My New Motto: QUANTITY OVER QUALITY
And, because nobody asked for it: BEHOLD MY EMERGENCY DRILL DRABBLES!
The format was a drabble tree, which means each drabble had to contain a phrase from the drabble it was in response to. I've bolded the phrases I built my drabbles around for your reference.
The prompt was CRACK. The quality is suspect. The pairings are MANY. AND DAMN I HAD FUN!
Kirk/Sulu
1. He wasn't looking forward to explaining this to Spock. Or filing the report.
He must've slept through the class on how to tell your Vulcan XO that you let the Captain get kidnapped by Klingons on shore leave, because he sure as hell wasn't coming up with anything good on his own.
He was, Sulu reflected, completely and utterly screwed.
He thought about Jim's eyes. The way he trusted Sulu with his ship. His body. His heart.
Nope. No way was this shit gonna fly.
Sulu patted the katana at his hip. He was getting his Jim back. Now.
***
2. Sulu paused at the door to Jim's quarters. He'd leave the bouquet of daisies on Jim's pillow and spend the rest of the day pining wondering if they'd make Jim think of him.
Oh, he hoped so.
He used the code Spock had given to him in a fit of pity (aided, no doubt, by Uhura's pointy elbows). The door opened and he stepped through.
Jim, it appeared, was not on the bridge this afternoon.
"Hey, Kicker," said the Captain with an all-too-knowing smirk. "Need a vase?"
Sulu gulped, having been found out so quickly. "That would be helpful, sir."
***
3. "You want me to show you my sword?" Sulu asks. "But you've seen my katana, I showed it to you after the whole drill thing, remember?"
"No, no," Jim stammers. "Not that sword. Your other one. The big one."
"How did you know I bought a bigger sword?" Sulu hadn't told anybody about the broadsword. He wasn't even sure if he could lift it.
"Um." Jim blushes, actually fucking blushes, which makes Sulu feel a little bad. And confused.
"You OK, Jim?"
"No!" He takes a deep breath. "I'm trying to ask you out."
"Oh. Well why didn't you say?"
***
4. "Jim!" Hikaru said. "Do you mind?"
"Not really..." the blond leered. "I'm enjoying the view."
Hikaru's hands flew up to his headdress. If one couldn't enjoy the literal fruits of their labours in one's own quarters, where could they? It wasn't his fault he had a nosey captain, and he'd be damned if he was going to let Jim's mockery ruin his special time.
"Fine," he said, absolutely not sniffing in ladylike disdain. Because he wasn't a lady, despite what the grass skirt might imply. "If you want to stay, you have to drum."
Jim beats it, alright.
Twice.
***
5. "Stars, yes!" Jim groaned. "Pierce me with your sword of man meat!"
"Jim!" Hikaru said. "Do you mind?"
"No, Hikaru, please! Pound me with your club of oiled cock-flesh! Show me how you work your sword!"
"For fuck's sake, Jim." Hikaru moved to pull out. "What did I tell you about your brand of dirty talk? Do I need to get the gag?"
Jim chewed on his arm and shook his head instead of speaking.
Hikaru found this improved the situation considerably. He thrust in deeper, enjoying the give of Jim's eager ass and every twitch of his hips.
Spock/Uhura
6. “My ass-kicking brings all the ladies to the bar, and they’re like ‘When’s Spock’s next Pon Farr?’”
"JIM!"
Jim give a very manly flinch at the irritation in Uhura's voice. "What?" he asks, trying to make his eyes ooze innocence.
It doesn't seem to be working.
"What did you do to Spock?"
"Nothing! His dad sent him a care-package and he went for the chocolate himself!"
"And who organized the Karaoke?"
"It was Scotty!"
"Aye, lad, thanks for sellin' me out," Scotty says from where he's piled his head into his arms.
"And the lyrics?"
"Uh." Jim laughs. "Guilty."
***
7. "Spock has to go to Disneyland."
"Come again?" Jim asked, not quite choking on his cheeseburger.
"Spock. Has. To. Go. To. Disneyland." Uhura repeated, slow and loud with an inflection that hinted that maybe her Captain wasn't the brightest Captain, but she was on hand to do her duty nonetheless.
Jim hates it when she does that.
"OK. Why?"
"There's a Vulcan ritual that requires the presence of an oversized mouse costume and a magic castle. Since Vulcan was destroyed, all we have left is Disneyland."
"Why not LunarDisney?"
Uhura scoffed. "No castle."
"EuroDisney?"
"I'd rather not traumatize him."
"Fine."
***
8. Sarek's impression of Nyota Uhura was positive.
She appeared to be a good match for his son: intelligent, compassionate and accepting of his Vulcan nature. There was little doubt in his mind that her influence had played a large role in Spock's recovery from grief over the loss of his planet and his mother.
A year passed and his heart still clenched in a most UnVulcan manner when he thought of Amanda.
He bore no confusion over Nyota's suitability.
Rather, his confusion was over the meaning of the small message embossed on her bumper: "My other ride is a Vulcan."
Kirk/McCoy
9. McCoy would not melt. He. Would. Not.
Which kinda sucked, all told. As much as he liked to bitch and moan about Jim always rushing about an not stopping to smell the roses, actually being frozen into a Doc-cicle wasn't going to help his case much for slow. And what the hell kind of planet uses a weaponized ice beam, anyway? And why in Sam Hill did they want to shoot him. He's a Doctor, not a comic book hero.
"Bones?"
Aw crap, Jim was never gonna let him live this one down.
He glared as hard as he could.
***
10. Len feels pretty good.
A moment later he found himself pushed into a darkened rec room, trapped between the wall and Jim's mouth.
