The Night The Moon Shines Bright (2-II/2)
Title: The Night The Moon Shines Bright
Author: nikenyk
Pairing: Inoobu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "God, If you’re really right there, please tell me, even if you'd listen to my prayers, You'd only laugh, right?"
The night right before the live, I stayed over at Inoo’s house to help him prepare for his big day. But since we already prepare everything in advance, it only took several minutes to prepare the rest. After I’ve done preparing, I took a bath and then went for bed. They arranged me to sleep in Inoo’s room.
When I opened his door, the moon’s light shines through his window and fall right onto Inoo’s face who was sitting on his bed. I watched in awe.
He heard my approaching footsteps, he twitched his head to my direction and slightly smiled.
“Otsukare.” He said as he moved aside to give some space on his bed for me. “Sit here for a while.. I still want to talk with you.” He looked at me tenderly.
Without wasting any more second, I took a seat beside him. And he instantly rested his head on my shoulder and I ruffled his hair.
“Finally.. tomorrow…” Inoo trailed.
“Yeah..” and I kiss him on his head.
“It’s the first time for me.. to be this nervous right before a live. I wonder.. what kind of feeling I’ll have tomorrow. It must be too much that my feeling’s gonna burst.” He said excitingly.
“And you should cherish those feeling.”
“I will.” He answered briefly. He snuggled closer to my side until he rest half of his back on my chest. I circled my hand around his neck, hugging him from behind, and moved him until he was right in front of me.
“Kei… I’ve decided. I’m gonna write a song for you.” I told him after thinking about it the whole time. Finally I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing I can do for Inoo is granting him his wish. And one of it is composing a song for him.
Inoo immediately released his body from my embrace and turned back to me until we face each other, eye to eye. His eyes widen, and I can see the spark of excitement within.
“You will write me a song?” He confirmed, he wasn’t sure himself.
“Yes..” I let my smile answered him more than my words. I caressed his cheek that glows under the moonlight.
“I’m the happiest person on earth.” He answered. There’s a hint of his tears on his eyes. He cupped my face with both his hands and leaned closer to my face until our foreheads touch each other. “I will.. sing it with all of my heart.” He whispered, he couldn’t control his voice anymore since he was being overwhelmed with happiness and tears.
I also locked his face with my hands, and in the next second, I lean closer to him. I place my lips onto his and let this sweet kiss lasted for a while. As the kiss grew, I pulled away, to let us grasp some air.
Our body shaking as we were breathing heavily. Inoo’s hand moved to my face, locking it in its place. His eyes bore to mine, his expression is nowhere near his usual smile. His face looks so cold, but not the one that will make you hate it, instead, it made me want to lunge forward to him. His face is begging.
“Kou…. For this one night… will you?” he pleaded.
And that time. The only thing in my mind is.. I want to be one with him. I want to cherish every remaining second we have.. as our time was not that much to begin with.
I caressed his cold face. The moonlight making him sparks even more.
I didn’t answer him with words. Instead, I answer him with doing what he wanted me to do. I lunge forward to him and crush his lips with mine. I push him slowly until he fell on the bed, with me lying on top of him.
“I love you.. Kou. And not even my last breath can stop it”
**
When the morning comes, Inoo’s parents took us to the venue by car. We were welcomed by the staff who are preparing the stage. Inoo once again, practiced his speech, not a long one tho, because he said that ‘let my songs be the one who talks to people’.
After that, Inoo was called to the stage to do the rehearsal, and last check before starting the concert later. After that, Inoo was brought to his room again and Tanaka-sensei checked him for the last time before performing. Tanaka-sensei told him that his condition is well enough to perform, but not to overexert. Inoo told me to leave to go to my seat, and I obeyed him.
When I reach my seat, Hikaru, Yuya, Keito, and Yuto was already there, full of excitement. We talked much about the concert. Although I can see Hika looking at me with some worries. But he didn’t forget his intention at all, to cheer for Inoo-chan.
The concert is finally started. The lamp went off and it was complete darkness. Only several lamps were turned on, and Inoo already sit in front of his piano. Unlike his usual lives, tonight, they set the light so that we can see a glimpse of Inoo’s face. All the audiences were reacting to it but Inoo keep on playing his music.
He played the songs one by one. His voice still sounded too husky even the staff used many techniques with the sound to decrease his husky voice. Indeed, Inoo has passed his voice’s peak, and not in the best condition anymore. Hikaru noticed it and asked me for a while. Even so.. his voice still can touch everyone’s heart. The soul he put in his songs still able to brought us to his world. All the sadness, the pain, the happiness, and hope.. we could feel it all, through his voice.
And I also.. could hear him sadness screaming within his songs..
Nearing the end of his concert, finally the time for Inoo’s speech. We could see his figure moving from the piano to the center of the stage, facing all the audiences. All of a sudden, all the light are pointing out to him, revealing his full appearances. We all could see it clearly. His slender body, his feminine face, his reddish-brown hair. And all the audiences were so surprised by it. Along with me. I didn’t know that he was planning to reveal himself. And no one told me about it. He was smiling all along, receiving all the reaction from us.
“I feel like.. in this last concert, I want to be honest with all of you. Because.. it is all.. because of you.. that I can stand on this big stage. Because all of your support.. from my earlier days, til now, that I can stand here proudly.” Inoo started. “For everyone in here, for everyone who listens to my songs, enjoying my musics, to my bestfriends who’s always there for me, to all the staff, to my parents.. I want to say.. that I am really thank you.. from the deepest of my heart.” He bowed to us.
“I will not say much, because after all, I can express more of my feelings and words through my songs. I know.. I haven’t been that long in music industries.. But I’m really grateful.. to know all of you. I feel like.. I can die of happiness.” Inoo’s voice started to broke, as he could see the tears start forming in his eyes. His soft is audible in our ears.
‘I can die of happiness’ people may thought it as an idiom.. but as for myself…..
“I will.. cherish this moment. I will cherish your feeling and mine.” The tears started to roll on his cheek. He immediately wipe it with his hand. “Although I’m retiring from the world, I mean, music world…”
My breath become heavy as he said that words. I clenched my hand so hard. Hikaru noticed it and only patted my back, trying to soothe me. He didn’t say it in mistakes, he really did mean it.
“…I still hope, that my voice can reach your hearts.. so I can live in it forever.” Once again, Inoo bowed to the audiences. After that, he walked back to his piano and start playing his last song.. with tears and triumpth smile attached to his face.
****
Tanaka-sensei told me by phone that when Inoo stepped down from the stage, he coughed loudly and the blood was shed. Inoo almost lost his consciousness, but Tanaka-sensei immediately treated Inoo. After a while, Inoo regain his consciousness, but he was still weak and can get sick again in any time.
When I read it, I got a mini-heart attack. I almost sprint to the backstage, but I musn’t lose my composure in front of Hikaru and the rest. I don’t want to get them involved and suspect more. I bid them goodbye and walk calmly to the backstage with my special pass from Inoo.
