(Untitled)

[niliwen]

A/N: Prompt: Cliff. Officially making this part of my ‘canon’ for a new story I have in the works. 130 words

How to be Released From a Promise

"Just because Mr. Salvador gave you the password, that doesn't mean it has to be you!"
"Do you think I want it? I have no choice!"
A furious brown gaze met a similarly steely blue one. "This is the first

Comments

[bluegerl]

Hey, that's a bit drastic Macky!!

I'm glad you're going to make a big story... cos this is sooo - heh heh - nosey making... DYING to know what he's up to. Ciphers and so on, but knowing you, it won't be CIA and all that common or garden stuff, it'll be MUCH more Seeecret!

(Dons dark glasses and turns coat collar up, slides out of room. teehee.)

[niliwen]

Thanks!

Clearly this isn't the first time Macky has had to deal with Anton's antics. But this is the final straw for Macky, I think. Not that he dislikes/hates Anton, he's just worried for him and their friends.

Edit!

[silverflight8]

Hi niliwen, I'm one of your editors this week!

gave you the password, that doesn't mean it has to be you!
-I think it'd be better without the "that" - it doesn't flow quite right ("Just because...that doesn't mean" vs 'Just because...doesn't mean')

Why you go off to heaven knows where even when it's your turn to take charge of things around here
-This sentence is kind of hard to parse. I think maybe it is the "where even when" construction.

"You left your door open. I was worried you were doing drugs." The shorter man laughed and shook his head.
-Oh dear, this is even worse than he thought...:P

I do think that it's confusing who's speaking in the beginning, and the eye colours don't really help. I think if you could introduce the character names in earlier, or some other identifying marks, it would be make it easier to understand. Other than that, it really is very intriguing - so is Macky just going to...leave? And what is Anton doing?

Re: Edit!

[niliwen]

Thanks!

Anton is up to taking over a rather incendiary newsletter. Macky's leaving...see next story. :)

dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[bardiphouka]

Allo, your other editor here. Most of the issues have been gone into but I do have two minor quibbles.

THey are having what appears to be a serious argument but Macky laughs? And not a nervous laugh or a tense laugh..but just a laugh.

And they talk about him being led off a cliff when actually Anton is not leading him..he is trying to lead him. If M was being led than he would not be leaving. Or would he? I am a bit confused there. One of the problems of fiction..the author is generally not allowed to be as vague about his conversations as real life would allow.

Re: dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[niliwen]

Thanks!

Macky covers things up with humor. It's his flaw. And being led off a cliff is Macky's perception of the entire matter. Just a perception.