Asking for help in editing my dissertation's abstract

[nilly_madar]

Re-posting from b.org:

Would any of you clever with-actual-knowledge nice people like to be brutally take-no-prisoners-ly nitpicker-ly honest in tearing apart my abstract so that I can improve it? Any sort of remark is more than welcome - obviously, the language and grammar, as well as sentence and paragraph structure, but of course I'd love any

Comments

I'm just tightening it a little and reducing passive voice. My changes in italics.

[mskat]

... Not only does the amount of data traffic in them keep growing, but its various types and uses keep expanding, as well.While the amount of data traffic expands, so do the variety of data types and uses.

Classical models for networks are based on regular lattices and random graph theory derived by Erdos and Renyi in the 1960's. In recent years it became clear that these models werethese models appeared insufficient as a descriptions to many real world networks, which that exhibit different characteristics. The most notable difference is in the degree (number of links per node) distribution, which, in real world networks is usually a power-law, in contrast to the Poisson distribution predicted by random graph theory. Such structures have fractal properties, i.e., have no characteristic scale, and are therefore called scale-free networks.

The structure of these networks was thoroughly studied, both in theoretical models as well as in real world networks. Researchers thoroughly studied the structure of these networks, both in

Re: I'm just tightening it a little and reducing passive voice. My changes in italics.

[spectralbovine]

Okay, you did a better job than I did. Heh. I need to get more comfortable with messing with other people's words on more than a superficial level.

Re: I'm just tightening it a little and reducing passive voice. My changes in italics.

[mskat]

I tried to keep everything intact since I know almost zero about the content. I have to take a pass at the second half, which is more content heavy.

Re: I'm just tightening it a little and reducing passive voice. My changes in italics.

[mskat]

The size and complexity of such communication networks may be dealt with handled through an efficient routing or search algorithm employing heuristics and taking the scale-free network structure into account. We investigated extensively the first steps for formulating such an efficient dynamic routing algorithm, based on the A* algorithm, which is a well-known heuristic search that is used to find an optimal path in a graph.

Search algorithms are a well-studied field in computer science, with algorithms ranging from Brute-Force simplistic ones to sophisticated heuristics. Despite that, no attempt to use the underlining topological structure of the network was conducted so far, in order to improve the running time of a search algorithm. Yet, no study has examined using the underlining topological structure of the network with an attempt to improve the running time of a search algorithm.

We suggest a heuristic search, based on the well-known A* search algorithm , whichthat takes into account the actual topology of the network. The

[spectralbovine]

Not only does the amount of data traffic in them keep growing, but its various types and uses keep expanding, as well.
You've been talking in plurals the whole time until now. I think you mean this to be "their," if it's still referring to "networks." If you mean "the Internet," you should clarify that and also not switch number in the middle of a sentence.

Classical models for networks are based on regular lattices and random graph theory derived by Erdos and Renyi in the 1960's.
No apostrophe! 1960s.

The most notable difference is in the degree (number of links per node) distribution
I would move the parenthetical to after the noun so you don't break the flow in the middle of the phrase (...the degree distribution (number of links per node).

which, in real world networks is usually a power-law,
Rogue comma after "which." I have no idea what a power-law is.

A question related to this abovementioned network's stability is the dynamics of virus and worm spreading through it.Spreading through what? The antecedent right now is "

[spectralbovine]

Okay, that was a superficial look at your words and sentences. I think some of the things I pointed out are recurring issues (like confusing antecedents, awkward sentence structure, and an overuse of "as well") that you can probably see with new eyes now. My brain is now mush, however, because I eventually got totally lost in all the nodes and algorithms and technobabble. If I can, I'll take a second look and give more high-level comments.

[nilly_madar]

Thank you anyway, for all you posted above.

I have your corrections above, along with Kat's and Ginger's, and they're more than enough for the little time I have to go over them and insert them, anyway. But thank you even for the intent, just the same.

[gingerk]

Nilly, I sent you an edited version. I hope it helps.

[nilly_madar]

Thank you so much, ginger! You did so much work! I really appreciate it.

[gingerk]

Once I have copy in front of me, my brain goes into editor mode. I really only have one speed. Anyway, I hope you can use some of it.

[sowilo]

Possibly stupid question, but is the abstract going to be submitted in English?

[nilly_madar]

Not a stupid question at all!

There will be abstracts both in Hebrew and in English.

The whole dissertation will be submitted in English, as well (in a way, it's much easier to write in English, since all the material anyway exists only in English to begin with, and pretty much being thought about - and sometimes, even discussed - in English). It has to be an OK English, of course, but the most important thing to phrase as properly as possible is the abstract, since it passes many hands and is being read by many people (some people along its way to referees and such read only that).