I met Tanaka-sensei on the way to Inoo, he told me that Inoo still need more treatment immediately in the hospital because his condition is quite bad and Tanaka-sensei already scheduled him.
I set that aside and search for Inoo. He was sitting on the bench, absentmindedly watching the staff doing their job. I could see on his face, the makeup is already worn out and revealed his pale face. His eyes also looked so droppy.. and lifeless. I hold my breath seeing it. I guess.. our remaining time… is not that long…..
Even so.. I need to stay strong.
“Hey.” I poked his cheek. He was surprised he almost jump, if only he wasn’t too weak at the moment.
“Kou!” He was happy to see me. I bend down until my face is in the same heigh with his, and put my hand on his forehead.
“Tanaka-sensei already told me. How’s your body right now?” I asked him, trying not too looked too worry, although my heart feel like exploding already.
Inoo smiled, reassuring me. “I’m okay.. you don’t need to worry.” But his paleness cannot lie to me. He stood up and bouncing happily, hiding his weak body. “I’m having the time of my life, and I won’t let this sickness ruin it.” He continued. Even so, I can’t feel relief at all. I still worry for him since Tanaka-sensei told me he’s still in bad condition. But I need to play along with his lies, at least.. I don’t want to ruin his big day which was a great success.
I took both of his hand, and looked into his eyes. “You look cool on stage.” I praised him. After that, I took the flower out of my paperbag and handed him. “Congratulation on your final concert.”
He was so happy receiving it. His eyes are gleaming as he looking at the bouquet. “Thank you, Kou.” He murmured.
I smiled and ruffle his hair. If no one was there, I would have pulled him to my warm embrace.
“So.. what are you doing after this?” I asked him.
“Ah.. I’ve finished talking to Yamada-san. He told me that I can leave already.”
“Ah sou. Then, let’s go back home. Where are your parents?”
“Ah.. I told them to go home ahead of me.”
“Eh? Why?”
“Because I want to go to the park with you… before going home.” He pleaded. Inoo was being unreasonable. His condition is quite bad right now and he need rest immediately.
“But Kei, your condition right now is..”
“But I need to go there.” He cut me. “I want to celebrate my big day there. With you.”
“But you need to rest right now, Kei… We’ll go there once you’re condition is good, okay?” I tried to negotiate with him. Because his condition is not that good to begin with.
“But it has to be today, Kou.. Please..” he begged. Why does it have to be today Kei?
I know, resisting is futile. I don’t want to let him, but.. when he’s this determined, nothing can stop him. I sighed in defeat. It was his big day and I think he need to get his reward.
“Okay, just for a bit, okay? And Tanaka-sensei will go with us.” I told him that. I don’t want to risk anything that could make his condition worse.
“But I just want to be alone with you…..” He looked down, feeling disappointed. I don’t have the heart seeing him like this. He’s really being unreasonable, why is he so fixated on going there?
“Okay okay, Tanaka-sensei doesn’t need to go with us.” His eyes suddenly light up again. He cheerfully took my hand and lead me outside. Outside of the venue was still crowded with Mikazuki’s audience. Finally, Inoo needed to use some disguise because everyone already saw his true face.
We used taxi to go to the park. I secretly told Tanaka-sensei to be standby near the park, just to watch Inoo’s condition.
When we arrived at the park, he took my hand and ran to his usual place, just like a child seeing his favourite toys.
“Ah… I really miss this place.” He closed his eyes and breathe in the fresh air there. I walked to my usual position and sit there, watching him immersed in his enjoyment.
“Nee Kou, I decided to be a singer, I mean, professionally, when I know about my sickness. Don’t you think it’s strange?” He looked up at the sky and watch the moon gently. “When they told me that I had tumor in my throat.. The doctor told me to have surgery quicky. Because.. if I don’t, I’ll die. But he gave me a really hard choice.. he told me that if I were to have the surgery, I.. won’t be able to sing again.”
He then looked down to the ground. His expression is sad.
“But the doctor knew how much I love singing. He gave me some time to decide. And.. at the same time, I was contacted by the agency. And you already know my answer.”
Inoo pulled me until I stood up again. He hold both of my hands and lead me until we’re both under the lamp. He playfully danced under the light.
“Even so.. deciding was hard. When I know about my sickness, I feel so broken. Death is just ahead of me, who won’t be scared of it? My parents cried, and told me to have a surgery quickly, but they gave me time to think. But.. if I were to lose my voice for the rest of my life.. I can’t imagine it at all. I don’t want it, it was too painful. I’ve lived all my life singing, music is the air I am breathing. Whatever choice I take, I am dead.”
I can quite imagine it. Inoo without his voice. No more singing, no more music for him. He might be looking envily to everyone, forever regretting his decision. And forever blaming God.
“And finally… I’ve come to a decision. Either way, I’m dying. So.. If I were to die, I want to die while singing, I want my voice to stay in this world. I don’t want to keep on living but died inside.
“And that time, I make a contract with the agency, behing my parents’ back. I knew it’s wrong for me to do that, But they wouldn’t let me if I tell them.
“And then the real things started from there. As I hide so many secrets from everyone, I have to act in front of everyone.. Mikazuki started to be known by people, and rising his popularity. As well as my sickness that grow worse. The pain in my throat keep on increasing, even to swallow food, it’s so painful. But I keep on singing. I keep on smiling, so no one knows. I keep on smiling so no one will worry about me. I keep on smiling.. although I want to scream how painful it is..
“Even right now.. when I talk like this.” I release my hands from him, I put my hand finger on his lips.
“The, don’t say any more words…” I pursed my lips. But he keep on smiling. He took my finger off of his lips and let them fall on my sides. He then hugged me.
“It’s okay… when I’m with you, the pain is lessening.” I hugged him back. I know that my presence won’t actually lessen his pain. But at least.. I want to comfort him.
“Then tell me everytime you feel hurt.. and I will kiss the pain goodbye for you.” I whispered to him.
And then Inoo tiptoed and reach for my lips. We kissed for a while under the light. Despite of him being so weak and in a bad condition, he still has the energy to kiss me this intensely. But suddenly Inoo pulled away abruptly. He cough so hard and almost fall to the ground. I was fast enough to catch him mid air.
The cough started to fade, and he already become calmer.
“When we met for the first.. it was also like this, right?” My hand was still on his back, supporting him. But he stayed like that for a while. His hand moved to my face, caressing my cheek with those slender fingers.
“If I didn’t cough at that time.. maybe you’ll just pass by and leave me singing alone forever.” He whispered.
“But I would still be captivated by your voice.” I denied. He was taken aback for a while. “And I will stalk you everynight.” I added and he chuckled.
“Kimoii.” And then he stood up again, although his feet wavered, but he still managed to stand by his own.
“When we met for the first time.. I was afraid that you notice that I am Mikazuki.” He started again. “But when I looked into your eyes, I can see that you know nothing, and I also know that you’re honest and sincere.”
I remembered the first time we met. He bored his eyes into mine, like he was looking an answer inside. I was confused and didn’t know why he did that. But now I understand.
