To Be Or Not To Be
Title: To Be Or Not To Be
Prompt: Araki/Nakamura, to be or not to be?
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I am not associated with D-Boys in any way. I am not Araki or Nakamura. Just a fan who wants to share her love ^_^
Author's Note: I really hope it will be to Araki's pleasure *grin* and hopefully Nakamura won't be too uncomfortable with being molested ^.^ heheh. Anyway, after getting my prompt, my first thought was oooh, Araki/Nakamura smut! Lol, it seems to be my default when I'm thinking about what to write <.<; Anyway, I thought about 'To be or not to be' a little bit. Shakespeare hasn't ever really been my thing, not that I dislike it. It's just difficult to understand without putting some time into, and I'll be the first to admit that I'm kind of lazy. But I didn't want to write something based off a quote like that without doing at least a little research into the entire passage it comes from and the meaning behind it. Anyway, after doing that I couldn't write something that wasn't at least a little angsty. It ended up being a little long. I hope that's okay, and that everyone enjoys it! Without giving anything else away, I'll let everyone read the fic now :-D
A cold bead of sweat dripping down the side of his face was what woke him up. It was the same dream, the one he'd been having on and off for the past couple of months. It wasn't like he had it every night, at least as much as he could remember. There were probably a lot of dreams he had that he couldn't remember, but this one he had enough that he would remember a couple of times a week. It certainly left an impression. He didn't think something like Shakespeare would sneak into his dreams so much except for the fact that when he'd read it, he had felt so much like he could sympathize with the character. 'To be or not to be'. It wasn't the question for everyone, while at the same time it was. Not everyone dealt with their trouble like the character in the play, but Araki felt like maybe his feelings were pretty similar. He couldn't stand the thought of living the rest of his life, dealing with problem after problem. He didn't want to atone for his sins in life, for his desires. Needing, wanting another man. That was unforgivable. Sex was one thing. Maybe if it were only that he could deal with it. But it wasn't just that. He wanted the other man, and he wanted him so completely that it became something sick, something disfigured. Nakamura wasn't gay, or so he'd said several times. Araki was the one who was wrong. He was the one who had fallen for a man.
Pulling himself out of bed, Araki replayed the images in his mind. He was standing in front of a mirror, asking himself the same morbid, damning question that he'd asked over and over. Would it be better to die than to live with the torture? Would death be worth getting away from it? It wasn't that he was really suicidal, but he kept contemplating it. He kept wanting to get away from all the pain. It was weak of him, but he couldn't help it. No matter how many times he pushed them away, the thoughts just kept coming back. Was there a way out? There had to be a way out. But every day just seemed like he was getting worse and worse.
They just had to put them in a special group together. Looking across the table, Araki caught Nakamura's gaze. He couldn't help but smile, raising his eyebrows in a playful manner. No matter how bad it was, how much it only served to make things worse for him, Araki couldn't stop himself from playing with the other man. It was just too tempting. It just felt too good, and he could always pass it off as a joke or even fanservice. No one really took things like that seriously.
Only Nakamura did. Araki thought for a while he didn't, but at some point he became less comfortable, or maybe Araki himself had just become more touchy, more flirtatious, more sexual. No matter how Nakamura reacted though, Araki couldn't help himself. It probably would have discouraged him more if Nakamura resisted him to a greater degree. He didn't though. A good example of that occurred later in the day.
Nakamura was standing, taking a drink out of his water bottle. As he was closing the cap back over the top, Araki quietly moved behind him. Wrapping his arms around his waist, he half hugged him, half wrestled him to the side. Yuichi barely caught himself after a moment of losing his balance and hanging in Araki's arms. He turned his head and Araki could see a smile on his face. A playful "Let go," fell from his lips, but Araki wasn't even tempted to. As long as Nakamura wasn't upset, then he wanted to keep doing what gave him the most pleasure. And he would remember what Nakamura's body felt like pressed against him later.
"Why?" Araki whispered playfully. They were in the eating room, with no one around. It occurred to Araki that it was odd to do this when no one else was around, and that it would look even worse to someone who walked in. He had a plan though. If anyone came near, he would just turn it into more of an obvious wrestling move, making it look like they were just goofing off.
"Arayan, I was trying to get something to drink." His tone was still pleasant, his free hand had moved up to rest against Araki's arm, as if he were going to try and remove it from himself, but he made no move to actually do so. The nickname made Araki smirk a little, tempted to use Nakamura's as well.
Tightening his arms a little, Araki pressed his fingers into Yuichi's sides. He felt the first squirm that made him smirk and dig his fingers a little more into him. That was when Nakamura really started to jerk around. Araki grinned as the other man pressed against him, eventually dropping his water bottle in an attempt to break free from Araki's grasp. Araki playfully fought him back until they were both laughing and trying to get the upper hand in tickling each other, Yuichi having decided that he was going to give it a shot as well. As Nakamura backed away, neither boy realised how close they were to the table edge until Nakamura's foot hit it. He had been pulling his foot back too hard and trying to lift his other one, sending him off balance and falling backwards. His hands grasped at Araki's shirt and without even having to think about it, Araki let himself be pulled down with him. The landing was neither graceful nor painless, especially for Nakamura who grimaced at the dull pain in his lower back. Araki pulled his face back enough to stare at the other man, while taking mental note that he wasn't on him in any way that would hurt he also didn't move.
"You okay?" He asked quietly, concerned but also afraid that his voice might give away how amazing it was to be on top of Nakamura like that.
"Mmm, yeah," Nakamura groaned in response, still not seeming to realise what an awkward position they were in. "I think I'm too old to be rough housing like that."
Araki felt a smile pull onto his face, thinking the comment was cute, while at the same moment, Nakamura made eye contact with him. His expression seemed to freeze slightly and Araki could feel his chest rise and fall a little more rapidly as he took in their position.
"Umm, Araki. Could you move now?" The quiet, uncertain voice he used made a surge of fondness race through Araki. Nakamura certainly was adorable.
"Which way should I move?" he asked, feeling slightly amused and slightly turned on. It was so difficult to control himself, especially when they were alone.
Nakamura gave him a perplexed look that showed how nervous he was. It just made it all the more obvious to Araki that neither of them thought nothing was going on. But that still didn't mean Nakamura wanted anything. It didn't mean he would get turned on too, that he wanted it.
Sighing, Araki slowly pulled himself off of the other man. Smiling, he reached his hand out to help Nakamura up off the floor. "Listen," he said after a moment, while Nakamura was reaching for his bottle of water that had rolled under the table. "You should come over tomorrow. I had invited someone else to dinner but something else came up. So, I have all that extra food."
Nakamura looked back at him, his expression thoughtful and his eyes giving nothing away. After a long moment he finally nodded. "Okay, I don't have any plans tomorrow evening." With a smile, Araki nodded and gave a swift farewell before leaving the room. He didn't want to give the other man time to change his mind.
