The Night The Moon Shines Bright (1/2)
Title: The Night The Moon Shines Bright
Author: nikenyk
Pairing: Inoobu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "God, If you’re really right there, please tell me, even if you'd listen to my prayers, You'd only laugh, right?"
It was already 1 in the middle of the night when I stepped out of my office. The overtime is inescapable since I came late to the office due to my final project in university, and I’m already at my limit right now I want to throw my body on my bed and snuggled under my blanket already. The wind blows lightly, yet still able to give me the chill. The autumn is nearing its end and I can already feel the winter coming. I clutched my coat harder.
I walked through the main road, which already less crowded, only several people passing by. I yawned so hard. I want to reach my room as soon as possible that I took the shortcut to my room. The shortcut is a narrow street that no one pass in the night because it’s too dark. I’ve never pass this street at night, it feels strangely frightening.
I quicken my pace, not wanting the unwanted thing to happened to me. I was walking passed by a park when I faintly heard a singing voice.
Miracle I'd encountered in the midst of millions stardust,
they become couldn't be seen again.
The beautiful voice made me stopped my foot from taking another step. I glanced to the park and saw someone with reddish brown hair, slender body that made me think it was a girl, standing under the park lamp, using the lamp like it was his own stage.
Engulfed in the midst of zillion humans,
I bid farewell to nights of tears and pasts that won't roll back
His voice is silvery yet croaky. The way he sings is too sloppy, yet those all characteristic making his voice unique. And I can hear he sings with all his heart, and putting his soul into his melody.
So tomorrow, I could believe that I can shine once ag.. cough!
In the midst of singing, he suddenly coughs really hard. His body’s shaking furiously, and he looked like he was suffocating. He put his hand on the lamp pole to support his body from falling to the ground.
Without even thinking, I ran to him and tried to help him. With my right hand I hold his shoulder and hold his back with my arm. His body looked so fragile that it might break because of his cough. With my free hand, I sneak my bag and took my bottled water out. He gratefully took it from my hand, and drink it immediately.
The cough starts to fade, he could already stand with his own feet without any support. I remove my hand from his back.
“Thanks” he said as he handed me back the bottled water to me. He looked reluctant with a stranger helping him out of a sudden. He looked like the type who doesn’t like to bother anyone else.
“No prob.” I answered him with a smile. There’s no way that I won’t help someone in need. He looked like he was assured with my smile. He smiled.
“The wind’s a bit too cold for autumn I didn’t wear a thicker coat, maybe it triggers me to cough.” He explained. But in the next second, he bore his eyes onto mine, like he was searching some answer from my eyes. I backed off a bit. He is a bit strange, I thought.
And after a while, he offered his hand, and introduce himself. “I’m Inoo Kei, yoroshiku.”
“Yabu kota. Yoroshiku.” I also offered him my hand.
“Are you lost? Why are you passing by this streets at this hour?” He asked me. From the way he asked me, he looked like he’s living around here that he is too familiar with the surrounding.
“I’ve lived here for years. Why?”
“Nah, it’s just, no one is passing by this street at night. So I was wondering if you’re lost that you ended up here in the middle of the night.” He answered.
“I was just taking the shortcut to my room.” I explained. “And you? What are you doing in here in the middle of the night? And are you coming here everynight that you’re so familiar with the situation”
“I’m always here in the night, singing. That’s why I know that no one is passing around here in the middle of the night. You’re the first one I saw.”
“And.. why are you singing alone here.. in the middle of the night?” it was pure curiousity. I am a bit interested in him. Someone with a good voice, singing alone in the middle of the night. What’s the purpose? Isn’t he afraid of damaging his voice? Because it’s quite cold in the night. And also, what if there’s some criminal around?
And if I think about it, his voice is good and unique. If he entered the music industries, I’m sure he could achieve something big. The song he sang also sounds so familiar I thought I’ve heard it somewhere before.
“Because no one is here…. I can be myself and sing freely.” He answered me as he looked up to the sky, watching the crescent moon shining its own light that made his eyes sparkle.
To be honest, I didn’t understand his answer at all, and why he answered like that. But I let thet aside as he started to sing again. Drowning his surrounding with his voice. Under the park lamp. And being watched by zillion stars.
That night.. the crescent moon shines brighter than usual.
**
In the next day, I wake up late. I prepared myself as soon as possible and sprint to my university which is just meters away from my room. It didn’t take me too much time to reach university, although the class is already started when I enter. Thankfully, the professor still let me to join the class, tho I received a death glare from him. I sit in the usual place, and there’s already my bestfriend, Yaotome Hikaru, seated beside me.
“Yo!” he mouthed, not wanting to utter even a word because the professor is sensitive to the sound.
I gestured my hand to him, replying his greeting, and immediately took my notes and focused to the professor. I need to get a good mark in this class to finally able to graduate since my final project is already in the process. Once the class is ended, I walk with Hikaru to the cafeteria, and along the way, Hikaru blabbered everything comes to his mind. He talked about the professors, about his problem, and about his band, and all I answer is just ‘hmm’ ‘yeah yeah’. Speaking of Hikaru’s band, the name is Blanc et Noir and it’s still famous among local people and they are trying their hardest to spread their band name throughout the country and make a major label debut.
“Anyway, we’re having an event tonight at the usual live house. And you have to come!” Hikaru shamelessly said that as he stuffed his mouth with his food.
“What time are you gonna perform?”
“We are scheduled at 9” he answered.
“At 9 eh?” I sighed. “I don’t think I can make it, I have to do another overtime at work.”
“Blehh, you’re no fun. Just like Keito.” Keito is Blanc et Noir’s guitarist. Hikaru has been complaining about Keito lately. But the truth is, it was just about misunderstanding between those two. But Hikaru is too stubborn to settle things. The tension between the two of them has affecting the band’s productivity, that the rest of the members scolded Hiakru about it, but he’s still too stubborn.
“Let me tell you this one, I don’t know how many time I told you about this tho. I know Keito, I know all about Blanc et Noir just like I am a member myself. You should reconcile with him, you should listen to what he want to tell you. Don’t act like it doesn’t bother the band. The band needs harmony, right? How can you produce such harmony if you are on a bad term with your own member?”
“Well, you got the point… but I still don’t want to.” He stubbornly said that. “Maybe next time.”
“Just make sure you talk to him. Your band is on the line.” I told him.
“Ah.. okay okay.”
After the lunch time is over, I need to meet my professor to consult my final project. And because of that, I’m gonna get late to work thus I was forced to do another overtime.
I took my tray and put it on the usual place. “Hika, I need to go now. See you later.”
“Yabu!” before I walked to far from him, he called me, so I looked back at him. “about the new song…” He trailed, and I know what he means with it.
“No.” I sternly answered him.
**
If I say that I didn’t think about last night at all, I would say I’m a big liar.
I walked out from my office in the middle of the night when people are already sleep and sound in their respective home.
To be honest, what happened last night still lingers in my mind. In the class when I need to focus with my study, when I’m with Hikaru, when I need to focus on my final project, and when I need to focus on my work. His voice rings in my ear all the time. The song he sang seems like in a repeat in my mind and won’t stop at all. Also the image of him drowning in his own singing under the lamp, it was like a famous painting that people won’t be able to take their eyes off.
I went to the vending machine and bought warm drink, and then I head to the park again. When I reach the park, I was welcomed by his singing voice. My feet are freezing upon him. I can only watch and listen in awe. Indeed. The scenery is so magical, along with his voice.
In the midst of millions stardust,
I've encountered with you
I wish we'd still feel the same if we happened to meet again
Even the times when I cried in a past that won't roll back
I believe, they'll be reborn and shine on tomorrow
I give him applause when he finished his song. He heard my clapped hand and approaching steps and immediately turns to see me. He smiled.
“Yabu-san!” I walked to him and handed him the hot chocolate from the vending machine. “Thank you.”
I took a seat in front of him and open my own can of hot chocolate, and so does he.
“Itadakimasu” He said before he took a big gulp of it.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit too cold tonight? Even we’re still in autumn. And isn’t it affecting your voice?” I asked him out of curiousity.
“It’s okay.. it’s still bearable. But if it gets colder, I might stop coming for a while tho.” He answered as he chuckled. “But then I have nowhere else to sing!”
“When did you start singing here?”
“About… 3 years… ka na? I’m not sure”
“Whoa that’s such a long time!” I was astonished with his answer. “Don’t you have anything to do in the morning?”
“Well… there is. But mostly I skipped it.” He chuckled again. “I might not look like it, but I’m a university student.”
Although I just barely know him, Inoo is easy to talk to and knows about many things. I didn’t feel weird or awkward at all with him and able to talk to him like he’s one of my best friend. He also sings a lot, and I gladly listen to his unique voice.
But one time, he’s looking at my face intensely, boring his eyes onto mine just like when we met for the first time yesterday.
“Have we meet each other before?” He asked me, genuine curiousity.
“Hmm never. I’ve just met you last night.” I answered him honestly. But my answer didn’t seem to assure him. He still eyeing me intensely. After a while, he release his gaze from me.
“Okay, then.” He said as he smiled. “Yabu-san, please listen to this.”
Words that always come into my mind
So fragile, never changing
I always yearn for you
Until now, your smile, so far, never changing
If only, I have a pair of wings, without hesitation, I’d go I’d across the night sky to meet you
I’ve never heard this song before. You don’t need to ask me again how beautiful his voice is, because the way I enjoy it would already answer it all. The way he sing is so sloppy yet can still convey the feeling of the song. And somehow this song… seems like it could break my heart.
**
“Hoaaahhhmmmm” I yawned. I spent the rest of my night at the park, singing and chatting with Inoo. We really lose the track of the time, and fortunately I don’t have any class today. But I still need to go to my university to do some errands. I was resting on the bench at the university when someone suddenly tapped my shoulder.
“Oi.” A man with a slightly chubby cheek and brunette hair, greeted me arrogantly.
“Yuya!.” I greeted him back. He is Takaki Yuya, my friend, and another member of Blanc et Noir. He joined me and sit on the bench in front of me.
“Where were you last night? Why aren’t you at our live? Don’t call yourself as our friend anymore!” He said with a really pissed face. If I haven’t known him for years already, I might be afraid with this. But this is just how pure-hearted Yuya that want his friend to come to his lives.
“Sorry, I had work last night. I’ll go next live, okay?” I promised him which resulting a playful punch from him.
“I’ll be waiting, okay.” He said with a crooked smile. He tried to look cool, but in my eyes, he’s just like a kid, very pure and innocent. His personality gap is something, right?