“When I see you playing your guitar for the first time. At that time, you played Shichigatsu no tsubasa, the song you only heard once. I was really surprised and amazed at you. You told me that you’re not playing that well, but I see the opposite, as I saw a potential in you. After knowing it, at first I want to help you, I want to introduce the professional world to you. So I take you to my recording and else. And because of that.. we spend our time together..
“And then, I realize.. that I’ve fallen for you.. when you were playing that short piece you composed.”
Ah.. the one I played when I was watching Inoo’s figure on his piano. It was right after his recording, and we played together in the studio next to it.
“But right after that, I cough so hard I spill some blood. I saw you’re looking at me in horror. But you weren’t afraid. You helped me. The way you care at me, the way you treat me, I was sure.. we feel the same way.”
After that time, you started to touch me casually. I was really mad at you when I see you in the night, singing, although I told you to rest. But you caressed my cheek, reassuring me. I was taken aback, but I know.. I was also thirsty for you touch.
Inoo leaned closer to me, close enough until we face each other. He took both of my hands, intertwining our fingers, our forehead meet each other.
“I love you Kei.. since the first time we met. Although I haven’t realized that the feeling is love.” I murmured.
“I love you, too, Kota. Thank you.. for being by my side. Thank you.. for making me feel more alive.”
Inoo released one of our intertwined hands. He turned his back until I was behind him. He looked up to the sky again.
“I always hate my sickness… why does it have to be me? someone who cherish his voice, who lives with his voice?
“But then I think….If it not because of this sickness, I will just play piano and singing to myself, and turning down the agency’s offer. I will never even think about leaving my voice to people. I won’t be this brave, won’t be strong enough to fight this hard for my dream, that turning me into Mikazuki. And I won’t.. be able to meet you.”
Now he looked down to the ground. His expression turned sad.
“Meeting you have given me another meaning in this life. I was already at my limit, with the pain, the secrets and the act. But you told me to just open up and be honest to you.. you give me the strength. My pain is lessens with your presence. You are one of the reason I feel glad.. that I chose this life.”
Now he twitched his head to me, looking at me gently. He flashed his smile to me, but it felt so cynical.
“Although in the end… this sickness.. is the one who tear us apart.” His body start to shake as he was trying to hold his cough. He tried so hard to hide it, but I notice it already.
I embrace him from behind, making him a bit flustered. I whisper in his ear, caringly, and as gently as I could. “But.. whatever happened in our life, whatever the fate bring us, I know for sure.. that we are destined to meet.” He took a deep breath to calm him. He put his hand on my circling hands on his neck.
“I’ll never forget this feeling. I’ll never forget how grateful I am to this life, my sadness, my happiness, my pain.. everything mixed into me and overwhelmed me. And I will always thank the God.. for letting me to live.. even just fo a while.” He murmured. I tighten my embrace. I hate.. to hear him saying something like this. Because the fear.. is suddenly haunting me.
“Don’t talk.. like you’re going somewhere far away…” I whispered.
He gripped my arm even tighter.
“Kou… I know it’s painful for you… I know how much you don’t want us to part. I know how your heart breaks when I told you that I don’t want to get the surgery. Forgive me.. for forcing my decision on you. I always know.. that you tried your best to always smile to me, not to look sad when you’re with me. I know that you always tried to be strong.. before me.
“I’m the one who knows it the most. How painful it is to stay strong although your heart is breaking. The pain of hiding your own feeling, your sadness. But instead, I force you to do the same.. just for my sake.” He started to sob, his body shaking.
“Forgive me for putting you in all these pain. Forgive me for being too egoist, forgive me.. for choosing my voice, instead of the chance to live with you longer….” His tears roll over his cheek and fall onto my hand.
“But I love you, Kou. I love you so much. I love you.. who always love my voice. Forgive me..”
I cut him mid sentence. “I don’t care anymore if I have to feel the pain. I don’t care anymore if I have to hold my real feeling. I just want you to be happy. I just want to see you smile.. tho I can’t lie.. that I want to be always with you… that I really want to scream ‘don’t go’ so loud I lose myself in it”
Inoo shook his head. I can’t see his face to know what expression he’s making. He slowly twitched his head again, looking up to the sky.
“But Kou… I will go. That far.” He whispered. “eventually….”
I bit my lip to stop me from saying things. I buried my my face on his hair, not to let any tears fall from my eyes. I don’t want to hear any of this. I hug him even tighter I can feel him shifting in my embrace.
He strokes my hand lightly.
“In there.. I will sing your song.. proudly. I will sing it everyday, everytime, until you can hear it.”
And all the emotions I locked deep in my hearts start to break free. I couldn’t control my feeling anymore at this precise moment.
“Please Kei.. there’s still time, there’s still come chance. I don’t want.. to lose you.” I begged. My voice betrayed me and decide to broke. The tears start to gather in my eyes.
“But if I were to continue living.. I won’t be able to sing anymore… I don’t want it.” He answered me. His body starts shaking again. He tried to hold it, but he failed. He cough loudly. I release my hug from him. He covered his mouth with his hand but it still didn’t stop the blood from spilling from his mouth.
Inoo still fall on his knee although I support his body. He winced and moaned in agony. I was really terrified. I was scared. He tried to steady his breath and it worked. The cough slowly fading and leaving him breathless. He tried to stand up, but his body was already too weak he fall again. He tried again, but I stop him.
“Please.. don’t force your body, let’s go back.” I told him.
“Please.. just a bit more… please let me hold onto you.”
I helped him and hold his shoulder until he can stand firmly. He looked up again to the sky, watching the moon dances with the stars.
“You know Kou? After knowing about my sickness, I wasn’t allowed to sing anymore in the house, and I really feel like losing my whole reason to live. This is the first place I sing after that. And when I sing here.. I feel so alive. This park.. is my first stage. This lamp, is my first stage lamp. The moon and the stars are my first audience. I start everything.. in here” He then looked at me, taking both of my hand to him and hold it firmly.
“That’s why… I want to end it.. also right here.”
What do you mean by ending it?
My eyes widen in fear, but he still start singing.
I’m smiling,
not for pretending to be strong
but because you don’t want to see
my tearful face again, right?
He gestured his hand to me, and he was smiling.
Despite of the situation, I was still petrified by his singing voice and the scene. Just like the night I saw him for the first time, it’s still crystal clear, how the scenery, him singing under the light, stunned me. Although right now, I see him in the whole different way. I couldn’t see him like this without imagining how much his throat is burning. I can’t see him.. without feeling hurt.
I pursed my lips.
He slightly cough. But he could stopped it from growing louder.
Please remember
The loveliest memories of me
Already time to say “goodbye”?
I can’t find any last word to end our story
The lyrics strucked me. My tears that already gathered in my eyes, start to flow to my cheek. He was also crying. He sings it with all of his heart, he put his real feeling into the song, that his voice broke in the midst of him singing.
I don’t want it. I don’t want it. Please tell me, it’s not the time to say goodbye right?
