Comments | ninja_cricket: Playing Dress-Up

ninja_cricket

Playing Dress-Up

Jan 20, 2006 21:58

My name is Fingar or Hashitara, or Markus. I got my first tattoo when I was fifteen from an older girl named Djarnat or Gena or Reihna at the high school. Apparently she's a stripper now, back then she was just cool. She wore too big basketball jerseys and had tattoo's on her arms. We never talked except to bum cigarettes from eachother. Until one ( Read more... )

Comments 4

anonymous January 21 2006, 08:03:23 UTC

Why does your characters always have 3 names ???

Anyway, this story lacks a real twist, despite the ending. It could be a cool introduction to a novel or a short story but it needs a few more lines to be complete in my opinion.

G.

ninja_cricket January 22 2006, 16:57:51 UTC

It's not a story. It shouldn't sound like a story. Oh well.

I have three names because it really doesn't matter what my name is, the paragraphs are about who I am, not what I'm called. And by I, I mean not "me" but some one in my head.

anonymous January 23 2006, 10:17:17 UTC

Yeah, I got that already !

I just wanted to point out that repeating names (in this "non story" and the previous one) makes them important while they shouldn't matter at all. It's a bit like "I'm John's damaged liver" in Fight Club - I guess that was your intention - but instead of giving blank names which are forgotten as quickly as they appear, you gave difficult hence attention-whore names.
Oh,well, forget it. I'm just being a bad critic.

ninja_cricket January 23 2006, 18:05:51 UTC

My intention was in no way inclined towards the sort of "I'm john's damaged liver" thing. And I wrote the whole paragraph just because I liked the names. Also, the term "attention-whore" which you used was sorely missapplied. An attention whore is a person, usual female, who repeatedly puts herself in situations to get attention from people, it is a derrogatory term. But I kind of know what you mean. The names should catch your attention, because they're interesting.