“Anyway, where’s Hikaru?”
“Ah, he’s currently settling things with Keito. They fight like a years-married couple, you should see it yourself. Yuya groaned.
I laughed. “Finally! I’m already tired hearing Hikaru complaining about Keito. But I am 100% sure, it’s all Hikaru’s stubbornness.” I continued laughing. “Anyway Yuya, it’s rare seeing you here. You hit your head real hard, eh?” I joked.
“You punk!” He answered as he punch my head lightly, and I just replied him with laughing even louder. “I’m going to pick up Dai-chan. Bye.” He stood up and walked away with me. I just waved at his departing back. But suddenly he turned his back and face me from afar. “Anyway Yabu.. why don’t you write us a s..”
“No.” I answered him instantly.
“Desu yo ne? Jaa, bye.”
**
Today, my work is done at 9. I am planning to meet Inoo in the park today, but it’s still too early. He told me later last night that he usually comes to the park around 11. And I need to think about something to spend my time until 11. I don’t know why I suddenly think this way. I feel like my body dragging to me to my room to pick up my guitar. Inoo always sings alone without any instrument accompanying him, and somehow I’m imagining myself playing for him. ‘I want to play for him’, that’s the only thing I could think of. My mind is jumbled. His voice appeals me to play music, this is the first time I feel like I want to play for someone. But.. I also don’t want to play music anymore… I don’t want to feel.. it again.
Even so, my desire to play alongside him, took me over.
With jumbled mind, I went to my room, passing the park which still empty without him singing. I took the dust-covered guitar and in the farthest corner of my room wipe it until it’s clean. I put it inside the cover bag and went straight to the park again. Inoo hasn’t come yet. I sit on my usual place.
I took out my guitar from the coverbag, and tuning the guitar. My head is still full of hesitation, and my hand is trembling, yet I still took the first strum on my guitar, after years not playing it. As I thought.. I still couldn’t overcome this kind of feeling. I helped myself with imagining Inoo singing, and my hand feels like a bit lighter, thus I can play the guitar freely without being burden by it.
Yappari, I miss playing my music. I tried to remember the song Inoo sang last night, and hum to it. And then I played the companion by my guitar. I know, you cannot compare my voice to Inoo’s. But singing with an additional instrument, really gives the song more energy and feeling to it. When I finished singing Inoo’s song last night, I heard applause.
I don’t need to see to know who that is. “Inoo-san!” I called.
“I don’t know that you could play guitar that well, Yabu. You can even play the song you heard only once!” Inoo praised, his eyes is brimming with awe.
“Not that well tho.” I feel a bit embarrassed being praised by him like this.
“Will you play the guitar for me?” He asked.
And in the next second, I find myself playing the guitar for him, and him singing to it. Just like how I wanted it to be. We could feel the joy in the music we made. I can feel myself enjoying the guitar. I can also see him immersed in his silvery yet croaky voice. Tho his voice sounds a bit huskier than usual.
**
That night, we played together until the sun rises. We drank many cans of hot chocolate since it was really freezing in the middle of the night that Inoo often cough because of it. “I need to wear a thicker coat from now one.” He said. Honestly, I want to advice him not to come again to the park in the middle of the night to sing, because the weather is growing colder. But he told me that he had done this for couple years, so he knew the situation already.
We talked about many things and sang many songs that we really lose the tracks of time. Inoo was surprised when he saw the ray of the sun from the east of the park. He immediately ran to his house. “See you later Yabu-san, it was really fun.” He told me as he ran home.
Fortunately for me, today is the weekend. No class, no work, just rest all day. Until somebody knocking loudly on my door. The knock on the door is too loud that I can’t just ignore it. Before my neighbor scold me later, I got up lazily, furiously, and opened the door. I knew it. There’s no one more shameless than my best friend, Yaotome Hikaru.
“Yo!” Without even feeling any remorse, he greeted me with his goofy smile. Without even letting him, he casually entered my room, ignoring my cranky face he made me.
“What are you doing?!” I groaned.
“Ah, my sister gave me these movie tickets. You don’t have anything to do, do you? The movie starts at 8, you’d better prepare yourself.”
“And why do you think I want to go watch that movie with you?”
“I’m not inviting, I’m dragging you to the theater.”
This goofily-do-all-he-wants clown! I heaved a very long sigh and give up. I’m just a good-for-nothing that easily say yes to people. I took my towel and head to the shower. Right before I enter my bathroom, Hikaru called me, again.
“So.. you play the guitar again?” His eyes glued to my guitar that had move from the corner of my room and no more dust covering it.
I only smiled and ignored him.
**
“And.. do you care to explain why are we, two males, watching romantic drama on Saturday night together?” I rolled my eyes.
“Sssh, shut up, the movie is starting.” He totally ignored me and devoured his own popcorn. The theater is filled with couple, and all lovey-dovey with each other, and I felt so awkward. “My sister planned to watch it with his boyfriend, but they had a fight today. So she gave me the ticket, since she doesn’t have the heart to throw it away.” He explained. “And there’s also Yuri-tan as the main role, just enjoy it.”
The movie is about a couple, but the girl is sick. Such a cliché movie. During the movie, I tried my best not to sleep, so I watch the movie and try to understand it. Nearing the climax, the story grew sadder. Hikaru was too expressive with himself that he cried shamelessly. And in the climax they used a song as the background music, to give the more saddening effect to the audience.
I have only one single wish in nights without dawn
"I wish for a glimmer of light in a starless sky"
Even all things I've thrown away in a place I can never return
I believe, they'll be reborn and shine on tomorrow
My eyes widen in surprised. I know.. this voice.
“Hika, do you know the song?” I asked him in a haste.
“Sniffing, Hikaru answered. “It’s Mikazuki’s song. You.. are interested in it?”
“Mikazuki?”
“Yeah, Mikazuki, he debuted last year, but he gains the popularity real much. Just listen to his songs, they’re all good.”
I walked out of the theater, leaving Hikaru puzzled inside. I googled about Mikazuki immediately. Mikazuki is a stagename, no one knows his real name, and his identity at all. No one even know his face. The only thing people know is, his beautiful voice. They said that Mikazuki used to be a youtube artist, he oftens do some cover, and also he posted the song he composed himself. Because of his popularity, a major label scouted him and he debuted last year. Although he is still a newcomer, his song is already used for a big movie and dorama’s soundtrack.
I opened his youtube channel where he posted his videos, and watch one of it. The only thing that could be seen on the video is his hand dancing on the piano. I know that slender fingers and I know this singing voice. There’s no mistake, it must be Inoo. I didn’t know that he could play the piano tho. But the way he played the piano is similar to his way of singing, so sloppy, yet, it made him unique. His piano is also soothing and comforting to the ears, also felt so deep it can touch the heart, just like his voice.
I have the urge to run to our usual park, but it was still 9.30. There’s no way Inoo is already there. I decided to browse more about Mikazuki. There’s some kind of forum discussing about him. People are trying to uncover his real identity and tried to stalk or track him on internet. But no one had even seen a glimpse of Mikazuki’s real face. After reading the forum for I while, I let myself immersed in Mikazuki’s live performance, to kill some time, and to wait for Hikaru to come out.
Even in the live performance, no one could see his face. The lighting was set in such way not to reveal his face at all, but we can still see his figure playing the piano. Mikazuki is so mysterious, and I’m 100% sure that Mikazuki is Inoo. I wonder.. why Inoo used such image like this.
While I was busy with my assumption, suddenly Hikaru tapped my shoulder, surprising me.
“Oi, Yabu! Why didn’t you come back to the theater?” He scolded.
I remove my headset from my ear. “Ah, sorry. How’s the movie?”
“Too sad! The movie turned me into such crybaby. It’s so shameful.” I laughed at him. You are always shameless. “Anyway, I’m going to the music store. Are you in?” I nodded in response.
When we reach the music store, I went to search Mikazuki’s cds. He already released 6 singles in the span of 1 year, and already announced to release his 7th single, Yuki no Furu Machi. I took one cd from the shelves and scanned the cover of Mikazuki’s single. Even he won’t appear on the cover of his own singles.
“Mikazuki, eh?” Hika was suddenly right beside me. He took one of the single from the shelves too. “I was a bit surprised that you are interested.. in music.” He said.
“Are you also following him?”
“Well, yeah. His voice is too good to be true. I’ve followed him ever before he joined the major label. I’ve told you about Mikazuki, but well, you WERE not interested.” He emphasized the word were for me.
“Really? I don’t remember a bit.”
“It was the time you stopped playing guitar, and you stopped your interest in music.” I closed my mouth. It’s one of the topic I always avoid to talk about. Especially with Hikaru, we are friend too long he could read me like an open book. He knows why I stopped, and he always tried to bring me back. He seems to know my uneasy feeling. He tried to change the topic. “But… I feel like Mikazuki is a really sad person.”
Hikaru’s thought made me curious.
“Why?” I asked him.
“He has such a mysterious image.. and all his songs are sad. I always think.. the one who compose and sing songs like that… I feel like, Mikazuki is really lonely.” Hikaru’s thought makes me think about that too. Is Inoo.. is a lonely person?
**
In the end, I bought Mikazuki’s single. After bidding Hikaru’s goodbye outside the store, I went to the park. Too much question piling up in my mind, and I don’t know where to start. When I arrived at the park, Inoo was already there.
“Yabu!” he called me excitingly.
“Inoo-san.” I replied his greeting.
“Just drop the formality, will you? It’s just weird to be so formal with your own friend.” Inoo said, grinning from ear to ear. He ruffled his own hair with his hand. I looked at his hand closely. Indeed. It’s the same slender hand with the one in Mikazuki’s video.
Without further chit chat, I asked him. “You are… Mikazuki, right?” The expression on Inoo’s face immediately changed, from the playful one to a cold one. He was nervous, and I have the feeling that he didn’t want me to know about Mikazuki.
But after a while, his expression softens, and he smiled wryly to me.
“Already found out, eh?” He sighed. “I was relieved when you didn’t know about Mikazuki at all, that's why I’m really comfortable to keep singing with you.”
I am a bit sad when he said it that way. Like ‘he didn’t want to be with me anymore since I’ve already know’. But I need to set that aside. I need to tell him something.
“How do you know that I really don’t know about you? What if I lied to you?”
“From you eyes, Yabu. At first, I was afraid to be found out by you. Or even if you lie to me. But… I can see it from your eyes, that you were innocent. How you see the world, it’s so honest.” He explained.