I know, it’s already too late
But my tears couldn't stop falling…
I feel like I can see the wings growing on his back.. I feel like he was ready to take flight, ready to fly away..
I want to scream, I want to take his hand and stopped him from singing.. this song of goodbye. But I can’t.. Seeing him singing it this way, crying all his heart out, I feel like it was his deepest and loudest scream.
He cough again, he almost lost his balance, but he kept on singing.
Please… don’t leave me. Not now… I don’t want to part with you…
I'm not wishing for
something grandiose
I just want to sing to you
"I still want to be by your side, if I've been reborn again,"
And then the song was interrupted by his loud cough. He couldn’t hold it anymore he let his body fall to the ground. I instantly catch him with my hands. He was still coughing and blood flows to his cheek. He looked so agonized and suffocating. But he still tried to get up to continue singing.
“Please stop..” I cried.
His breath uneven, his body shivers. His eyes already lost its light.
I don’t want to see it.. I don’t want it to end just yet. I cried. The tears fall onto Inoo’s cheek.
He moved his trembling hand, so weak, so slow, to my cheek and then lightly caressing it. He moved his mouth. ‘I love you’ he mouthed.
And after that, he opened his mouth again, tried to continue his song. But the only comes out of his mouth is just a mere whisper.. and already lost its tones.
Even I'm so small, like stardust
but please remember me
I’d be fine
because the next encounter
will be right there
He smiled slightly before closing his eyes. I brought him to my embrace, letting my tears fell and wetting Inoo’s with it. I couldn’t feel his warm breath anymore. I cried. I gripped him so tight. I don’t want to lose him.
I called his name, I scream all my lungs out until my voice is hoarse and gone.
“I am here, Kei…. You told me that you feel so alive when I’m with you, right..?” I whispered in his ears.
“I’m by your side Kei! Please open your eyes!!” I screamed once again.
I screamed his name innumerous time.
But he.. never open his eyes again.
And I finally realize.. Though I held you tight and said "I'm by your side", I know… I won't be able to hear your singing voice anymore…
***epilogue***
It was already dark when I stepped out of my office. The wind blows lightly, yet still able to give me the chill. The autumn is nearing its end and I can already feel the winter coming. I clutched my coat harder. I walked through the main road, which was still crowded it’s hard to breathe. I took the shortcut way. I quicken my pace, passing by a certain park. I paused for a while. Looking at the empty park, which holds too much memories in my heart.
That night… you already know that you don’t have much time left. That’s why you forced me to go there.. at any cost. And it’s already 1 year since that day. But the feeling still remains in my heart.
I continued to walk to the big white house. The mother welcomed me and show me the way to the room. I opened the door slowly and enter the room. The mother then closed the door behind me and left me alone.. in this familiar but suffocating room.
It was still the same, nothing changed in here, despite of the photos of him smiling, and all the flowers bouquets on top of his piano. My eyes feels like burning.
I opened the piano cover and traced my fingers on the keys, reminiscing the time we were together.. when you play this piano and smiled happily.
“It’s been hard for me.. not being able to watch your figure playing piano again…” I murmured. “It’s been hard for me.. not being able to hear your singing voice anymore…”
I let out a long sigh.
“I’m sorry.. that I was too late. That I can’t grant you your wish.. to sing my song..
“I was too naïve . If only I was stronger, if only I’ve decided earlier. I can hear you singing my song. I was a fool. To think that we still have more time.
“But at least.. let them sing it for you.”
I took my phone and browse for a certain video. I played it and left it on the piano. And then I walked to the porch.. and stay there, staring out of the window.
“Okey, this is Hikaru’s speaking. Hello, Inoo-chan, hisashiburi!” Hikaru’s voice comes out from the video from my phone. “I just want to tell you that Blanc et Noir’s debuting to the real world this month, too bad.. that we cannot stand in the same stage… but you know, Yabu’s the one writing our songs.. he can finally overcome his hatred.. and it’s all because of you. He fight so hard to be able to compose again, to write songs he promised you. And this song.. is for you. It is.. Yabu’s pure feeling. I hope we can deliver the feeling to you. I hope the sound echo the the place you’re living right now, I hope you can hear it and sing with us from right there…” after that, the music starts.
Even if the time we spent together has lost its color,
I definitely won't forget
The melody and the music that we made
Everything happens for a reason
You have gathered every little things
and given them a form for our sake...
When this season comes again,
I won't be able to search for your figure anymore
Forever, from now on like this...
But I will keep on smiling
And will always wait
for the time
We can sing together again
Hey, Kei…
I might not being able to grant you your wish,
But God did.
You died… while you were singing, right?
Kei.. that’s the way you wanted it, right?
Is this the life you wanted?
Is this the life you’re proud of?
Are you smiling sincerely right now?
I looked up to the sky.
The crescent moon shines brighter than usual.
Like it was answering my question.. on Kei’s behalf.
Once again, my tears escape from my eyes.. blurring the moon’s light.
**end**
thanks to riinsomnia for drawing this cutie for this fic ;///////;
Note:
[1] LJ won't let me post the whole part 2!! (So I split it into 2 parts ;_;)
[2] The total words of this fic (including the first part) is 22k! I'm so proud of myself being able to write this much after not writing for a long time lol.
[3] if you read Fullmoon wo Sagashite, you'll find similarities here. I am inspired of the sickness from the manga.
[4] I'm using Aimer's identity and using her voice as Inoo/Mikazuki in this fic. The songs Inoo sing, also all the title, singles and album in this fic is based on Aimer's song. Also Blanc et Noir is the name of Aimer's fanclub (cmiiw)
I also writing this fic while listening to her songs, and the sadness from her song really kicking me..
I'm gonna explain more of Aimer's song here.[**spoiler**]
The song I used is:
-Rokutousei no Yoru (the song Inoo sings for the first time in the fic, and the one in the movie)
-Yuki no Furu Machi (although it's just being mentioned, without being sung in this fic, I write this fic listening to this song),
-Shichigatsu no Tsubasa
-DAWN, Even Heaven, Sleepless Night (all these three are Blanc et Noir's that was written by Yabu)
-Kizuna
-Fuyu no Diamond (the one Inoo sings when his mental is breaking)
-Hoshikuzu Venus (the one Inoo sings in the end),
-Re: I am (I added it in Yabu's dialogue in the end 'Though I held you tight and said "I'm by your side", I know… I won't be able to hear your singing voice anymore…' this exact lyrics almost bring me to tears everytime, I also listen to the songs almost everytime I write this fic to bring the feeling)
[5] As for Blanc et Noir's song (which Yabu wrote in the end) is Miyawaki Shion's[*spoiler*]
Mata Kimi ni Aeru Hi Made (and I also add Moonlight's lyrics in Yabu's monologue)
all thanks to ansatsu kyoushitsu lol.
[6] I'm not really familiar with music and medical world, so I might use the wrong words to describe it. Please bear with me ;')
[7] As always, I'm not good at writing, but I hope you can enjoy it. (and also, my English sucks, if you don't understand some part of it, just tell me, I'll explain it for you)
Author: nikenyk
Pairing: Inoobu
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: "God, If you’re really right there, please tell me, even if you'd listen to my prayers, You'd only laugh, right?"