"Damn it, Jim!" Leonard breathes when he can.
"I know, know. You're a Doctor, not a teenager. But-" He grinds into Len. "I thought about what you said."
"And?"
"I'm in."
Things were good. Mission went okay. None of the idiots died or injured themselves too badly. He had some leave coming up and it looked like Captain Commitment-Phobe might actually be interested in a little recurring quality time with the Love Doctor. (Jim's words, not his.)
***
11. Jim decided that taking on the Klingons hadn't been such a bad idea, after all.
There was an extra swagger in his walk. A happy hitch in his step, A certain looseness about his shoulders. Oh yes, my friends, Jim Kirk had gotten laid. AND HOW.
God love Bones's protectiveness. Man couldn't wait to peel Jim out of his clothes and examine every last inch of Captain and kit. Jim'd been more than able to assure him that everything was fine and in perfect working order. Oh yes.
Now, how to get the Klingons to attack more regularly..?
***
12. Say what you will about Starfleet issue goods, they may be ugly as hell but they were functional. Except the shirts. Jim still managed to come back from 2 out of every three away missions with a torn tunic.
But everything else, from the furnishings to the god damn rations were sturdy as anything. Len thinks he may have even seen Scotty patching the hull with his leftover breakfast, once.
But the time Jim almost bled out, and he'd had to coax him through a month of PT before green-lighting any sexy shenanigans?
They needed a new bed after that.
Chekov/Chapel
13. "He had his hands all over you, Christine," Pavel said, a scowl screwing his face tight. "I would not be a man if I just stood there and let him insult you like that."
"Look," Christine sighs. "Pavel. I appreciate the thought but-"
"In Russia, if another man were to try that, I would be excused for punching him in the nose."
"Yeah, but McCoy was just drunk. And he's your friend. And my boss."
He had full-blown puppy eyes, begging for forgiveness.
Damn, but she always had trouble staying mad at him.
"Da. I will apologize. But only once!"
Kirk/Spock/Bones
14. “Jim, why are you two wearing tinfoil on your heads?"
Leonard was struggling to hide a grin.
Jim giggled. The shiny foil really did wonderful things for Spock's eyes, but in a fit of rather UnVulcan like whimsy, Spock had curled two edges up to mirror the points of his ears.
"I find the tinfoil inhibits the majority of the Captain's more vulgar thoughts from breaching my telepathic shields when I am attempting to meditate." Spock's voice was still quite dignified, all things considered.
"But since you're here now, Bones…"
"Indeed," Spock said, tugging his hat off. "We may begin."
***
15. "Jim, I do believe it is your turn to decide who gets to penetrate you."
How Spock managed to keep his voice so perfectly level when he was naked, hard and otherwise gagging for it, Jim had no idea. Must be some Vulcan voodoo thing.
Jim palmed his crotch and gave the matter a few moments of serious thought. Bones was spread out and fondling his own erection with long, languorous strokes-playing up the thickness and the length.
Spock sat at the edge of the bed, his own cock untouched and straining.
"Wrestle for it?"
Spock moved fast when motivated.
Chapel/McCoy
16. Christine fastened her garters, smoothed out her fishnets and did a triumphant practice turn in the new six-inch spiked, fuck me heels. She twisted her cool blonde hair into a knot and slicked on the brightest, reddest lipstick she could borrow. (Thank you, Nyota!)
Oh yeah, she was gonna get her some. Leonard Horatio McCoy had no idea what was in store for him. Poor little lamb.
Later, she asked Gaila to help her set up the security feed in her quarters so she could replay the gobsmacked expression on his face when she greeted him over and over again.
Chekov/McCoy
17. "Maybe when you're older," answered Christine, suppressing a giggle.
Chekov frowned at her. "I am eighteen, now. A man by Federation law."
She looked up his medical file and was surprised to find that yes, their adorable little Ensign was of age now.
"Well, then, that changes things." She said, all professionalism. "So which flavours were you interested in?"
"Flavours?" Chekov's cheeks burned.
"I hear Dr. McCoy is rather fond of peach."
"Da, peach then."
She pressed a handful of condoms into his hands, smirking as he ran out the door.
Better watch yourself McCoy. Little Chekov's all grown up.
***
18. Year end evaluations pretty much suck. McCoy knew he wasn't the only one who fled.
Unfortunately, the closet he hid in was populated by a very capable and very handsy Chekov.
"Jesus H Christ, kid!" he yelled when a clever hand found his cock. "Just who d'you think you're pawing here?"
"I think," Chekov practically purred, "that it's time for the Doctor to shush and take his medicine."
"But-!" McCoy choked off on a groan. What the hell were they teaching kids at the Academy these days?
"When we're done, you go see the Keptain, yes?"
Dammit, Jim. Not fair.
Sulu/Gaila
19. "Hit me," Sulu screams, writhing and desperate in his bonds.
Normally, he's not one for pain. Oh, sure, he can grin and bear it, but it doesn't exactly make the world sing or any of that shit.
It was just that he really wanted this to last and he was very much afraid he was going to shoot his load in less time than it took Jim Kirk to provoke Spock into a nerve pinch. And he definitely wasn't going to if Gaila kept fucking teasing him with that whip.
She smiles her big, green, beautiful smile and lets loose.
Scotty/Gaila
20. "It's not all about machines. I like to get my hands dirty as well."
Scotty's eyebrows fly up to his hairline. Gaila's clever fingers wind their way up under his tartan and close on his cock.
"Of course," she continues, in that dead sexy purring thing she does instead of talking. "I have no objections to also including machines."