Everything was ready for Nakamura to come over. Even though he'd had to work that day, Araki still managed to clean up his apartment a little bit. It wasn't spotless or anything, but it looked a little bit nicer than it had before. It wasn't really messy, something that Araki wasn't sure if Nakamura would really even pay that much attention to. Still, he assumed the thought was nice. Honestly, Araki wasn't really even sure what he was doing. Inviting Nakamura over was a bold move, but even with that he wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to do. Well, he knew what he wanted, but he didn't know what he actually could or would do.
When the knock at the door finally came, Araki was more than ready for the evening to begin. He still didn't know if anything would happen or be said, but he thought that there was the possibility. And that made him excited, in a morbid sort of way. He knew it wasn't right. He knew that he shouldn't be going after another man, especially one he worked so closely with. Once again though, none of it mattered because he'd never really been that great at stopping himself from doing what he wanted.
Dinner went smoothly, with Araki acting friendly and not even making a move. Nakamura seemed to be getting pretty comfortable. They were laughing and talking freely. Once it was over though, there was a slight pause. The conversation hit a stagnant point and neither knew what to say. Araki found his mind jumping to what he wanted to do, what he was losing every minute not doing. But he couldn't propel himself to make a move yet.
An idea struck him, and he set his napkin down, while also scooting his chair back so he could stand. "I can show you this thing Igarashi sent me. It's a picture, well, you'll have to see it." He moved away from the table and Nakamura smiled, standing himself and hesitantly following Araki out of the room. "It's in here," Araki added, walking into his room and flipping on the light.
The picture was of Shunji holding out his hand beside his face. Yuichi was in the background, standing just far enough away to make it look like he was standing on his hand. Araki held out his phone to show Nakamura, who took it. A smile spread over his face and he laughed. "When did he do that? I don't even remember."
Araki smiled at his reaction, thinking it was cute. "He sent it to me a while back and we had some laughs. I think I remember a joke about how small you looked in it or something."
Nakamura turned to look at him, giving him an attempted look of offense, but he messed it up by smiling again. Araki found his eyes moving over Nakamura's face, from his hairline to his eyes to his mouth, turned up in amusement. He thought about how attractive he found the other man, about how that attraction seemed to be steadily growing all the time. Nakamura had turned his attention back to the picture, smiling down at it before taking a step closer to Araki and extending it out. "Great picture. You should have told him to send it to me too."
Araki smiled back at him and nodded from where he leaned against the edge of his bed. He looked down at the phone for a moment before grabbing it and tossing it onto the corner of the mattress. Without saying another word, Araki reach out and wrapped his arms around Yuichi's waist. He felt the other man tense in his arms, but he didn't have time to do anything else, because Araki used his body weight to make them both fall back onto the bed. Nakamura's body landed heavily against his, but Araki didn't mind one bit. Nakamura seemed in a state or surprise as he just laid there, his arms pressing into Araki's chest.
Neither of them moved for a long moment, until Araki tilted his face to press his lips against the top of Nakamura's head, who instantaneously tensed at the motion. Araki let his arms tighten slightly. The way Nakamura was acting made him wonder if he was just nervous or scared. He wasn't pulling away. Either he was way too naive, or he wasn't completely against it. Moving one of his hands, while keeping the other firmly against his back, Araki trailed it down to the hem of his shirt, letting his fingers dip under it to softly brush against the skin there.
"Araki?" Nakamura whispered, the uncertainty in his voice painfully obvious.
”It's okay," Araki replied softly, pressing his lips a little more firmly against Nakamura's head as he pushed his hand up into his shirt. It felt so amazing. His skin was warm and soft, and Araki could feel the blood in his body racing so quickly that he wasn't sure he would ever be able to stop himself from this again, not now that he had started.
But then Nakamura said in a louder, and very firm voice, "Stop it." His hand had slipped free to reach down and pull Araki's out of his shirt. Araki felt his throat go dry and his entire body suddenly felt heavy, his mind clouded, and his emotions tense from the rejection hanging in the air. Maybe Nakamura hadn't really ever wanted it. Maybe he'd been forcing himself on him all this time.
A thousand thoughts like that raced through his mind until it felt so eerily quiet in the room that he said the first thing that came to his mind. "To be or not to be," he commented idly, quoting in the original English, with a bitterly amused tone.
"What do you mean?" Nakamura asked slowly, wondering why Araki was speaking in English at the moment.
"It's Hamlet, stupid," Araki said, a slow smile spreading over his face. "He's contemplating whether or not it's better to live or die. With all the pain in life that is inevitable. With the thought that suicide is a mortal sin he fears Hell. Would it be better to face life or death? And ultimately that non-existence would be desirable to everything, if only death would certainly bring that about."
Finally pulling completely away, Nakamura sat and let his feet drop to the floor as his fingers dug into the side of the bed. "Why were you thinking of that? You don't think that do you? That death might be better than life?"
The silence was a deafening answer. Araki watched Nakamura's back, uncertain as to what he was thinking. Why had his voice sounded strained? And why did his head slightly drop when he didn't answer? Was there more to what he was feeling and thinking than he was letting on? He didn't know what to say, how to tell him how he felt. Araki wasn't even sure he wanted him to know. Being rejected once was bad enough. He didn't want Nakamura to know it was more than just sexual, that he wanted to see him when he woke up as well. That he loved hearing his idiotic laugh, and seeing his stupid smile. Araki felt himself frown, trying to hold back the frustration. That was why he couldn't stop dreaming about the damn play. Because he couldn't escape. Just like Hamlet, he couldn't go on living and escape life's tortures.
After a long moment of silence, Nakamura finally stood. The only thing Araki wanted to do was reach out and touch him, but he couldn't do that. He felt like he couldn't even move. "I have to go," Nakamura said softly without looking back. "I have work pretty early." He never looked back at Araki, but left the room. Araki didn't know if he'd ever seen the other man so serious. No, he was sure he hadn't, and he had no idea what to make of it.
The next day, Araki got distracted by a dead butterfly he found on his windowsill. He stared at it, the lifeless form. It was so beautiful, the markings on its wings. The way it laid there, folded in half. Only one wing visible. Such a graceful creature in life was even so in death. Humans weren't like that, he decided as he stared. Humans were clumsy and stupid. They went about things knowing nothing. That was how he was starting to feel, like he knew absolutely nothing. Why Yuichi had gotten so upset the previous day. He had no idea. He couldn't read what was going on in Yuichi's head any more than he could decide himself what the other man's thoughts were, as if they were his own.