The night right before the live, I stayed over at Inoo’s house to help him prepare for his big day. But since we already prepare everything in advance, it only took several minutes to prepare the rest. After I’ve done preparing, I took a bath and then went for bed. They arranged me to sleep in Inoo’s room.
When I opened his door, the moon’s light shines through his window and fall right onto Inoo’s face who was sitting on his bed. I watched in awe.
He heard my approaching footsteps, he twitched his head to my direction and slightly smiled.
“Otsukare.” He said as he moved aside to give some space on his bed for me. “Sit here for a while.. I still want to talk with you.” He looked at me tenderly.
Without wasting any more second, I took a seat beside him. And he instantly rested his head on my shoulder and I ruffled his hair.
“Finally.. tomorrow…” Inoo trailed.
“Yeah..” and I kiss him on his head.
“It’s the first time for me.. to be this nervous right before a live. I wonder.. what kind of feeling I’ll have tomorrow. It must be too much that my feeling’s gonna burst.” He said excitingly.
“And you should cherish those feeling.”
“I will.” He answered briefly. He snuggled closer to my side until he rest half of his back on my chest. I circled my hand around his neck, hugging him from behind, and moved him until he was right in front of me.
“Kei… I’ve decided. I’m gonna write a song for you.” I told him after thinking about it the whole time. Finally I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing I can do for Inoo is granting him his wish. And one of it is composing a song for him.
Inoo immediately released his body from my embrace and turned back to me until we face each other, eye to eye. His eyes widen, and I can see the spark of excitement within.
“You will write me a song?” He confirmed, he wasn’t sure himself.
“Yes..” I let my smile answered him more than my words. I caressed his cheek that glows under the moonlight.
“I’m the happiest person on earth.” He answered. There’s a hint of his tears on his eyes. He cupped my face with both his hands and leaned closer to my face until our foreheads touch each other. “I will.. sing it with all of my heart.” He whispered, he couldn’t control his voice anymore since he was being overwhelmed with happiness and tears.
I also locked his face with my hands, and in the next second, I lean closer to him. I place my lips onto his and let this sweet kiss lasted for a while. As the kiss grew, I pulled away, to let us grasp some air.
Our body shaking as we were breathing heavily. Inoo’s hand moved to my face, locking it in its place. His eyes bore to mine, his expression is nowhere near his usual smile. His face looks so cold, but not the one that will make you hate it, instead, it made me want to lunge forward to him. His face is begging.
“Kou…. For this one night… will you?” he pleaded.
And that time. The only thing in my mind is.. I want to be one with him. I want to cherish every remaining second we have.. as our time was not that much to begin with.
I caressed his cold face. The moonlight making him sparks even more.
I didn’t answer him with words. Instead, I answer him with doing what he wanted me to do. I lunge forward to him and crush his lips with mine. I push him slowly until he fell on the bed, with me lying on top of him.
“I love you.. Kou. And not even my last breath can stop it”
**
When the morning comes, Inoo’s parents took us to the venue by car. We were welcomed by the staff who are preparing the stage. Inoo once again, practiced his speech, not a long one tho, because he said that ‘let my songs be the one who talks to people’.
After that, Inoo was called to the stage to do the rehearsal, and last check before starting the concert later. After that, Inoo was brought to his room again and Tanaka-sensei checked him for the last time before performing. Tanaka-sensei told him that his condition is well enough to perform, but not to overexert. Inoo told me to leave to go to my seat, and I obeyed him.
When I reach my seat, Hikaru, Yuya, Keito, and Yuto was already there, full of excitement. We talked much about the concert. Although I can see Hika looking at me with some worries. But he didn’t forget his intention at all, to cheer for Inoo-chan.
The concert is finally started. The lamp went off and it was complete darkness. Only several lamps were turned on, and Inoo already sit in front of his piano. Unlike his usual lives, tonight, they set the light so that we can see a glimpse of Inoo’s face. All the audiences were reacting to it but Inoo keep on playing his music.
He played the songs one by one. His voice still sounded too husky even the staff used many techniques with the sound to decrease his husky voice. Indeed, Inoo has passed his voice’s peak, and not in the best condition anymore. Hikaru noticed it and asked me for a while. Even so.. his voice still can touch everyone’s heart. The soul he put in his songs still able to brought us to his world. All the sadness, the pain, the happiness, and hope.. we could feel it all, through his voice.
And I also.. could hear him sadness screaming within his songs..
Nearing the end of his concert, finally the time for Inoo’s speech. We could see his figure moving from the piano to the center of the stage, facing all the audiences. All of a sudden, all the light are pointing out to him, revealing his full appearances. We all could see it clearly. His slender body, his feminine face, his reddish-brown hair. And all the audiences were so surprised by it. Along with me. I didn’t know that he was planning to reveal himself. And no one told me about it. He was smiling all along, receiving all the reaction from us.
“I feel like.. in this last concert, I want to be honest with all of you. Because.. it is all.. because of you.. that I can stand on this big stage. Because all of your support.. from my earlier days, til now, that I can stand here proudly.” Inoo started. “For everyone in here, for everyone who listens to my songs, enjoying my musics, to my bestfriends who’s always there for me, to all the staff, to my parents.. I want to say.. that I am really thank you.. from the deepest of my heart.” He bowed to us.
“I will not say much, because after all, I can express more of my feelings and words through my songs. I know.. I haven’t been that long in music industries.. But I’m really grateful.. to know all of you. I feel like.. I can die of happiness.” Inoo’s voice started to broke, as he could see the tears start forming in his eyes. His soft is audible in our ears.
‘I can die of happiness’ people may thought it as an idiom.. but as for myself…..
“I will.. cherish this moment. I will cherish your feeling and mine.” The tears started to roll on his cheek. He immediately wipe it with his hand. “Although I’m retiring from the world, I mean, music world…”
My breath become heavy as he said that words. I clenched my hand so hard. Hikaru noticed it and only patted my back, trying to soothe me. He didn’t say it in mistakes, he really did mean it.
“…I still hope, that my voice can reach your hearts.. so I can live in it forever.” Once again, Inoo bowed to the audiences. After that, he walked back to his piano and start playing his last song.. with tears and triumpth smile attached to his face.
****
Tanaka-sensei told me by phone that when Inoo stepped down from the stage, he coughed loudly and the blood was shed. Inoo almost lost his consciousness, but Tanaka-sensei immediately treated Inoo. After a while, Inoo regain his consciousness, but he was still weak and can get sick again in any time.
When I read it, I got a mini-heart attack. I almost sprint to the backstage, but I musn’t lose my composure in front of Hikaru and the rest. I don’t want to get them involved and suspect more. I bid them goodbye and walk calmly to the backstage with my special pass from Inoo.