“But you did sing your new song.. that no one ever heard of… what if I stole your song?” I was a bit overwhelmed with my emotion here, but he keep on smiling, assuring me.
“You won’t do such thing, I know. You’re sincere and honest, your sense of justice is also high. At first, I don’t want you to know that I am Mikazuki… but after spending time with you, I’m really comfortable with you. I know.. I can share everything with you. So.. I don’t really mind now if you already know about me.” He stared at me in the eye, his eyes really soothing and sincere.
If it’s like that… why wont you tell me yourself? I let the question stays in my mind, and let it be forgotten. I can understand, it’s not like Inoo doesn’t want to tell me himself. He just wanted me to seek for it myself. It’s not just Mikazuki that have a mysterious image, because Inoo is also like that. Inoo is a really open person, but at some point, he doesn’t want people to know about him. He locked his heart, and not letting people to touch it.
I was reminded with Hikaru’s thought. Inoo.. is as lonely as Mikazuki. Inoo is like he was waiting.. for someone who he can open up to.
I smiled to him.
“Can I ask one more question?” I plead.
“Douzo.”
“Why won’t you show your own face to the audience? I think it could be one of the trick to engage with your fans.”
“Ah… I just want people to appreciate the music, not the person behind the mic. Because sometimes, the appearance can affect audiences, right? I don’t want it.. I want people listens to my music, and enjoy it without caring about anything but the music itself”
He really loves his music. Like music is the only things that matter in his life, and nothing else.
“And.. why ‘Mikazuki’?”
“Ah.. that..” He looked up to the sky, the winter is approaching that the sky is already as clear as the winter night. We can see the stars really bright. “Because the first time I sing here, I saw crescent moon in the sky.” He answered.
After that, he starts to sing again, the song titled Rokutousei no Yoru, the same one with the song in the movie. But hearing it live, with Inoo putting his soul into it, it felt so magical, and really touched the heart.
**
Since the day I met him for the first time, I always go straight to the park everytime my work is over, and sometimes when my work is done earlier, I take the guitar first in my room then go to the park after that. Everynight feels like picnic for us, we drinks something warm, eats, talks about everything, and of course we sings and play guitar to all of our hearts content. Inoo sometimes brings his notebook and scribbling lyrics when he had something in mind.
One day, Inoo asked me out all day. He told me that he is scheduled to record his new single, and he wanted me to come. We met in the usual park, Inoo wore his usual outfit, not wearing any disguise at all, unlike how I imagined a popular singer would be. When I ask him “Why aren’t you wearing any disguise at all? You’re a popular singer, desho?” but he chuckled. “No one knows my face at all!”
When we reached the studio, Inoo greeted all the staff and introduced me to his manager, Yamada-san. He told his manager that I was some kind of his personal assistant, and then the two of them talked in private for a while. I don’t know what kind of discussion they had tho, work-related, perhaps.
I’m really amazed with the studio, it is really different with the studio Hikaru always rent for his recording. It really has the professional aura. Today they are recording for Yuki no Furu Machi single which gonna be released soon. After the briefing and all the preparation done, they start the recording. The recording took a while and it went smoothly.
Once Inoo’s part done, he asked the manager’s permission to use the unused studio. The manager talked with the one in charge and let Inoo used it. Inoo entered the studio and stormed to the piano inside. He also gestured me to use the guitar. The manager left us and continued the work with the rest of the staff.
“I always want to have my own studio.. so I can play the piano and sing to the top of my lung” Inoo said.
“What about the piano you used for your cover video? I thought that’s your house’s piano.”
“Ah.. yeah, that’s in my house.” He answered hesitantly. His face slowly changed, from a cheerful one to a gloomy one. “But unfortunately I can no longer play freely there.” He’s back with his smile again. The smile seems out of place. And I somehow think that it was to hide his gloomy face just a while ago. I didn't ask more.
He busied himself with writing the song he sang to me once, he told me that the titled is Shichigatsu no Tsubasa. He focused on his work so much and I don’t have the heart to bother him at all. I played the guitar to kill some time, and played all the song that comes into my mind, whatever it is, either the popular song, or even Blanc et Noir’s song that I wrote. But watching Inoo that hardworkingly writing his own song like this, trying with his piano, somehow.. made my hand moved by itself. My mind is filled some kind of music I never heard before, I poured it on my guitar.
“What’s the title of the song?” Suddenly Inoo stopped writing and took an interest in the song I played.
“Ah.. it’s… I don’t know. Still no name.” I answered him hesitantly.
“You made it on your own?” He asked more, but no hint of surprise on his face, like he knew it already. Noticing my hesitation, he doesn’t ask me more. He told me “Let me hear more of it.” Instead.
“If you say so.” I reluctantly placed my fingers on the guitars string and played again the music in my mind. It was just a short piece, but Inoo listened to it intensely. I could see his lips forming into a smile in joy.
“It’s beautiful, Yabu.” He praised when I finished playing that short piece. “I feel like singing to…” He hasn’t even finished his own sentence when his cough took over. He instantly covered his mouth with his hand as the cough grows louder. He went away from the piano, avoiding it. I wasn’t sure what to do, I was in panic myself. I never see him coughing this hard. I support his body so he won't fall, and caressed his back to soothe him. He looked so in pain. After a while, he started to feel calmer and the cough stopped. He tooked his hand off of his mouth, and my eyes widen at the scene I saw that time. There was blood on his hand and on his lips, much of it it. I can only freeze at the scene.. and watching him in horror.
**
I can’t forget what I saw that night. I can’t take it off my mind how Inoo vomiting blood and spilling his hand and mouth. I was there, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Even before I can ask about anything about it to Inoo, he stopped me halfway and told me that he was okay and it was just him tired of all his activities. But I don’t believe him at all. His answer cannot convince me at all, because how can someone vomiting blood just because of being tired. I insisted on bringing him to the doctor but he refused me, he told me that he could be better just by a good night sleep.
If my eyes weren’t mistaken, when he start to cough, he immediately avoiding the piano, like he was anticipating some blood to be spilled. Or.. is it jut me and my crazy hallucination?
The anxiety has been filling up my mind, that I am losing focus on everything. On my study and also on my work. Once my work is done, I went straight to the park, just want to check on some things. And I was right, Inoo was there, singing just like he always do. I approached him.
“What are you doing here? You should rest.” I told him, my voice a bit high, controlled by anger and worries.
“I feel rested the most when I am singing freely.” He answered as he watched the moon above, not meeting my eyes.
I hold his shoulder with both of my hand, and bringing him to face me. “But it’s cold, and you are deadly tired. It’s not good for your health, Inoo. It also won’t do any good to your voice.” I yelled. I could see my own reflection in his eyes, I was desperate.
He touched my face, and I was caught off guard. “It’s okay.” He convinced. But it doesn’t convince me at all. His voice was huskier than usual.
“It’s for your own good, Inoo. For you, for Mikazuki.” I answered him. I can see his eyes full of doubt and he reconsidering it. He sighed in defeat.
“Alright.. I tried my best not to come here.. too much. I will sing in the middle of the night less than usual. It’s growing colder, afterall.”
After that night, I rarely meet Inoo in the middle of the night. I can only meet him twice ot three times in a week. But it was better that way. Inoo cough frequently because of the cold, and his body looks too fragile. Not to forget.. that he vomited blood the other day. I just don’t want him to be sick. Besides, he has a voice to maintain and to be protected. The night’s air and wind isn’t too good for his voice, right?
When the winter reaches its peak, he didn’t come at all in the middle of the night. I don’t know if he was really taking my advice into account that he never came to the park again, or because he was too busy with Yuki no Furu Machi promotion. He was busy with the promotional video although he didn’t appear in it. He also went to various media and did some interview, and sometimes did some live in the radio. And as usual, his voice is mesmerizing, athough.. somehow his voice is a bit huskier. I don’t know if I imagining things though.
In the middle of his busy week, he still have the time to meet me in the afternoon and rent a studio to play piano with me. I asked him if it was okay, and he told me that he missed me because we don’t meet too often lately. When he said that, I feel like my heart almost jump from its place.
Once we reach the studio, he stormed to the piano as usual, and sneaked out his scorebook. He told me that the previous song that he showed me once, Shichigatsu no Tsubasa, has been finished. And now he was playing another song I haven’t heard. The song hasn’t complete yet, and Inoo was working on it that day.
“What do you think?” He asked me. I’m not an expert at composing music, but I gave him the feedback he needed to improve.
“A new song?” I asked him.
“Yeah.. I want to finish it as soon as possible so I can propose it to my producer.” He answered.
“Yuki no Furu Machi hasn’t even been released and you’re already made several new songs. Why are you in a rush?” I asked him, half-joking. But I don’t know why he took it seriously. He was quiet, and his eyes flicking to me. He was.. angry, and disappointed.
“I just want my time to be worth spent, I don’t want to waste even a single sec.” He answered. Half shouting. I was taken aback, I never see him like that before. I wasn’t sure why he was mad like that, I closed my mouth.
After a while Inoo sighed. He smiled again to me. “Let’s play again?” He seems like he doesn’t want to prolong the discussion a while ago, and pretend that it never happened. He played again the new song with his piano, and I tried to accompany him with my guitar.
I felt bad for him. But I don’t want to talk about it again, either. I tried apologizing to him but he just smile and didn’t say anything at all, like he was hiding his real feeling behind it.
**
When we finished at the studio, he asked me to go to some coffee shop around there. His face doesn't show any hint of anger anymore, or he just didn’t want to care anymore about it. When we were searching the certain coffee shop, I saw a glimpse of Hikaru’s pinkish blonde hair. I called to him. He heard me from afar and walked to me.
When we were close enough, he saw my guitar on my back. He was surprised.
“You’re bringing guitar?” He pointed at my guitar.
“Anyway, Inoo-chan, remember what I’ve told you about my friend? This is Hikaru.” I ignored Hikaru and introduced Inoo to him. Hikaru wasn’t aware about Inoo who was standing beside me as he was too focus to my guitar. When he finally notice Inoo, his face was more surprised.
“Hikaru from Blanc et Noir? Ah… Inoo Kei, yoroshiku.”
“Eh.. ah.. Ya-Yaotome Hikaru desu.” Hikaru answered him, still being puzzled. Hikaru moved to my side and whispered to me. “Who’s that? Your girlfriend? How can you get such a beautiful girl, you bastard!”
“HE is my friend.” I replied. But well, I’m quite aware that I don’t want us just to be friend. I’ve been wondering how he think about me.
