survey thingybadohickey
How tall are you? 5'11"
Have you ever smoked heroin? hell no
Do you own a gun? two, actually
Have you ever been arrested? no, but i wish i had. it would help my reputation as a badass.
Rehab? no
How many of your friends have committed suicide? two. why you gotta remind me about that?
Do you shave your crotch? trim it pretty close, but last time i shaved i got ingrown hairs and that sucked. bad.
Would you fuck someone in a cemetery? probably. as long as she was alive.
Who is your favorite villain? Lex Muthafuckin Luthor
Pesci or Devito? Devito
Do you ever punch yourself? sometimes because it feels so damn good when i quit.
Have you ever killed an animal? not on purpose. i hit a dog once. on christmas eve. must have sucked to be that kid the next morning
Are you Irish? thankfully, no.
Who would you punch if you could? Treat Williams. or maybe that guy from Matchbox Twenty.
What do you think of hot dogs? lips and assholes...
What's your favorite Christmas song? i fucking hate christmas music
What is your favorite smell? espresso
What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Bloody Mary if i'm on a bender, otherwise coffee.
Would you go to SF or NYC right now if you had the chance? well i leave for LA in a couple of days, so no.
What's your favorite college football team? who cares?
Do you do pushups? yeah
Do you ever fantasize about murder? yeah. you know who you are.
Would you have sex with Victoria Gotti if you could? who the hell is Victoria Gotti? oh wait, lemme go google her... um, no. she's gross.
Have you ever done ecstasy? no, i prefer great sex.
Are you straightedge? not even close.
Are you vegan? hahaha.
Do you shoplift? i prefer to steal from my employer.
Whats the last thing you stole? five cases of primo chianti
Do you ski or snowboard? i snowboarded once and hurt my bum. i prefer watersports (not golden showers, you sick-minded bastards)
What do you think of mustaches? mustaches make guys look like child molestors. unless it's a mustache like Paul Teutul's. then you're a badass
Do you use hair gel? i don't have hair
Do you sniff cocaine? no
Whats your favorite serial killer? this is the must fucked up question thing i've ever taken. Ed Gein.
Do you believe in bigfoot? YES! bigfoot is real, the bangbus is real, mike's apartment, captain stabbin! they're all REAL!
Have you ever made out with your friends bf or gf? that would be wrong.
Have you ever been caught mid-hump? yeah, but it was only my brother (that caught me, not the humpee. again with the sick minds. what is wrong with you people)
Have you been shot? with a bb gun. that fucker stung!
Have you ever been hospitalized? ...smile on baby jesus...spinal meningitis got me down...
Do you like painkillers? when i'm in pain
What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? i really don't do anything. to quote my friend Lo, "pussy just falls outta the pussy tree for dave, and when he's done with it, it climbs back up."
Have you ever lubed up your genitals with soy milk? what. the. fuck.
Do you own a knife? lots of them. and a few swords as well.
Have you played ghettopoly? uh, what's that. oh yeah, google... no, but it looks fuckin great.
Have you ever bought drugs in the "ghetto" or "hood"? i've never bought drugs.
Do you have A.D.D.? when's this fucking thing gonna end. i got shit to do... hey neat, this thing has freecell...
Have you ever had a head injury? not that i remember. mommy...
How many virgins have u slept with? just one. as far as i know.
Do u love the pain a tattoo brings? who doesn't?
White or black? have you seen my wardrobe?
on a weirder note, i just saw a laggerhead shrike, also known as a butcher bird, catch a bird off the birdfeeder and proceed to impale it on a sharp stick. apparently this is normal behavior for the butcher bird. hence the name. fucking gruesome.