you'll swallow me till there is nothing left
my night last night.
last night i was sitting on my bed doing some work and listening to music at about midnight being stressed out cos of the situation with earlier about people talkin shit, and him being sick, and the whole job thing, and sean walked in and picked up my work and put it aside and gave me lots of hugs and kisses, more than usually.
and then he'd smile at me all the time and would not let me go.
and for the first time in months i felt like he actually really REALLY loved to be with me again and the worst day took a whole different turn.
i dont know if it was about the argument we had earlier or what, but for some reason he was really really happy to see me.
it was crazy and for an hour he would not let me go and kept tellin me he loves me.
then we started going to sleep and i said i was hungry so he took me to wendy's holding my hand really tight the whole way, and got me some cheeseburgers and himself some chicken nuggets and we got free frosties, and we came home and sat on the couch and ate our food and frosties with my legs in his lap.
then we went to sleep and it was the best.
now that i've made you nauseous.
i will bore you with a list of things on my mind.
i really need a second job.
sears kinda cut my hours a little short.
if i had a second job i would be able to save up money and pay off my medical bills and other debt, and maybe get a better car sometime.
i've been thinking about taking internet courses for school so i dont have to actually GO to school, but sean says the internet courses are tough.
but im going to look into it anyways.
6 years of not being in school is ridiculous.
i still have those stomach pains.
i guess its just stress, but it happens so often and its more than just "stress" pains, its keel over and die pains.
please kidneys be ok and i promise to not drown you in 40 oz of caffeine every day again.
i miss nikki. i miss hanging out with her, going out to eat with her, shopping for hours on end with her, drinking with her, talking to her, going to get our nails done...she was my best friend and i loved her to death and that got all fucked up, esp gettin myself in a tough situation with her brother which should not have happened. never date your best friends siblings.
i got more a hundred times more heartbroken losing her than him.
"but can you rely on anyone in this world? no you cant."
my family IS silly.
this holiday season is all fucked up.
yeah i wish my parents could sit in the same room and get along as much as my brother does,
but that hasnt happened in 15 years and it never will so i dont know why he thinks it will happen now.
so i cancelled my thanksgiving with sean so i could be with my dad, and new years eve i will spend alone with my dad as well, cos his feelings are really hurt. i dont mind, and sean doesnt mind cos he understands why im doing it.
ok im done cos this is long and my tummy hurts bye
last night i was sitting on my bed doing some work and listening to music at about midnight being stressed out cos of the situation with earlier about people talkin shit, and him being sick, and the whole job thing, and sean walked in and picked up my work and put it aside and gave me lots of hugs and kisses, more than usually.
and then he'd smile at me all the time and would not let me go.
and for the first time in months i felt like he actually really REALLY loved to be with me again and the worst day took a whole different turn.
i dont know if it was about the argument we had earlier or what, but for some reason he was really really happy to see me.
it was crazy and for an hour he would not let me go and kept tellin me he loves me.
then we started going to sleep and i said i was hungry so he took me to wendy's holding my hand really tight the whole way, and got me some cheeseburgers and himself some chicken nuggets and we got free frosties, and we came home and sat on the couch and ate our food and frosties with my legs in his lap.
then we went to sleep and it was the best.
now that i've made you nauseous.
i will bore you with a list of things on my mind.
i really need a second job.
sears kinda cut my hours a little short.
if i had a second job i would be able to save up money and pay off my medical bills and other debt, and maybe get a better car sometime.
i've been thinking about taking internet courses for school so i dont have to actually GO to school, but sean says the internet courses are tough.
but im going to look into it anyways.
6 years of not being in school is ridiculous.
i still have those stomach pains.
i guess its just stress, but it happens so often and its more than just "stress" pains, its keel over and die pains.
please kidneys be ok and i promise to not drown you in 40 oz of caffeine every day again.
i miss nikki. i miss hanging out with her, going out to eat with her, shopping for hours on end with her, drinking with her, talking to her, going to get our nails done...she was my best friend and i loved her to death and that got all fucked up, esp gettin myself in a tough situation with her brother which should not have happened. never date your best friends siblings.
i got more a hundred times more heartbroken losing her than him.
"but can you rely on anyone in this world? no you cant."
my family IS silly.
this holiday season is all fucked up.
yeah i wish my parents could sit in the same room and get along as much as my brother does,
but that hasnt happened in 15 years and it never will so i dont know why he thinks it will happen now.
so i cancelled my thanksgiving with sean so i could be with my dad, and new years eve i will spend alone with my dad as well, cos his feelings are really hurt. i dont mind, and sean doesnt mind cos he understands why im doing it.
ok im done cos this is long and my tummy hurts bye