He manages a quick gulp that becomes a yelp when she takes to stroking him, harder and faster. He reaches behind for his tool box and offers her a whirring, buzzing prize from its depths.
Her smile fair blinds him.
Kirk/Rand
21. Len shook his head, amused. As far as he knew Jim liked Janice, was actively pursuing her through candy and flowers and overwrought sentimental messages in her PADD. And she felt the same, if he were to judge from her sidelong glances, extra short uniform skirt and the smoky laugh she used around Jim.
He figured, if anything, finding out they were married under Federation law would be just the thing for everyone concerned. That didn’t stop them from making a scene.
Len ducked the hurled tray and ambled out of the mess.
Best leave the lovebirds to it, then.
***
22. Now, Captain, you promise to stay put and do your paperwork?" Janice said as she adjusted the pink fluffy manacle at Jim's ankle.
"I'll be good," he promised. He bit his lip when she trailed her long, red fingernails up to the bulge in his pants.
She shot him a smirk and licked her lips slowly. "I don't hear you working, sir."
Jim swallowed audibly and picked up a stylus. His hand shook once when Janice signalled her approval by pulling out his cock. "God boy," she purred, breathing hotly over the head. "Remember to fill them out in triplicate."
***
23. Everyone said a relationship with Kirk would be challenging. Janice was ready to deal with the flirting. She knew Jim cared for her, and that it was a reflexive response to a pretty smile and without any serious intent behind it. She was even prepared for the away mission hijinks, when tribes and systems not yet part of the Federation had yet to receive the "Property of Janice Rand, Hands Off" Memo. She's got her own phaser and ion-charged baton dedicated to beating the alien women off of him.
What she didn't expect was the poetry.
The consistently awful poetry.
Kirk/Spock/Scotty
24. When Kirk invited his first and second officers to join him for dinner in the captain's mess, Scotty didn't think anything of it. He was still not thinking much when he was invited back to the Captain's quarters and saw the lights set low and heard the relaxing strains of some Andorean composer fill the air. He just chalked it up to Kirk being a busy man and needing to go a few steps beyond the ordinary to relax.
He didn't twig to the affair as seduction until Spock stepped in and kissed him.
He kissed back. He's no fool.
Kirk/Spock
25. Dodging the grasping hands of yet another infected crew member, Spock sealed the doors to his quarters with considerable relief.
The sex pollen situation, or rather the sheer number of occurrences, was beginning to seem suspicious. Three in one month seemed excessive. Even a crew as accident-prone as the Enterprise could not conceivable encounter every possible version over the course of their first five year mission?
The door between his quarters and the Captain's hissed open. Jim was clutching a small jar tightly to his chest an striding for Spock's bed.
"Captain?"
Jim jolted, a guilty expression on his face.
***
26. "What exactly do you plan to do with them?" Bones asks, leaning against the door frame and, more importantly, blocking Jim's way out.
He looks back at the handful of containment jars and tries to think up a real good official reason for the Captain to be, ah, liberating those intriguing spores from Galurgia XII. The ones that made Vulcans get all friendly-like. And naked. And insatiable.
"Um, Spock said he'd like to examine them closer now that he's free of their effects?" Shit. No. Don't make a question, Jim.
Bones's snort says he ain't buying it for a minute.
***
27. "Jim, would you please explain what it means to be 'jacking off'?"
“Um…” He swallowed. “Jacking off?”
"Indeed. I overheard one of the ensigns say that it made him feel considerably better during long missions. I was wondering if it is something I can do to benefit myself."
Oh, Jim thought, so that's what an instant hard-on feels like.
"It's a sex thing, Spock," he said out loud.
"I gathered as much." The look Spock gave him was scorching.
"Oh? How would you feel about a practical demonstration?"
"That would be most educational."
It really, really was.
Fun, too.
***
28. "No, Jim." Spock says firmly, eyeing the blue skirt with distaste.
"But..." Jim whines a little.
"Are you wishing you were a woman?" Spock's eyebrow twitches. Normally, indulging his bondmate is something he enjoys, but this latest request is completely without logic. He is unaccountably fond of Jim's maleness.
"No, baby, of course not!" Jim's denial is swift and certain. He presses the skirt to his pelvis and begs: "Please, Spock. I just think it would be really, really hot."
"Interesting. And you wish me to call you Nurse Chapel while you service me attired in... that."
"And you're Bones!"
Kirk/Spock Sarek/Amanda
29. "It'll wear off in a day, you infant. Go away."
Jim doesn't think so. It's starting to feel natural, this whole being a woman thing. And, frankly, Spock's mom is hot. Ergo, right now, he (she) is a pretty much a textbook case of MILF. Only now he can't get it on because Spock is understandably a little freaked out when he sees what looks like his mom leering at him, and what looks like his bondmate eyeing up his old man.
Sarek, on the other hand, seems vastly amused. Maybe he's a little more open minded than his son?
Kirk/Cupcake/Keenser
30. If he ever finds out who posted those photos, they're dead.
It's not that he's ever had much in the way of dignity-getting christened "Cupcake" before your trial year at the Academy is done has that effect. But still, for all the grinning and bearing he's had to do since agreeing to sign on with that insufferable madman, Kirk, Cupcake- no, dammit, Stevens doesn't have a clue how he's going to live down the pictures of him, the aforementioned asshole AND Ensign Keenser that're floating around Engineering.
He's only got an hour or so before they hit the bridge.
Bones/Scotty/Sulu/Kirk/Spock
31. The door buckles and caves under the combined assault of Jim and Spock's phasers. They charge forward.
"Hang on, Bones! Scotty! Sulu! We're coming for you!"
He came around a corner and froze, finding the three men in a mostly naked heap on the floor.