I met Tanaka-sensei on the way to Inoo, he told me that Inoo still need more treatment immediately in the hospital because his condition is quite bad and Tanaka-sensei already scheduled him.
I set that aside and search for Inoo. He was sitting on the bench, absentmindedly watching the staff doing their job. I could see on his face, the makeup is already worn out and revealed his pale face. His eyes also looked so droppy.. and lifeless. I hold my breath seeing it. I guess.. our remaining time… is not that long…..
Even so.. I need to stay strong.
“Hey.” I poked his cheek. He was surprised he almost jump, if only he wasn’t too weak at the moment.
“Kou!” He was happy to see me. I bend down until my face is in the same heigh with his, and put my hand on his forehead.
“Tanaka-sensei already told me. How’s your body right now?” I asked him, trying not too looked too worry, although my heart feel like exploding already.
Inoo smiled, reassuring me. “I’m okay.. you don’t need to worry.” But his paleness cannot lie to me. He stood up and bouncing happily, hiding his weak body. “I’m having the time of my life, and I won’t let this sickness ruin it.” He continued. Even so, I can’t feel relief at all. I still worry for him since Tanaka-sensei told me he’s still in bad condition. But I need to play along with his lies, at least.. I don’t want to ruin his big day which was a great success.
I took both of his hand, and looked into his eyes. “You look cool on stage.” I praised him. After that, I took the flower out of my paperbag and handed him. “Congratulation on your final concert.”
He was so happy receiving it. His eyes are gleaming as he looking at the bouquet. “Thank you, Kou.” He murmured.
I smiled and ruffle his hair. If no one was there, I would have pulled him to my warm embrace.
“So.. what are you doing after this?” I asked him.
“Ah.. I’ve finished talking to Yamada-san. He told me that I can leave already.”
“Ah sou. Then, let’s go back home. Where are your parents?”
“Ah.. I told them to go home ahead of me.”
“Eh? Why?”
“Because I want to go to the park with you… before going home.” He pleaded. Inoo was being unreasonable. His condition is quite bad right now and he need rest immediately.
“But Kei, your condition right now is..”
“But I need to go there.” He cut me. “I want to celebrate my big day there. With you.”
“But you need to rest right now, Kei… We’ll go there once you’re condition is good, okay?” I tried to negotiate with him. Because his condition is not that good to begin with.
“But it has to be today, Kou.. Please..” he begged. Why does it have to be today Kei?
I know, resisting is futile. I don’t want to let him, but.. when he’s this determined, nothing can stop him. I sighed in defeat. It was his big day and I think he need to get his reward.
“Okay, just for a bit, okay? And Tanaka-sensei will go with us.” I told him that. I don’t want to risk anything that could make his condition worse.
“But I just want to be alone with you…..” He looked down, feeling disappointed. I don’t have the heart seeing him like this. He’s really being unreasonable, why is he so fixated on going there?
“Okay okay, Tanaka-sensei doesn’t need to go with us.” His eyes suddenly light up again. He cheerfully took my hand and lead me outside. Outside of the venue was still crowded with Mikazuki’s audience. Finally, Inoo needed to use some disguise because everyone already saw his true face.
We used taxi to go to the park. I secretly told Tanaka-sensei to be standby near the park, just to watch Inoo’s condition.
When we arrived at the park, he took my hand and ran to his usual place, just like a child seeing his favourite toys.
“Ah… I really miss this place.” He closed his eyes and breathe in the fresh air there. I walked to my usual position and sit there, watching him immersed in his enjoyment.
“Nee Kou, I decided to be a singer, I mean, professionally, when I know about my sickness. Don’t you think it’s strange?” He looked up at the sky and watch the moon gently. “When they told me that I had tumor in my throat.. The doctor told me to have surgery quicky. Because.. if I don’t, I’ll die. But he gave me a really hard choice.. he told me that if I were to have the surgery, I.. won’t be able to sing again.”
He then looked down to the ground. His expression is sad.
“But the doctor knew how much I love singing. He gave me some time to decide. And.. at the same time, I was contacted by the agency. And you already know my answer.”
Inoo pulled me until I stood up again. He hold both of my hands and lead me until we’re both under the lamp. He playfully danced under the light.
“Even so.. deciding was hard. When I know about my sickness, I feel so broken. Death is just ahead of me, who won’t be scared of it? My parents cried, and told me to have a surgery quickly, but they gave me time to think. But.. if I were to lose my voice for the rest of my life.. I can’t imagine it at all. I don’t want it, it was too painful. I’ve lived all my life singing, music is the air I am breathing. Whatever choice I take, I am dead.”
I can quite imagine it. Inoo without his voice. No more singing, no more music for him. He might be looking envily to everyone, forever regretting his decision. And forever blaming God.
“And finally… I’ve come to a decision. Either way, I’m dying. So.. If I were to die, I want to die while singing, I want my voice to stay in this world. I don’t want to keep on living but died inside.
“And that time, I make a contract with the agency, behing my parents’ back. I knew it’s wrong for me to do that, But they wouldn’t let me if I tell them.
“And then the real things started from there. As I hide so many secrets from everyone, I have to act in front of everyone.. Mikazuki started to be known by people, and rising his popularity. As well as my sickness that grow worse. The pain in my throat keep on increasing, even to swallow food, it’s so painful. But I keep on singing. I keep on smiling, so no one knows. I keep on smiling so no one will worry about me. I keep on smiling.. although I want to scream how painful it is..
“Even right now.. when I talk like this.” I release my hands from him, I put my hand finger on his lips.
“The, don’t say any more words…” I pursed my lips. But he keep on smiling. He took my finger off of his lips and let them fall on my sides. He then hugged me.
“It’s okay… when I’m with you, the pain is lessening.” I hugged him back. I know that my presence won’t actually lessen his pain. But at least.. I want to comfort him.
“Then tell me everytime you feel hurt.. and I will kiss the pain goodbye for you.” I whispered to him.
And then Inoo tiptoed and reach for my lips. We kissed for a while under the light. Despite of him being so weak and in a bad condition, he still has the energy to kiss me this intensely. But suddenly Inoo pulled away abruptly. He cough so hard and almost fall to the ground. I was fast enough to catch him mid air.
The cough started to fade, and he already become calmer.
“When we met for the first.. it was also like this, right?” My hand was still on his back, supporting him. But he stayed like that for a while. His hand moved to my face, caressing my cheek with those slender fingers.
“If I didn’t cough at that time.. maybe you’ll just pass by and leave me singing alone forever.” He whispered.
“But I would still be captivated by your voice.” I denied. He was taken aback for a while. “And I will stalk you everynight.” I added and he chuckled.
“Kimoii.” And then he stood up again, although his feet wavered, but he still managed to stand by his own.
“When we met for the first time.. I was afraid that you notice that I am Mikazuki.” He started again. “But when I looked into your eyes, I can see that you know nothing, and I also know that you’re honest and sincere.”
I remembered the first time we met. He bored his eyes into mine, like he was looking an answer inside. I was confused and didn’t know why he did that. But now I understand.