The thought of going to work that day was one that weighed heavily on his mind. He didn't want to see Yuichi again. He was afraid of it. He had to work though. Life as an idol made him. He really had no choice. Even when they were sick, it was important to push on. Personal problems. They were nothing. No matter how sad, angry, or upset one of them was, they still had to keep working for their fans.
Sighing deeply, Araki moved into his kitchen. Maybe once he'd eaten, he would feel a little better. He left the butterfly where it was.
When work finally came about, Araki was there. He tried to act normal even though the previous day weighed heavily on his mind. Nakamura acted distant the entire time. Not so much that it seemed really bad, but it was obvious to Araki. That, and he was actually afraid to speak to the other man himself. No one seemed to pay them much attention, probably thinking it was just something small, something they would just forget about. People who worked together often had small disagreements. It frustrated Araki though. He missed interacting with Nakamura and it had only been a day since he last had. His hand that had touched the other man's skin hadn't stopped burning or tingling every time he thought about it. But the desire to touch him again, to touch him more, couldn't outweigh the sick feeling in his stomach that Nakamura might not forgive him. That they might not be able to go back to even being good friends, to getting along really well and having fun when they were together.
The day trudged on until they were done and Araki was heading home again. He felt like complete shit, and all he wanted to do was crawl under his covers until the previous day erased itself from existence. If he'd thought it was bad before, it was even worse now. Oddly enough, he wasn't really thinking about Hamlet anymore. He couldn't stop thinking about Yuichi.
The next day, he didn't see Nakamura since they wouldn't be working together for a while. The break was nice in some ways, but torturous in others. He wanted to see him again so bad, he wanted to make things better than they were, but he didn't know how. He didn't know if it would be better to just let things sit or do something about it. He didn't have to brood on it until the next time they would work together, because that weekend, three days after he'd last seen Nakamura, there was a knock at his door.
It was early evening, and Araki had been home from work for about an hour and a half, enough time to eat something and shower. He'd just been about to collapse in his bed early again, opting for the hide under the covers plan until he thought of something better. He uncertainly made his way to the door, not sure who would be visiting him since he hadn't made any plans with anyone. When he looked through the small hole and saw Nakamura's face, Araki froze momentarily. There was no way he wouldn't answer, but suddenly he was so nervous. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt that way around the other man before. It was puzzling.
After slowly opening the door, Araki felt his eyes meet the other man's. Nakamura looked just as nervous and uncertain as he felt. But there was something else, a determination, and before he could say anything Nakamura had stepped in and was shutting the door behind himself. He only took a moment to slip off his shoes, making Araki wonder if he planned to stay more than a minute or if he wanted to go further in to sit down or something. Instead of doing anything else though, he started talking. "Okay. I'm not just," he started and then stopped. He looked frustrated, and Araki wondered if he'd had something he'd planned to say but was getting mixed up in it. A million different things seemed to flash across Nakamura's face as he stood there, clenching his fists during what seemed like an internal struggle. Then he was moving, and Araki felt his eyes widen in shock as the distance quickly disappeared between them.
It was slightly awkward when their lips bumped together, but that didn't discourage Nakamura who pressed himself against Araki more firmly, opening his mouth against him in what felt hot and amazing to the older man while also wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
Nothing in Araki could have stopped him from responding to the kiss, from pressing his own lips back against Yuichi's eagerly. His arms moved to wrap around Nakamura's waist again, squeezing to press their bodies close together. It felt so good that Araki felt his mind swim and if he hadn't been holding on so tightly to the other man he might have gotten dizzy. Opening his mouth a little, Araki let his tongue snake out to meet Yuichi's that was peaking just barely between his lips, in a hesitant manner that made Araki's body surge with arousal.
Before long the two were stumbling back toward Araki's room, with the older man guiding them and the younger one following, this time without any hesitation. Once they were in the room, Araki walked them to the bed, never once taking his mouth off of Nakamura's. Instead of pulling the other man down on top of him again, this time Araki turned them so he could push Nakamura down first before slowly moving on top of him. Since Yuichi had kissed him, it was the first time their lips had broken apart, and Araki took the moment to look down at the man beneath him. A wave of fondness passed through him, only strengthening when Nakamura smiled up at him. It was as if he'd somehow broken through his wall, and he wasn't afraid anymore. But Araki wasn't afraid either. He wasn't going to hold back now.
Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss against Nakamura's lips, but instead of staying there, he moved his mouth down to leave a trail of kisses down his neck and to the collar of his shirt. He glanced up to see Nakamura watching him intently. He smiled and the younger man mirrored the expression, although he still seemed a little nervous. Not like before, Araki felt like his desires were forming around Nakamura's and merging with them. It didn't feel forced at all, or like he was just trying to get what he wanted. Now he kept thinking about how good, how amazing he wanted to make Nakamura feel.
Reaching down, Araki latched his fingers onto Nakamura's shirt and pulled it up and over the younger man's head, baring his chest. Araki looked down at it before smirking at Nakamura who took the expression as the compliment it was meant to be and smiled, running his tongue across his lips in what looked like a nervous reaction. But it was sexy to Araki, and made him want to taste that tongue. Pulling his own shirt off quickly and tossing it away, Araki leaned down and pressed his lips against Yuichi's, pushing his tongue deep into his mouth. Nakamura moaned and pressed up against him, making it feel like fire was running through Araki's veins. In response to the move he dug his hips down against Nakamura's, making it too easy for them to feel each other's erections. The pressure against him sent a wave of pleasure that made both of them eager to get their clothes the rest of the way off.
Nakamura's hands were on Araki's pants before he could even move himself, digging at the button so he could get them off. Once they were undone, Araki helped Nakamura slip them off before going at the younger man's pants and underwear, pulling them both down at once. Nakamura seemed surprised by it a little, but he didn't make any move to turn away. Araki felt his eyes move over the other man's body. A rush of arousal went straight to his cock and he groaned deeply, pressing himself down against Yuichi, who moaned loudly at the movement.
"Yuichi, you're so sexy. I want you so much," he whispered huskily against the other man's lips.
Nakamura managed a moan in response before saying a little breathlessly, "Me too. I want it too." It was all Araki needed to hear and he only moved slightly away for a moment as he reached over to open his bedside stand to pull out some lube and a condom. Right now he was really glad that he always kept himself prepared. He would have hated to have to stop there. Reaching down, he quickly slipped out of his boxers, freeing both of them from their clothing.
Pressing down against Nakamura, Araki moaned deeply, before moving his mouth to tease the younger man's right nipple between his teeth. His hand snaked down to wrap around Nakamura's cock. The younger man gasped and pressed up into his hand. Araki smiled against the skin of Yuichi's chest, before leaning back and ripping the condom wrapper open. He had to free his hand to put the condom on, but he quickly brought his hand back to Yuichi, stroking him slowly as he continued to kiss his chest.
