I know, i know..... Lj-foul: numerous postings in one day
In an earlier entry - I mentioned that I wanted to leave Ellensburg with a couple issues settled...
I’d like to say that before I drove home (for the second time) I was able to achieve a common understanding between a certain boy and myself… (In all vagueness) Once again my diffident and reserved nature has lost me the long, extended battle between my evil superego and the desire and ability to take initiative, to take a chance. One that I thought had great odds in my favor, for a while.
Really, I should just save you the trouble of reading between the lines and say that we left without a hug, a goodbye, a phone number… even a hint of seeing one another over Christmas break.
I am a little confused, to say the least. I’ve resorted to what I’ve come to know as reevaluation. In a sense: convincing myself that what I thought to be a mutual attraction was really nothing. Sometimes I lay in my bed before falling asleep, and I become convinced that times in my past have never really happened, and I scare myself immensely. Enough so, that I get up to look at pictures as proof that they did. What if the opposite is true, and I’ve taken a simple friendship to a place that it is not.
I’ve never felt I could like a guy, if I didn’t like myself. If anything, Its natures way of giving me a month of ME-time.
I’d like to say that before I drove home (for the second time) I was able to achieve a common understanding between a certain boy and myself… (In all vagueness) Once again my diffident and reserved nature has lost me the long, extended battle between my evil superego and the desire and ability to take initiative, to take a chance. One that I thought had great odds in my favor, for a while.
Really, I should just save you the trouble of reading between the lines and say that we left without a hug, a goodbye, a phone number… even a hint of seeing one another over Christmas break.
I am a little confused, to say the least. I’ve resorted to what I’ve come to know as reevaluation. In a sense: convincing myself that what I thought to be a mutual attraction was really nothing. Sometimes I lay in my bed before falling asleep, and I become convinced that times in my past have never really happened, and I scare myself immensely. Enough so, that I get up to look at pictures as proof that they did. What if the opposite is true, and I’ve taken a simple friendship to a place that it is not.
I’ve never felt I could like a guy, if I didn’t like myself. If anything, Its natures way of giving me a month of ME-time.