes behind them.
Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why? Alex/Mary Cherry, or Alex/Piper… so easy. Alex/Mary Cherry, because she would drive her utterly insane! And I can just see the Texan saunter up to her, in Juicy Jeans and a fur boa and say, “Oh, my Gwyneth-loving-heart, what is this firey goddess of justice I do see before me, in a Dolce and Gabana suit, no less?” And poor Alex backs away slowly.
What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? If Jill walked in on Dinah and Emma having sex, she would strip off her coat and join in, no question, none at all.
Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic. Lorelai/Piper Ummm… I know! Okay, this is back when Lorelai was a teenager and had just run away with Rory. Leo, the do-gooder, is in love with Piper, but he sees the poor kid and her little baby and tells Piper about them. Piper is irritated by Leo’s selflessness, and is worrying about her job, but she bumps into Lorelai who is panhandling outside the organic market. She brings her home and cooks for her, using the practice to perfect the dish that will get her the job as Sous Chef, up from grill-girl. Phoebe and Prue coo over the baby and then discover that she’s infested by a demon. They remove the demon, and Rory grows up to be rational and homosexual, with no yacht stealing. Piper and Lorelai mock Leo together.
When Prue dies, Lorelai sleeps with Piper to comfort her, and they build an awkward relationship on that. But they stay together.
Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff? Doris/Emily fluff? Are you joking? And Emily fluff? At all? Emily is made of Angst, and Doris is made of snark, and I can’t even conceptualize… oh wait, yes I can. Doris is running for state senate, and Ambassador Prentiss is from that state. There’s a big party. Doris mocks Emily for being a daughter and a cop (FBI is basically cop). Emily finds Doris utterly mystifying but charming in an odd way. Nothing happens, but they enjoy each other’s company. (OMG, I did not just do that.)
Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic. Jill/Emma How to Destroy Relationships Without Even Trying the answer is “by means of sex” if you wanted to know. But it would be hot. I actually thought Laura Harris would make a good Emma Frost. So that would be odd. Identical twin Hurt/Comfort fic… Oh, no, I just had an idea again… Jill is Emma’s long lost daughter whom she gave up when she was like 14. They meet and are strangely attracted to each other. They are going to have sex, when they work out who the other is… AND THEY STILL DO IT!
Or, they’re both on the prowl. Scott’s back with Jean (alive again) and Emma doesn’t care. And Dr. Luke has a new girlfriend, and Jill doesn’t care. They screw each other, and take confidence in the fact that they look kind of alike and think the other is incredibly hot. They go get their redheads and swap them, and there is more sex.
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One? Ahhh! Paris deflowering Doris? My head spins. But it happens in Washington DC, and Doris knows she likes girls but hasn’t done anything about it, and Paris is sick of wanting Rory and not being able to have her, and wanting her mom, and most other hot older women. She gets a fake ID and goes to a gay bar. Doris is pretty nervous. Paris chats her up about politics. Their argument gets erotically charged. Paris has no idea what she’s doing, but has always wanted an older woman. Doris has no idea what she’s doing, but is trying not to let it show. Doris is deflowered. (*snickers*) she’s pretty impressed. Paris is stunned with the sex, but has to go so she’ll make it back for the morning class. Her flyer for the visiting HS students conference drops out of her bag, and Doris finds it. Mortification, and dirty arousal.
Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash? Of course! Although not my facebook friends (*sigh*). Jill is very hot. But I don’t know anyone who’s really passionately anti Lindsay/Cindy besides me. I mean, Heathinz, just to get rid of the irritant!
Does anyone on your friends list read Three het? God I hope not. Lorelai should not have sex with men. She sucks at men, gets pregnant, screws up friendships. As 30 Rock!Jack said, “find the problem, isolate the problem, set the problem up with a lesbian.”
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Oh Tess, it’s been so long. Nothing as of late.
Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Dinah/Paris/Alex? Um, no. This one even fries my brain.
What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? “Oh, Paige!” yay for sister-cest!
If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose? Oh, god, this song’s been in my head all day, but it actually works for Emily. “Such a Common Bird,” by Ane Brun. “I am a lone wolf, a beauty and a beast, both hunter and hunted, soft tongue and sharp teeth.” God knows what the fic would be about, but it wouldn’t be a romance. It would probably about the pain of her war torn past in the middle east and how difficult it is for her to relate to people, particularly naïve Americans (like you JJ). You know, Emma would actually be a good partner for her. They know about suffering, loss, and terrorism. Otherwise I need to find her a girl from a war torn dystopian future, a soldier who has lost all loyalty and ideology. Kara Thrace?
If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be? Doris/Shell/Emma? I don’t even know. Oh wait, non-con, bondage, torture, D/S. What? Shell’s in there! Shell’s bottom level is emotional manipulation. And screwing two powerful women? She’s out for all she can get!
What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten? Dinah picking up Piper… Is it weird that this is not that weird? At P3, Dinah drinking, Piper serving. Eyefucking for a while… “Hey, you wanna get out of here?” “You wanna help me lock up?” Dinah smiles.