Nakamura let out a string of moans as his hips pressed up against the hand over and over. After a few minutes his breath sounded slightly ragged, and he finally managed to say a little breathlessly, "Araki, I want to touch you too."
A smirk formed on Araki's lips and he nodded before moving his hand away. "Okay. You touch me and I'll prepare you. He scooted closer to Nakamura, nudging himself between his legs. The other man's hand made its way down to his length, finding a hold. Nakamura's eyes seemed to latch onto what he was doing as he slowly moved his hand up and down. It was difficult for Araki to focus on what he was doing, but he managed to get away with a soft moan and lightly pressing his hips forward as he opened the bottle of lube and squeezed some out on two fingers. He reached under Nakamura, gently running one finger against his entrance before ever so slowly pushing it in.
Nakamura whimpered a little at the feeling of being stretched, his own hand tightening just barely around Araki's cock, sending a rush of pleasure through his body. He pushed the finger in and out a little quicker, bending it to open him up. He felt eager, but the last thing he wanted was to screw this up. Nakamura's hand slowed on him as he got caught up in the feeling of being stretched, something Araki didn't mind. Soon his cock would be the thing inside of him, making him feel all kinds of ways. When he thought it would be okay, Araki pulled his finger back far enough to line his other one up and slowly start to push it in too. Nakamura bucked his hips at the feeling, moaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain from the discomfort. Araki made eye contact with him, the younger boy nodding to let him know it was okay. His hands moved to dig into the sheets as Araki pushed his second finger all the way in. He slowly started to pull them out and push them back in, getting Nakamura accustomed to the feeling, before he angled them and started to seek out his sweet spot. As soon as they brushed his prostate, Nakamura moaned loudly and pressed up against his fingers. Araki smirked at the response, thinking it was really sexy. "Did that feel good?" He asked, feeling pleased with himself.
Nakamura looked at him through pleasure-lidded eyes, that looked incredibly sexy on him, and nodded. "Yes, it felt so good."
Araki's smirk only broadened at the reply. It made him feel really ready to have his cock hitting that same spot. Pulling his fingers slowly out, he felt the cool air hit them, reminding him how warm Yuichi was. He grabbed the lube and spread some on his penis before leaning forward. "You ready?" He asked, and only waited for the affirmation before using his hand to line his cock up with Nakamura's entrance and slowly starting to push in.
Every inch he was further in was agonizingly pleasurable. The heat in Araki's body built up, making him feel like he was burning all over. He closed his hands into fists around the sheets as he pushed further. Nakamura's hands reached out to press against Araki's arms, squeezing them tightly in a way that was really attractive. Then he was all the way in. Nakamura looked at him and attempted a shaky smile. "It feels so good," he said, still sounding completely breathless.
"You feel good," Araki shot back, smiling before leaning down to press his lips against Yuichi's. "You feel so fucking amazing." He deepened the kiss before rocking his hips gently against Nakamura's, the motion sending pleasure ripping through his body. He started a slow pace, moving slightly back and forth so Nakamura could get accustomed to his size. The younger man moaned into his mouth, pressing his tongue out to run against Araki's. The movements of his tongue and the way he pressed up against Araki's cock were needy, and the way he moaned made Araki want to push so deep into him.
"More. Please, more," he begged, only pulling his tongue back long enough to get the words out before kissing him passionately again. Araki complied, pushing into him as far as he could before pulling back until he was almost all the way out, then back in quicker. Nakamura moaned as Araki started to build a pace, moving faster and harder. His own hips started to jerk up against the thrusts until he managed to catch onto the rhythm as well, making the penetration deeper and making his head fall back against the pillow as his body screamed with pleasure.
Araki loved being able to look down and see the sweat building up on Nakamura's body before slowly trickling down, the way his expression held how much pleasure he was getting out of it. Almost as much as the physical sensation, Araki felt like he was partially getting off by being able to see Nakamura underneath him like that. Pushing Nakamura's legs up and guiding him to wrap them around his waist, Araki angled himself so that he could hit the other man's prostate better. He started to build his pace back up, and Nakamura arched underneath him, moaning loudly as his spot was hit over and over. Araki started to feel the pleasure building in his body to the point where he knew he was close. His movements sped up and he reached down to wrap his hand around Nakamura's cock, quickly moving it up and down to bring him over the edge. "Come for me, Yuichi."
The younger man bit his lips lightly and nodded, pressing his hips up to try and get more of the feeling. It wasn't long before his orgasm came, spilling out over their chests. Araki moaned deeply and pushed in harder and faster until his own orgasm washed over his body, giving him an incredible buzz of pleasure. Once it was over, he slowly pulled out and removed the condom, tying it off and setting it aside for the moment. He laid down next to Nakamura who was also breathing heavily.
Nakamura's hand was running over his chest, as a small smile worked over his lips. "Guess I got us a little messy huh?"
Araki smirked. "I think it's sexy," he responded, reaching out and putting his arm around Nakamura's waist. There was a moment where they just smiled at each other, but something was still unsaid between them, something they could both feel pretty strongly. "So," Araki started slowly, "What happened? I mean what made you decide to come over here and kiss me or whatever?"
Nakamura smiled a little. "I was going to try and talk, but that seemed easier I guess. It's just, I didn't know how to handle what was going on. What you said the other day, it scared me and what you did made me think. Before I thought we were just playing around, but then I started thinking about it too much and I knew something was off. For a while I tried to ignore it, but it seemed like things were changing for you too. I didn't know if it was really happening or if it was just wishful thinking, until you pulled me into your bed and, it was just a lot to process at once. I don't know if I was ready for it mentally. And then I was angry that you would think death might be better than dealing with whatever is going on between us."
Araki nodded slowly, trying to process everything. "You just said a lot. Was that what you'd planned to come here and say?" He asked with a playful smile.
Nakamura tilted his head and made eye contact with Araki, a smile of his own forming on his lips. "Maybe." There was a moment of silence before Yuichi added, "Respond to me." He pressed his hand against Araki's chest. "You're making me feel nervous again."
Araki smiled, feeling that fondness again. "You don't have anything to worry about. I've been wanting you for a long time. Every time you were enjoying it, I was too. I couldn't stop thinking about you. And after the other day it only felt that way even more so. It wasn't just that I wanted to touch you again, but I wanted to see you smile again, and laugh. I stopped thinking about wanting out. Now I just want in." He felt himself smile at the connotation of that statement, and Nakamura responded to it with his own grin. Leaning forward, Araki pressed his lips against Nakamura's. "Yuichi," he said softly against his mouth before leaning back, "we can do this again, right?"
Nakamura looked at him for a moment before smiling. "Sure, why not," he responded leaning in to place his own kiss against Araki's lips. After a moment, he added in a very soft whisper, "As often as you like."