“He? He’s a boy?” He almost shrieked if only I didn’t cover his mouth for him. “You’re sure you’re just friend with him?” I can see his smirk when he asked that. He moved back to his recent position and asked us. “So, where are you going after this?”
“We want to go to a coffee shop, wanna join?” Inoo answered him.
“Ah sou.. well, Blanc et Noir is having a live gigs tonight. And my friend here..” Hikaru circled his hand around my neck. “promised Yuya, our vocalist, that he will go to our next live. How’s it?” Well.. I did promise him tho. And with Hikaru forcing me like this, I cannot do anything. I don’t mind if Inoo wanted to watch Blanc et Noir, but I sensed some evil plan from Hikaru.
“Blanc et Noir’s live? Whoa I want to see it.” Inoo answered innocently, not sensing Hikaru’s evil plan at all.
“Yosh, let’s go.” Hikaru circled his left hand around Inoo’s shulder and dragging us to the venue. Hikaru was being too familiar with Inoo, but Inoo doesn’t seem to mind at all. Afterall, the two of them are the type that easy to talk to and easy to approach, I can see them getting along very well. Hikaru joked and told us funny stories along the way and Inoo laughed all he can.
Once we reached the venue, Hikaru brings us to the backstage room where all the members of Blanc et Noir gather. Hikaru introduced Inoo to Yuya, Keito and Yuto, and whispered something to them. I can see they smirking to me, especially Yuya.
Yuya pulled me outside of the room just to interrogate me and Inoo’s relationship. He insisted that me and Inoo is a couple, but I denied it. Yuya told me ‘If I were you, already make him mine.’ And I answer ‘But you have Dai-chan already!’ he just laugh at it. After that, he was called to prepare the stage along with the rest of the member. I went back to the room to meet Inoo. When I was opening the door, I heard Inoo and Hikaru talking and mentioning my name.
“Inoo-chan, do you know that Yabu stopped playing guitar?” Hikaru asked. Already adding -chan to Inoo’s name, being to familiar with him.
“Eh? But he played the guitar when we’re together..” Inoo answered.
“Ah.. yappari it’s you.” Hikaru is always easygoing and goofy, even so, he is observant and caring about others. “As his friend, I want to thank you.. for making him playing guitar again.” And he bow. Hikaru was always aware with what happen to me. We have been friends from child and I guess that’s why he can almost know whatever in my mind.
“Eh..” Inoo was lost for words, I didn’t exactly hear his answer.
“Anyway.. one of the song we’re going to play tonight was composed by Yabu. The title is DAWN, I’ll give you the cue from the stage.” Hikaru then stood up and went to the stage to prepare and start the live afterwards. I took Inoo to join with another audiences and watched Blanc et Noir from there. Hikaru winked to Inoo when DAWN started to be played.
“It’s indeed a good song…” I could hear Inoo whispered.
**
Yuki no Furu Machi is finally released. Inoo was too busy to have his own leisure time since he was scheduled to do several lives as part of promoting the single. The lives usually held in a livehouse, never in the outoor stage since he was maintaining the mysterious image Mikazuki has. I was present in all of his lives, and helping him doing this and that as his assistant. I’m not paid tho, but being able to be with him, is already enough for me.
In his lives, I can see people cheering for him. They’re enjoying Mikazuki’s music as the way it is. They don’t need to see Mikazuki’s face or knowing anything about him beside his voice and music.
Today is the last live for Yuki no Furu Machi promotion, I am to meet Inoo at the usual park before going together to the venue. When I arrive, Inoo still hasn’t come, although he was the one who usually comes earlier. About 15 mins later, he came, but his face was pale, and he looked so frail.
“Yabuu, I’m sorry for being late. Let’s go.” His voice is shaky, and he couldn’t even walk straight.
I took his hand and stopping him from walking “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked him.
Again, he touch my face with his free hand. “I’m okay.”
I didn’t release his hand from mine. I took his hand and lead the way until the bus stop. All the way to the venue, I could faintly hear Inoo’s heavy breathing. I told him to rest and he casually lean over to me and rest his head on my shoulder and sleeping soundly.
I don’t know.. what kind of relationship we have. We are clearly not just friend, but we are not a couple, yet. We never said such words, but the way we care about each other, and the way we touch each other.. can I assume it as love?
When he was sleeping, I ruffled his hair with my hand and I touch his forehead. It was burning, he was having fever. I brought him even closer to me, to make him feel warmer.
When we arrive at the venue, the staff and his manager were already there, preparing the stage. Since it was the last live performance, they used a bigger hall than before. In the rehearsal, Inoo was trying his best to hide his true condition. He was smiling and cheerful like usual. But he still couldn’t lie to me.
“Are you sure you are okay?” I was really worried of him. I just don’t want to see him sick.. and the scary part is, what if he coughing blood midlive?
“I’m okay, Yabu, don’t worry about me.”
“Convince me that you’re okay.”
“I will deliver all the song smoothly, without making any mistakes at all. Because I wanted them to understand my feeling that I pout into my music. Are you still doubting me?” he answered. But that didn’t answer my question at all. He doesn’t even reassure me that his condition is well enough to do the live.
I shake my head.
“Hmm… what about this? If you think.. that my condition is worsen while I was on stage, and you think that I won’t make it. Just storm to the stage and stopped the event. Dou?” I started to reconsider. But do I have the right to stopped it halfway? Who am I to begin with? “But I can assure you that it won’t happen because I can make it.” He continued. I don’t know if it is stubbornness or him being overconfident.
Inoo took his bag and took a letter from it. He handed it to me. “In case of emergency, just read the letter.” Before I can say another word, he left me to the stage since the live is about to start.
When he was on stage, he was sparkling. Well, his voice is, not him literally since we can’t see his face at all. Because it was too dark, I couldn’t see his face to read the atmosphere. I can’t see whether he was in pain or if he was too frail to continue the live. I can only tell about him from his voice.. which was huskier than usual.
Even so, he did deliver all the song smoothly, the audiences are cheering for him, and didn’t sense Inoo being sick at all. After singing several song, the live is ended. He stepped off to the backstage limply. I could even see him having difficulties with breathing. One of the staff handed him his drink, and he limply drink from it. But he was choked on it and coughing hardly. Even harder from the way he is at the studio when he was vomiting blood.
The manager was truly surprised to see Inoo that way. He thought that Inoo was on a good condition.
I immediately come to Inoo and support his body so he won’t fall. He keep on coughing and he looked so suffocated. Suddenly, the blood is bursting from his mouth. Inoo tried to cover it but too late.. the blood is already spilled everywhere, also on my shirt. After that, Inoo lost his consciousness, and the staffs are panic upon this.
The manager tried to remain calm and order the staff to take Inoo to one of the staff’s car. They don’t want to call for an ambulance, since they think it was faster that way, and they don’t want to make such commotion. We brought Inoo to the nearest hospital.
In the midst of this commotion, I was reminded of Inoo’s letter. I took it out from my pocket and read it. Inside it Inoo’s writing “dr. Tanaka Seiichi, 0xxxxxxxxxx.” I called him immediately and told him that Inoo collapsed and were brought to the hospital.
Inoo was brought to the emergency room to be examined. Me, the manager and other staff are waiting outside ER, sitting at the bench in the aisle. I told the manager that I’ve called Inoo’s doctor and he was coming here.
After a while, I saw someone running to the ER, which I tought was Tanaka-sensei. I stood up and ran to him, and the manager-san followed me.
“Tanaka-sensei?” I confirmed.
“Are you the one who called me?”
“Yes.” I answered him. So he is Tanaka-sensei that Inoo told me in his letter.
“I’m Yamada, Inoo’s manager.” Manager-san introduced himself to Tanaka-sensei. “Are you Inoo’s family doctor?” He asked.
But Tanaka-sensei didn’t answer him. Tanaka-sensei was surprised when manager-san introduced himself. “Manager?” he asked again in disbelief. “What were Inoo doing when he collapsed?”
“Inoo was performing on stage, and when the lives ended, he collapsed.” Manager-san explained. Tanaka-sensei’s was really surprised, his eyes were wide in reaction. He was really worried.. or rather, furious.
“Performing?!” without hearing further explanation, Tanaka-sensei dashed to the ER. The look on Tanaka-sensei’s face were pure surprised like he didn’t know about Inoo being a singer. Tanaka-sensei is Inoo’s family doctor, but.. why didn’t he know about it? Doesn’t Inoo’s family know about it?
Manager-san back to his seat on the bench, I followed him. Manager-san was so uneasy. He has no idea what’s happening with Inoo and he was blaming himself for not noticing Inoo’s condition beforehand. He felt like he was responsible for this.
After a while, Tanaka-sensei walked out of the ER, me and manager-san immediately approached him to know the diagnosis. But instead of telling us there, he brought us to a more private place.
“So… what is it about Inoo performing?” Tanaka-sensei opened the discussion. His face was a bit calmer than before, but we can still see how worried and angry he is.
“Inoo was performing live for promoting his newest single. But when he stepped off the stage, he suddenly coughing blood and collapsed. Before the lives, we didn’t notice anything at all, since he was his usual self. I’m sorry for not noticing about his true condition.” The manager apologized.
“So I take it that Inoo is a singer, right?”
“Yes.” The manager told him, and the doctor sighed.
“Okay, let me get this straight. This information is classified, and only the family that has the right to know. But.. since you are Inoo’s manager, which made you responsible with him, and you, as Inoo’s trustworthy fellow, I need to tell both of you. Inoo was not supposed to sing. He musn’t. He has tumor in his throat.. he need to have the surgery as soon as possible, or everything’s too late.”
The doctor’s explanation seems too much for me. My mind cannot process it at all.. or is it some kind of denial that I don’t want to believe the doctor’s words at all. It was too shocking from me. I don’t want wo believe it. Suddenly all the image of Inoo appear on my mind, from the first time we meet, all the occurrence with him, all of our fun times, the times when Inoo vomiting blood, the time when Inoo was mad of me, his words, why he didn’t want to waste even a singe sec. Everything feels like falling to its rightful place.
And it all make sense now.
-to be continued-
Note:
[1] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR QUEEN, INOO KEI. Since you're busy right now, please take care of yourself. Don't forget to get enough sleep (just like what Yabu said)
[2] Angst fic for birthday celebration, bcs why not?
[3] It was supposed to be posted as 1 single fic, and I already finished it all. BUT, after reading it, I need to revised the second half, so... I decided to split it into 2.