"Oh, hey Jim" Bones sounds very relaxed and very happy. Sulu and Scotty give their superior officers a set of bashful grins and sharp salutes.
"You stopped transmitting,"Jim sputters. "I thought you'd all been kidnapped!"
"Nah," Bones shrugs, still grinning. "We just figured that was the easiest way to get you both down here."
Chapel/Spock
32. "You want to borrow my panties?" Christine asked.
She watched a green blush creep over the back of his neck, fascinated. She'd never seen Spock so clearly discomfited before.
"Indeed," he said, his calm, level tone completely belying the flush on his cheeks.
"Why?"
"It is customary, among Vulcans, to request a token from their mates bearing their scent if they are to be parted for a significant length of time."
"That's... sweet." Kinky, she thought. Fascinating.
She rolled the frothy pink thong down her thighs and pressed it into his hands. Spock stammered out his thanks.
He's so cute.
Spock/McCoy
33. This wasn't the plan. The plan was a couple of drinks, a couple of laughs, maybe some flirting. This was stage one, a testing of the waters.
He wasn't ready for Spock to get all bleary-eyed and smiley. He certainly didn't expect to be hauled bodily onto the table and pinned down by a squirming, handsy, horny Vulcan.
Not that he's complaining, mind. Leonard McCoy is nobody's fool. And finding out the object of your affections returns them, and can also suck the chrome off a trailer hitch? Not a cause for whining.
Still, a gentleman likes to be prepared.
***
34. Leonard felt good. Damned good.
Stretching, he realized he wasn't in his quarters. No big deal, it's not like it's his first ride on that particular pony. He sat himself up. Not Jim's room, thank God. The pleasant lassitude he's feeling only comes from a good, hard fucking and he didn't much like his odds against Scotty if he ever turns over that particular stone again. The little Scotsman was sneaky. And scary. And had access to almost as many sharp pointy things as Leonard.
The bathroom door opened and Spock stepped out, wearing only a towel.
Leonard's jaw dropped.
***
35. "Doctor McCoy!"
"Damn it, Spock," Bones muttered. "What now?"
Bones turned around just in time to intercept the Vulcan's leap through the door of his office and into his stunned arms.
"SPOCK? What the ever lovin' heck has gotten into you?" Spock was never this handsy, except maybe in their quarters after shift. He looked around the (thankfully) empty med bay and hurried them into his office.
"We’ll always have Paris," he sad with perfect seriousness. "You complete me."
McCoy blinked before he remembered. "Movie night?"
Spock smiled and hugged him tighter. "Indeed."
"As you wish," McCoy said, grinning wide.
Kirk/Uhura/Gaila
36. Jim woke up in a tangle of green and brown limbs. Legs thrown over his and an arm across his chest pinned him to the bed. The air smelled of sex, sweat and booze, strong enough to rival even his fondest memories of his Academy days.
Is this my fucking life? he asked. He was a little lost here. He remembered dancing.
Uhura, as if responding to the unvoiced question, nuzzled closer. She traced a tight trail of wet along the side of his throat with her tongue.
"Gaila, darling," she purred. "I think the Captain's over thinking things again."
***
37. Jim hated being punished in this way. All tied up and unable to do anything but watch as the good times happened right in front of his face.
"Look at him," Uhura says, cupping Gaila's chin and turning it to where Jim struggles against his bonds, uselessly, trying to get some kind of friction working against his cock.
Gaila's wide blue eyes take in the sight and she smiles. Leans in to whisper something in Uhura's ear. Both women giggle.
Jim groans.
They kiss, close enough for him to taste it when he breathes.
They're going to kill him.
Pike/One/Spock
38. Chris shakes his head, dismayed to note that it doesn't do a damn thing to clear it.
Discount shot night and a man his age shouldn't even be uttered in the same breath. Let alone gone at with the apparent gusto he demonstrated last night.
He groans. He's never going to hear the end of it from Number One. Speaking of...
He turns to the warmth beside him, thinking maybe a quickie might soften the edge of her tongue later. Maybe. If he's lucky.
He blinks. Twice.
How the hell did he end up naked and tangled with Spock, anyway?
Gaila/Uhura
39. Gaila finally had Uhura to herself. She was looking forward to diving in under the short red skirt and discovering for herself the tastes and scents that comprised her dearest friend.
They had hours yet before classes began, and Gaila knew that was more than enough time to start the slow exploration.
Unless Spock interrupted again.
The professor had been so shocked, in his proper Vulcan way of course, that Nyota had become too shy to carry on. It had taken weeks to convince her to try again.
Tonight, Gaila vows, setting the lock to maximum security, they will finish.
Kirk/Spock Scotty/Spock
40. "YOU had sex with Commander Spock?!?"
Scotty tries not to be offended at the rampant disbelief in Jim's tone, but it's a mite insulting. As if a good Scotsman couldn't bag any number of prissy uptight Vulcans if he had a mind to.
"Well, aye," he says, remembering the night fondly. "It was just when he first arrived at the Academy. Poor wee lamb was lonesome. I had my scotch, he had his chocolate and next thing you know we neither of us had any clothes."
Jim's looking a wee bit like a landed fish with his gaping.
"Wait. Chocolate?"
He hoped it wouldn't get weird. Sulu had started it, anyway. What with his tendancy to be all quiet and sexy all the fucking time.
Jim had no choice but to haul him into a deserted causeway between missions and kiss the life out of him. Clearly.
Only now that he'd done it and Sulu was just kind of staring at him and not saying anything, Jim was having second thoughts.
"I.. ah.." he stuttered, looking for a way around the pilot and back to his quarters where he could die of embarrassment alone.
