"Spring Occasions" ShouxHiroto [PG-13 Oneshot!]

Mar 10, 2010 01:32

Title: "Spring Occasions"
Author: Read more... )

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chirorichan March 12 2010, 11:57:05 UTC
A piece of advise: be consistent with tense. :) If you decide to use the past tense, use it all throughout.

As for dialogue, every speaker gets his own line. What I mean is this:

"Shou..You know what I just noticed..?" Hiroto said out of the blue before practice started and everyone was sitting at the couches.

Shou looked at his lover and tilted his head to the side abit "What is it?"

The small guitarist pouted and pointed at himself "Since we celebrated White Day, does that mean your calling me a girl?!"

There. :) I haven't had the chance to read the entire story because I have some writing to do myself so I'm sorry. But I hope this helped. :)

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ninja_x33 March 13 2010, 10:00:54 UTC
ohhh *A* advice from chirorichan-sempai! <3

*nods* i see what you mean! thank you so much for this advice!
it helps me alot! I get it! hehe, thank you again, and it's okay! my stories are not as great as yours >.< but im glad i got to see a comment! *w* thanks so much again! and please! don't be sorry! its an honour just to have you give me advice!

..D: i musht sound like a creepy stalker! >_< i hope im not scarying you ;_; but thanks again!<3

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