Prompt: Araki/Nakamura, to be or not to be?
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: I am not associated with D-Boys in any way. I am not Araki or Nakamura. Just a fan who wants to share her love ^_^
Author's Note: I really hope it will be to Araki's pleasure *grin* and hopefully Nakamura won't be too uncomfortable with being molested ^.^ heheh. Anyway, after getting my prompt, my first thought was oooh, Araki/Nakamura smut! Lol, it seems to be my default when I'm thinking about what to write <.<; Anyway, I thought about 'To be or not to be' a little bit. Shakespeare hasn't ever really been my thing, not that I dislike it. It's just difficult to understand without putting some time into, and I'll be the first to admit that I'm kind of lazy. But I didn't want to write something based off a quote like that without doing at least a little research into the entire passage it comes from and the meaning behind it. Anyway, after doing that I couldn't write something that wasn't at least a little angsty. It ended up being a little long. I hope that's okay, and that everyone enjoys it! Without giving anything else away, I'll let everyone read the fic now :-D
A cold bead of sweat dripping down the side of his face was what woke him up. It was the same dream, the one he'd been having on and off for the past couple of months. It wasn't like he had it every night, at least as much as he could remember. There were probably a lot of dreams he had that he couldn't remember, but this one he had enough that he would remember a couple of times a week. It certainly left an impression. He didn't think something like Shakespeare would sneak into his dreams so much except for the fact that when he'd read it, he had felt so much like he could sympathize with the character. 'To be or not to be'. It wasn't the question for everyone, while at the same time it was. Not everyone dealt with their trouble like the character in the play, but Araki felt like maybe his feelings were pretty similar. He couldn't stand the thought of living the rest of his life, dealing with problem after problem. He didn't want to atone for his sins in life, for his desires. Needing, wanting another man. That was unforgivable. Sex was one thing. Maybe if it were only that he could deal with it. But it wasn't just that. He wanted the other man, and he wanted him so completely that it became something sick, something disfigured. Nakamura wasn't gay, or so he'd said several times. Araki was the one who was wrong. He was the one who had fallen for a man.
Pulling himself out of bed, Araki replayed the images in his mind. He was standing in front of a mirror, asking himself the same morbid, damning question that he'd asked over and over. Would it be better to die than to live with the torture? Would death be worth getting away from it? It wasn't that he was really suicidal, but he kept contemplating it. He kept wanting to get away from all the pain. It was weak of him, but he couldn't help it. No matter how many times he pushed them away, the thoughts just kept coming back. Was there a way out? There had to be a way out. But every day just seemed like he was getting worse and worse.
They just had to put them in a special group together. Looking across the table, Araki caught Nakamura's gaze. He couldn't help but smile, raising his eyebrows in a playful manner. No matter how bad it was, how much it only served to make things worse for him, Araki couldn't stop himself from playing with the other man. It was just too tempting. It just felt too good, and he could always pass it off as a joke or even fanservice. No one really took things like that seriously.
Only Nakamura did. Araki thought for a while he didn't, but at some point he became less comfortable, or maybe Araki himself had just become more touchy, more flirtatious, more sexual. No matter how Nakamura reacted though, Araki couldn't help himself. It probably would have discouraged him more if Nakamura resisted him to a greater degree. He didn't though. A good example of that occurred later in the day.
Nakamura was standing, taking a drink out of his water bottle. As he was closing the cap back over the top, Araki quietly moved behind him. Wrapping his arms around his waist, he half hugged him, half wrestled him to the side. Yuichi barely caught himself after a moment of losing his balance and hanging in Araki's arms. He turned his head and Araki could see a smile on his face. A playful "Let go," fell from his lips, but Araki wasn't even tempted to. As long as Nakamura wasn't upset, then he wanted to keep doing what gave him the most pleasure. And he would remember what Nakamura's body felt like pressed against him later.
"Why?" Araki whispered playfully. They were in the eating room, with no one around. It occurred to Araki that it was odd to do this when no one else was around, and that it would look even worse to someone who walked in. He had a plan though. If anyone came near, he would just turn it into more of an obvious wrestling move, making it look like they were just goofing off.
"Arayan, I was trying to get something to drink." His tone was still pleasant, his free hand had moved up to rest against Araki's arm, as if he were going to try and remove it from himself, but he made no move to actually do so. The nickname made Araki smirk a little, tempted to use Nakamura's as well.
Tightening his arms a little, Araki pressed his fingers into Yuichi's sides. He felt the first squirm that made him smirk and dig his fingers a little more into him. That was when Nakamura really started to jerk around. Araki grinned as the other man pressed against him, eventually dropping his water bottle in an attempt to break free from Araki's grasp. Araki playfully fought him back until they were both laughing and trying to get the upper hand in tickling each other, Yuichi having decided that he was going to give it a shot as well. As Nakamura backed away, neither boy realised how close they were to the table edge until Nakamura's foot hit it. He had been pulling his foot back too hard and trying to lift his other one, sending him off balance and falling backwards. His hands grasped at Araki's shirt and without even having to think about it, Araki let himself be pulled down with him. The landing was neither graceful nor painless, especially for Nakamura who grimaced at the dull pain in his lower back. Araki pulled his face back enough to stare at the other man, while taking mental note that he wasn't on him in any way that would hurt he also didn't move.
"You okay?" He asked quietly, concerned but also afraid that his voice might give away how amazing it was to be on top of Nakamura like that.
"Mmm, yeah," Nakamura groaned in response, still not seeming to realise what an awkward position they were in. "I think I'm too old to be rough housing like that."
Araki felt a smile pull onto his face, thinking the comment was cute, while at the same moment, Nakamura made eye contact with him. His expression seemed to freeze slightly and Araki could feel his chest rise and fall a little more rapidly as he took in their position.
"Umm, Araki. Could you move now?" The quiet, uncertain voice he used made a surge of fondness race through Araki. Nakamura certainly was adorable.
"Which way should I move?" he asked, feeling slightly amused and slightly turned on. It was so difficult to control himself, especially when they were alone.
Nakamura gave him a perplexed look that showed how nervous he was. It just made it all the more obvious to Araki that neither of them thought nothing was going on. But that still didn't mean Nakamura wanted anything. It didn't mean he would get turned on too, that he wanted it.
Sighing, Araki slowly pulled himself off of the other man. Smiling, he reached his hand out to help Nakamura up off the floor. "Listen," he said after a moment, while Nakamura was reaching for his bottle of water that had rolled under the table. "You should come over tomorrow. I had invited someone else to dinner but something else came up. So, I have all that extra food."
Nakamura looked back at him, his expression thoughtful and his eyes giving nothing away. After a long moment he finally nodded. "Okay, I don't have any plans tomorrow evening." With a smile, Araki nodded and gave a swift farewell before leaving the room. He didn't want to give the other man time to change his mind.
