It's 7:00, and I want socks and shoes.
So- i am attemping to quit smoking. i feel very proud of myself, well until like 20 minutes ago, i had a ciggie, but before that i hadn't had one alll day.
I went for a drive today, to drop off josh. and we talked about what bobby and i talked about. and the sex. *looks around*
Bobby and i don't want a serious relationship, and i'm not pushing it, its just that i thought we were going to be exclusive, and if we were then it would only lead to a serious relationship. but i don't seem to want anyone else here. like some of the people i've been hanging out are really cool, and before i wouldn't've minded hooking up with them... but... i had butterflies. sometimes still get them. it was like kissing justin. and i'm scared.
I don't want things to happen with bobby the way they did with justin, but i can't change what happened with justin, what i can do is trust that bobby will still talk to me no matter what.
So trelawney from summer camp imed me the other day, she is back in the states, and its nice, i might go see her in boston over the break. her and her sister live in the same building- so i'd be able to see both of them at the same time. I've been talking to her about things, and you know. sometimes i just wonder what i'm going to do with my life. I don't have a major picked out yet, i don't have the slightest clue what i want to do. i might go to another school. like if i went to drew, then i'd be able to intern in the city, and that would be a really good move for me. especially if i go into art history, because cities are more likely to have the openings for jobs. and i don't think i'm ready to leave new england, or at least, i want to be close to it.
i talked to her on the phone the other night, i was sobering up, and i was walking to bobbys. actually it was lastnight. and it was nice to catch up with her.
AH Amy gave me my christmas present. Condoms, chocolate, and Ky warming liquid. Not gonna lie, I was dying with laughter. cuase she got me three different types of condoms, and gave me 3 of each, and well... let me put it this way, she said, "maggie i'm giving you 4 days..." Well Let me just say... I'm a perfect little angel.
I turned in two of my finals today. I've been working all day on my final for english. I did Critical thinking, and Philosophy. My philosophy final was 15 pages, and critcal thinking was 8. so 23 pages for one professor, alll due on the same day, same time. OMG i almost died.
I really thought about camp today. like thinking back about the year that i was "with" ben, and i felt all obligated to be faithful to him when i was at camp, then i found out about allison. I could have been with scott at the time. i could have. talk about unfair.
I just don't want to make the same mistake with bobby. you know stay faithful to him, when i know eventually i'll get burned. I told him i'd rather get burned, and have some good memories from what ever we are, then to not have the memories and just wonder what could have happened.
my boobs hurt...
My slippers were wet cauase i walked in them when it was snowing the other day... whoops.
my tattoo is healed over now, so i can wear shoes, yet i still don't. there must be something wrong with me. i donno.
sometimes i worry too much, it might be the extra hormones, it also might just be all the other stuff going on.
I'm looking forward to break, becuase i get to see alex and tamara, and all of my really good friends. i'm kind of scared, becasue i remember justin telling me about the young alumni parties that he would go to. he probably won't go to this one. becasue well.. i'm an alumni now. i feel kinda obligated to go, because well, i am a class agent. but nicki and sam, and tamamra, and pete, and alex, will all be there. so i'm not going to be alone. and i really do miss alex.
i miss the random walks to centineal, where he'd walk me there, and hold my hand the whole way, and i just wonder sometimes what could have happened if we did date at pomfret, but at the same time, i know its better that we didn't. cause he was just such a good friend that i don't think i could handle it if i lost that.
tamara is going to stay with me when she comes up for the alumni party, and i'm very much so excited about that.
when i get home, kayla and i are going to go out a club. it will be her first experience with a club, and i'm excited because i get to be the one that devirginizes her to it. :-)
I have to close the buddy list, because if i keep it open i worry about bobby, if i worry about bobby, i get very uhh, i'm sure it's annoying.
"i'm a piranah, i live in the amizon... arr arr arrr"
so last night when i was drinking with josh and sam, josh was all about me being on sam, and all that stuff, and i just didn't feel it. you know. i hate to say it but sam is the nice guy, and he's gonna get screwed over. bobby has turned into the jerk that the girl wants to get closer to. If you've seen the nice guys finish last text then you know what i'm talking about. but bobby isn't the jerk. you know he talks to me about things, and sometimes- it feels like we're just ftf.
oh well.
time to go... its 7:00, and i want socks and shoes.
