This is me
I was looking at my profile pic on this blog, wondering why I didn't change it. I think it's because that girl in the pic is how I still picture myself in my head. Maybe a little (A LOT) more cynical and disillusioned, more pessimistic and jaded, but also more real and confident and content.
I spoke to Simon this afternoon, and I'm happy with the way I handled it. And I'm happy with the way I felt about it on the inside as well. It bothered me...but not that much. And it also reaffirmed that I've come a long way. So here's what happened: I opened the discussion by agreeing to the plan he sprang on me, where he gets to follow his dream and buy a boat and take the kids on an adventure and so forth. Initially I was resistant because he said the custody plan would be he would have the kids 2 months then I'd have them 1 month. I didn't want to go without seeing them for a whole 2 months, and it would be hard to get my mom to agree to keeping them for a solid month. I might be able to, but it'd be tough. Anyway, so he had previously tried to sweeten the pot by offering to let me come down and stay with him and the kids for a little bit in the Caribbean. (Obviously, although this sounds nice, it's not a total vacation, because I'd be helping the kids with distance learning and so forth. But it was really tempting!) Anyway, back to the story. I told him I had thought about it and it sounded like it was in the kids best interests because he had brought up the point about exposing them to different cultures and broadening their worldview via travel and so forth. Plus ANYPLACE seems to be less dangerous than America right now unfortunately (I exaggerate, but not by much. These anti-maskers scare me.) So, then he's like oh well things have changed, Laura didn't want to come before but now she does and if she does then you can't come because she doesn't like you for something that you said to your friend 2 years ago (its really ridiculous, his exact words were "you didn't exactly make her feel welcome" and I have never had any direct interaction with the girl and even the indirect interaction wasn't meant to get back to her. My only crime is having loose lips, and it was TWO FUCKING YEARS ago, and obviously someone holds serious grudges and is not mature enough to LET IT THE FUCK GO. But what do you expect when Simon dates girls barely out of teen years...lol...he used to tell me he had this rule that he would never date anyone younger than his sister. Well, he's a lot like Trump in that he says things and they really don't mean anything in the end.) OKKKK so anyway, I mentioned that it was 2 years ago but I can't help what she thinks, poor child. And I move on because frankly what goes on with him and Laura is none of my business and I was trying to talk about the kids. So I said ok, well if she goes with you and I can't be there, that's ok, just bring the kids to me more often. That will work out for you because then it takes the responsibility for homeschooling off your hands and you and Laura get more private time together :) and I thought he might like that because he told me he wants to have as little to do with the kids education as possible (he's really hands off because he has AHDH and no patience. Frankly I think he could try a little harder but ok.) Then he's like no that doesn't work because (then he explains to me how hard it is to move the boat up and down etc) and he said "why don't you just get a place down here in the Caribbean and I'll bring the kids over" (like that was as easy as snapping your fingers) and I laughed and said "with what money" and he was like "you should get an amazon job" and I was like "with your company? or on my own? because you know I have no ambition to do that" (he was silent here) then I started talking about different ideas I had to work from home (and believe me, none of these things I'm deeply invested in, I'm just browsing the internet, dropping in on zoom meetings if they're accessible, asking questions and reading up on stuff. I'm really just in the information gathering stage) so I mentioned a couple of possibilities and he started laughing at me. I mean, it was really rude. And I'm like "and THERE he is....the asshole we all know and love. Yup. This is why I got divorced." So, I used one of my newfound "bully responses:" agree with them. When you're being bullied, just agree with them. So I said, "I guess you have no confidence in me. I guess I can't do it, I'll just stick with my current job. But, I guess that means we'd better keep things status quo. I can't agree to the boat and the move. I'll still need the custody arrangement as it stands, please" (and I made sure to put a couple of smiley faces so he knew that there were no hard feelings.) I even said, "I know it's hard to read facial expressions through the internet, so I want you to know I'm saying this lightly. I'm not your enemy. We can talk about this later."
He didn't respond. I have no idea how he feels about it. Honestly, that's not my business. My business is how *I* feel about it. And I feel ok about it. If I'm going to go out on a limb and agree to be flexible about arrangements with the kids, I'm doing you a favor. It would be nice if you didn't then turn around and disparage me. Just because I'm nice doesn't mean that I'm going to be a doormat...I'm a RECOVERING doormat. I might slip, go too far, offer too much help and let him take a mile when I meant to offer an inch. But I won't let him beat me up with words anymore. Did it bother me? Yeah, it did, a little. It stung. But not because I honestly think that he is right when he insults me, not anymore. Now it stings just a little because when you do him a favor, he acts like he's doing YOU a favor by LETTING you do him a favor. Does that make any sense? Everything that you give him, he's entitled to, and he expects it. To the point where after you do him this big favor, he'll spit in your face as a thank you. Yeah.
That poor girl!