Ianto´s heart
Title: Ianto´s heart, chapter 1 / 7
Fandom: Torchwood
Disclaimer: Not mine, belongs to RTD and BBC. I just like to play with them.
Notes/spoilers: Story is set between "Cyberwoman" and "Small worlds".
Summary: Ianto is struggling with the loss of his girlfriend.
Beta: Many thanks to the fantastic help of veritas6_5
Word count: 973
Chapter one
For two days he hadn’t really done anything but sleep, briefly interrupted by the need for water, and to take the occasional leak.
On the third day, Owen came round with some food, fruit, and bread. He checked him over and tried to talk to him but Ianto wasn’t ready for that. He felt numb and empty inside and totally devoid of energy.
On the fourth day it was Toshiko’s turn. She actually got Ianto to talk a little; he managed to explain to her that he didn’t care about anything in the whole world right now. Nothing mattered, he said, and as soon as the words were uttered, he started to cry and she held him close as he did. It only lasted for a little while, and then he fell asleep again. She kissed his forehead and left him alone.
On the fifth day, Owen popped in again, and forced Ianto to eat a bowl of soup. After he left, Ianto got dressed and walked down to the off-license on the corner and got himself a bottle of whiskey and two six-packs of beer. When he got back, he sat down on the sofa, turned the TV on and began drinking. By midnight, he had passed out, and when he woke up in the morning, he found he had puked on the carpet. He rolled it up and put it in the hallway and went to bed. He was woken up in the afternoon by Toshiko. She gave him some food and then forced him to take a shower. When he was done, he found that she had made the bed and told him he shouldn’t be in it before it was night. She wanted him to go for a walk with her but he refused. After she left, he went out on his own, down to the off-license again and bought more beer and whiskey. But sleep wouldn’t come easily. His body refused to sleep any more. It was as if he had overdosed on sleep, and now there was none left in him. At three in the morning, he called Jack.
“S’me…” he blurted out, speech slurred from the booze.
“Ianto.” The captain answered “How are you?”
“Drunk!”
“Want me to come over?”
“Yeah!”
“Be right there.”
Less than twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. Ianto opened the door, but didn’t look at Jack, turned his back on him, and returned to the living room.
“Wanna drink?” he asked before he threw himself down on the sofa, leaving no room so Jack sat in one of the chairs.
“No, thanks.”
“Oh, come on, Jack! Aren’t you man enough to handle one little drink?” he asked provocatively. Jack didn’t respond but locked eyes with him.
“You are a pussy, Jack Harkness!” said Ianto “A weak little man, a fake!”
“Is that why you wanted me here? So you could insult me? Does that make you feel better?”
“You think you’re so smart! Sooo clever! But tell me this, smart boy! What is the proper way to treat a man that has killed the woman you love? Huh? Can you tell me that? Think I should be nice and friendly? Polite and cute?”
“She was already gone, Ianto. And you know it.” He paused “I’m not the one who killed your girlfriend. She was lost a long time ago. You couldn’t have saved her. Nobody could have. It wasn’t Lisa anymore.”
Suddenly Ianto got up and leapt at Jack grabbing him by the throat.
“Don’t you say her name! Don’t you ever take her name in your filthy mouth, you bastard!”
They wrestled on the floor a bit but Jack had no real problem getting out of Ianto’s drunken grasp and turning the situation around. He pinned him to the floor, straddled him, and held his wrists in a tight grip. Ianto gave a loud howl, like a primitive animal that needed to be heard for miles. When he finally quieted down Jack said, “Scream all you want, but you really don’t want to fight me, Ianto. Especially not when you’re this drunk.”
“Oh yeah? What do you know about what I want?”
“I know you want the pain to go away. I think you want to find a way to live again,” Jack paused and looked deep into his eyes “Ianto. You need to let go. You need to let it all out. And fighting with me is not the way.”
His words had an immediate effect, and Ianto started to cry. His face twisted into a painful grin. It was a desperate and uncontrolled kind of crying. Jack let go of Ianto’s wrists, stood up and helped him back to the sofa.
“I can’t…I don’t know…how…” Ianto babbled, as tears and snot ran down his face. Jack put his arms around him and rocked him slowly.
“There you go, let it all out.”
They sat like that for a long time and when Ianto finally calmed a little, Jack lay down next to him, still with his arms around him.
“She was so beautiful,” Ianto said, “the most beautiful woman I had ever met. I couldn’t believe my luck when she showed an interest in me. ME?? I’m nothing but a grey little mouse.”
“Oh no, you’re not, Ianto! You are a wonderful man, smart, and funny.”
“Am not,” Ianto protested, “doesn’t matter. She could have had anyone. But she wanted me. I had to try to save her. I had to!”
“I can understand your thinking, but really Ianto, there was nothing you could have done.”
Ianto moaned.
For hours, they lay together until Ianto finally fell asleep. Jack gently disengaged himself and got up. Found a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a note:
Had to go. Call you later.
Jack