(Untitled)

[niliwen]

Prompt: Dove

Tenant

"I thought that of the four of you in that flat, you'd be the last one who'd get in this situation."
The girl behind the bars bit her lip and shook her head. "I'm not apologizing. He was the one who hit first."
"The blood on your knuckles says otherwise," the old woman said. She rubbed her temples and sighed. "I'm supposed to

Comments

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello! I'm one of your editors this week!

- "I'm supposed to be your concierge, not your mother. I'm only paying the bail since you [are] at least punctual with the rent.. Or you could move the "at least" to the end of the sentence to improve the flow.

-Cassandra smiled defiantly. You can omit the "defiantly", as it is implied by the dialogue.

This little vignette really highlights her character! And I like how you used the prompt. Another solid entry. Well done!

Re: Your BF edit!

[niliwen]

Thanks! It was quite uninspired though but I'm glad it worked.

Editing

[cedarwolfsinger]

Hi, Niliwen. I'm one of your editors this week.
Interesting take on the prompt.
I only see one thing I'd change:
"I'm only paying the bail since you, at least, are punctual with the rent...." (adding commas)

It left me wanting to know more about what happened and how Cassandra can go from somewhat embarrassed to be behind bars to defiant in the last line.

Good work.

Re: Editing

[niliwen]

Thanks! I ought to explore this more.

Re: Editing

[innana88]

Definitely! It's flash fic, but not a story complete unto itself. I would LOVE to read more beyond this little snippet. This is most DEFINITELY worth exploring further. I'm intrigued!

Re: Editing

[niliwen]

The trouble is, I don''t know what happens next. :))