Sulu stopped him.
With his tongue.
The format was a drabble tree, which means each drabble had to contain a phrase from the drabble it was in response to. I've bolded the phrases I built my drabbles around for your reference.
The prompt was CRACK. The quality is suspect. The pairings are MANY. AND DAMN I HAD FUN!
Kirk/Sulu
1. He wasn't looking forward to explaining this to Spock. Or filing the report.
He must've slept through the class on how to tell your Vulcan XO that you let the Captain get kidnapped by Klingons on shore leave, because he sure as hell wasn't coming up with anything good on his own.
He was, Sulu reflected, completely and utterly screwed.
He thought about Jim's eyes. The way he trusted Sulu with his ship. His body. His heart.
Nope. No way was this shit gonna fly.
Sulu patted the katana at his hip. He was getting his Jim back. Now.
***
2. Sulu paused at the door to Jim's quarters. He'd leave the bouquet of daisies on Jim's pillow and spend the rest of the day pining wondering if they'd make Jim think of him.
Oh, he hoped so.
He used the code Spock had given to him in a fit of pity (aided, no doubt, by Uhura's pointy elbows). The door opened and he stepped through.
Jim, it appeared, was not on the bridge this afternoon.
"Hey, Kicker," said the Captain with an all-too-knowing smirk. "Need a vase?"
Sulu gulped, having been found out so quickly. "That would be helpful, sir."
***
3. "You want me to show you my sword?" Sulu asks. "But you've seen my katana, I showed it to you after the whole drill thing, remember?"
"No, no," Jim stammers. "Not that sword. Your other one. The big one."
"How did you know I bought a bigger sword?" Sulu hadn't told anybody about the broadsword. He wasn't even sure if he could lift it.
"Um." Jim blushes, actually fucking blushes, which makes Sulu feel a little bad. And confused.
"You OK, Jim?"
"No!" He takes a deep breath. "I'm trying to ask you out."
"Oh. Well why didn't you say?"
***
4. "Jim!" Hikaru said. "Do you mind?"
"Not really..." the blond leered. "I'm enjoying the view."
Hikaru's hands flew up to his headdress. If one couldn't enjoy the literal fruits of their labours in one's own quarters, where could they? It wasn't his fault he had a nosey captain, and he'd be damned if he was going to let Jim's mockery ruin his special time.
"Fine," he said, absolutely not sniffing in ladylike disdain. Because he wasn't a lady, despite what the grass skirt might imply. "If you want to stay, you have to drum."
Jim beats it, alright.
Twice.
***
5. "Stars, yes!" Jim groaned. "Pierce me with your sword of man meat!"
"Jim!" Hikaru said. "Do you mind?"
"No, Hikaru, please! Pound me with your club of oiled cock-flesh! Show me how you work your sword!"
"For fuck's sake, Jim." Hikaru moved to pull out. "What did I tell you about your brand of dirty talk? Do I need to get the gag?"
Jim chewed on his arm and shook his head instead of speaking.
Hikaru found this improved the situation considerably. He thrust in deeper, enjoying the give of Jim's eager ass and every twitch of his hips.
Spock/Uhura
6. “My ass-kicking brings all the ladies to the bar, and they’re like ‘When’s Spock’s next Pon Farr?’”
"JIM!"
Jim give a very manly flinch at the irritation in Uhura's voice. "What?" he asks, trying to make his eyes ooze innocence.
It doesn't seem to be working.
"What did you do to Spock?"
"Nothing! His dad sent him a care-package and he went for the chocolate himself!"
"And who organized the Karaoke?"
"It was Scotty!"
"Aye, lad, thanks for sellin' me out," Scotty says from where he's piled his head into his arms.
"And the lyrics?"
"Uh." Jim laughs. "Guilty."
***
7. "Spock has to go to Disneyland."
"Come again?" Jim asked, not quite choking on his cheeseburger.
"Spock. Has. To. Go. To. Disneyland." Uhura repeated, slow and loud with an inflection that hinted that maybe her Captain wasn't the brightest Captain, but she was on hand to do her duty nonetheless.
Jim hates it when she does that.
"OK. Why?"
"There's a Vulcan ritual that requires the presence of an oversized mouse costume and a magic castle. Since Vulcan was destroyed, all we have left is Disneyland."
"Why not LunarDisney?"
Uhura scoffed. "No castle."
"EuroDisney?"
"I'd rather not traumatize him."
"Fine."
***
8. Sarek's impression of Nyota Uhura was positive.
She appeared to be a good match for his son: intelligent, compassionate and accepting of his Vulcan nature. There was little doubt in his mind that her influence had played a large role in Spock's recovery from grief over the loss of his planet and his mother.
A year passed and his heart still clenched in a most UnVulcan manner when he thought of Amanda.
He bore no confusion over Nyota's suitability.
Rather, his confusion was over the meaning of the small message embossed on her bumper: "My other ride is a Vulcan."
Kirk/McCoy
9. McCoy would not melt. He. Would. Not.
Which kinda sucked, all told. As much as he liked to bitch and moan about Jim always rushing about an not stopping to smell the roses, actually being frozen into a Doc-cicle wasn't going to help his case much for slow. And what the hell kind of planet uses a weaponized ice beam, anyway? And why in Sam Hill did they want to shoot him. He's a Doctor, not a comic book hero.
"Bones?"
Aw crap, Jim was never gonna let him live this one down.
He glared as hard as he could.
***
10. Len feels pretty good.
A moment later he found himself pushed into a darkened rec room, trapped between the wall and Jim's mouth.
"Damn it, Jim!" Leonard breathes when he can.