Everything was ready for Nakamura to come over. Even though he'd had to work that day, Araki still managed to clean up his apartment a little bit. It wasn't spotless or anything, but it looked a little bit nicer than it had before. It wasn't really messy, something that Araki wasn't sure if Nakamura would really even pay that much attention to. Still, he assumed the thought was nice. Honestly, Araki wasn't really even sure what he was doing. Inviting Nakamura over was a bold move, but even with that he wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to do. Well, he knew what he wanted, but he didn't know what he actually could or would do.
When the knock at the door finally came, Araki was more than ready for the evening to begin. He still didn't know if anything would happen or be said, but he thought that there was the possibility. And that made him excited, in a morbid sort of way. He knew it wasn't right. He knew that he shouldn't be going after another man, especially one he worked so closely with. Once again though, none of it mattered because he'd never really been that great at stopping himself from doing what he wanted.
Dinner went smoothly, with Araki acting friendly and not even making a move. Nakamura seemed to be getting pretty comfortable. They were laughing and talking freely. Once it was over though, there was a slight pause. The conversation hit a stagnant point and neither knew what to say. Araki found his mind jumping to what he wanted to do, what he was losing every minute not doing. But he couldn't propel himself to make a move yet.
An idea struck him, and he set his napkin down, while also scooting his chair back so he could stand. "I can show you this thing Igarashi sent me. It's a picture, well, you'll have to see it." He moved away from the table and Nakamura smiled, standing himself and hesitantly following Araki out of the room. "It's in here," Araki added, walking into his room and flipping on the light.
The picture was of Shunji holding out his hand beside his face. Yuichi was in the background, standing just far enough away to make it look like he was standing on his hand. Araki held out his phone to show Nakamura, who took it. A smile spread over his face and he laughed. "When did he do that? I don't even remember."
Araki smiled at his reaction, thinking it was cute. "He sent it to me a while back and we had some laughs. I think I remember a joke about how small you looked in it or something."
Nakamura turned to look at him, giving him an attempted look of offense, but he messed it up by smiling again. Araki found his eyes moving over Nakamura's face, from his hairline to his eyes to his mouth, turned up in amusement. He thought about how attractive he found the other man, about how that attraction seemed to be steadily growing all the time. Nakamura had turned his attention back to the picture, smiling down at it before taking a step closer to Araki and extending it out. "Great picture. You should have told him to send it to me too."
Araki smiled back at him and nodded from where he leaned against the edge of his bed. He looked down at the phone for a moment before grabbing it and tossing it onto the corner of the mattress. Without saying another word, Araki reach out and wrapped his arms around Yuichi's waist. He felt the other man tense in his arms, but he didn't have time to do anything else, because Araki used his body weight to make them both fall back onto the bed. Nakamura's body landed heavily against his, but Araki didn't mind one bit. Nakamura seemed in a state or surprise as he just laid there, his arms pressing into Araki's chest.
Neither of them moved for a long moment, until Araki tilted his face to press his lips against the top of Nakamura's head, who instantaneously tensed at the motion. Araki let his arms tighten slightly. The way Nakamura was acting made him wonder if he was just nervous or scared. He wasn't pulling away. Either he was way too naive, or he wasn't completely against it. Moving one of his hands, while keeping the other firmly against his back, Araki trailed it down to the hem of his shirt, letting his fingers dip under it to softly brush against the skin there.
"Araki?" Nakamura whispered, the uncertainty in his voice painfully obvious.
”It's okay," Araki replied softly, pressing his lips a little more firmly against Nakamura's head as he pushed his hand up into his shirt. It felt so amazing. His skin was warm and soft, and Araki could feel the blood in his body racing so quickly that he wasn't sure he would ever be able to stop himself from this again, not now that he had started.
But then Nakamura said in a louder, and very firm voice, "Stop it." His hand had slipped free to reach down and pull Araki's out of his shirt. Araki felt his throat go dry and his entire body suddenly felt heavy, his mind clouded, and his emotions tense from the rejection hanging in the air. Maybe Nakamura hadn't really ever wanted it. Maybe he'd been forcing himself on him all this time.
A thousand thoughts like that raced through his mind until it felt so eerily quiet in the room that he said the first thing that came to his mind. "To be or not to be," he commented idly, quoting in the original English, with a bitterly amused tone.
"What do you mean?" Nakamura asked slowly, wondering why Araki was speaking in English at the moment.
"It's Hamlet, stupid," Araki said, a slow smile spreading over his face. "He's contemplating whether or not it's better to live or die. With all the pain in life that is inevitable. With the thought that suicide is a mortal sin he fears Hell. Would it be better to face life or death? And ultimately that non-existence would be desirable to everything, if only death would certainly bring that about."
Finally pulling completely away, Nakamura sat and let his feet drop to the floor as his fingers dug into the side of the bed. "Why were you thinking of that? You don't think that do you? That death might be better than life?"
The silence was a deafening answer. Araki watched Nakamura's back, uncertain as to what he was thinking. Why had his voice sounded strained? And why did his head slightly drop when he didn't answer? Was there more to what he was feeling and thinking than he was letting on? He didn't know what to say, how to tell him how he felt. Araki wasn't even sure he wanted him to know. Being rejected once was bad enough. He didn't want Nakamura to know it was more than just sexual, that he wanted to see him when he woke up as well. That he loved hearing his idiotic laugh, and seeing his stupid smile. Araki felt himself frown, trying to hold back the frustration. That was why he couldn't stop dreaming about the damn play. Because he couldn't escape. Just like Hamlet, he couldn't go on living and escape life's tortures.
After a long moment of silence, Nakamura finally stood. The only thing Araki wanted to do was reach out and touch him, but he couldn't do that. He felt like he couldn't even move. "I have to go," Nakamura said softly without looking back. "I have work pretty early." He never looked back at Araki, but left the room. Araki didn't know if he'd ever seen the other man so serious. No, he was sure he hadn't, and he had no idea what to make of it.
The next day, Araki got distracted by a dead butterfly he found on his windowsill. He stared at it, the lifeless form. It was so beautiful, the markings on its wings. The way it laid there, folded in half. Only one wing visible. Such a graceful creature in life was even so in death. Humans weren't like that, he decided as he stared. Humans were clumsy and stupid. They went about things knowing nothing. That was how he was starting to feel, like he knew absolutely nothing. Why Yuichi had gotten so upset the previous day. He had no idea. He couldn't read what was going on in Yuichi's head any more than he could decide himself what the other man's thoughts were, as if they were his own.
The thought of going to work that day was one that weighed heavily on his mind. He didn't want to see Yuichi again. He was afraid of it. He had to work though. Life as an idol made him. He really had no choice. Even when they were sick, it was important to push on. Personal problems. They were nothing. No matter how sad, angry, or upset one of them was, they still had to keep working for their fans.