“When I see you playing your guitar for the first time. At that time, you played Shichigatsu no tsubasa, the song you only heard once. I was really surprised and amazed at you. You told me that you’re not playing that well, but I see the opposite, as I saw a potential in you. After knowing it, at first I want to help you, I want to introduce the professional world to you. So I take you to my recording and else. And because of that.. we spend our time together..
“And then, I realize.. that I’ve fallen for you.. when you were playing that short piece you composed.”
Ah.. the one I played when I was watching Inoo’s figure on his piano. It was right after his recording, and we played together in the studio next to it.
“But right after that, I cough so hard I spill some blood. I saw you’re looking at me in horror. But you weren’t afraid. You helped me. The way you care at me, the way you treat me, I was sure.. we feel the same way.”
After that time, you started to touch me casually. I was really mad at you when I see you in the night, singing, although I told you to rest. But you caressed my cheek, reassuring me. I was taken aback, but I know.. I was also thirsty for you touch.
Inoo leaned closer to me, close enough until we face each other. He took both of my hands, intertwining our fingers, our forehead meet each other.
“I love you Kei.. since the first time we met. Although I haven’t realized that the feeling is love.” I murmured.
“I love you, too, Kota. Thank you.. for being by my side. Thank you.. for making me feel more alive.”
Inoo released one of our intertwined hands. He turned his back until I was behind him. He looked up to the sky again.
“I always hate my sickness… why does it have to be me? someone who cherish his voice, who lives with his voice?
“But then I think….If it not because of this sickness, I will just play piano and singing to myself, and turning down the agency’s offer. I will never even think about leaving my voice to people. I won’t be this brave, won’t be strong enough to fight this hard for my dream, that turning me into Mikazuki. And I won’t.. be able to meet you.”
Now he looked down to the ground. His expression turned sad.
“Meeting you have given me another meaning in this life. I was already at my limit, with the pain, the secrets and the act. But you told me to just open up and be honest to you.. you give me the strength. My pain is lessens with your presence. You are one of the reason I feel glad.. that I chose this life.”
Now he twitched his head to me, looking at me gently. He flashed his smile to me, but it felt so cynical.
“Although in the end… this sickness.. is the one who tear us apart.” His body start to shake as he was trying to hold his cough. He tried so hard to hide it, but I notice it already.
I embrace him from behind, making him a bit flustered. I whisper in his ear, caringly, and as gently as I could. “But.. whatever happened in our life, whatever the fate bring us, I know for sure.. that we are destined to meet.” He took a deep breath to calm him. He put his hand on my circling hands on his neck.
“I’ll never forget this feeling. I’ll never forget how grateful I am to this life, my sadness, my happiness, my pain.. everything mixed into me and overwhelmed me. And I will always thank the God.. for letting me to live.. even just fo a while.” He murmured. I tighten my embrace. I hate.. to hear him saying something like this. Because the fear.. is suddenly haunting me.
“Don’t talk.. like you’re going somewhere far away…” I whispered.
He gripped my arm even tighter.
“Kou… I know it’s painful for you… I know how much you don’t want us to part. I know how your heart breaks when I told you that I don’t want to get the surgery. Forgive me.. for forcing my decision on you. I always know.. that you tried your best to always smile to me, not to look sad when you’re with me. I know that you always tried to be strong.. before me.
“I’m the one who knows it the most. How painful it is to stay strong although your heart is breaking. The pain of hiding your own feeling, your sadness. But instead, I force you to do the same.. just for my sake.” He started to sob, his body shaking.
“Forgive me for putting you in all these pain. Forgive me for being too egoist, forgive me.. for choosing my voice, instead of the chance to live with you longer….” His tears roll over his cheek and fall onto my hand.
“But I love you, Kou. I love you so much. I love you.. who always love my voice. Forgive me..”
I cut him mid sentence. “I don’t care anymore if I have to feel the pain. I don’t care anymore if I have to hold my real feeling. I just want you to be happy. I just want to see you smile.. tho I can’t lie.. that I want to be always with you… that I really want to scream ‘don’t go’ so loud I lose myself in it”
Inoo shook his head. I can’t see his face to know what expression he’s making. He slowly twitched his head again, looking up to the sky.
“But Kou… I will go. That far.” He whispered. “eventually….”
I bit my lip to stop me from saying things. I buried my my face on his hair, not to let any tears fall from my eyes. I don’t want to hear any of this. I hug him even tighter I can feel him shifting in my embrace.
He strokes my hand lightly.
“In there.. I will sing your song.. proudly. I will sing it everyday, everytime, until you can hear it.”
And all the emotions I locked deep in my hearts start to break free. I couldn’t control my feeling anymore at this precise moment.
“Please Kei.. there’s still time, there’s still come chance. I don’t want.. to lose you.” I begged. My voice betrayed me and decide to broke. The tears start to gather in my eyes.
“But if I were to continue living.. I won’t be able to sing anymore… I don’t want it.” He answered me. His body starts shaking again. He tried to hold it, but he failed. He cough loudly. I release my hug from him. He covered his mouth with his hand but it still didn’t stop the blood from spilling from his mouth.
Inoo still fall on his knee although I support his body. He winced and moaned in agony. I was really terrified. I was scared. He tried to steady his breath and it worked. The cough slowly fading and leaving him breathless. He tried to stand up, but his body was already too weak he fall again. He tried again, but I stop him.
“Please.. don’t force your body, let’s go back.” I told him.
“Please.. just a bit more… please let me hold onto you.”
I helped him and hold his shoulder until he can stand firmly. He looked up again to the sky, watching the moon dances with the stars.
“You know Kou? After knowing about my sickness, I wasn’t allowed to sing anymore in the house, and I really feel like losing my whole reason to live. This is the first place I sing after that. And when I sing here.. I feel so alive. This park.. is my first stage. This lamp, is my first stage lamp. The moon and the stars are my first audience. I start everything.. in here” He then looked at me, taking both of my hand to him and hold it firmly.
“That’s why… I want to end it.. also right here.”
What do you mean by ending it?
My eyes widen in fear, but he still start singing.
I’m smiling,
not for pretending to be strong
but because you don’t want to see
my tearful face again, right?
He gestured his hand to me, and he was smiling.
Despite of the situation, I was still petrified by his singing voice and the scene. Just like the night I saw him for the first time, it’s still crystal clear, how the scenery, him singing under the light, stunned me. Although right now, I see him in the whole different way. I couldn’t see him like this without imagining how much his throat is burning. I can’t see him.. without feeling hurt.
I pursed my lips.
He slightly cough. But he could stopped it from growing louder.
Please remember
The loveliest memories of me
Already time to say “goodbye”?
I can’t find any last word to end our story
The lyrics strucked me. My tears that already gathered in my eyes, start to flow to my cheek. He was also crying. He sings it with all of his heart, he put his real feeling into the song, that his voice broke in the midst of him singing.
I don’t want it. I don’t want it. Please tell me, it’s not the time to say goodbye right?