"I know, know. You're a Doctor, not a teenager. But-" He grinds into Len. "I thought about what you said."
"And?"
"I'm in."
Things were good. Mission went okay. None of the idiots died or injured themselves too badly. He had some leave coming up and it looked like Captain Commitment-Phobe might actually be interested in a little recurring quality time with the Love Doctor. (Jim's words, not his.)
***
11. Jim decided that taking on the Klingons hadn't been such a bad idea, after all.
There was an extra swagger in his walk. A happy hitch in his step, A certain looseness about his shoulders. Oh yes, my friends, Jim Kirk had gotten laid. AND HOW.
God love Bones's protectiveness. Man couldn't wait to peel Jim out of his clothes and examine every last inch of Captain and kit. Jim'd been more than able to assure him that everything was fine and in perfect working order. Oh yes.
Now, how to get the Klingons to attack more regularly..?
***
12. Say what you will about Starfleet issue goods, they may be ugly as hell but they were functional. Except the shirts. Jim still managed to come back from 2 out of every three away missions with a torn tunic.
But everything else, from the furnishings to the god damn rations were sturdy as anything. Len thinks he may have even seen Scotty patching the hull with his leftover breakfast, once.
But the time Jim almost bled out, and he'd had to coax him through a month of PT before green-lighting any sexy shenanigans?
They needed a new bed after that.
Chekov/Chapel
13. "He had his hands all over you, Christine," Pavel said, a scowl screwing his face tight. "I would not be a man if I just stood there and let him insult you like that."
"Look," Christine sighs. "Pavel. I appreciate the thought but-"
"In Russia, if another man were to try that, I would be excused for punching him in the nose."
"Yeah, but McCoy was just drunk. And he's your friend. And my boss."
He had full-blown puppy eyes, begging for forgiveness.
Damn, but she always had trouble staying mad at him.
"Da. I will apologize. But only once!"
Kirk/Spock/Bones
14. “Jim, why are you two wearing tinfoil on your heads?"
Leonard was struggling to hide a grin.
Jim giggled. The shiny foil really did wonderful things for Spock's eyes, but in a fit of rather UnVulcan like whimsy, Spock had curled two edges up to mirror the points of his ears.
"I find the tinfoil inhibits the majority of the Captain's more vulgar thoughts from breaching my telepathic shields when I am attempting to meditate." Spock's voice was still quite dignified, all things considered.
"But since you're here now, Bones…"
"Indeed," Spock said, tugging his hat off. "We may begin."
***
15. "Jim, I do believe it is your turn to decide who gets to penetrate you."
How Spock managed to keep his voice so perfectly level when he was naked, hard and otherwise gagging for it, Jim had no idea. Must be some Vulcan voodoo thing.
Jim palmed his crotch and gave the matter a few moments of serious thought. Bones was spread out and fondling his own erection with long, languorous strokes-playing up the thickness and the length.
Spock sat at the edge of the bed, his own cock untouched and straining.
"Wrestle for it?"
Spock moved fast when motivated.
Chapel/McCoy
16. Christine fastened her garters, smoothed out her fishnets and did a triumphant practice turn in the new six-inch spiked, fuck me heels. She twisted her cool blonde hair into a knot and slicked on the brightest, reddest lipstick she could borrow. (Thank you, Nyota!)
Oh yeah, she was gonna get her some. Leonard Horatio McCoy had no idea what was in store for him. Poor little lamb.
Later, she asked Gaila to help her set up the security feed in her quarters so she could replay the gobsmacked expression on his face when she greeted him over and over again.
Chekov/McCoy
17. "Maybe when you're older," answered Christine, suppressing a giggle.
Chekov frowned at her. "I am eighteen, now. A man by Federation law."
She looked up his medical file and was surprised to find that yes, their adorable little Ensign was of age now.
"Well, then, that changes things." She said, all professionalism. "So which flavours were you interested in?"
"Flavours?" Chekov's cheeks burned.
"I hear Dr. McCoy is rather fond of peach."
"Da, peach then."
She pressed a handful of condoms into his hands, smirking as he ran out the door.
Better watch yourself McCoy. Little Chekov's all grown up.
***
18. Year end evaluations pretty much suck. McCoy knew he wasn't the only one who fled.
Unfortunately, the closet he hid in was populated by a very capable and very handsy Chekov.
"Jesus H Christ, kid!" he yelled when a clever hand found his cock. "Just who d'you think you're pawing here?"
"I think," Chekov practically purred, "that it's time for the Doctor to shush and take his medicine."
"But-!" McCoy choked off on a groan. What the hell were they teaching kids at the Academy these days?
"When we're done, you go see the Keptain, yes?"
Dammit, Jim. Not fair.
Sulu/Gaila
19. "Hit me," Sulu screams, writhing and desperate in his bonds.
Normally, he's not one for pain. Oh, sure, he can grin and bear it, but it doesn't exactly make the world sing or any of that shit.
It was just that he really wanted this to last and he was very much afraid he was going to shoot his load in less time than it took Jim Kirk to provoke Spock into a nerve pinch. And he definitely wasn't going to if Gaila kept fucking teasing him with that whip.
She smiles her big, green, beautiful smile and lets loose.
Scotty/Gaila
20. "It's not all about machines. I like to get my hands dirty as well."
Scotty's eyebrows fly up to his hairline. Gaila's clever fingers wind their way up under his tartan and close on his cock.
"Of course," she continues, in that dead sexy purring thing she does instead of talking. "I have no objections to also including machines."
He manages a quick gulp that becomes a yelp when she takes to stroking him, harder and faster. He reaches behind for his tool box and offers her a whirring, buzzing prize from its depths.