When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Four hours ago? I was rereading Alex in Stars Hollow… because there is nothing better on this earth.
What is Six's super-sekrit kink? Shell's super-sekrit kink? Um… she really likes sweet tender sex, (with Denny) but now that I’ve said it, I must die. She would never admit to something so humiliating.
Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober? Tess shagging Mary Cherry… drunk, definitely only drunk.
If Three and Seven get together, who tops? Lorelai and Jill? Jill, definitely. But Lorelai’s the ultimate sassy sub.
"One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
Okay, let’s figure this out. Doris Wolfe and Mary Cherry are in a happy relationship until MC runs off with Paris Gellar. Doris (secretly relieved, and sorry for Paris, her underaged one night stand) has a hot one night stand with Tess, who mind wipes her afterwards (tragically), and then tries to date Emma, until Alex tells her she’s being an idiot for bothering with a bitch like that, and Doris instead decides to make Lorelai her love slave.
Doris Does Dallas
No one would read it. And someone else has to write good Doris fic before I give it to them, or, sadly, it would fall to me.
How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? So Happy! Jill/Emily is OTP! But I have a feeling that it could only happen if my Custodian series was shot out as an AU spin-off of CM and WMC, which will only happen when the internet wars come and all CEOs are ousted from their positions by fans. Then the E/O and A/O shippers will massacre each other, and we’ll sneak in A/L + baby storyline under their noses, get rid of both E and O, and focus on Munch, Fin, Casey, and Huang instead. Minorities are win!
This was so, unutterably, enjoyable.
wizened_cynic who posted it in september 2005, but it's just so meaty!
First, write down the names of 12 characters. Then read and answer the questions.
You can't look at the questions (or click on the cut) until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use.
1 Doris Wolfe [GL]
2 Dinah Lewis [GL]
3 Lorelai Gilmore [GG]
4 Paris Gellar [GG]
5 Alex Cabot [L&O]
6 Shell Dockley [Bad GIrls]
7 Jill Bernhardt [WMC]
8 Emily Prentiss [CM]
9 Mary Cherry [Popular]
10 Piper Halliwell [Charmed]
11 Tess ? [Roswell]
12 Emma Frost [X-Men]
Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?
Shell and Tess! OMG! No never, but so much! I mean, 2 absolutely psychotic hot blondes. They’d meet in a government facility (UNIT or Torchwood probably, after Shell does something to get her considered a terrorist, like fuck and then murder the President of the EU) and hate on each other and have incredibly hot violent sex. And Tess would screw up with the mindfuck and Shell would be like, “You’re a sodding alien?”
Do you think Four is hot? How hot? Paris? Yeah… I guess so. Crazy obsessive braniacs are hot.
What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant? Okay… Emma Frost gets Emily Prentiss pregnant with her new super mutant powers. And neither of them have any idea what to do with the chicklet (who will grow up to be SO INCREDIBLY STUNNING, because GENES OF WIN!), so they bully Jubilee to be their live in nanny, and she’s ready to murder them after 12 minutes. Because Emma and Emily in a relationship… um… the sex would be so good, but Emma is such a dom, and Emily will not back down to dominant bitches like her mother. There will be oedipal issues. It will be rich.
Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine? Ooh! I need more, but Angelina wrote the best Lily POV where she’s in love with Mary Cherry, and cannot for the life of her, understand why.
Would Two and Six make a good couple? Dinah and Shell? Oh no, no no no! Dinah’s just learning how to be a good person, and Shell… doesn’t give a shit. If they were together, they would leave Larkhall and Springfield in ashes behind them.
Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why? Alex/Mary Cherry, or Alex/Piper… so easy. Alex/Mary Cherry, because she would drive her utterly insane! And I can just see the Texan saunter up to her, in Juicy Jeans and a fur boa and say, “Oh, my Gwyneth-loving-heart, what is this firey goddess of justice I do see before me, in a Dolce and Gabana suit, no less?” And poor Alex backs away slowly.
What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? If Jill walked in on Dinah and Emma having sex, she would strip off her coat and join in, no question, none at all.
Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic. Lorelai/Piper Ummm… I know! Okay, this is back when Lorelai was a teenager and had just run away with Rory. Leo, the do-gooder, is in love with Piper, but he sees the poor kid and her little baby and tells Piper about them. Piper is irritated by Leo’s selflessness, and is worrying about her job, but she bumps into Lorelai who is panhandling outside the organic market. She brings her home and cooks for her, using the practice to perfect the dish that will get her the job as Sous Chef, up from grill-girl. Phoebe and Prue coo over the baby and then discover that she’s infested by a demon. They remove the demon, and Rory grows up to be rational and homosexual, with no yacht stealing. Piper and Lorelai mock Leo together.
When Prue dies, Lorelai sleeps with Piper to comfort her, and they build an awkward relationship on that. But they stay together.
Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff? Doris/Emily fluff? Are you joking? And Emily fluff? At all? Emily is made of Angst, and Doris is made of snark, and I can’t even conceptualize… oh wait, yes I can. Doris is running for state senate, and Ambassador Prentiss is from that state. There’s a big party. Doris mocks Emily for being a daughter and a cop (FBI is basically cop). Emily finds Doris utterly mystifying but charming in an odd way. Nothing happens, but they enjoy each other’s company. (OMG, I did not just do that.)
Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic. Jill/Emma How to Destroy Relationships Without Even Trying the answer is “by means of sex” if you wanted to know. But it would be hot. I actually thought Laura Harris would make a good Emma Frost. So that would be odd. Identical twin Hurt/Comfort fic… Oh, no, I just had an idea again… Jill is Emma’s long lost daughter whom she gave up when she was like 14. They meet and are strangely attracted to each other. They are going to have sex, when they work out who the other is… AND THEY STILL DO IT!
Or, they’re both on the prowl. Scott’s back with Jean (alive again) and Emma doesn’t care. And Dr. Luke has a new girlfriend, and Jill doesn’t care. They screw each other, and take confidence in the fact that they look kind of alike and think the other is incredibly hot. They go get their redheads and swap them, and there is more sex.
What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One? Ahhh! Paris deflowering Doris? My head spins. But it happens in Washington DC, and Doris knows she likes girls but hasn’t done anything about it, and Paris is sick of wanting Rory and not being able to have her, and wanting her mom, and most other hot older women. She gets a fake ID and goes to a gay bar. Doris is pretty nervous. Paris chats her up about politics. Their argument gets erotically charged. Paris has no idea what she’s doing, but has always wanted an older woman. Doris has no idea what she’s doing, but is trying not to let it show. Doris is deflowered. (*snickers*) she’s pretty impressed. Paris is stunned with the sex, but has to go so she’ll make it back for the morning class. Her flyer for the visiting HS students conference drops out of her bag, and Doris finds it. Mortification, and dirty arousal.
Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash? Of course! Although not my facebook friends (*sigh*). Jill is very hot. But I don’t know anyone who’s really passionately anti Lindsay/Cindy besides me. I mean, Heathinz, just to get rid of the irritant!
Does anyone on your friends list read Three het? God I hope not. Lorelai should not have sex with men. She sucks at men, gets pregnant, screws up friendships. As 30 Rock!Jack said, “find the problem, isolate the problem, set the problem up with a lesbian.”
Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Oh Tess, it’s been so long. Nothing as of late.
Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Dinah/Paris/Alex? Um, no. This one even fries my brain.
What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? “Oh, Paige!” yay for sister-cest!
If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose? Oh, god, this song’s been in my head all day, but it actually works for Emily. “Such a Common Bird,” by Ane Brun. “I am a lone wolf, a beauty and a beast, both hunter and hunted, soft tongue and sharp teeth.” God knows what the fic would be about, but it wouldn’t be a romance. It would probably about the pain of her war torn past in the middle east and how difficult it is for her to relate to people, particularly naïve Americans (like you JJ). You know, Emma would actually be a good partner for her. They know about suffering, loss, and terrorism. Otherwise I need to find her a girl from a war torn dystopian future, a soldier who has lost all loyalty and ideology. Kara Thrace?
If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be? Doris/Shell/Emma? I don’t even know. Oh wait, non-con, bondage, torture, D/S. What? Shell’s in there! Shell’s bottom level is emotional manipulation. And screwing two powerful women? She’s out for all she can get!
What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten? Dinah picking up Piper… Is it weird that this is not that weird? At P3, Dinah drinking, Piper serving. Eyefucking for a while… “Hey, you wanna get out of here?” “You wanna help me lock up?” Dinah smiles.
When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Four hours ago? I was rereading Alex in Stars Hollow… because there is nothing better on this earth.
What is Six's super-sekrit kink? Shell's super-sekrit kink? Um… she really likes sweet tender sex, (with Denny) but now that I’ve said it, I must die. She would never admit to something so humiliating.
Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober? Tess shagging Mary Cherry… drunk, definitely only drunk.
If Three and Seven get together, who tops? Lorelai and Jill? Jill, definitely. But Lorelai’s the ultimate sassy sub.
"One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
Okay, let’s figure this out. Doris Wolfe and Mary Cherry are in a happy relationship until MC runs off with Paris Gellar. Doris (secretly relieved, and sorry for Paris, her underaged one night stand) has a hot one night stand with Tess, who mind wipes her afterwards (tragically), and then tries to date Emma, until Alex tells her she’s being an idiot for bothering with a bitch like that, and Doris instead decides to make Lorelai her love slave.
Doris Does Dallas
No one would read it. And someone else has to write good Doris fic before I give it to them, or, sadly, it would fall to me.
How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? So Happy! Jill/Emily is OTP! But I have a feeling that it could only happen if my Custodian series was shot out as an AU spin-off of CM and WMC, which will only happen when the internet wars come and all CEOs are ousted from their positions by fans. Then the E/O and A/O shippers will massacre each other, and we’ll sneak in A/L + baby storyline under their noses, get rid of both E and O, and focus on Munch, Fin, Casey, and Huang instead. Minorities are win!
This was so, unutterably, enjoyable.