[4] Please don't laugh at my english. It's horrible, I know ;_;
[5] I'm not really confident with this fic, but please, do enjoy it :)
Author: nikenyk
Pairing: Inoobu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "God, If you’re really right there, please tell me, even if you'd listen to my prayers, You'd only laugh, right?"
It was already 1 in the middle of the night when I stepped out of my office. The overtime is inescapable since I came late to the office due to my final project in university, and I’m already at my limit right now I want to throw my body on my bed and snuggled under my blanket already. The wind blows lightly, yet still able to give me the chill. The autumn is nearing its end and I can already feel the winter coming. I clutched my coat harder.
I walked through the main road, which already less crowded, only several people passing by. I yawned so hard. I want to reach my room as soon as possible that I took the shortcut to my room. The shortcut is a narrow street that no one pass in the night because it’s too dark. I’ve never pass this street at night, it feels strangely frightening.
I quicken my pace, not wanting the unwanted thing to happened to me. I was walking passed by a park when I faintly heard a singing voice.
Miracle I'd encountered in the midst of millions stardust,
they become couldn't be seen again.
The beautiful voice made me stopped my foot from taking another step. I glanced to the park and saw someone with reddish brown hair, slender body that made me think it was a girl, standing under the park lamp, using the lamp like it was his own stage.
Engulfed in the midst of zillion humans,
I bid farewell to nights of tears and pasts that won't roll back
His voice is silvery yet croaky. The way he sings is too sloppy, yet those all characteristic making his voice unique. And I can hear he sings with all his heart, and putting his soul into his melody.
So tomorrow, I could believe that I can shine once ag.. cough!
In the midst of singing, he suddenly coughs really hard. His body’s shaking furiously, and he looked like he was suffocating. He put his hand on the lamp pole to support his body from falling to the ground.
Without even thinking, I ran to him and tried to help him. With my right hand I hold his shoulder and hold his back with my arm. His body looked so fragile that it might break because of his cough. With my free hand, I sneak my bag and took my bottled water out. He gratefully took it from my hand, and drink it immediately.
The cough starts to fade, he could already stand with his own feet without any support. I remove my hand from his back.
“Thanks” he said as he handed me back the bottled water to me. He looked reluctant with a stranger helping him out of a sudden. He looked like the type who doesn’t like to bother anyone else.
“No prob.” I answered him with a smile. There’s no way that I won’t help someone in need. He looked like he was assured with my smile. He smiled.
“The wind’s a bit too cold for autumn I didn’t wear a thicker coat, maybe it triggers me to cough.” He explained. But in the next second, he bore his eyes onto mine, like he was searching some answer from my eyes. I backed off a bit. He is a bit strange, I thought.
And after a while, he offered his hand, and introduce himself. “I’m Inoo Kei, yoroshiku.”
“Yabu kota. Yoroshiku.” I also offered him my hand.
“Are you lost? Why are you passing by this streets at this hour?” He asked me. From the way he asked me, he looked like he’s living around here that he is too familiar with the surrounding.
“I’ve lived here for years. Why?”
“Nah, it’s just, no one is passing by this street at night. So I was wondering if you’re lost that you ended up here in the middle of the night.” He answered.
“I was just taking the shortcut to my room.” I explained. “And you? What are you doing in here in the middle of the night? And are you coming here everynight that you’re so familiar with the situation”
“I’m always here in the night, singing. That’s why I know that no one is passing around here in the middle of the night. You’re the first one I saw.”
“And.. why are you singing alone here.. in the middle of the night?” it was pure curiousity. I am a bit interested in him. Someone with a good voice, singing alone in the middle of the night. What’s the purpose? Isn’t he afraid of damaging his voice? Because it’s quite cold in the night. And also, what if there’s some criminal around?
And if I think about it, his voice is good and unique. If he entered the music industries, I’m sure he could achieve something big. The song he sang also sounds so familiar I thought I’ve heard it somewhere before.
“Because no one is here…. I can be myself and sing freely.” He answered me as he looked up to the sky, watching the crescent moon shining its own light that made his eyes sparkle.
To be honest, I didn’t understand his answer at all, and why he answered like that. But I let thet aside as he started to sing again. Drowning his surrounding with his voice. Under the park lamp. And being watched by zillion stars.
That night.. the crescent moon shines brighter than usual.
**
In the next day, I wake up late. I prepared myself as soon as possible and sprint to my university which is just meters away from my room. It didn’t take me too much time to reach university, although the class is already started when I enter. Thankfully, the professor still let me to join the class, tho I received a death glare from him. I sit in the usual place, and there’s already my bestfriend, Yaotome Hikaru, seated beside me.
“Yo!” he mouthed, not wanting to utter even a word because the professor is sensitive to the sound.
I gestured my hand to him, replying his greeting, and immediately took my notes and focused to the professor. I need to get a good mark in this class to finally able to graduate since my final project is already in the process. Once the class is ended, I walk with Hikaru to the cafeteria, and along the way, Hikaru blabbered everything comes to his mind. He talked about the professors, about his problem, and about his band, and all I answer is just ‘hmm’ ‘yeah yeah’. Speaking of Hikaru’s band, the name is Blanc et Noir and it’s still famous among local people and they are trying their hardest to spread their band name throughout the country and make a major label debut.
“Anyway, we’re having an event tonight at the usual live house. And you have to come!” Hikaru shamelessly said that as he stuffed his mouth with his food.
“What time are you gonna perform?”
“We are scheduled at 9” he answered.
“At 9 eh?” I sighed. “I don’t think I can make it, I have to do another overtime at work.”
“Blehh, you’re no fun. Just like Keito.” Keito is Blanc et Noir’s guitarist. Hikaru has been complaining about Keito lately. But the truth is, it was just about misunderstanding between those two. But Hikaru is too stubborn to settle things. The tension between the two of them has affecting the band’s productivity, that the rest of the members scolded Hiakru about it, but he’s still too stubborn.
“Let me tell you this one, I don’t know how many time I told you about this tho. I know Keito, I know all about Blanc et Noir just like I am a member myself. You should reconcile with him, you should listen to what he want to tell you. Don’t act like it doesn’t bother the band. The band needs harmony, right? How can you produce such harmony if you are on a bad term with your own member?”
“Well, you got the point… but I still don’t want to.” He stubbornly said that. “Maybe next time.”
“Just make sure you talk to him. Your band is on the line.” I told him.
“Ah.. okay okay.”
After the lunch time is over, I need to meet my professor to consult my final project. And because of that, I’m gonna get late to work thus I was forced to do another overtime.
I took my tray and put it on the usual place. “Hika, I need to go now. See you later.”
“Yabu!” before I walked to far from him, he called me, so I looked back at him. “about the new song…” He trailed, and I know what he means with it.
“No.” I sternly answered him.
**
If I say that I didn’t think about last night at all, I would say I’m a big liar.
I walked out from my office in the middle of the night when people are already sleep and sound in their respective home.
To be honest, what happened last night still lingers in my mind. In the class when I need to focus with my study, when I’m with Hikaru, when I need to focus on my final project, and when I need to focus on my work. His voice rings in my ear all the time. The song he sang seems like in a repeat in my mind and won’t stop at all. Also the image of him drowning in his own singing under the lamp, it was like a famous painting that people won’t be able to take their eyes off.
I went to the vending machine and bought warm drink, and then I head to the park again. When I reach the park, I was welcomed by his singing voice. My feet are freezing upon him. I can only watch and listen in awe. Indeed. The scenery is so magical, along with his voice.
In the midst of millions stardust,
I've encountered with you
I wish we'd still feel the same if we happened to meet again
Even the times when I cried in a past that won't roll back
I believe, they'll be reborn and shine on tomorrow
I give him applause when he finished his song. He heard my clapped hand and approaching steps and immediately turns to see me. He smiled.
“Yabu-san!” I walked to him and handed him the hot chocolate from the vending machine. “Thank you.”
I took a seat in front of him and open my own can of hot chocolate, and so does he.
“Itadakimasu” He said before he took a big gulp of it.
“Don’t you think it’s a bit too cold tonight? Even we’re still in autumn. And isn’t it affecting your voice?” I asked him out of curiousity.
“It’s okay.. it’s still bearable. But if it gets colder, I might stop coming for a while tho.” He answered as he chuckled. “But then I have nowhere else to sing!”
“When did you start singing here?”
“About… 3 years… ka na? I’m not sure”
“Whoa that’s such a long time!” I was astonished with his answer. “Don’t you have anything to do in the morning?”
“Well… there is. But mostly I skipped it.” He chuckled again. “I might not look like it, but I’m a university student.”
Although I just barely know him, Inoo is easy to talk to and knows about many things. I didn’t feel weird or awkward at all with him and able to talk to him like he’s one of my best friend. He also sings a lot, and I gladly listen to his unique voice.
But one time, he’s looking at my face intensely, boring his eyes onto mine just like when we met for the first time yesterday.
“Have we meet each other before?” He asked me, genuine curiousity.
“Hmm never. I’ve just met you last night.” I answered him honestly. But my answer didn’t seem to assure him. He still eyeing me intensely. After a while, he release his gaze from me.
“Okay, then.” He said as he smiled. “Yabu-san, please listen to this.”
Words that always come into my mind
So fragile, never changing
I always yearn for you
Until now, your smile, so far, never changing
If only, I have a pair of wings, without hesitation, I’d go I’d across the night sky to meet you
I’ve never heard this song before. You don’t need to ask me again how beautiful his voice is, because the way I enjoy it would already answer it all. The way he sing is so sloppy yet can still convey the feeling of the song. And somehow this song… seems like it could break my heart.
**
“Hoaaahhhmmmm” I yawned. I spent the rest of my night at the park, singing and chatting with Inoo. We really lose the track of the time, and fortunately I don’t have any class today. But I still need to go to my university to do some errands. I was resting on the bench at the university when someone suddenly tapped my shoulder.
“Oi.” A man with a slightly chubby cheek and brunette hair, greeted me arrogantly.
“Yuya!.” I greeted him back. He is Takaki Yuya, my friend, and another member of Blanc et Noir. He joined me and sit on the bench in front of me.
“Where were you last night? Why aren’t you at our live? Don’t call yourself as our friend anymore!” He said with a really pissed face. If I haven’t known him for years already, I might be afraid with this. But this is just how pure-hearted Yuya that want his friend to come to his lives.
“Sorry, I had work last night. I’ll go next live, okay?” I promised him which resulting a playful punch from him.
“I’ll be waiting, okay.” He said with a crooked smile. He tried to look cool, but in my eyes, he’s just like a kid, very pure and innocent. His personality gap is something, right?