I went for a drive today, to drop off josh. and we talked about what bobby and i talked about. and the sex. *looks around*
Bobby and i don't want a serious relationship, and i'm not pushing it, its just that i thought we were going to be exclusive, and if we were then it would only lead to a serious relationship. but i don't seem to want anyone else here. like some of the people i've been hanging out are really cool, and before i wouldn't've minded hooking up with them... but... i had butterflies. sometimes still get them. it was like kissing justin. and i'm scared.
I don't want things to happen with bobby the way they did with justin, but i can't change what happened with justin, what i can do is trust that bobby will still talk to me no matter what.
So trelawney from summer camp imed me the other day, she is back in the states, and its nice, i might go see her in boston over the break. her and her sister live in the same building- so i'd be able to see both of them at the same time. I've been talking to her about things, and you know. sometimes i just wonder what i'm going to do with my life. I don't have a major picked out yet, i don't have the slightest clue what i want to do. i might go to another school. like if i went to drew, then i'd be able to intern in the city, and that would be a really good move for me. especially if i go into art history, because cities are more likely to have the openings for jobs. and i don't think i'm ready to leave new england, or at least, i want to be close to it.
i talked to her on the phone the other night, i was sobering up, and i was walking to bobbys. actually it was lastnight. and it was nice to catch up with her.
AH Amy gave me my christmas present. Condoms, chocolate, and Ky warming liquid. Not gonna lie, I was dying with laughter. cuase she got me three different types of condoms, and gave me 3 of each, and well... let me put it this way, she said, "maggie i'm giving you 4 days..." Well Let me just say... I'm a perfect little angel.
I turned in two of my finals today. I've been working all day on my final for english. I did Critical thinking, and Philosophy. My philosophy final was 15 pages, and critcal thinking was 8. so 23 pages for one professor, alll due on the same day, same time. OMG i almost died.
I really thought about camp today. like thinking back about the year that i was "with" ben, and i felt all obligated to be faithful to him when i was at camp, then i found out about allison. I could have been with scott at the time. i could have. talk about unfair.
I just don't want to make the same mistake with bobby. you know stay faithful to him, when i know eventually i'll get burned. I told him i'd rather get burned, and have some good memories from what ever we are, then to not have the memories and just wonder what could have happened.
my boobs hurt...
My slippers were wet cauase i walked in them when it was snowing the other day... whoops.
my tattoo is healed over now, so i can wear shoes, yet i still don't. there must be something wrong with me. i donno.
sometimes i worry too much, it might be the extra hormones, it also might just be all the other stuff going on.
I'm looking forward to break, becuase i get to see alex and tamara, and all of my really good friends. i'm kind of scared, becasue i remember justin telling me about the young alumni parties that he would go to. he probably won't go to this one. becasue well.. i'm an alumni now. i feel kinda obligated to go, because well, i am a class agent. but nicki and sam, and tamamra, and pete, and alex, will all be there. so i'm not going to be alone. and i really do miss alex.
i miss the random walks to centineal, where he'd walk me there, and hold my hand the whole way, and i just wonder sometimes what could have happened if we did date at pomfret, but at the same time, i know its better that we didn't. cause he was just such a good friend that i don't think i could handle it if i lost that.
tamara is going to stay with me when she comes up for the alumni party, and i'm very much so excited about that.
when i get home, kayla and i are going to go out a club. it will be her first experience with a club, and i'm excited because i get to be the one that devirginizes her to it. :-)
I have to close the buddy list, because if i keep it open i worry about bobby, if i worry about bobby, i get very uhh, i'm sure it's annoying.
"i'm a piranah, i live in the amizon... arr arr arrr"
so last night when i was drinking with josh and sam, josh was all about me being on sam, and all that stuff, and i just didn't feel it. you know. i hate to say it but sam is the nice guy, and he's gonna get screwed over. bobby has turned into the jerk that the girl wants to get closer to. If you've seen the nice guys finish last text then you know what i'm talking about. but bobby isn't the jerk. you know he talks to me about things, and sometimes- it feels like we're just ftf.
oh well.
time to go... its 7:00, and i want socks and shoes.