Sighing deeply, Araki moved into his kitchen. Maybe once he'd eaten, he would feel a little better. He left the butterfly where it was.
When work finally came about, Araki was there. He tried to act normal even though the previous day weighed heavily on his mind. Nakamura acted distant the entire time. Not so much that it seemed really bad, but it was obvious to Araki. That, and he was actually afraid to speak to the other man himself. No one seemed to pay them much attention, probably thinking it was just something small, something they would just forget about. People who worked together often had small disagreements. It frustrated Araki though. He missed interacting with Nakamura and it had only been a day since he last had. His hand that had touched the other man's skin hadn't stopped burning or tingling every time he thought about it. But the desire to touch him again, to touch him more, couldn't outweigh the sick feeling in his stomach that Nakamura might not forgive him. That they might not be able to go back to even being good friends, to getting along really well and having fun when they were together.
The day trudged on until they were done and Araki was heading home again. He felt like complete shit, and all he wanted to do was crawl under his covers until the previous day erased itself from existence. If he'd thought it was bad before, it was even worse now. Oddly enough, he wasn't really thinking about Hamlet anymore. He couldn't stop thinking about Yuichi.
The next day, he didn't see Nakamura since they wouldn't be working together for a while. The break was nice in some ways, but torturous in others. He wanted to see him again so bad, he wanted to make things better than they were, but he didn't know how. He didn't know if it would be better to just let things sit or do something about it. He didn't have to brood on it until the next time they would work together, because that weekend, three days after he'd last seen Nakamura, there was a knock at his door.
It was early evening, and Araki had been home from work for about an hour and a half, enough time to eat something and shower. He'd just been about to collapse in his bed early again, opting for the hide under the covers plan until he thought of something better. He uncertainly made his way to the door, not sure who would be visiting him since he hadn't made any plans with anyone. When he looked through the small hole and saw Nakamura's face, Araki froze momentarily. There was no way he wouldn't answer, but suddenly he was so nervous. He wasn't sure he'd ever felt that way around the other man before. It was puzzling.
After slowly opening the door, Araki felt his eyes meet the other man's. Nakamura looked just as nervous and uncertain as he felt. But there was something else, a determination, and before he could say anything Nakamura had stepped in and was shutting the door behind himself. He only took a moment to slip off his shoes, making Araki wonder if he planned to stay more than a minute or if he wanted to go further in to sit down or something. Instead of doing anything else though, he started talking. "Okay. I'm not just," he started and then stopped. He looked frustrated, and Araki wondered if he'd had something he'd planned to say but was getting mixed up in it. A million different things seemed to flash across Nakamura's face as he stood there, clenching his fists during what seemed like an internal struggle. Then he was moving, and Araki felt his eyes widen in shock as the distance quickly disappeared between them.
It was slightly awkward when their lips bumped together, but that didn't discourage Nakamura who pressed himself against Araki more firmly, opening his mouth against him in what felt hot and amazing to the older man while also wrapping his arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
Nothing in Araki could have stopped him from responding to the kiss, from pressing his own lips back against Yuichi's eagerly. His arms moved to wrap around Nakamura's waist again, squeezing to press their bodies close together. It felt so good that Araki felt his mind swim and if he hadn't been holding on so tightly to the other man he might have gotten dizzy. Opening his mouth a little, Araki let his tongue snake out to meet Yuichi's that was peaking just barely between his lips, in a hesitant manner that made Araki's body surge with arousal.
Before long the two were stumbling back toward Araki's room, with the older man guiding them and the younger one following, this time without any hesitation. Once they were in the room, Araki walked them to the bed, never once taking his mouth off of Nakamura's. Instead of pulling the other man down on top of him again, this time Araki turned them so he could push Nakamura down first before slowly moving on top of him. Since Yuichi had kissed him, it was the first time their lips had broken apart, and Araki took the moment to look down at the man beneath him. A wave of fondness passed through him, only strengthening when Nakamura smiled up at him. It was as if he'd somehow broken through his wall, and he wasn't afraid anymore. But Araki wasn't afraid either. He wasn't going to hold back now.
Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss against Nakamura's lips, but instead of staying there, he moved his mouth down to leave a trail of kisses down his neck and to the collar of his shirt. He glanced up to see Nakamura watching him intently. He smiled and the younger man mirrored the expression, although he still seemed a little nervous. Not like before, Araki felt like his desires were forming around Nakamura's and merging with them. It didn't feel forced at all, or like he was just trying to get what he wanted. Now he kept thinking about how good, how amazing he wanted to make Nakamura feel.
Reaching down, Araki latched his fingers onto Nakamura's shirt and pulled it up and over the younger man's head, baring his chest. Araki looked down at it before smirking at Nakamura who took the expression as the compliment it was meant to be and smiled, running his tongue across his lips in what looked like a nervous reaction. But it was sexy to Araki, and made him want to taste that tongue. Pulling his own shirt off quickly and tossing it away, Araki leaned down and pressed his lips against Yuichi's, pushing his tongue deep into his mouth. Nakamura moaned and pressed up against him, making it feel like fire was running through Araki's veins. In response to the move he dug his hips down against Nakamura's, making it too easy for them to feel each other's erections. The pressure against him sent a wave of pleasure that made both of them eager to get their clothes the rest of the way off.
Nakamura's hands were on Araki's pants before he could even move himself, digging at the button so he could get them off. Once they were undone, Araki helped Nakamura slip them off before going at the younger man's pants and underwear, pulling them both down at once. Nakamura seemed surprised by it a little, but he didn't make any move to turn away. Araki felt his eyes move over the other man's body. A rush of arousal went straight to his cock and he groaned deeply, pressing himself down against Yuichi, who moaned loudly at the movement.
"Yuichi, you're so sexy. I want you so much," he whispered huskily against the other man's lips.
Nakamura managed a moan in response before saying a little breathlessly, "Me too. I want it too." It was all Araki needed to hear and he only moved slightly away for a moment as he reached over to open his bedside stand to pull out some lube and a condom. Right now he was really glad that he always kept himself prepared. He would have hated to have to stop there. Reaching down, he quickly slipped out of his boxers, freeing both of them from their clothing.
Pressing down against Nakamura, Araki moaned deeply, before moving his mouth to tease the younger man's right nipple between his teeth. His hand snaked down to wrap around Nakamura's cock. The younger man gasped and pressed up into his hand. Araki smiled against the skin of Yuichi's chest, before leaning back and ripping the condom wrapper open. He had to free his hand to put the condom on, but he quickly brought his hand back to Yuichi, stroking him slowly as he continued to kiss his chest.