“Anyway, where’s Hikaru?”
“Ah, he’s currently settling things with Keito. They fight like a years-married couple, you should see it yourself. Yuya groaned.
I laughed. “Finally! I’m already tired hearing Hikaru complaining about Keito. But I am 100% sure, it’s all Hikaru’s stubbornness.” I continued laughing. “Anyway Yuya, it’s rare seeing you here. You hit your head real hard, eh?” I joked.
“You punk!” He answered as he punch my head lightly, and I just replied him with laughing even louder. “I’m going to pick up Dai-chan. Bye.” He stood up and walked away with me. I just waved at his departing back. But suddenly he turned his back and face me from afar. “Anyway Yabu.. why don’t you write us a s..”
“No.” I answered him instantly.
“Desu yo ne? Jaa, bye.”
**
Today, my work is done at 9. I am planning to meet Inoo in the park today, but it’s still too early. He told me later last night that he usually comes to the park around 11. And I need to think about something to spend my time until 11. I don’t know why I suddenly think this way. I feel like my body dragging to me to my room to pick up my guitar. Inoo always sings alone without any instrument accompanying him, and somehow I’m imagining myself playing for him. ‘I want to play for him’, that’s the only thing I could think of. My mind is jumbled. His voice appeals me to play music, this is the first time I feel like I want to play for someone. But.. I also don’t want to play music anymore… I don’t want to feel.. it again.
Even so, my desire to play alongside him, took me over.
With jumbled mind, I went to my room, passing the park which still empty without him singing. I took the dust-covered guitar and in the farthest corner of my room wipe it until it’s clean. I put it inside the cover bag and went straight to the park again. Inoo hasn’t come yet. I sit on my usual place.
I took out my guitar from the coverbag, and tuning the guitar. My head is still full of hesitation, and my hand is trembling, yet I still took the first strum on my guitar, after years not playing it. As I thought.. I still couldn’t overcome this kind of feeling. I helped myself with imagining Inoo singing, and my hand feels like a bit lighter, thus I can play the guitar freely without being burden by it.
Yappari, I miss playing my music. I tried to remember the song Inoo sang last night, and hum to it. And then I played the companion by my guitar. I know, you cannot compare my voice to Inoo’s. But singing with an additional instrument, really gives the song more energy and feeling to it. When I finished singing Inoo’s song last night, I heard applause.
I don’t need to see to know who that is. “Inoo-san!” I called.
“I don’t know that you could play guitar that well, Yabu. You can even play the song you heard only once!” Inoo praised, his eyes is brimming with awe.
“Not that well tho.” I feel a bit embarrassed being praised by him like this.
“Will you play the guitar for me?” He asked.
And in the next second, I find myself playing the guitar for him, and him singing to it. Just like how I wanted it to be. We could feel the joy in the music we made. I can feel myself enjoying the guitar. I can also see him immersed in his silvery yet croaky voice. Tho his voice sounds a bit huskier than usual.
**
That night, we played together until the sun rises. We drank many cans of hot chocolate since it was really freezing in the middle of the night that Inoo often cough because of it. “I need to wear a thicker coat from now one.” He said. Honestly, I want to advice him not to come again to the park in the middle of the night to sing, because the weather is growing colder. But he told me that he had done this for couple years, so he knew the situation already.
We talked about many things and sang many songs that we really lose the tracks of time. Inoo was surprised when he saw the ray of the sun from the east of the park. He immediately ran to his house. “See you later Yabu-san, it was really fun.” He told me as he ran home.
Fortunately for me, today is the weekend. No class, no work, just rest all day. Until somebody knocking loudly on my door. The knock on the door is too loud that I can’t just ignore it. Before my neighbor scold me later, I got up lazily, furiously, and opened the door. I knew it. There’s no one more shameless than my best friend, Yaotome Hikaru.
“Yo!” Without even feeling any remorse, he greeted me with his goofy smile. Without even letting him, he casually entered my room, ignoring my cranky face he made me.
“What are you doing?!” I groaned.
“Ah, my sister gave me these movie tickets. You don’t have anything to do, do you? The movie starts at 8, you’d better prepare yourself.”
“And why do you think I want to go watch that movie with you?”
“I’m not inviting, I’m dragging you to the theater.”
This goofily-do-all-he-wants clown! I heaved a very long sigh and give up. I’m just a good-for-nothing that easily say yes to people. I took my towel and head to the shower. Right before I enter my bathroom, Hikaru called me, again.
“So.. you play the guitar again?” His eyes glued to my guitar that had move from the corner of my room and no more dust covering it.
I only smiled and ignored him.
**
“And.. do you care to explain why are we, two males, watching romantic drama on Saturday night together?” I rolled my eyes.
“Sssh, shut up, the movie is starting.” He totally ignored me and devoured his own popcorn. The theater is filled with couple, and all lovey-dovey with each other, and I felt so awkward. “My sister planned to watch it with his boyfriend, but they had a fight today. So she gave me the ticket, since she doesn’t have the heart to throw it away.” He explained. “And there’s also Yuri-tan as the main role, just enjoy it.”
The movie is about a couple, but the girl is sick. Such a cliché movie. During the movie, I tried my best not to sleep, so I watch the movie and try to understand it. Nearing the climax, the story grew sadder. Hikaru was too expressive with himself that he cried shamelessly. And in the climax they used a song as the background music, to give the more saddening effect to the audience.
I have only one single wish in nights without dawn
"I wish for a glimmer of light in a starless sky"
Even all things I've thrown away in a place I can never return
I believe, they'll be reborn and shine on tomorrow
My eyes widen in surprised. I know.. this voice.
“Hika, do you know the song?” I asked him in a haste.
“Sniffing, Hikaru answered. “It’s Mikazuki’s song. You.. are interested in it?”
“Mikazuki?”
“Yeah, Mikazuki, he debuted last year, but he gains the popularity real much. Just listen to his songs, they’re all good.”
I walked out of the theater, leaving Hikaru puzzled inside. I googled about Mikazuki immediately. Mikazuki is a stagename, no one knows his real name, and his identity at all. No one even know his face. The only thing people know is, his beautiful voice. They said that Mikazuki used to be a youtube artist, he oftens do some cover, and also he posted the song he composed himself. Because of his popularity, a major label scouted him and he debuted last year. Although he is still a newcomer, his song is already used for a big movie and dorama’s soundtrack.
I opened his youtube channel where he posted his videos, and watch one of it. The only thing that could be seen on the video is his hand dancing on the piano. I know that slender fingers and I know this singing voice. There’s no mistake, it must be Inoo. I didn’t know that he could play the piano tho. But the way he played the piano is similar to his way of singing, so sloppy, yet, it made him unique. His piano is also soothing and comforting to the ears, also felt so deep it can touch the heart, just like his voice.
I have the urge to run to our usual park, but it was still 9.30. There’s no way Inoo is already there. I decided to browse more about Mikazuki. There’s some kind of forum discussing about him. People are trying to uncover his real identity and tried to stalk or track him on internet. But no one had even seen a glimpse of Mikazuki’s real face. After reading the forum for I while, I let myself immersed in Mikazuki’s live performance, to kill some time, and to wait for Hikaru to come out.
Even in the live performance, no one could see his face. The lighting was set in such way not to reveal his face at all, but we can still see his figure playing the piano. Mikazuki is so mysterious, and I’m 100% sure that Mikazuki is Inoo. I wonder.. why Inoo used such image like this.
While I was busy with my assumption, suddenly Hikaru tapped my shoulder, surprising me.
“Oi, Yabu! Why didn’t you come back to the theater?” He scolded.
I remove my headset from my ear. “Ah, sorry. How’s the movie?”
“Too sad! The movie turned me into such crybaby. It’s so shameful.” I laughed at him. You are always shameless. “Anyway, I’m going to the music store. Are you in?” I nodded in response.
When we reach the music store, I went to search Mikazuki’s cds. He already released 6 singles in the span of 1 year, and already announced to release his 7th single, Yuki no Furu Machi. I took one cd from the shelves and scanned the cover of Mikazuki’s single. Even he won’t appear on the cover of his own singles.
“Mikazuki, eh?” Hika was suddenly right beside me. He took one of the single from the shelves too. “I was a bit surprised that you are interested.. in music.” He said.
“Are you also following him?”
“Well, yeah. His voice is too good to be true. I’ve followed him ever before he joined the major label. I’ve told you about Mikazuki, but well, you WERE not interested.” He emphasized the word were for me.
“Really? I don’t remember a bit.”
“It was the time you stopped playing guitar, and you stopped your interest in music.” I closed my mouth. It’s one of the topic I always avoid to talk about. Especially with Hikaru, we are friend too long he could read me like an open book. He knows why I stopped, and he always tried to bring me back. He seems to know my uneasy feeling. He tried to change the topic. “But… I feel like Mikazuki is a really sad person.”
Hikaru’s thought made me curious.
“Why?” I asked him.
“He has such a mysterious image.. and all his songs are sad. I always think.. the one who compose and sing songs like that… I feel like, Mikazuki is really lonely.” Hikaru’s thought makes me think about that too. Is Inoo.. is a lonely person?
**
In the end, I bought Mikazuki’s single. After bidding Hikaru’s goodbye outside the store, I went to the park. Too much question piling up in my mind, and I don’t know where to start. When I arrived at the park, Inoo was already there.
“Yabu!” he called me excitingly.
“Inoo-san.” I replied his greeting.
“Just drop the formality, will you? It’s just weird to be so formal with your own friend.” Inoo said, grinning from ear to ear. He ruffled his own hair with his hand. I looked at his hand closely. Indeed. It’s the same slender hand with the one in Mikazuki’s video.
Without further chit chat, I asked him. “You are… Mikazuki, right?” The expression on Inoo’s face immediately changed, from the playful one to a cold one. He was nervous, and I have the feeling that he didn’t want me to know about Mikazuki.
But after a while, his expression softens, and he smiled wryly to me.
“Already found out, eh?” He sighed. “I was relieved when you didn’t know about Mikazuki at all, that's why I’m really comfortable to keep singing with you.”
I am a bit sad when he said it that way. Like ‘he didn’t want to be with me anymore since I’ve already know’. But I need to set that aside. I need to tell him something.
“How do you know that I really don’t know about you? What if I lied to you?”
“From you eyes, Yabu. At first, I was afraid to be found out by you. Or even if you lie to me. But… I can see it from your eyes, that you were innocent. How you see the world, it’s so honest.” He explained.