I know, it’s already too late
But my tears couldn't stop falling…
I feel like I can see the wings growing on his back.. I feel like he was ready to take flight, ready to fly away..
I want to scream, I want to take his hand and stopped him from singing.. this song of goodbye. But I can’t.. Seeing him singing it this way, crying all his heart out, I feel like it was his deepest and loudest scream.
He cough again, he almost lost his balance, but he kept on singing.
Please… don’t leave me. Not now… I don’t want to part with you…
I'm not wishing for
something grandiose
I just want to sing to you
"I still want to be by your side, if I've been reborn again,"
And then the song was interrupted by his loud cough. He couldn’t hold it anymore he let his body fall to the ground. I instantly catch him with my hands. He was still coughing and blood flows to his cheek. He looked so agonized and suffocating. But he still tried to get up to continue singing.
“Please stop..” I cried.
His breath uneven, his body shivers. His eyes already lost its light.
I don’t want to see it.. I don’t want it to end just yet. I cried. The tears fall onto Inoo’s cheek.
He moved his trembling hand, so weak, so slow, to my cheek and then lightly caressing it. He moved his mouth. ‘I love you’ he mouthed.
And after that, he opened his mouth again, tried to continue his song. But the only comes out of his mouth is just a mere whisper.. and already lost its tones.
Even I'm so small, like stardust
but please remember me
I’d be fine
because the next encounter
will be right there
He smiled slightly before closing his eyes. I brought him to my embrace, letting my tears fell and wetting Inoo’s with it. I couldn’t feel his warm breath anymore. I cried. I gripped him so tight. I don’t want to lose him.
I called his name, I scream all my lungs out until my voice is hoarse and gone.
“I am here, Kei…. You told me that you feel so alive when I’m with you, right..?” I whispered in his ears.
“I’m by your side Kei! Please open your eyes!!” I screamed once again.
I screamed his name innumerous time.
But he.. never open his eyes again.
And I finally realize.. Though I held you tight and said "I'm by your side", I know… I won't be able to hear your singing voice anymore…
***epilogue***
It was already dark when I stepped out of my office. The wind blows lightly, yet still able to give me the chill. The autumn is nearing its end and I can already feel the winter coming. I clutched my coat harder. I walked through the main road, which was still crowded it’s hard to breathe. I took the shortcut way. I quicken my pace, passing by a certain park. I paused for a while. Looking at the empty park, which holds too much memories in my heart.
That night… you already know that you don’t have much time left. That’s why you forced me to go there.. at any cost. And it’s already 1 year since that day. But the feeling still remains in my heart.
I continued to walk to the big white house. The mother welcomed me and show me the way to the room. I opened the door slowly and enter the room. The mother then closed the door behind me and left me alone.. in this familiar but suffocating room.
It was still the same, nothing changed in here, despite of the photos of him smiling, and all the flowers bouquets on top of his piano. My eyes feels like burning.
I opened the piano cover and traced my fingers on the keys, reminiscing the time we were together.. when you play this piano and smiled happily.
“It’s been hard for me.. not being able to watch your figure playing piano again…” I murmured. “It’s been hard for me.. not being able to hear your singing voice anymore…”
I let out a long sigh.
“I’m sorry.. that I was too late. That I can’t grant you your wish.. to sing my song..
“I was too naïve . If only I was stronger, if only I’ve decided earlier. I can hear you singing my song. I was a fool. To think that we still have more time.
“But at least.. let them sing it for you.”
I took my phone and browse for a certain video. I played it and left it on the piano. And then I walked to the porch.. and stay there, staring out of the window.
“Okey, this is Hikaru’s speaking. Hello, Inoo-chan, hisashiburi!” Hikaru’s voice comes out from the video from my phone. “I just want to tell you that Blanc et Noir’s debuting to the real world this month, too bad.. that we cannot stand in the same stage… but you know, Yabu’s the one writing our songs.. he can finally overcome his hatred.. and it’s all because of you. He fight so hard to be able to compose again, to write songs he promised you. And this song.. is for you. It is.. Yabu’s pure feeling. I hope we can deliver the feeling to you. I hope the sound echo the the place you’re living right now, I hope you can hear it and sing with us from right there…” after that, the music starts.
Even if the time we spent together has lost its color,
I definitely won't forget
The melody and the music that we made
Everything happens for a reason
You have gathered every little things
and given them a form for our sake...
When this season comes again,
I won't be able to search for your figure anymore
Forever, from now on like this...
But I will keep on smiling
And will always wait
for the time
We can sing together again
Hey, Kei…
I might not being able to grant you your wish,
But God did.
You died… while you were singing, right?
Kei.. that’s the way you wanted it, right?
Is this the life you wanted?
Is this the life you’re proud of?
Are you smiling sincerely right now?
I looked up to the sky.
The crescent moon shines brighter than usual.
Like it was answering my question.. on Kei’s behalf.
Once again, my tears escape from my eyes.. blurring the moon’s light.
**end**
thanks to riinsomnia for drawing this cutie for this fic ;///////;
Note:
[1] LJ won't let me post the whole part 2!! (So I split it into 2 parts ;_;)
[2] The total words of this fic (including the first part) is 22k! I'm so proud of myself being able to write this much after not writing for a long time lol.
[3] if you read Fullmoon wo Sagashite, you'll find similarities here. I am inspired of the sickness from the manga.
[4] I'm using Aimer's identity and using her voice as Inoo/Mikazuki in this fic. The songs Inoo sing, also all the title, singles and album in this fic is based on Aimer's song. Also Blanc et Noir is the name of Aimer's fanclub (cmiiw)
I also writing this fic while listening to her songs, and the sadness from her song really kicking me..
I'm gonna explain more of Aimer's song here.[**spoiler**]
The song I used is:
-Rokutousei no Yoru (the song Inoo sings for the first time in the fic, and the one in the movie)
-Yuki no Furu Machi (although it's just being mentioned, without being sung in this fic, I write this fic listening to this song),
-Shichigatsu no Tsubasa
-DAWN, Even Heaven, Sleepless Night (all these three are Blanc et Noir's that was written by Yabu)
-Kizuna
-Fuyu no Diamond (the one Inoo sings when his mental is breaking)
-Hoshikuzu Venus (the one Inoo sings in the end),
-Re: I am (I added it in Yabu's dialogue in the end 'Though I held you tight and said "I'm by your side", I know… I won't be able to hear your singing voice anymore…' this exact lyrics almost bring me to tears everytime, I also listen to the songs almost everytime I write this fic to bring the feeling)
[5] As for Blanc et Noir's song (which Yabu wrote in the end) is Miyawaki Shion's[*spoiler*]
Mata Kimi ni Aeru Hi Made (and I also add Moonlight's lyrics in Yabu's monologue)
all thanks to ansatsu kyoushitsu lol.
[6] I'm not really familiar with music and medical world, so I might use the wrong words to describe it. Please bear with me ;')
[7] As always, I'm not good at writing, but I hope you can enjoy it. (and also, my English sucks, if you don't understand some part of it, just tell me, I'll explain it for you)