Nakamura let out a string of moans as his hips pressed up against the hand over and over. After a few minutes his breath sounded slightly ragged, and he finally managed to say a little breathlessly, "Araki, I want to touch you too."
A smirk formed on Araki's lips and he nodded before moving his hand away. "Okay. You touch me and I'll prepare you. He scooted closer to Nakamura, nudging himself between his legs. The other man's hand made its way down to his length, finding a hold. Nakamura's eyes seemed to latch onto what he was doing as he slowly moved his hand up and down. It was difficult for Araki to focus on what he was doing, but he managed to get away with a soft moan and lightly pressing his hips forward as he opened the bottle of lube and squeezed some out on two fingers. He reached under Nakamura, gently running one finger against his entrance before ever so slowly pushing it in.
Nakamura whimpered a little at the feeling of being stretched, his own hand tightening just barely around Araki's cock, sending a rush of pleasure through his body. He pushed the finger in and out a little quicker, bending it to open him up. He felt eager, but the last thing he wanted was to screw this up. Nakamura's hand slowed on him as he got caught up in the feeling of being stretched, something Araki didn't mind. Soon his cock would be the thing inside of him, making him feel all kinds of ways. When he thought it would be okay, Araki pulled his finger back far enough to line his other one up and slowly start to push it in too. Nakamura bucked his hips at the feeling, moaning in a mixture of pleasure and pain from the discomfort. Araki made eye contact with him, the younger boy nodding to let him know it was okay. His hands moved to dig into the sheets as Araki pushed his second finger all the way in. He slowly started to pull them out and push them back in, getting Nakamura accustomed to the feeling, before he angled them and started to seek out his sweet spot. As soon as they brushed his prostate, Nakamura moaned loudly and pressed up against his fingers. Araki smirked at the response, thinking it was really sexy. "Did that feel good?" He asked, feeling pleased with himself.
Nakamura looked at him through pleasure-lidded eyes, that looked incredibly sexy on him, and nodded. "Yes, it felt so good."
Araki's smirk only broadened at the reply. It made him feel really ready to have his cock hitting that same spot. Pulling his fingers slowly out, he felt the cool air hit them, reminding him how warm Yuichi was. He grabbed the lube and spread some on his penis before leaning forward. "You ready?" He asked, and only waited for the affirmation before using his hand to line his cock up with Nakamura's entrance and slowly starting to push in.
Every inch he was further in was agonizingly pleasurable. The heat in Araki's body built up, making him feel like he was burning all over. He closed his hands into fists around the sheets as he pushed further. Nakamura's hands reached out to press against Araki's arms, squeezing them tightly in a way that was really attractive. Then he was all the way in. Nakamura looked at him and attempted a shaky smile. "It feels so good," he said, still sounding completely breathless.
"You feel good," Araki shot back, smiling before leaning down to press his lips against Yuichi's. "You feel so fucking amazing." He deepened the kiss before rocking his hips gently against Nakamura's, the motion sending pleasure ripping through his body. He started a slow pace, moving slightly back and forth so Nakamura could get accustomed to his size. The younger man moaned into his mouth, pressing his tongue out to run against Araki's. The movements of his tongue and the way he pressed up against Araki's cock were needy, and the way he moaned made Araki want to push so deep into him.
"More. Please, more," he begged, only pulling his tongue back long enough to get the words out before kissing him passionately again. Araki complied, pushing into him as far as he could before pulling back until he was almost all the way out, then back in quicker. Nakamura moaned as Araki started to build a pace, moving faster and harder. His own hips started to jerk up against the thrusts until he managed to catch onto the rhythm as well, making the penetration deeper and making his head fall back against the pillow as his body screamed with pleasure.
Araki loved being able to look down and see the sweat building up on Nakamura's body before slowly trickling down, the way his expression held how much pleasure he was getting out of it. Almost as much as the physical sensation, Araki felt like he was partially getting off by being able to see Nakamura underneath him like that. Pushing Nakamura's legs up and guiding him to wrap them around his waist, Araki angled himself so that he could hit the other man's prostate better. He started to build his pace back up, and Nakamura arched underneath him, moaning loudly as his spot was hit over and over. Araki started to feel the pleasure building in his body to the point where he knew he was close. His movements sped up and he reached down to wrap his hand around Nakamura's cock, quickly moving it up and down to bring him over the edge. "Come for me, Yuichi."
The younger man bit his lips lightly and nodded, pressing his hips up to try and get more of the feeling. It wasn't long before his orgasm came, spilling out over their chests. Araki moaned deeply and pushed in harder and faster until his own orgasm washed over his body, giving him an incredible buzz of pleasure. Once it was over, he slowly pulled out and removed the condom, tying it off and setting it aside for the moment. He laid down next to Nakamura who was also breathing heavily.
Nakamura's hand was running over his chest, as a small smile worked over his lips. "Guess I got us a little messy huh?"
Araki smirked. "I think it's sexy," he responded, reaching out and putting his arm around Nakamura's waist. There was a moment where they just smiled at each other, but something was still unsaid between them, something they could both feel pretty strongly. "So," Araki started slowly, "What happened? I mean what made you decide to come over here and kiss me or whatever?"
Nakamura smiled a little. "I was going to try and talk, but that seemed easier I guess. It's just, I didn't know how to handle what was going on. What you said the other day, it scared me and what you did made me think. Before I thought we were just playing around, but then I started thinking about it too much and I knew something was off. For a while I tried to ignore it, but it seemed like things were changing for you too. I didn't know if it was really happening or if it was just wishful thinking, until you pulled me into your bed and, it was just a lot to process at once. I don't know if I was ready for it mentally. And then I was angry that you would think death might be better than dealing with whatever is going on between us."
Araki nodded slowly, trying to process everything. "You just said a lot. Was that what you'd planned to come here and say?" He asked with a playful smile.
Nakamura tilted his head and made eye contact with Araki, a smile of his own forming on his lips. "Maybe." There was a moment of silence before Yuichi added, "Respond to me." He pressed his hand against Araki's chest. "You're making me feel nervous again."
Araki smiled, feeling that fondness again. "You don't have anything to worry about. I've been wanting you for a long time. Every time you were enjoying it, I was too. I couldn't stop thinking about you. And after the other day it only felt that way even more so. It wasn't just that I wanted to touch you again, but I wanted to see you smile again, and laugh. I stopped thinking about wanting out. Now I just want in." He felt himself smile at the connotation of that statement, and Nakamura responded to it with his own grin. Leaning forward, Araki pressed his lips against Nakamura's. "Yuichi," he said softly against his mouth before leaning back, "we can do this again, right?"
Nakamura looked at him for a moment before smiling. "Sure, why not," he responded leaning in to place his own kiss against Araki's lips. After a moment, he added in a very soft whisper, "As often as you like."