Her smile fair blinds him.
Kirk/Rand
21. Len shook his head, amused. As far as he knew Jim liked Janice, was actively pursuing her through candy and flowers and overwrought sentimental messages in her PADD. And she felt the same, if he were to judge from her sidelong glances, extra short uniform skirt and the smoky laugh she used around Jim.
He figured, if anything, finding out they were married under Federation law would be just the thing for everyone concerned. That didn’t stop them from making a scene.
Len ducked the hurled tray and ambled out of the mess.
Best leave the lovebirds to it, then.
***
22. Now, Captain, you promise to stay put and do your paperwork?" Janice said as she adjusted the pink fluffy manacle at Jim's ankle.
"I'll be good," he promised. He bit his lip when she trailed her long, red fingernails up to the bulge in his pants.
She shot him a smirk and licked her lips slowly. "I don't hear you working, sir."
Jim swallowed audibly and picked up a stylus. His hand shook once when Janice signalled her approval by pulling out his cock. "God boy," she purred, breathing hotly over the head. "Remember to fill them out in triplicate."
***
23. Everyone said a relationship with Kirk would be challenging. Janice was ready to deal with the flirting. She knew Jim cared for her, and that it was a reflexive response to a pretty smile and without any serious intent behind it. She was even prepared for the away mission hijinks, when tribes and systems not yet part of the Federation had yet to receive the "Property of Janice Rand, Hands Off" Memo. She's got her own phaser and ion-charged baton dedicated to beating the alien women off of him.
What she didn't expect was the poetry.
The consistently awful poetry.
Kirk/Spock/Scotty
24. When Kirk invited his first and second officers to join him for dinner in the captain's mess, Scotty didn't think anything of it. He was still not thinking much when he was invited back to the Captain's quarters and saw the lights set low and heard the relaxing strains of some Andorean composer fill the air. He just chalked it up to Kirk being a busy man and needing to go a few steps beyond the ordinary to relax.
He didn't twig to the affair as seduction until Spock stepped in and kissed him.
He kissed back. He's no fool.
Kirk/Spock
25. Dodging the grasping hands of yet another infected crew member, Spock sealed the doors to his quarters with considerable relief.
The sex pollen situation, or rather the sheer number of occurrences, was beginning to seem suspicious. Three in one month seemed excessive. Even a crew as accident-prone as the Enterprise could not conceivable encounter every possible version over the course of their first five year mission?
The door between his quarters and the Captain's hissed open. Jim was clutching a small jar tightly to his chest an striding for Spock's bed.
"Captain?"
Jim jolted, a guilty expression on his face.
***
26. "What exactly do you plan to do with them?" Bones asks, leaning against the door frame and, more importantly, blocking Jim's way out.
He looks back at the handful of containment jars and tries to think up a real good official reason for the Captain to be, ah, liberating those intriguing spores from Galurgia XII. The ones that made Vulcans get all friendly-like. And naked. And insatiable.
"Um, Spock said he'd like to examine them closer now that he's free of their effects?" Shit. No. Don't make a question, Jim.
Bones's snort says he ain't buying it for a minute.
***
27. "Jim, would you please explain what it means to be 'jacking off'?"
“Um…” He swallowed. “Jacking off?”
"Indeed. I overheard one of the ensigns say that it made him feel considerably better during long missions. I was wondering if it is something I can do to benefit myself."
Oh, Jim thought, so that's what an instant hard-on feels like.
"It's a sex thing, Spock," he said out loud.
"I gathered as much." The look Spock gave him was scorching.
"Oh? How would you feel about a practical demonstration?"
"That would be most educational."
It really, really was.
Fun, too.
***
28. "No, Jim." Spock says firmly, eyeing the blue skirt with distaste.
"But..." Jim whines a little.
"Are you wishing you were a woman?" Spock's eyebrow twitches. Normally, indulging his bondmate is something he enjoys, but this latest request is completely without logic. He is unaccountably fond of Jim's maleness.
"No, baby, of course not!" Jim's denial is swift and certain. He presses the skirt to his pelvis and begs: "Please, Spock. I just think it would be really, really hot."
"Interesting. And you wish me to call you Nurse Chapel while you service me attired in... that."
"And you're Bones!"
Kirk/Spock Sarek/Amanda
29. "It'll wear off in a day, you infant. Go away."
Jim doesn't think so. It's starting to feel natural, this whole being a woman thing. And, frankly, Spock's mom is hot. Ergo, right now, he (she) is a pretty much a textbook case of MILF. Only now he can't get it on because Spock is understandably a little freaked out when he sees what looks like his mom leering at him, and what looks like his bondmate eyeing up his old man.
Sarek, on the other hand, seems vastly amused. Maybe he's a little more open minded than his son?
Kirk/Cupcake/Keenser
30. If he ever finds out who posted those photos, they're dead.
It's not that he's ever had much in the way of dignity-getting christened "Cupcake" before your trial year at the Academy is done has that effect. But still, for all the grinning and bearing he's had to do since agreeing to sign on with that insufferable madman, Kirk, Cupcake- no, dammit, Stevens doesn't have a clue how he's going to live down the pictures of him, the aforementioned asshole AND Ensign Keenser that're floating around Engineering.
He's only got an hour or so before they hit the bridge.
Bones/Scotty/Sulu/Kirk/Spock
31. The door buckles and caves under the combined assault of Jim and Spock's phasers. They charge forward.
"Hang on, Bones! Scotty! Sulu! We're coming for you!"
He came around a corner and froze, finding the three men in a mostly naked heap on the floor.
