Why is it that, even though you didn't want to date someone and you yourself broke it off and you know it wasn't good, it drives you absolutely BATTY to know they're with someone else
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Maybe you have unresolved feelings, maybe you secretly still hoped it would work out? Or maybe it just always feels nicer to be the one to find someone else first.
But let's be realistic here, how "blissfully happy" would anyone be with someone who can't maintain communication, who absorbs himself in a game rather than socialize? Sure, there's that "super happy" vibe everyone gets at first in relationships, but that fades.
You sure weren't blissfully happy with him, if you'd really think back on it. That's what REALLY matters, not how someone else feels, how you feel/felt. You weren't happy with someone you barely saw or spoke with. Maybe you need to do something to resolve your feelings, write a letter and don't send it? Burn something that reminds you of him? Stop getting confirmation about his life, get him off your buddy list?
I don't think it was unresolved feelings, I think it was just the initial twinge anyone would get. Like you said, nicer to be the first one to find someone else.
You're right about the "blissfully happy," and I know that. It has to be a superficial relationship at best.
I know I wasn't happy... that's what I said. :)
I found out kind of by default too. I honestly have barely given him a thought in the past three months. I went on match to check out my own picture (was thinking of replying to a personal ad) and my curiousity got the better of me. What kind of smug bastard talks about how happily un-single they are on their match profile anyway? Normal people just take it down.
Anyways, my point is I'm fine now. Last week was rough anyway, for several reasons, but I was also just really moody and then a lot of things happened at once.
I'm back to thinking I don't really want anyone. They're just too much trouble... :-/
Normal people do take it down when they've found someone. So obviously he isn't as "blissfully happy" as he claims to be. Why else would he leave it up? He isn't thinking about it as a forever thing. I always took mine down when I met someone.
This is something I'm struggling with, you (the general "you") have to work through your issues before you can find someone great, because having issues clouds your judgement and attracts guys who take advantage. I want someone but I don't know if I'll ever be at the point of having worked through some things enough to get there.
I completely agree with you... sort of. You (the general "you") will NEVER work through all your issues, except perhaps the moment before you die. It just won't happen. So, to keep oneself alone because you have an issue or two is, I think counter productive. But, you are very right, you have to be OK with yourself before you think of someone else.
And you're right about attracting guys who take advantage, though I don't quite understand why. Women don't do that, we're not drawn to guys we can vampire on, so I guess it's just a guy thing. I think it's really sad that girls who are vulnerable anyway have to be extra careful because guys are so awful. :(
I agree with Erin. Stop searching for the info that will bring you heartache. As much as I HATE my ex-, I was somewhat affected to know she was engaged. And I got that info by default, I didn't seek it out.
None of this will matter when someone new comes along. Look how old I am and I just found someone recently.
This is why we have pets who love us unconditionally and don't play with emotions.
Comments 6
But let's be realistic here, how "blissfully happy" would anyone be with someone who can't maintain communication, who absorbs himself in a game rather than socialize? Sure, there's that "super happy" vibe everyone gets at first in relationships, but that fades.
You sure weren't blissfully happy with him, if you'd really think back on it. That's what REALLY matters, not how someone else feels, how you feel/felt. You weren't happy with someone you barely saw or spoke with. Maybe you need to do something to resolve your feelings, write a letter and don't send it? Burn something that reminds you of him? Stop getting confirmation about his life, get him off your buddy list?
Reply
You're right about the "blissfully happy," and I know that. It has to be a superficial relationship at best.
I know I wasn't happy... that's what I said. :)
I found out kind of by default too. I honestly have barely given him a thought in the past three months. I went on match to check out my own picture (was thinking of replying to a personal ad) and my curiousity got the better of me. What kind of smug bastard talks about how happily un-single they are on their match profile anyway? Normal people just take it down.
Anyways, my point is I'm fine now. Last week was rough anyway, for several reasons, but I was also just really moody and then a lot of things happened at once.
I'm back to thinking I don't really want anyone. They're just too much trouble... :-/
Reply
This is something I'm struggling with, you (the general "you") have to work through your issues before you can find someone great, because having issues clouds your judgement and attracts guys who take advantage. I want someone but I don't know if I'll ever be at the point of having worked through some things enough to get there.
Reply
And you're right about attracting guys who take advantage, though I don't quite understand why. Women don't do that, we're not drawn to guys we can vampire on, so I guess it's just a guy thing. I think it's really sad that girls who are vulnerable anyway have to be extra careful because guys are so awful. :(
Reply
None of this will matter when someone new comes along. Look how old I am and I just found someone recently.
This is why we have pets who love us unconditionally and don't play with emotions.
Reply
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