Hold the tears
If arashian crying only because arashi hiatus news. I feel stronger than them, as I never shed a tear about it.
why I didn't shed a tear? because I feel my life is harder than just thinking about arashi.
But finally right now I'm crying. But the base of my tears is not because of arashi, but my complicated real life. About my family problems, about my lazy ass co-worker team, about the changed of the rule of my company, about my trusted senior which will stop working here, about my untouchable fiance, about our forgotten wedding ceremony, about the plan after the marriage and other problematic real life.
Usually I have my best friend to talk, but as she got married some months ago, I feel I cant call her to tell my hardship as before. Then my second choice is watching arashi's videos. Usually after watch it, my heart feel lighter and I can face my real life again. But now when I watch arashi videos I feel complicated. I'm happy for their decisions for hiatus, as I also want them to be happy with their life. but I dont know, I also feel pang in my heart. I want to watch them to make me laugh again. But some part of me still hold me back for laughing.
I need somebody to hug, to let my cry out loud, to listen my great problems, to make me smile again. I hold this feeling for long time already, and tired of it. I want to run away from my misery. Cant I just happy. I'm worked hard for years for you all, but now? after what I give to you all, I think no one by my side now.
Edit:
I've called my best friend last night as asafieryfist said in the comment. Thank you so much for your advice babe <3
It's better for make schedule for sharing session with my best friend, so although we far away, but we still have someone who want to to listen us and give us best advice for what must I do in the future. She also tell me her problems and I can help her a little. So I think we must keep out contact to make everything better.