“But you did sing your new song.. that no one ever heard of… what if I stole your song?” I was a bit overwhelmed with my emotion here, but he keep on smiling, assuring me.
“You won’t do such thing, I know. You’re sincere and honest, your sense of justice is also high. At first, I don’t want you to know that I am Mikazuki… but after spending time with you, I’m really comfortable with you. I know.. I can share everything with you. So.. I don’t really mind now if you already know about me.” He stared at me in the eye, his eyes really soothing and sincere.
If it’s like that… why wont you tell me yourself? I let the question stays in my mind, and let it be forgotten. I can understand, it’s not like Inoo doesn’t want to tell me himself. He just wanted me to seek for it myself. It’s not just Mikazuki that have a mysterious image, because Inoo is also like that. Inoo is a really open person, but at some point, he doesn’t want people to know about him. He locked his heart, and not letting people to touch it.
I was reminded with Hikaru’s thought. Inoo.. is as lonely as Mikazuki. Inoo is like he was waiting.. for someone who he can open up to.
I smiled to him.
“Can I ask one more question?” I plead.
“Douzo.”
“Why won’t you show your own face to the audience? I think it could be one of the trick to engage with your fans.”
“Ah… I just want people to appreciate the music, not the person behind the mic. Because sometimes, the appearance can affect audiences, right? I don’t want it.. I want people listens to my music, and enjoy it without caring about anything but the music itself”
He really loves his music. Like music is the only things that matter in his life, and nothing else.
“And.. why ‘Mikazuki’?”
“Ah.. that..” He looked up to the sky, the winter is approaching that the sky is already as clear as the winter night. We can see the stars really bright. “Because the first time I sing here, I saw crescent moon in the sky.” He answered.
After that, he starts to sing again, the song titled Rokutousei no Yoru, the same one with the song in the movie. But hearing it live, with Inoo putting his soul into it, it felt so magical, and really touched the heart.
**
Since the day I met him for the first time, I always go straight to the park everytime my work is over, and sometimes when my work is done earlier, I take the guitar first in my room then go to the park after that. Everynight feels like picnic for us, we drinks something warm, eats, talks about everything, and of course we sings and play guitar to all of our hearts content. Inoo sometimes brings his notebook and scribbling lyrics when he had something in mind.
One day, Inoo asked me out all day. He told me that he is scheduled to record his new single, and he wanted me to come. We met in the usual park, Inoo wore his usual outfit, not wearing any disguise at all, unlike how I imagined a popular singer would be. When I ask him “Why aren’t you wearing any disguise at all? You’re a popular singer, desho?” but he chuckled. “No one knows my face at all!”
When we reached the studio, Inoo greeted all the staff and introduced me to his manager, Yamada-san. He told his manager that I was some kind of his personal assistant, and then the two of them talked in private for a while. I don’t know what kind of discussion they had tho, work-related, perhaps.
I’m really amazed with the studio, it is really different with the studio Hikaru always rent for his recording. It really has the professional aura. Today they are recording for Yuki no Furu Machi single which gonna be released soon. After the briefing and all the preparation done, they start the recording. The recording took a while and it went smoothly.
Once Inoo’s part done, he asked the manager’s permission to use the unused studio. The manager talked with the one in charge and let Inoo used it. Inoo entered the studio and stormed to the piano inside. He also gestured me to use the guitar. The manager left us and continued the work with the rest of the staff.
“I always want to have my own studio.. so I can play the piano and sing to the top of my lung” Inoo said.
“What about the piano you used for your cover video? I thought that’s your house’s piano.”
“Ah.. yeah, that’s in my house.” He answered hesitantly. His face slowly changed, from a cheerful one to a gloomy one. “But unfortunately I can no longer play freely there.” He’s back with his smile again. The smile seems out of place. And I somehow think that it was to hide his gloomy face just a while ago. I didn't ask more.
He busied himself with writing the song he sang to me once, he told me that the titled is Shichigatsu no Tsubasa. He focused on his work so much and I don’t have the heart to bother him at all. I played the guitar to kill some time, and played all the song that comes into my mind, whatever it is, either the popular song, or even Blanc et Noir’s song that I wrote. But watching Inoo that hardworkingly writing his own song like this, trying with his piano, somehow.. made my hand moved by itself. My mind is filled some kind of music I never heard before, I poured it on my guitar.
“What’s the title of the song?” Suddenly Inoo stopped writing and took an interest in the song I played.
“Ah.. it’s… I don’t know. Still no name.” I answered him hesitantly.
“You made it on your own?” He asked more, but no hint of surprise on his face, like he knew it already. Noticing my hesitation, he doesn’t ask me more. He told me “Let me hear more of it.” Instead.
“If you say so.” I reluctantly placed my fingers on the guitars string and played again the music in my mind. It was just a short piece, but Inoo listened to it intensely. I could see his lips forming into a smile in joy.
“It’s beautiful, Yabu.” He praised when I finished playing that short piece. “I feel like singing to…” He hasn’t even finished his own sentence when his cough took over. He instantly covered his mouth with his hand as the cough grows louder. He went away from the piano, avoiding it. I wasn’t sure what to do, I was in panic myself. I never see him coughing this hard. I support his body so he won't fall, and caressed his back to soothe him. He looked so in pain. After a while, he started to feel calmer and the cough stopped. He tooked his hand off of his mouth, and my eyes widen at the scene I saw that time. There was blood on his hand and on his lips, much of it it. I can only freeze at the scene.. and watching him in horror.
**
I can’t forget what I saw that night. I can’t take it off my mind how Inoo vomiting blood and spilling his hand and mouth. I was there, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Even before I can ask about anything about it to Inoo, he stopped me halfway and told me that he was okay and it was just him tired of all his activities. But I don’t believe him at all. His answer cannot convince me at all, because how can someone vomiting blood just because of being tired. I insisted on bringing him to the doctor but he refused me, he told me that he could be better just by a good night sleep.
If my eyes weren’t mistaken, when he start to cough, he immediately avoiding the piano, like he was anticipating some blood to be spilled. Or.. is it jut me and my crazy hallucination?
The anxiety has been filling up my mind, that I am losing focus on everything. On my study and also on my work. Once my work is done, I went straight to the park, just want to check on some things. And I was right, Inoo was there, singing just like he always do. I approached him.
“What are you doing here? You should rest.” I told him, my voice a bit high, controlled by anger and worries.
“I feel rested the most when I am singing freely.” He answered as he watched the moon above, not meeting my eyes.
I hold his shoulder with both of my hand, and bringing him to face me. “But it’s cold, and you are deadly tired. It’s not good for your health, Inoo. It also won’t do any good to your voice.” I yelled. I could see my own reflection in his eyes, I was desperate.
He touched my face, and I was caught off guard. “It’s okay.” He convinced. But it doesn’t convince me at all. His voice was huskier than usual.
“It’s for your own good, Inoo. For you, for Mikazuki.” I answered him. I can see his eyes full of doubt and he reconsidering it. He sighed in defeat.
“Alright.. I tried my best not to come here.. too much. I will sing in the middle of the night less than usual. It’s growing colder, afterall.”
After that night, I rarely meet Inoo in the middle of the night. I can only meet him twice ot three times in a week. But it was better that way. Inoo cough frequently because of the cold, and his body looks too fragile. Not to forget.. that he vomited blood the other day. I just don’t want him to be sick. Besides, he has a voice to maintain and to be protected. The night’s air and wind isn’t too good for his voice, right?
When the winter reaches its peak, he didn’t come at all in the middle of the night. I don’t know if he was really taking my advice into account that he never came to the park again, or because he was too busy with Yuki no Furu Machi promotion. He was busy with the promotional video although he didn’t appear in it. He also went to various media and did some interview, and sometimes did some live in the radio. And as usual, his voice is mesmerizing, athough.. somehow his voice is a bit huskier. I don’t know if I imagining things though.
In the middle of his busy week, he still have the time to meet me in the afternoon and rent a studio to play piano with me. I asked him if it was okay, and he told me that he missed me because we don’t meet too often lately. When he said that, I feel like my heart almost jump from its place.
Once we reach the studio, he stormed to the piano as usual, and sneaked out his scorebook. He told me that the previous song that he showed me once, Shichigatsu no Tsubasa, has been finished. And now he was playing another song I haven’t heard. The song hasn’t complete yet, and Inoo was working on it that day.
“What do you think?” He asked me. I’m not an expert at composing music, but I gave him the feedback he needed to improve.
“A new song?” I asked him.
“Yeah.. I want to finish it as soon as possible so I can propose it to my producer.” He answered.
“Yuki no Furu Machi hasn’t even been released and you’re already made several new songs. Why are you in a rush?” I asked him, half-joking. But I don’t know why he took it seriously. He was quiet, and his eyes flicking to me. He was.. angry, and disappointed.
“I just want my time to be worth spent, I don’t want to waste even a single sec.” He answered. Half shouting. I was taken aback, I never see him like that before. I wasn’t sure why he was mad like that, I closed my mouth.
After a while Inoo sighed. He smiled again to me. “Let’s play again?” He seems like he doesn’t want to prolong the discussion a while ago, and pretend that it never happened. He played again the new song with his piano, and I tried to accompany him with my guitar.
I felt bad for him. But I don’t want to talk about it again, either. I tried apologizing to him but he just smile and didn’t say anything at all, like he was hiding his real feeling behind it.
**
When we finished at the studio, he asked me to go to some coffee shop around there. His face doesn't show any hint of anger anymore, or he just didn’t want to care anymore about it. When we were searching the certain coffee shop, I saw a glimpse of Hikaru’s pinkish blonde hair. I called to him. He heard me from afar and walked to me.
When we were close enough, he saw my guitar on my back. He was surprised.
“You’re bringing guitar?” He pointed at my guitar.
“Anyway, Inoo-chan, remember what I’ve told you about my friend? This is Hikaru.” I ignored Hikaru and introduced Inoo to him. Hikaru wasn’t aware about Inoo who was standing beside me as he was too focus to my guitar. When he finally notice Inoo, his face was more surprised.
“Hikaru from Blanc et Noir? Ah… Inoo Kei, yoroshiku.”
“Eh.. ah.. Ya-Yaotome Hikaru desu.” Hikaru answered him, still being puzzled. Hikaru moved to my side and whispered to me. “Who’s that? Your girlfriend? How can you get such a beautiful girl, you bastard!”
“HE is my friend.” I replied. But well, I’m quite aware that I don’t want us just to be friend. I’ve been wondering how he think about me.
