You have a really rich world here, and I think I would very much like to read more that takes place in it. I bet once you start mixing other cultures and peoples, as well as the two we see here things get really deliciously complex. What impresses me the most in this piece in particuar is the stark difference between Han and Xi and the way you make it come through with thier actions and speach paterns as well as telling us
The only concrit I have is to say is that, I can see a lot of parts of this piece where it comes through that the world this rich, but there are places where you just sum up and tell things that I would have liked to see in scene. on the other had, if you did that it would make the piece...a lot longer. when the story takes place over the span of a year it just about has to be the way you did it.
Don't worry... there is a prequel to this(about Jian)in the works, as well as one about another character in another country... my own Quartz Sandstone, one of those Hokai I mentioned. ^_^
Comments 12
The only concrit I have is to say is that, I can see a lot of parts of this piece where it comes through that the world this rich, but there are places where you just sum up and tell things that I would have liked to see in scene. on the other had, if you did that it would make the piece...a lot longer. when the story takes place over the span of a year it just about has to be the way you did it.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment