Wait For The Stone; Glee
First, I don't hate Puck/Kurt; it ties as my favourite Glee pairing with Finn/Kurt, honest. Second, this is meant to be insane. Intentionally. And third, no, I will not stop massacring Jesse's character, ever.
Title: Wait For the Stone On Your Window
Pairings: Jesse/Kurt, with a side of fake Puck/Kurt, real Puck/Matt and Rachel/Quinn.
Warnings: Big creepy stalker Jesse and horny bisexual Puck.
Summary: Kurt is courted by a boy with serial killer hands. His friends aren't helpful.
WAIT FOR THE STONE ON YOUR WINDOW
The thing is, Jesse St. James is not easily swayed.
That's something Kurt's noticed about most people in showchoir, that they're all determined to the point of insanity. Admittedly, Jesse does it with a little more class and eloquence, but in no way does that mean he isn't full-on, batshit insane. He has the Rachel Berry Crazy Eyes - dark, eerily intense, and always a bit too concentrated that it becomes unnerving and a tad ridiculous.
Kurt realises all these things the hard way, of course.
"You're following me," he says conversationally over his coffee. His eyes flicker to the table ahead, where Jesse has been sitting completely still for a total of eighteen minutes, simply watching Kurt. It's always helpful to be a good actor on the slim chance situations like these will arise - Kurt has seen Fatal Attraction, and the bright, disturbing glint in Jesse's eyes has been terrifying him almost to the point of trembling and repeatedly contemplating if in the space between calling the police and the police arriving, Jesse could violate, kidnap, or destroy him. Or something really nasty, like taking a chunk of his hair, or even worse, taking his stunning new Marc Jacobs jacket from him to smell or perform Wiccan curses on.
Even though Kurt is a second from making a beeline for the exit and hitching a ride to the next state over, he maintains calmness, and sets his cup down to stare back at Jesse, challengingly. It's a bad idea. Jesse's stare and smirk combined is a thousand times more petrifying than any look Kurt could muster on his delicate, little boy face.
Jesse stands and strides confidently to his table, sitting himself down across from Kurt. Kurt's collected facade dies out of pure terror (and possibly the slightest arousal because goddamn, Jesse is not built like other Lima boys).
"Kurt," Jesse says softly, leaned over the table. "Kurt Hummel." His eyes are wide and as always, far too intense.
Kurt manages a tentative nod. Jesse's hands spread on the table and Kurt regards them warily. When straight boys have hands so trim and clean, they are no longer nice hands. They're serial killer hands.
Oh, lord.
"I've been watching you," Jesse states simply, and Kurt wants to thank him for pointing out the obvious there, but he continues, "You know, it's a shame we never became properly acquainted. With our shared taste in musical theatre and almost crippling superiority complexes, I'm sure we could have been good friends; you, the stylish Patsy to my superficial Edina."
Jesse pauses to smile at him. It's significantly less creepy and more genuine, but Kurt still does not like the look of it at all.
"I've came to many realizations lately. Even without the plan for sabotage, my relationship with Rachel still wouldn't have worked out." He offers this mention of their relationship a brief moments silence, then looks back up at Kurt with a small smile. "My heart could never be in a relationship that wasn't true to who I am. What do you think?"
Kurt thinks about he and Brittany's brief liaison - if you could even call it that - and nods again. Jesse's smile becomes wider.
His eyes lock Kurt's, and his hands rest over his, deceptively warm and carefully light. Kurt inspects them again, frowning. Manicured nails. Dread runs cold through his veins as he realizes they are not the hands of a murderer - these are gay hands. He stares up at Jesse, wide eyed, his heart sinking. "It isn't fair to allow myself to be pushed into affairs with girls when I'm not exactly interested in girls." His thumb strokes one of Kurt's knuckles and Kurt resists the urge to dry heave into his styrofoam cup. "I realized during a marathon of What Not To Wear and an uncomfortable bodily reaction while watching Dirty Dancing with my mother."
Kurt braces himself for the next part, and Jesse's long hands squeeze his firmly.
"I'm gay," Jesse declares, and Kurt finds he can't hold his tongue any longer.
He bristles. "I could have told you that about ten seconds into your pink shirt and skinny suspenders laden performance of Bohemian Rhapsody," he blurts out, and tugs his hands away. Jesse just raises one perfectly waxed eyebrow at him in amusement. "And your affinity for tight leather pants doesn't help matters." Although once in glee club, they did totally gave Kurt a fashionboner, but now is not the right time for compliments. "Just because I happen to be gay doesn't mean I have divine words of wisdom for you. Or that I'd want to help you in the first place."
Jesse smiles wryly. "You're upset," he says, and this whole announcing things they're both aware of every five seconds is really starting to rile Kurt up. "I wasn't looking for assistance. There's an abundance of other gay performers in Vocal Adrenalin who would gladly and much more willingly help me, anyways." Jesse leans in with a smile and tells him unfalteringly, "I'm here because I think we should date."
Despite being immensely flattered and turned on at the prospect, Kurt remembers his dear, annoying friend Rachel and her betrayal, and he takes the lid covering his now cold coffee off and proceeds to throw it over Jesse's face.
But because he's not totally horrible, he does aim away from Jesse's shirt.
-
Telling Mercedes won't end well, he keeps telling himself. It's hard; he tells her everything the second after it happens, but she isn't known for keeping big news quiet. And Kurt knows this would be big news to a fair amount of their friends. Rachel would be devastated, Finn would be pissed, Puck would look for someone to punch in the gut, and Kurt would feel partially at fault for being so ridiculously good-looking and causing all the commotion in the first place.
But the thing is, he needs to tell someone. Someone impartial, unaffected, and smart. Out of all of Kurt's friends, only one person fits the bill.
"Oh, lord," Artie says with a scowl after he's been told, "He does have serial killer hands. And he touched you with them."
Kurt nods frantically. "He was putting moves on me." He checks the doorway, listens for any sound of his father and scoots closer to Artie before adding, "Sexual moves."
A gloved hand sets on his shoulder sympathetically. "At least it's over now. Live another day, safe from potential rapists and sexual predators," Artie murmurs, patting him on the back.
Kurt stiffens. "He hasn't exactly stopped, per se."
The thing is, Jesse St. James is not easily swayed. He makes this known frequently by sending Kurt e-mails full of poetry - sometimes they are admittedly sweet, and other times, worryingly pornographic - and sending bouquets of extravagant flowers to Kurt's workplace. There was also an awkward moment in Starbucks in which Jesse serenaded him - and he'd obviously done his homework, because if Kurt wanted to be sang to in a declaration of love, Lady Gaga is totally the way he'd go - before they were removed from the premises for 'weirding out the customers.'
This information makes Artie start a violent bout of retching. "Tell Burt," he instructs, nodding, "Burt will put the fear of God back into that boy and you will live another day, safe from potential rapists and sexual predators."
"I don't want Jesse, like, murdered or anything," Kurt says slowly. His dad would probably kill him. He's about ninety percent sure. Kurt misses the peace and quiet of not having a stalker and all, sure, but he doesn't want his other option of waltzing into the garage to find Jesse's head lying around with a wrench stuck in it, either.
Artie absorbs this, then brightens. He grins and squeezes Kurt's shoulder in reassurance. "Get a boyfriend," he tells him wisely.
So, Kurt does.
-
Puck is awful - and after a rumoured screw with a handsome male pool-owner, apparently bisexual. It's pretty sad for Kurt that his only option for a fake relationship is with a guy who once almost got him hospitalized through an overly brutal ripper-wedgie, but he figures can deal for now, and Puck needs a Cheerio girlfriend - "I'm a boy." - to be cool again, so he doesn't complain.
He does ask some questions, though. Kurt kind of dreads relating the story of Jesse's craziness to Puck in case it results in violence or worse, humiliation, but after Puck laughs his ass off as loud as he can in the cafeteria for the best part of twenty minutes, the subject feels a bit easier to tread on. Even though Kurt is still completely mortified.
"Porny poetry," Puck snorts. Kurt can feel his blush raging all over his face, and sinks a little into himself. "I knew that guy was into freaky shit. You better watch your ass, Hummel." Then, after remembering they're meant to be bumming now or something, he corrects himself. "I mean, you better watch your ass, dear."
Puck makes a face after the word, like it tastes foul, and Kurt cringes, because it sounds foul too. His first boyfriend should have been smart and cultured and well versed musically - or, just not Noah Puckerman would have done Kurt fine, really. It's semi-charming that Puck tries to leer with subtlety at him, but the dread still fills Kurt up like scalding water.
"This doesn't really count as a relationship," he says carefully, "So please don't expect me to put out."
Puck's brow furrows. "Shame." He sits deep in thought for a moment, then shrugs. "Maybe Matt's up for it."
-
Kurt gets a package in the mail: a pair of green, slim-fitting Dolce and Gabbana jeans. That he did not order. But that are in his size and upon trying on, make his ass look amazing.
There's a note attached: They'll bring out your eyes.
Kurt is creeped out for all of ten seconds before he finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing.
-
Puck and Kurt's 'relationship' lasts all of a week, and in all honesty, nobody really buys it. A few times, Puck's manhood is threatened by Finn or Mercedes and once Santana, like he concocted some devious plan and tricked Kurt into it - and not the other way around - but mostly their friends ignore it and hope it goes away - even Artie, despite the fact it was his own idea. "I never said Puck," Artie says when Kurt confronts him, face solemn, "I never said anything about Puck."
It doesn't help matters that the whole week, Kurt refuses to take his hand or engage in any touching whatsoever, or that by day two, Puck is in fact having sex all over the place with Matt Rutherford, and Kurt is neither upset or angry by it, merely curious.
Of course, the reason they do end up parting ends up being all down to Jesse, and his craziness.
On day seven, they're sitting the very same Starbucks Kurt was sexually assaulted in the week before, and Kurt is buffing Puck's hands - "You're trying to give me bisexual hands? The fuck?" - and Puck is not shutting up about the new DS. They're kind of friends by this point, but a part of Kurt is still in a dark corner, plotting revenge for years of torture. Puck likes him because Kurt doesn't judge when he eyes girls or boys. Also, because Kurt is totally loaded and his dad is in the process fixing his piece of shit car.
"It's 3D, Hummel," Puck says excitedly with a mouth full of cookie crumbs. Kurt scowls at him, but he simply repeats, "3D," in a troublingly dreamy voice.
"The more times you say it, the less I care."
Puck frowns, trying to put Kurt off his work by moving his fingers away. "You know, you're like, a really shit boyfriend."
This catches the ear of some people. One person, really, who takes the spare seat at their table and shoots violent daggers at Puck for long enough that even Puck starts looking alarmed. Kurt knows this means there is serious trouble, and he drops both of Puck's hands and shifts in extreme discomfort.
"Boyfriend," Jesse echoes, still not looking away from Puck, who shoots Kurt a distressed, is this shit really happening face. Kurt just looks down at his hands and says nothing. "I'm understandably doubtful about this relationship. Mostly because, last time I checked, you were knocking girls up or giving them severe cases of syphilis."
Puck just rolls his eyes. "She was so lying."
After a moment of further glaring, Jesse turns to look at Kurt, expression softening. "And you wouldn't have settled for the Lima bicycle." There's sincere disappointment in his eyes, sincere enough Kurt actually starts feeling a little ashamed.
"What's your problem, man?" Puck asks. "What's with the little jabs at me? I wasn't the one who turned your psycho ass down."
Kurt's blood runs cold. And furious. Puck sucks at acting, as the first attempt at the mattress ad told them both, but he could at least put some effort into pretending he cared about his 'boyfriend.' Jesse seems to follow this line of thought, and looks between them with a spark of triumph in his eyes.
He tilts his head at Kurt and says gently, "You could do so much better. You shouldn't have to fake it with a fashion-challenged sociopathic tool to be happy."
Puck gapes. "Seriously man, fuck you!"
Jesse gives him a pitying smile and then makes this face at Kurt that kind of makes him want to disappear forever and kind of makes him want to jizz his pants. He walks out of the cafe when Kurt realizes that this has gotten him absolutely nowhere, and the whole 'getting rid of the stalker' plan has made little to no progress.
"Rude prick," Puck snarls, and then he pulls Kurt's plate over to him and starts devouring the rest of his lunch.
Kurt watches him, unimpressed. "We're over."
Puck shrugs and doesn't bother looking up from his plate to say, "I know."
-
Rachel finds out, because Puck is a tool. He sends Kurt a message before school that reads, with cleaned up grammar and spelling: sorry man, it couldn't be helped.
Kurt walks into school terrified and endlessly glad Finn still has no idea. The drive to school would no doubt be full of arguing and Finn playing out his mature, protective brother role by sending a lot of badly phrased, furious texts to Jesse, instead of them arguing about why Finn can't stay up on his Xbox all night if he wants to stop failing math.
When he comes face to face with Rachel, he's certain she'll either burst into tears or slap him across the face, and he's surprised when she does neither.
He cracks an eye open to find her grinning eagerly back at him and thinks, oh, dear god, no.
"I heard," she tells him, then takes Kurt by the arm to walk down the corridor with him. "It makes perfect sense that my relationship with Jesse was doomed to early failure if we were both confused sexually." Kurt blanches at the thought of Rachel and Quinn, copping feels. "I called Jesse about it, and he assured me his intentions toward you were purely innocent." She looks unbelievably happy for a second as she says, "He's smitten."
"Oh," Kurt breathes, pulling away from her and staring at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, "Oh, dear god, no."
Rachel blinks at him. "You have to admit," she says lowly, "You'd make a lovely couple."
This is why Kurt spends first period bemoaning fate and crying hysterically into Mercedes lap.
"And this is seriously about the break-up?" Mercedes asked with a raised eyebrow, her hand freezing in his hair.
Kurt stills and in a moment he's blabbing the whole story to her. By fourth period, everybody he knows is aware of his stalker dilemma and Jacob won't stop following him around demanding a statement. Although she is a bigmouth, Mercedes is still a good friend, and this is why she pushes Jacob into the lockers and says, "Here's your damn statement," and waves two unfriendly fingers in his face.
-
In glee, Mr Schuester is mostly distracted by Rachel forcing a list of alphabetized duets she assures him she and Quinn would be perfect for, and the rest of the members crowd around Kurt in concern - sans Finn, who sits away from them looking moody. Normally, he'd be basking in the attention. Today, he wants to shrink away into nothing with a ten foot tub of ice-cream for company. Plus, he's self conscious about the zit currently marking his poor, stressed forehead and with all of their eyes on him, he manages to feel a thousand times worse about it.
"Why would you want to get rid of St. James?" Santana says, making a face. "I'd so plow that."
"You can be straight again," Brittany suggests. Most of the boys and Santana burst into a fit of laughter that doesn't end for an offensively long while at this. "What," Brittany asks them monotonously, "Kurt was like, manly and stuff."
Puck just squints at him. "Maybe you are straight, Hummel," he says, eyes narrowed, "No gay guy can resist the Noah Puckerman Gun Show." Then a grin spreads on his face. "Just ask Matt. He got tickets to the matinee show, and then he just kept coming back for more."
Mike retches. Matt sits with his head and his hands and let's out a muffled, "Never again."
"Maybe he just needs you to tell him you're not interested," Quinn offers with a shrug.
"Maybe he just needs a punch to the head," Mercedes says, frowning.
"Why would that help...?" Brittany asks quietly.
Kurt wants to sob.
-
The drive home with Finn is possibly the most disconcerting half hour of his life. He kind of wishes Finn was the one driving so that whenever he was targeted with one of his almost-step-brother's hostile stares, he didn't panic and swerve the car at unsuspecting pedestrians.
The tense silence lasts a good half of the journey, before Finn asks heatedly, "Why didn't you say anything to me?"
Kurt tries to focus on the road and remain calm. "Easy," he answers, keeping his voice steady, "You'd have killed him." Which is probably true; Jesse has a bit of a bad habit when it comes to dicking Finn over, after all; first his girlfriend, then his position as the lead male in glee, and now his poor brother's innocence. It's all very sad, even more so now because Jesse doesn't even go to their school or even talk to them anymore, but still manages to annoy Finn from a distance.
"I still might," Finn mumbles. Kurt glances at him and regards his clenched fists with utmost terror. Ever since he started being 'courted' - Jesse's words, of course - he's become jumpy and a little frantic, and Finn's homicidal aura really is not helping matters. "You went to Artie and - dude, you went to Puck for help and not me?"
Kurt sighs and very nearly runs a red light. "Because you'd get like this." It's like Finn's blaming him for his ridiculous good looks attracting an admirer and Kurt totally can't help it. He looks at Finn through the mirror and says quietly, "Please don't say anything to my dad."
Finn just grunts, and then the tense silence makes a return.
-
They end up having an impromptu lunch on Saturday, while Kurt is rewarding himself for living through the past stressful fortnight with heaps of delicious pancakes and maple syrup that he knows will all end up at his thighs. But he deserves it all for his survival.
Jesse watches him eating with a bright smile. It isn't unattractive, Kurt must admit. Jesse looks way less crazy when he's smiling.
"You're wearing them," he says to Kurt, contentedly.
Kurt shoots him a wary glance and finishes his mouthful before replying, "They're not totally hideous." Scratch that, the jeans Jesse sent him fit perfectly and he loves them almost as much as he loves his sailor hat. He's not saying any of this, of course. Artie wrote him a list of guidelines, and number one was, don't encourage him. Having lunch a pleasant little lunch with him may classify as encouragement, but Kurt is hungry and exhausted and finds he just doesn't really care.
He's raising his fork to his mouth when Jesse stops his hand, holding it with a loose, unthreatening grip. He's gone back to looking crazy; Kurt squints at him and thinks it's a shame. "I'm coming off strong," he says softly. Kurt wants to roll his eyes or point at the hand that's currently capturing his own. "It's not that I'm insane. I'm just resolute. I know what I want, Kurt, and more than that, I know what's best for me." His eyes have gone so intense Kurt starts seeing flashes of Rachel's face over his. "In this case - you."
Kurt lets out a long, rushed breath. "I see," he manages, then an intelligent, "Uh."
Jesse lets his hand go and sits back and the maple syrup drops from his fork back onto his plate with a thud - Kurt's lost his appetite now, anyway. His stomach feels clenched and Jesse won't stop looking at him. "You have something on your face," Jesse tells him, smiling.
He picks up a napkin and wipes whipped cream from the corner of Kurt's mouth. Kurt kind of gapes at his total lack of shame.
"Adorable," Jesse remarks, then lets out a dreamy sigh.
Kurt blinks at him, but can't work up the nerve to act haughty because he's never blushed this much in his entire life. "Uh," he tries again, but Jesse gives him a sympathetic look and fills the awkward silence with a soft, absentminded rendition of Hopelessly Devoted to You.
"Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you," Jesse drawls, and he brushes his fingers against Kurt's. Kurt looks at him, flattered, flushed and breathless and realizes that they may have a problem here, and maybe Jesse isn't the only one of them who's insane.
-
Two wordless minutes into meeting Mercedes for dinner, and she finds out, just from the look on his face.
"You like him," Mercedes accuses. Her eyes are full of condemnation when she goes on, "You like your stalker."
Kurt shifts and half-heartedly rolls his eyes. "I do not. I can admit that he's a talented singer, but that's about as far as my appreciation for him goes." Nice eyes, too. Even nicer ass.
He makes sure not to say this.
It kind of sucks how well Mercedes knows him, because she doesn't buy it for a second. She shakes her head and opens her menu up, saying, "Boy, you are so fucked." She takes his hand and squeezes.
Kurt fakes a small smile and squeezes back. "I know, honey."
-
All he really wants lately is to relax, and have a clear head again. He spends most of his time attempting it, curling up under the sheets and thinking of nothing, but 'nothing' gradually takes on the form of Jesse and Jesse gradually unzips his fly and gives Kurt this unbelievable sex-face that works deliciously well with his intense eyes and - the next part is always a blur. All that matters is that he is not, in fact, clearing his head, and trying just confuses him further.
"You're making this more difficult than you have to," Rachel tells him wisely. He doesn't know why he drives to her house for help when all she gives him is the eager opinion that loving Jesse will end all his problems. It probably has something to do with her always baking really awesome, really low-fat cookies whenever she sees that he's sad. "Jesse is just a person in the end, and, although sometimes overly passionate, will listen to reason."
He pauses while eating the 'E' from her 'H U M M E L' batch. Rachel likes to write him little words in her cookies. It's sort of endearing, just like Rachel as a whole. "I don't know what to tell him. That's the problem," he says carefully. It's true; one minute Finn is talking about calling the police and sexual harassment and he's scared shitless, and the next all he can think of is how lovely it would be to have a husband he could duet with by a piano and afterwards have wild, raunchy sex with by a fireplace.
"I won't push you into it anymore," Rachel says, throwing her hands up in the air. Then she hands him the plate with the next batch of 'J E S S E A N D K U R T' cookies, looking nonchalant.
-
Jesse must know he's hit some kind of nerve, because in the days that follow, he becomes even more painfully obvious about how horny he is for Kurt. He sends him another package.
Red boxer-briefs.
They're just your colour, the note reads this time.
Kurt is disturbed to find he's only immensely flattered, and not completely terrified.
-
Then, it all stops for a while.
Mostly, Kurt is glad for the rest it gives him, and that due to the lull in stalker activity, Finn isn't going to tell his dad anything. "It got so out of hand," he mutters to Kurt while they're watching reruns of Power Rangers and Kurt's dad is a safe distance away. "This better be the total end of it."
Kurt's heart kind of sinks at the thought.
-
Jesse's absence is kind of boring.
The glee club all give him their congrats and Puck and Matt even suggest a celebratory threesome - and because Rachel is threatened by another gay couple in the club, she interjects that she and Quinn would have and even more celebratory threesome with him if he wanted - but Kurt finds himself a little upset by the loss. It feels like Jesse kind of played him with all that 'I only want you' crap. Kurt is troubled.
This is his excuse for waiting at the table in Starbucks Jesse first confronted him at and verbally attacked Puck at, looking completely lost and hopeless and feeling kind of pathetic. But he made sure he looked amazing before he left the house - like, more so than usual - so at least there are no worries there.
Jesse shows up looking appropriately smug. He takes the seat next to Kurt and the grin on his face literally hurts to look at. "You showed up," he says, eyes bright. Kurt shifts in his chair. "I didn't know if you would show up." There's a gratifying moment of Jesse's gaze sweeping over him in appreciation.
"I just," Kurt begins, feeling his face heat already. "I think maybe. Maybe we should give this a shot. Maybe."
"Maybe," Jesse repeats, then his impossibly massive smile grows.
Kurt is charmed by how psychotic it is.
Then they both receive a ban from Starbucks for making a scene of kissing/groping/declaring undying love to each other. Even though it was genuinely all Jesse.
-
Against Kurt's better judgement, they end up in the backseat of his car, parked shit nowhere, and he's about ninety percent sure that he will no longer be a virgin when the next five - okay, three - minutes are up. Jesse's rumoured sexual prowess turns out rather true - and even if it's not, Kurt's too distracted and inexperienced to care very much - and the whole crazy intense eyes thing is a lot more appealing to Kurt mid-grinding.
"I've wanted this," he murmurs into Kurt's ear, making him shiver. His mouth presses onto his jawbone, wetly. "I've wanted this so long." His voice is all gravelly and low and undeniably sexual. It makes Kurt's eyes flutter shut - and okay, maybe they roll back in their sockets first - and one of his hands reach out and do something he's never exactly done to another boy before. If the onslaught of moaning counts for anything, he isn't exactly bad at it, either.
Jesse's pretty handsy - fingertips brushing over Kurt's sides, squeezing his ass, tangling in his hair. When he rocks their hips together, Kurt swears he sees God. And he swears God is saying to him, you get yours, kid.
So he drags Jesse in for another kiss, and he does.
-
"You're wearing them," Jesse says ecstatically when he's uncovered Kurt's underwear. "You're weari - "
"Take them off already," Kurt hisses.
-
Finn notices the limp. His dad notices the limp. Ms Pilsbury notices the limp.
Although he sees it, Finn isn't exactly bright, so he just asks how it happened and Kurt makes up some completely bullshit story on the spot about he and Artie going back to the roller-rink April Rhodes let them use before. Of course, Finn isn't exactly bright, and forgets the whole 'Artie is in a wheelchair' thing.
His dad isn't so easy.
Kurt braces himself for the worst, but Burt just asks him to please be careful and then tells him about the young man who visited the garage to see him today to ask permission to date his son. "Weird kid," Burt says. Kurt tenses; he doesn't know the half of it. "But, you know. You could have done worse."
Kurt flinches at that.
Ms Pilsbury takes him into her office and sits him down, then proceeds to give the most awkward lecture on safe sex and gay sex and brands of lube, and Kurt black out during most of it, until she sets a bunch of pamphlets in his hands and ushers him to the door. "If you ever have any questions," she says with great effort and pink, pink cheeks.
Kurt stares dumbly down at the pamphlets - The Joy of Bumming - and nods.
The glee club all offer congrats again, and Puck and Matt suggest a full on gay orgy and Rachel takes out a plate of 'M A N H O O D !' cookies to give to him and Santana gives him a nod full of respect and Finn looks totally confused by everything - but helps himself to the cookies - and Mr Schuester just stares at them all, stricken.
Mercedes shakes her head at him, looking very slightly amused. "So fucked."
He just grins at her.
-
He and Jesse work out pretty well, it turns out. Jesse bends over backwards for him, so it's only to be expected, plus he's hot and smart, and Kurt's used to having only one or the other. And he's totally cultured. Kurt thinks that if they work on the whole crazy thing, Jesse will be absolutely perfect.
They're sitting in Jesse's bedroom - they don't risk Kurt's yet - watching old episodes of Absolutely Fabulous. It's nice. He's noticed Jesse is really into cuddling, so he's snuggled into Kurt's side and playing with their hands and that's just awesome as far as Kurt's concerned. Having a boyfriend completely besotted with him? Is all around awesome.
He sifts a hand through Jesse's hair, and Jesse smiles against his neck. "This is like a love story," he breathes.
"A really twisted, awful love story," Kurt concedes. "You have to remember the whole stalking thing."
Jesse shifts against him, so Kurt's head falls into the dip of his throat. He kisses Kurt's head, then shrugs. "I'm not easily swayed," he says carelessly.
Kurt rolls his eyes. He's pretty certain he knows this better than anybody.
Title: Wait For the Stone On Your Window
Pairings: Jesse/Kurt, with a side of fake Puck/Kurt, real Puck/Matt and Rachel/Quinn.
Warnings: Big creepy stalker Jesse and horny bisexual Puck.
Summary: Kurt is courted by a boy with serial killer hands. His friends aren't helpful.
WAIT FOR THE STONE ON YOUR WINDOW
The thing is, Jesse St. James is not easily swayed.
That's something Kurt's noticed about most people in showchoir, that they're all determined to the point of insanity. Admittedly, Jesse does it with a little more class and eloquence, but in no way does that mean he isn't full-on, batshit insane. He has the Rachel Berry Crazy Eyes - dark, eerily intense, and always a bit too concentrated that it becomes unnerving and a tad ridiculous.
Kurt realises all these things the hard way, of course.
"You're following me," he says conversationally over his coffee. His eyes flicker to the table ahead, where Jesse has been sitting completely still for a total of eighteen minutes, simply watching Kurt. It's always helpful to be a good actor on the slim chance situations like these will arise - Kurt has seen Fatal Attraction, and the bright, disturbing glint in Jesse's eyes has been terrifying him almost to the point of trembling and repeatedly contemplating if in the space between calling the police and the police arriving, Jesse could violate, kidnap, or destroy him. Or something really nasty, like taking a chunk of his hair, or even worse, taking his stunning new Marc Jacobs jacket from him to smell or perform Wiccan curses on.
Even though Kurt is a second from making a beeline for the exit and hitching a ride to the next state over, he maintains calmness, and sets his cup down to stare back at Jesse, challengingly. It's a bad idea. Jesse's stare and smirk combined is a thousand times more petrifying than any look Kurt could muster on his delicate, little boy face.
Jesse stands and strides confidently to his table, sitting himself down across from Kurt. Kurt's collected facade dies out of pure terror (and possibly the slightest arousal because goddamn, Jesse is not built like other Lima boys).
"Kurt," Jesse says softly, leaned over the table. "Kurt Hummel." His eyes are wide and as always, far too intense.
Kurt manages a tentative nod. Jesse's hands spread on the table and Kurt regards them warily. When straight boys have hands so trim and clean, they are no longer nice hands. They're serial killer hands.
Oh, lord.
"I've been watching you," Jesse states simply, and Kurt wants to thank him for pointing out the obvious there, but he continues, "You know, it's a shame we never became properly acquainted. With our shared taste in musical theatre and almost crippling superiority complexes, I'm sure we could have been good friends; you, the stylish Patsy to my superficial Edina."
Jesse pauses to smile at him. It's significantly less creepy and more genuine, but Kurt still does not like the look of it at all.
"I've came to many realizations lately. Even without the plan for sabotage, my relationship with Rachel still wouldn't have worked out." He offers this mention of their relationship a brief moments silence, then looks back up at Kurt with a small smile. "My heart could never be in a relationship that wasn't true to who I am. What do you think?"
Kurt thinks about he and Brittany's brief liaison - if you could even call it that - and nods again. Jesse's smile becomes wider.
His eyes lock Kurt's, and his hands rest over his, deceptively warm and carefully light. Kurt inspects them again, frowning. Manicured nails. Dread runs cold through his veins as he realizes they are not the hands of a murderer - these are gay hands. He stares up at Jesse, wide eyed, his heart sinking. "It isn't fair to allow myself to be pushed into affairs with girls when I'm not exactly interested in girls." His thumb strokes one of Kurt's knuckles and Kurt resists the urge to dry heave into his styrofoam cup. "I realized during a marathon of What Not To Wear and an uncomfortable bodily reaction while watching Dirty Dancing with my mother."
Kurt braces himself for the next part, and Jesse's long hands squeeze his firmly.
"I'm gay," Jesse declares, and Kurt finds he can't hold his tongue any longer.
He bristles. "I could have told you that about ten seconds into your pink shirt and skinny suspenders laden performance of Bohemian Rhapsody," he blurts out, and tugs his hands away. Jesse just raises one perfectly waxed eyebrow at him in amusement. "And your affinity for tight leather pants doesn't help matters." Although once in glee club, they did totally gave Kurt a fashionboner, but now is not the right time for compliments. "Just because I happen to be gay doesn't mean I have divine words of wisdom for you. Or that I'd want to help you in the first place."
Jesse smiles wryly. "You're upset," he says, and this whole announcing things they're both aware of every five seconds is really starting to rile Kurt up. "I wasn't looking for assistance. There's an abundance of other gay performers in Vocal Adrenalin who would gladly and much more willingly help me, anyways." Jesse leans in with a smile and tells him unfalteringly, "I'm here because I think we should date."
Despite being immensely flattered and turned on at the prospect, Kurt remembers his dear, annoying friend Rachel and her betrayal, and he takes the lid covering his now cold coffee off and proceeds to throw it over Jesse's face.
But because he's not totally horrible, he does aim away from Jesse's shirt.
-
Telling Mercedes won't end well, he keeps telling himself. It's hard; he tells her everything the second after it happens, but she isn't known for keeping big news quiet. And Kurt knows this would be big news to a fair amount of their friends. Rachel would be devastated, Finn would be pissed, Puck would look for someone to punch in the gut, and Kurt would feel partially at fault for being so ridiculously good-looking and causing all the commotion in the first place.
But the thing is, he needs to tell someone. Someone impartial, unaffected, and smart. Out of all of Kurt's friends, only one person fits the bill.
"Oh, lord," Artie says with a scowl after he's been told, "He does have serial killer hands. And he touched you with them."
Kurt nods frantically. "He was putting moves on me." He checks the doorway, listens for any sound of his father and scoots closer to Artie before adding, "Sexual moves."
A gloved hand sets on his shoulder sympathetically. "At least it's over now. Live another day, safe from potential rapists and sexual predators," Artie murmurs, patting him on the back.
Kurt stiffens. "He hasn't exactly stopped, per se."
The thing is, Jesse St. James is not easily swayed. He makes this known frequently by sending Kurt e-mails full of poetry - sometimes they are admittedly sweet, and other times, worryingly pornographic - and sending bouquets of extravagant flowers to Kurt's workplace. There was also an awkward moment in Starbucks in which Jesse serenaded him - and he'd obviously done his homework, because if Kurt wanted to be sang to in a declaration of love, Lady Gaga is totally the way he'd go - before they were removed from the premises for 'weirding out the customers.'
This information makes Artie start a violent bout of retching. "Tell Burt," he instructs, nodding, "Burt will put the fear of God back into that boy and you will live another day, safe from potential rapists and sexual predators."
"I don't want Jesse, like, murdered or anything," Kurt says slowly. His dad would probably kill him. He's about ninety percent sure. Kurt misses the peace and quiet of not having a stalker and all, sure, but he doesn't want his other option of waltzing into the garage to find Jesse's head lying around with a wrench stuck in it, either.
Artie absorbs this, then brightens. He grins and squeezes Kurt's shoulder in reassurance. "Get a boyfriend," he tells him wisely.
So, Kurt does.
-
Puck is awful - and after a rumoured screw with a handsome male pool-owner, apparently bisexual. It's pretty sad for Kurt that his only option for a fake relationship is with a guy who once almost got him hospitalized through an overly brutal ripper-wedgie, but he figures can deal for now, and Puck needs a Cheerio girlfriend - "I'm a boy." - to be cool again, so he doesn't complain.
He does ask some questions, though. Kurt kind of dreads relating the story of Jesse's craziness to Puck in case it results in violence or worse, humiliation, but after Puck laughs his ass off as loud as he can in the cafeteria for the best part of twenty minutes, the subject feels a bit easier to tread on. Even though Kurt is still completely mortified.
"Porny poetry," Puck snorts. Kurt can feel his blush raging all over his face, and sinks a little into himself. "I knew that guy was into freaky shit. You better watch your ass, Hummel." Then, after remembering they're meant to be bumming now or something, he corrects himself. "I mean, you better watch your ass, dear."
Puck makes a face after the word, like it tastes foul, and Kurt cringes, because it sounds foul too. His first boyfriend should have been smart and cultured and well versed musically - or, just not Noah Puckerman would have done Kurt fine, really. It's semi-charming that Puck tries to leer with subtlety at him, but the dread still fills Kurt up like scalding water.
"This doesn't really count as a relationship," he says carefully, "So please don't expect me to put out."
Puck's brow furrows. "Shame." He sits deep in thought for a moment, then shrugs. "Maybe Matt's up for it."
-
Kurt gets a package in the mail: a pair of green, slim-fitting Dolce and Gabbana jeans. That he did not order. But that are in his size and upon trying on, make his ass look amazing.
There's a note attached: They'll bring out your eyes.
Kurt is creeped out for all of ten seconds before he finds himself wholeheartedly agreeing.
-
Puck and Kurt's 'relationship' lasts all of a week, and in all honesty, nobody really buys it. A few times, Puck's manhood is threatened by Finn or Mercedes and once Santana, like he concocted some devious plan and tricked Kurt into it - and not the other way around - but mostly their friends ignore it and hope it goes away - even Artie, despite the fact it was his own idea. "I never said Puck," Artie says when Kurt confronts him, face solemn, "I never said anything about Puck."
It doesn't help matters that the whole week, Kurt refuses to take his hand or engage in any touching whatsoever, or that by day two, Puck is in fact having sex all over the place with Matt Rutherford, and Kurt is neither upset or angry by it, merely curious.
Of course, the reason they do end up parting ends up being all down to Jesse, and his craziness.
On day seven, they're sitting the very same Starbucks Kurt was sexually assaulted in the week before, and Kurt is buffing Puck's hands - "You're trying to give me bisexual hands? The fuck?" - and Puck is not shutting up about the new DS. They're kind of friends by this point, but a part of Kurt is still in a dark corner, plotting revenge for years of torture. Puck likes him because Kurt doesn't judge when he eyes girls or boys. Also, because Kurt is totally loaded and his dad is in the process fixing his piece of shit car.
"It's 3D, Hummel," Puck says excitedly with a mouth full of cookie crumbs. Kurt scowls at him, but he simply repeats, "3D," in a troublingly dreamy voice.
"The more times you say it, the less I care."
Puck frowns, trying to put Kurt off his work by moving his fingers away. "You know, you're like, a really shit boyfriend."
This catches the ear of some people. One person, really, who takes the spare seat at their table and shoots violent daggers at Puck for long enough that even Puck starts looking alarmed. Kurt knows this means there is serious trouble, and he drops both of Puck's hands and shifts in extreme discomfort.
"Boyfriend," Jesse echoes, still not looking away from Puck, who shoots Kurt a distressed, is this shit really happening face. Kurt just looks down at his hands and says nothing. "I'm understandably doubtful about this relationship. Mostly because, last time I checked, you were knocking girls up or giving them severe cases of syphilis."
Puck just rolls his eyes. "She was so lying."
After a moment of further glaring, Jesse turns to look at Kurt, expression softening. "And you wouldn't have settled for the Lima bicycle." There's sincere disappointment in his eyes, sincere enough Kurt actually starts feeling a little ashamed.
"What's your problem, man?" Puck asks. "What's with the little jabs at me? I wasn't the one who turned your psycho ass down."
Kurt's blood runs cold. And furious. Puck sucks at acting, as the first attempt at the mattress ad told them both, but he could at least put some effort into pretending he cared about his 'boyfriend.' Jesse seems to follow this line of thought, and looks between them with a spark of triumph in his eyes.
He tilts his head at Kurt and says gently, "You could do so much better. You shouldn't have to fake it with a fashion-challenged sociopathic tool to be happy."
Puck gapes. "Seriously man, fuck you!"
Jesse gives him a pitying smile and then makes this face at Kurt that kind of makes him want to disappear forever and kind of makes him want to jizz his pants. He walks out of the cafe when Kurt realizes that this has gotten him absolutely nowhere, and the whole 'getting rid of the stalker' plan has made little to no progress.
"Rude prick," Puck snarls, and then he pulls Kurt's plate over to him and starts devouring the rest of his lunch.
Kurt watches him, unimpressed. "We're over."
Puck shrugs and doesn't bother looking up from his plate to say, "I know."
-
Rachel finds out, because Puck is a tool. He sends Kurt a message before school that reads, with cleaned up grammar and spelling: sorry man, it couldn't be helped.
Kurt walks into school terrified and endlessly glad Finn still has no idea. The drive to school would no doubt be full of arguing and Finn playing out his mature, protective brother role by sending a lot of badly phrased, furious texts to Jesse, instead of them arguing about why Finn can't stay up on his Xbox all night if he wants to stop failing math.
When he comes face to face with Rachel, he's certain she'll either burst into tears or slap him across the face, and he's surprised when she does neither.
He cracks an eye open to find her grinning eagerly back at him and thinks, oh, dear god, no.
"I heard," she tells him, then takes Kurt by the arm to walk down the corridor with him. "It makes perfect sense that my relationship with Jesse was doomed to early failure if we were both confused sexually." Kurt blanches at the thought of Rachel and Quinn, copping feels. "I called Jesse about it, and he assured me his intentions toward you were purely innocent." She looks unbelievably happy for a second as she says, "He's smitten."
"Oh," Kurt breathes, pulling away from her and staring at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, "Oh, dear god, no."
Rachel blinks at him. "You have to admit," she says lowly, "You'd make a lovely couple."
This is why Kurt spends first period bemoaning fate and crying hysterically into Mercedes lap.
"And this is seriously about the break-up?" Mercedes asked with a raised eyebrow, her hand freezing in his hair.
Kurt stills and in a moment he's blabbing the whole story to her. By fourth period, everybody he knows is aware of his stalker dilemma and Jacob won't stop following him around demanding a statement. Although she is a bigmouth, Mercedes is still a good friend, and this is why she pushes Jacob into the lockers and says, "Here's your damn statement," and waves two unfriendly fingers in his face.
-
In glee, Mr Schuester is mostly distracted by Rachel forcing a list of alphabetized duets she assures him she and Quinn would be perfect for, and the rest of the members crowd around Kurt in concern - sans Finn, who sits away from them looking moody. Normally, he'd be basking in the attention. Today, he wants to shrink away into nothing with a ten foot tub of ice-cream for company. Plus, he's self conscious about the zit currently marking his poor, stressed forehead and with all of their eyes on him, he manages to feel a thousand times worse about it.
"Why would you want to get rid of St. James?" Santana says, making a face. "I'd so plow that."
"You can be straight again," Brittany suggests. Most of the boys and Santana burst into a fit of laughter that doesn't end for an offensively long while at this. "What," Brittany asks them monotonously, "Kurt was like, manly and stuff."
Puck just squints at him. "Maybe you are straight, Hummel," he says, eyes narrowed, "No gay guy can resist the Noah Puckerman Gun Show." Then a grin spreads on his face. "Just ask Matt. He got tickets to the matinee show, and then he just kept coming back for more."
Mike retches. Matt sits with his head and his hands and let's out a muffled, "Never again."
"Maybe he just needs you to tell him you're not interested," Quinn offers with a shrug.
"Maybe he just needs a punch to the head," Mercedes says, frowning.
"Why would that help...?" Brittany asks quietly.
Kurt wants to sob.
-
The drive home with Finn is possibly the most disconcerting half hour of his life. He kind of wishes Finn was the one driving so that whenever he was targeted with one of his almost-step-brother's hostile stares, he didn't panic and swerve the car at unsuspecting pedestrians.
The tense silence lasts a good half of the journey, before Finn asks heatedly, "Why didn't you say anything to me?"
Kurt tries to focus on the road and remain calm. "Easy," he answers, keeping his voice steady, "You'd have killed him." Which is probably true; Jesse has a bit of a bad habit when it comes to dicking Finn over, after all; first his girlfriend, then his position as the lead male in glee, and now his poor brother's innocence. It's all very sad, even more so now because Jesse doesn't even go to their school or even talk to them anymore, but still manages to annoy Finn from a distance.
"I still might," Finn mumbles. Kurt glances at him and regards his clenched fists with utmost terror. Ever since he started being 'courted' - Jesse's words, of course - he's become jumpy and a little frantic, and Finn's homicidal aura really is not helping matters. "You went to Artie and - dude, you went to Puck for help and not me?"
Kurt sighs and very nearly runs a red light. "Because you'd get like this." It's like Finn's blaming him for his ridiculous good looks attracting an admirer and Kurt totally can't help it. He looks at Finn through the mirror and says quietly, "Please don't say anything to my dad."
Finn just grunts, and then the tense silence makes a return.
-
They end up having an impromptu lunch on Saturday, while Kurt is rewarding himself for living through the past stressful fortnight with heaps of delicious pancakes and maple syrup that he knows will all end up at his thighs. But he deserves it all for his survival.
Jesse watches him eating with a bright smile. It isn't unattractive, Kurt must admit. Jesse looks way less crazy when he's smiling.
"You're wearing them," he says to Kurt, contentedly.
Kurt shoots him a wary glance and finishes his mouthful before replying, "They're not totally hideous." Scratch that, the jeans Jesse sent him fit perfectly and he loves them almost as much as he loves his sailor hat. He's not saying any of this, of course. Artie wrote him a list of guidelines, and number one was, don't encourage him. Having lunch a pleasant little lunch with him may classify as encouragement, but Kurt is hungry and exhausted and finds he just doesn't really care.
He's raising his fork to his mouth when Jesse stops his hand, holding it with a loose, unthreatening grip. He's gone back to looking crazy; Kurt squints at him and thinks it's a shame. "I'm coming off strong," he says softly. Kurt wants to roll his eyes or point at the hand that's currently capturing his own. "It's not that I'm insane. I'm just resolute. I know what I want, Kurt, and more than that, I know what's best for me." His eyes have gone so intense Kurt starts seeing flashes of Rachel's face over his. "In this case - you."
Kurt lets out a long, rushed breath. "I see," he manages, then an intelligent, "Uh."
Jesse lets his hand go and sits back and the maple syrup drops from his fork back onto his plate with a thud - Kurt's lost his appetite now, anyway. His stomach feels clenched and Jesse won't stop looking at him. "You have something on your face," Jesse tells him, smiling.
He picks up a napkin and wipes whipped cream from the corner of Kurt's mouth. Kurt kind of gapes at his total lack of shame.
"Adorable," Jesse remarks, then lets out a dreamy sigh.
Kurt blinks at him, but can't work up the nerve to act haughty because he's never blushed this much in his entire life. "Uh," he tries again, but Jesse gives him a sympathetic look and fills the awkward silence with a soft, absentminded rendition of Hopelessly Devoted to You.
"Hello, I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around and wait for you," Jesse drawls, and he brushes his fingers against Kurt's. Kurt looks at him, flattered, flushed and breathless and realizes that they may have a problem here, and maybe Jesse isn't the only one of them who's insane.
-
Two wordless minutes into meeting Mercedes for dinner, and she finds out, just from the look on his face.
"You like him," Mercedes accuses. Her eyes are full of condemnation when she goes on, "You like your stalker."
Kurt shifts and half-heartedly rolls his eyes. "I do not. I can admit that he's a talented singer, but that's about as far as my appreciation for him goes." Nice eyes, too. Even nicer ass.
He makes sure not to say this.
It kind of sucks how well Mercedes knows him, because she doesn't buy it for a second. She shakes her head and opens her menu up, saying, "Boy, you are so fucked." She takes his hand and squeezes.
Kurt fakes a small smile and squeezes back. "I know, honey."
-
All he really wants lately is to relax, and have a clear head again. He spends most of his time attempting it, curling up under the sheets and thinking of nothing, but 'nothing' gradually takes on the form of Jesse and Jesse gradually unzips his fly and gives Kurt this unbelievable sex-face that works deliciously well with his intense eyes and - the next part is always a blur. All that matters is that he is not, in fact, clearing his head, and trying just confuses him further.
"You're making this more difficult than you have to," Rachel tells him wisely. He doesn't know why he drives to her house for help when all she gives him is the eager opinion that loving Jesse will end all his problems. It probably has something to do with her always baking really awesome, really low-fat cookies whenever she sees that he's sad. "Jesse is just a person in the end, and, although sometimes overly passionate, will listen to reason."
He pauses while eating the 'E' from her 'H U M M E L' batch. Rachel likes to write him little words in her cookies. It's sort of endearing, just like Rachel as a whole. "I don't know what to tell him. That's the problem," he says carefully. It's true; one minute Finn is talking about calling the police and sexual harassment and he's scared shitless, and the next all he can think of is how lovely it would be to have a husband he could duet with by a piano and afterwards have wild, raunchy sex with by a fireplace.
"I won't push you into it anymore," Rachel says, throwing her hands up in the air. Then she hands him the plate with the next batch of 'J E S S E A N D K U R T' cookies, looking nonchalant.
-
Jesse must know he's hit some kind of nerve, because in the days that follow, he becomes even more painfully obvious about how horny he is for Kurt. He sends him another package.
Red boxer-briefs.
They're just your colour, the note reads this time.
Kurt is disturbed to find he's only immensely flattered, and not completely terrified.
-
Then, it all stops for a while.
Mostly, Kurt is glad for the rest it gives him, and that due to the lull in stalker activity, Finn isn't going to tell his dad anything. "It got so out of hand," he mutters to Kurt while they're watching reruns of Power Rangers and Kurt's dad is a safe distance away. "This better be the total end of it."
Kurt's heart kind of sinks at the thought.
-
Jesse's absence is kind of boring.
The glee club all give him their congrats and Puck and Matt even suggest a celebratory threesome - and because Rachel is threatened by another gay couple in the club, she interjects that she and Quinn would have and even more celebratory threesome with him if he wanted - but Kurt finds himself a little upset by the loss. It feels like Jesse kind of played him with all that 'I only want you' crap. Kurt is troubled.
This is his excuse for waiting at the table in Starbucks Jesse first confronted him at and verbally attacked Puck at, looking completely lost and hopeless and feeling kind of pathetic. But he made sure he looked amazing before he left the house - like, more so than usual - so at least there are no worries there.
Jesse shows up looking appropriately smug. He takes the seat next to Kurt and the grin on his face literally hurts to look at. "You showed up," he says, eyes bright. Kurt shifts in his chair. "I didn't know if you would show up." There's a gratifying moment of Jesse's gaze sweeping over him in appreciation.
"I just," Kurt begins, feeling his face heat already. "I think maybe. Maybe we should give this a shot. Maybe."
"Maybe," Jesse repeats, then his impossibly massive smile grows.
Kurt is charmed by how psychotic it is.
Then they both receive a ban from Starbucks for making a scene of kissing/groping/declaring undying love to each other. Even though it was genuinely all Jesse.
-
Against Kurt's better judgement, they end up in the backseat of his car, parked shit nowhere, and he's about ninety percent sure that he will no longer be a virgin when the next five - okay, three - minutes are up. Jesse's rumoured sexual prowess turns out rather true - and even if it's not, Kurt's too distracted and inexperienced to care very much - and the whole crazy intense eyes thing is a lot more appealing to Kurt mid-grinding.
"I've wanted this," he murmurs into Kurt's ear, making him shiver. His mouth presses onto his jawbone, wetly. "I've wanted this so long." His voice is all gravelly and low and undeniably sexual. It makes Kurt's eyes flutter shut - and okay, maybe they roll back in their sockets first - and one of his hands reach out and do something he's never exactly done to another boy before. If the onslaught of moaning counts for anything, he isn't exactly bad at it, either.
Jesse's pretty handsy - fingertips brushing over Kurt's sides, squeezing his ass, tangling in his hair. When he rocks their hips together, Kurt swears he sees God. And he swears God is saying to him, you get yours, kid.
So he drags Jesse in for another kiss, and he does.
-
"You're wearing them," Jesse says ecstatically when he's uncovered Kurt's underwear. "You're weari - "
"Take them off already," Kurt hisses.
-
Finn notices the limp. His dad notices the limp. Ms Pilsbury notices the limp.
Although he sees it, Finn isn't exactly bright, so he just asks how it happened and Kurt makes up some completely bullshit story on the spot about he and Artie going back to the roller-rink April Rhodes let them use before. Of course, Finn isn't exactly bright, and forgets the whole 'Artie is in a wheelchair' thing.
His dad isn't so easy.
Kurt braces himself for the worst, but Burt just asks him to please be careful and then tells him about the young man who visited the garage to see him today to ask permission to date his son. "Weird kid," Burt says. Kurt tenses; he doesn't know the half of it. "But, you know. You could have done worse."
Kurt flinches at that.
Ms Pilsbury takes him into her office and sits him down, then proceeds to give the most awkward lecture on safe sex and gay sex and brands of lube, and Kurt black out during most of it, until she sets a bunch of pamphlets in his hands and ushers him to the door. "If you ever have any questions," she says with great effort and pink, pink cheeks.
Kurt stares dumbly down at the pamphlets - The Joy of Bumming - and nods.
The glee club all offer congrats again, and Puck and Matt suggest a full on gay orgy and Rachel takes out a plate of 'M A N H O O D !' cookies to give to him and Santana gives him a nod full of respect and Finn looks totally confused by everything - but helps himself to the cookies - and Mr Schuester just stares at them all, stricken.
Mercedes shakes her head at him, looking very slightly amused. "So fucked."
He just grins at her.
-
He and Jesse work out pretty well, it turns out. Jesse bends over backwards for him, so it's only to be expected, plus he's hot and smart, and Kurt's used to having only one or the other. And he's totally cultured. Kurt thinks that if they work on the whole crazy thing, Jesse will be absolutely perfect.
They're sitting in Jesse's bedroom - they don't risk Kurt's yet - watching old episodes of Absolutely Fabulous. It's nice. He's noticed Jesse is really into cuddling, so he's snuggled into Kurt's side and playing with their hands and that's just awesome as far as Kurt's concerned. Having a boyfriend completely besotted with him? Is all around awesome.
He sifts a hand through Jesse's hair, and Jesse smiles against his neck. "This is like a love story," he breathes.
"A really twisted, awful love story," Kurt concedes. "You have to remember the whole stalking thing."
Jesse shifts against him, so Kurt's head falls into the dip of his throat. He kisses Kurt's head, then shrugs. "I'm not easily swayed," he says carelessly.
Kurt rolls his eyes. He's pretty certain he knows this better than anybody.