(no subject)
I don't much feel like writing...but I figure if i put it off, the inevitable entry will be too long.
I had to go home this past weekend. My dad was moved to Baptist Hospital and I went home to help out my mom and to visit him. Unfortunately I hadn't planned on going home, and so I didn't have any money. So I kinda got gas with nonexistent money on my debit card...o well.
So Friday nite it was just me and lacey. mom spent the nite at the hospital with my dad.
and saturday I went grocery shopping for the house with my grandma. I missed the mother/daughter tea. I hate that, but going home was more important...my grandma and I sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes before we went in discussing everything that has happened.
She told me some stuff about my dad's wreck and all that I didnt know. Like why it happened. And we discussed why my mom treats me the way she does sometimes. And I knew this part. I know my mom is a manic depressed person. And she's bipolar. And that she has a lot of things that have happened that she never thought would happen. Like my parents losing their house right before I started college.
My parents are good people. But they made mistakes when they were starting out in life. And they are still paying for those mistakes. And I just think people should realize how good they have it in life. Because not everyone's is like that.
My dad also has depression. And he's an alcoholic. And he was sober for many years. But he has been drinking off and on these last two years. And thats what cause his last wreck. The one that has put him in the hospital. But I love my father almost more than any other person in the world. And I suppose life has just been getting unbearable for my parents and thats the way he has dealt with problems in the past, and so thats what he did.
And not knowing all that my parents go through...I can't imagine going through life knowing its not going to get any better than what it is. That the main or only reason you keep pushing yourself is because you have a family to provide for. That you have to bright daughters to think about. And this daughter could not live her life without her father. I've never seen my dad drink. Or never seen him be drunk. So I can't really imagine him being drunk and driving. I don't understand. He's so intelligent.
I wish I were older. getting ready to graduate from grad school. Starting my career. So that in a year or two I could have enough money to help take care of my family. Because I know that will likely be the inevitable. I don't care. I've told myself that is what I am going to do. Once I have enough money to do it. I want my parents to be able to live comfortably. My sister to do the things she wants to do. But I feel like I have so many years before that is possible. BUT that really is the main reason I changed my major the last time I did. I need something that I will likely make good money in.
My life can't turn out like that.
And my dad's situation is up in the air. He may never be able to work again. He's done upholstering practically his whole life. And he won't be able to do that again.
My grandmother told me not to worry so much about my parents. That the sad reality is that these are their mistakes that they have to deal with. I just hate how money solves so many problems. And causes even more. Because thats the only thing that is going to solve their financial problems...