“He? He’s a boy?” He almost shrieked if only I didn’t cover his mouth for him. “You’re sure you’re just friend with him?” I can see his smirk when he asked that. He moved back to his recent position and asked us. “So, where are you going after this?”
“We want to go to a coffee shop, wanna join?” Inoo answered him.
“Ah sou.. well, Blanc et Noir is having a live gigs tonight. And my friend here..” Hikaru circled his hand around my neck. “promised Yuya, our vocalist, that he will go to our next live. How’s it?” Well.. I did promise him tho. And with Hikaru forcing me like this, I cannot do anything. I don’t mind if Inoo wanted to watch Blanc et Noir, but I sensed some evil plan from Hikaru.
“Blanc et Noir’s live? Whoa I want to see it.” Inoo answered innocently, not sensing Hikaru’s evil plan at all.
“Yosh, let’s go.” Hikaru circled his left hand around Inoo’s shulder and dragging us to the venue. Hikaru was being too familiar with Inoo, but Inoo doesn’t seem to mind at all. Afterall, the two of them are the type that easy to talk to and easy to approach, I can see them getting along very well. Hikaru joked and told us funny stories along the way and Inoo laughed all he can.
Once we reached the venue, Hikaru brings us to the backstage room where all the members of Blanc et Noir gather. Hikaru introduced Inoo to Yuya, Keito and Yuto, and whispered something to them. I can see they smirking to me, especially Yuya.
Yuya pulled me outside of the room just to interrogate me and Inoo’s relationship. He insisted that me and Inoo is a couple, but I denied it. Yuya told me ‘If I were you, already make him mine.’ And I answer ‘But you have Dai-chan already!’ he just laugh at it. After that, he was called to prepare the stage along with the rest of the member. I went back to the room to meet Inoo. When I was opening the door, I heard Inoo and Hikaru talking and mentioning my name.
“Inoo-chan, do you know that Yabu stopped playing guitar?” Hikaru asked. Already adding -chan to Inoo’s name, being to familiar with him.
“Eh? But he played the guitar when we’re together..” Inoo answered.
“Ah.. yappari it’s you.” Hikaru is always easygoing and goofy, even so, he is observant and caring about others. “As his friend, I want to thank you.. for making him playing guitar again.” And he bow. Hikaru was always aware with what happen to me. We have been friends from child and I guess that’s why he can almost know whatever in my mind.
“Eh..” Inoo was lost for words, I didn’t exactly hear his answer.
“Anyway.. one of the song we’re going to play tonight was composed by Yabu. The title is DAWN, I’ll give you the cue from the stage.” Hikaru then stood up and went to the stage to prepare and start the live afterwards. I took Inoo to join with another audiences and watched Blanc et Noir from there. Hikaru winked to Inoo when DAWN started to be played.
“It’s indeed a good song…” I could hear Inoo whispered.
**
Yuki no Furu Machi is finally released. Inoo was too busy to have his own leisure time since he was scheduled to do several lives as part of promoting the single. The lives usually held in a livehouse, never in the outoor stage since he was maintaining the mysterious image Mikazuki has. I was present in all of his lives, and helping him doing this and that as his assistant. I’m not paid tho, but being able to be with him, is already enough for me.
In his lives, I can see people cheering for him. They’re enjoying Mikazuki’s music as the way it is. They don’t need to see Mikazuki’s face or knowing anything about him beside his voice and music.
Today is the last live for Yuki no Furu Machi promotion, I am to meet Inoo at the usual park before going together to the venue. When I arrive, Inoo still hasn’t come, although he was the one who usually comes earlier. About 15 mins later, he came, but his face was pale, and he looked so frail.
“Yabuu, I’m sorry for being late. Let’s go.” His voice is shaky, and he couldn’t even walk straight.
I took his hand and stopping him from walking “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked him.
Again, he touch my face with his free hand. “I’m okay.”
I didn’t release his hand from mine. I took his hand and lead the way until the bus stop. All the way to the venue, I could faintly hear Inoo’s heavy breathing. I told him to rest and he casually lean over to me and rest his head on my shoulder and sleeping soundly.
I don’t know.. what kind of relationship we have. We are clearly not just friend, but we are not a couple, yet. We never said such words, but the way we care about each other, and the way we touch each other.. can I assume it as love?
When he was sleeping, I ruffled his hair with my hand and I touch his forehead. It was burning, he was having fever. I brought him even closer to me, to make him feel warmer.
When we arrive at the venue, the staff and his manager were already there, preparing the stage. Since it was the last live performance, they used a bigger hall than before. In the rehearsal, Inoo was trying his best to hide his true condition. He was smiling and cheerful like usual. But he still couldn’t lie to me.
“Are you sure you are okay?” I was really worried of him. I just don’t want to see him sick.. and the scary part is, what if he coughing blood midlive?
“I’m okay, Yabu, don’t worry about me.”
“Convince me that you’re okay.”
“I will deliver all the song smoothly, without making any mistakes at all. Because I wanted them to understand my feeling that I pout into my music. Are you still doubting me?” he answered. But that didn’t answer my question at all. He doesn’t even reassure me that his condition is well enough to do the live.
I shake my head.
“Hmm… what about this? If you think.. that my condition is worsen while I was on stage, and you think that I won’t make it. Just storm to the stage and stopped the event. Dou?” I started to reconsider. But do I have the right to stopped it halfway? Who am I to begin with? “But I can assure you that it won’t happen because I can make it.” He continued. I don’t know if it is stubbornness or him being overconfident.
Inoo took his bag and took a letter from it. He handed it to me. “In case of emergency, just read the letter.” Before I can say another word, he left me to the stage since the live is about to start.
When he was on stage, he was sparkling. Well, his voice is, not him literally since we can’t see his face at all. Because it was too dark, I couldn’t see his face to read the atmosphere. I can’t see whether he was in pain or if he was too frail to continue the live. I can only tell about him from his voice.. which was huskier than usual.
Even so, he did deliver all the song smoothly, the audiences are cheering for him, and didn’t sense Inoo being sick at all. After singing several song, the live is ended. He stepped off to the backstage limply. I could even see him having difficulties with breathing. One of the staff handed him his drink, and he limply drink from it. But he was choked on it and coughing hardly. Even harder from the way he is at the studio when he was vomiting blood.
The manager was truly surprised to see Inoo that way. He thought that Inoo was on a good condition.
I immediately come to Inoo and support his body so he won’t fall. He keep on coughing and he looked so suffocated. Suddenly, the blood is bursting from his mouth. Inoo tried to cover it but too late.. the blood is already spilled everywhere, also on my shirt. After that, Inoo lost his consciousness, and the staffs are panic upon this.
The manager tried to remain calm and order the staff to take Inoo to one of the staff’s car. They don’t want to call for an ambulance, since they think it was faster that way, and they don’t want to make such commotion. We brought Inoo to the nearest hospital.
In the midst of this commotion, I was reminded of Inoo’s letter. I took it out from my pocket and read it. Inside it Inoo’s writing “dr. Tanaka Seiichi, 0xxxxxxxxxx.” I called him immediately and told him that Inoo collapsed and were brought to the hospital.
Inoo was brought to the emergency room to be examined. Me, the manager and other staff are waiting outside ER, sitting at the bench in the aisle. I told the manager that I’ve called Inoo’s doctor and he was coming here.
After a while, I saw someone running to the ER, which I tought was Tanaka-sensei. I stood up and ran to him, and the manager-san followed me.
“Tanaka-sensei?” I confirmed.
“Are you the one who called me?”
“Yes.” I answered him. So he is Tanaka-sensei that Inoo told me in his letter.
“I’m Yamada, Inoo’s manager.” Manager-san introduced himself to Tanaka-sensei. “Are you Inoo’s family doctor?” He asked.
But Tanaka-sensei didn’t answer him. Tanaka-sensei was surprised when manager-san introduced himself. “Manager?” he asked again in disbelief. “What were Inoo doing when he collapsed?”
“Inoo was performing on stage, and when the lives ended, he collapsed.” Manager-san explained. Tanaka-sensei’s was really surprised, his eyes were wide in reaction. He was really worried.. or rather, furious.
“Performing?!” without hearing further explanation, Tanaka-sensei dashed to the ER. The look on Tanaka-sensei’s face were pure surprised like he didn’t know about Inoo being a singer. Tanaka-sensei is Inoo’s family doctor, but.. why didn’t he know about it? Doesn’t Inoo’s family know about it?
Manager-san back to his seat on the bench, I followed him. Manager-san was so uneasy. He has no idea what’s happening with Inoo and he was blaming himself for not noticing Inoo’s condition beforehand. He felt like he was responsible for this.
After a while, Tanaka-sensei walked out of the ER, me and manager-san immediately approached him to know the diagnosis. But instead of telling us there, he brought us to a more private place.
“So… what is it about Inoo performing?” Tanaka-sensei opened the discussion. His face was a bit calmer than before, but we can still see how worried and angry he is.
“Inoo was performing live for promoting his newest single. But when he stepped off the stage, he suddenly coughing blood and collapsed. Before the lives, we didn’t notice anything at all, since he was his usual self. I’m sorry for not noticing about his true condition.” The manager apologized.
“So I take it that Inoo is a singer, right?”
“Yes.” The manager told him, and the doctor sighed.
“Okay, let me get this straight. This information is classified, and only the family that has the right to know. But.. since you are Inoo’s manager, which made you responsible with him, and you, as Inoo’s trustworthy fellow, I need to tell both of you. Inoo was not supposed to sing. He musn’t. He has tumor in his throat.. he need to have the surgery as soon as possible, or everything’s too late.”
The doctor’s explanation seems too much for me. My mind cannot process it at all.. or is it some kind of denial that I don’t want to believe the doctor’s words at all. It was too shocking from me. I don’t want wo believe it. Suddenly all the image of Inoo appear on my mind, from the first time we meet, all the occurrence with him, all of our fun times, the times when Inoo vomiting blood, the time when Inoo was mad of me, his words, why he didn’t want to waste even a singe sec. Everything feels like falling to its rightful place.
And it all make sense now.
-to be continued-
Note:
[1] HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR QUEEN, INOO KEI. Since you're busy right now, please take care of yourself. Don't forget to get enough sleep (just like what Yabu said)
[2] Angst fic for birthday celebration, bcs why not?
[3] It was supposed to be posted as 1 single fic, and I already finished it all. BUT, after reading it, I need to revised the second half, so... I decided to split it into 2.
[4] Please don't laugh at my english. It's horrible, I know ;_;
[5] I'm not really confident with this fic, but please, do enjoy it :)