"Oh, hey Jim" Bones sounds very relaxed and very happy. Sulu and Scotty give their superior officers a set of bashful grins and sharp salutes.
"You stopped transmitting,"Jim sputters. "I thought you'd all been kidnapped!"
"Nah," Bones shrugs, still grinning. "We just figured that was the easiest way to get you both down here."
Chapel/Spock
32. "You want to borrow my panties?" Christine asked.
She watched a green blush creep over the back of his neck, fascinated. She'd never seen Spock so clearly discomfited before.
"Indeed," he said, his calm, level tone completely belying the flush on his cheeks.
"Why?"
"It is customary, among Vulcans, to request a token from their mates bearing their scent if they are to be parted for a significant length of time."
"That's... sweet." Kinky, she thought. Fascinating.
She rolled the frothy pink thong down her thighs and pressed it into his hands. Spock stammered out his thanks.
He's so cute.
Spock/McCoy
33. This wasn't the plan. The plan was a couple of drinks, a couple of laughs, maybe some flirting. This was stage one, a testing of the waters.
He wasn't ready for Spock to get all bleary-eyed and smiley. He certainly didn't expect to be hauled bodily onto the table and pinned down by a squirming, handsy, horny Vulcan.
Not that he's complaining, mind. Leonard McCoy is nobody's fool. And finding out the object of your affections returns them, and can also suck the chrome off a trailer hitch? Not a cause for whining.
Still, a gentleman likes to be prepared.
***
34. Leonard felt good. Damned good.
Stretching, he realized he wasn't in his quarters. No big deal, it's not like it's his first ride on that particular pony. He sat himself up. Not Jim's room, thank God. The pleasant lassitude he's feeling only comes from a good, hard fucking and he didn't much like his odds against Scotty if he ever turns over that particular stone again. The little Scotsman was sneaky. And scary. And had access to almost as many sharp pointy things as Leonard.
The bathroom door opened and Spock stepped out, wearing only a towel.
Leonard's jaw dropped.
***
35. "Doctor McCoy!"
"Damn it, Spock," Bones muttered. "What now?"
Bones turned around just in time to intercept the Vulcan's leap through the door of his office and into his stunned arms.
"SPOCK? What the ever lovin' heck has gotten into you?" Spock was never this handsy, except maybe in their quarters after shift. He looked around the (thankfully) empty med bay and hurried them into his office.
"We’ll always have Paris," he sad with perfect seriousness. "You complete me."
McCoy blinked before he remembered. "Movie night?"
Spock smiled and hugged him tighter. "Indeed."
"As you wish," McCoy said, grinning wide.
Kirk/Uhura/Gaila
36. Jim woke up in a tangle of green and brown limbs. Legs thrown over his and an arm across his chest pinned him to the bed. The air smelled of sex, sweat and booze, strong enough to rival even his fondest memories of his Academy days.
Is this my fucking life? he asked. He was a little lost here. He remembered dancing.
Uhura, as if responding to the unvoiced question, nuzzled closer. She traced a tight trail of wet along the side of his throat with her tongue.
"Gaila, darling," she purred. "I think the Captain's over thinking things again."
***
37. Jim hated being punished in this way. All tied up and unable to do anything but watch as the good times happened right in front of his face.
"Look at him," Uhura says, cupping Gaila's chin and turning it to where Jim struggles against his bonds, uselessly, trying to get some kind of friction working against his cock.
Gaila's wide blue eyes take in the sight and she smiles. Leans in to whisper something in Uhura's ear. Both women giggle.
Jim groans.
They kiss, close enough for him to taste it when he breathes.
They're going to kill him.
Pike/One/Spock
38. Chris shakes his head, dismayed to note that it doesn't do a damn thing to clear it.
Discount shot night and a man his age shouldn't even be uttered in the same breath. Let alone gone at with the apparent gusto he demonstrated last night.
He groans. He's never going to hear the end of it from Number One. Speaking of...
He turns to the warmth beside him, thinking maybe a quickie might soften the edge of her tongue later. Maybe. If he's lucky.
He blinks. Twice.
How the hell did he end up naked and tangled with Spock, anyway?
Gaila/Uhura
39. Gaila finally had Uhura to herself. She was looking forward to diving in under the short red skirt and discovering for herself the tastes and scents that comprised her dearest friend.
They had hours yet before classes began, and Gaila knew that was more than enough time to start the slow exploration.
Unless Spock interrupted again.
The professor had been so shocked, in his proper Vulcan way of course, that Nyota had become too shy to carry on. It had taken weeks to convince her to try again.
Tonight, Gaila vows, setting the lock to maximum security, they will finish.
Kirk/Spock Scotty/Spock
40. "YOU had sex with Commander Spock?!?"
Scotty tries not to be offended at the rampant disbelief in Jim's tone, but it's a mite insulting. As if a good Scotsman couldn't bag any number of prissy uptight Vulcans if he had a mind to.
"Well, aye," he says, remembering the night fondly. "It was just when he first arrived at the Academy. Poor wee lamb was lonesome. I had my scotch, he had his chocolate and next thing you know we neither of us had any clothes."
Jim's looking a wee bit like a landed fish with his gaping.
"Wait. Chocolate?"
He hoped it wouldn't get weird. Sulu had started it, anyway. What with his tendancy to be all quiet and sexy all the fucking time.
Jim had no choice but to haul him into a deserted causeway between missions and kiss the life out of him. Clearly.
Only now that he'd done it and Sulu was just kind of staring at him and not saying anything, Jim was having second thoughts.
"I.. ah.." he stuttered, looking for a way around the pilot and back to his quarters where he could die of embarrassment alone.
Sulu stopped him.
With his tongue.