[FIC] Like Meeting the Parents, Only Worse

[nkiseki]

Title: Like Meeting the Parents, Only Worse
Fandom: D.Gray-Man
Word Count: 2700+
Rating: PG
Summary: In which Allen is a glutton, Link becomes his roommate, and how Allen's friends (and their siblings) kind of suck. This is the story of how [mostly] everyone met Link. [AU]
Notes: Yay gen fic? I'm still trying to learn how to write these characters

Comments

[symbolism_egg]

This was a lot of fun to read. I enjoyed your takes on the characters--especially because I have a weakness for baker!Link. And Link and Lenalee seem to be in character.

I have a recommendation--try using fewer roundabout ways of referring to the characters (the white-haired man, the pale-haired man, the glasses-wearing man, etc.), since it's distracting. For example, "'I knew you couldn’t be trusted, Allen Walker!' he declared, shielding his dear sister from Allen." makes for smoother reading than “'I knew you couldn’t be trusted, Allen Walker!' the glasses wearing man declared, shielding his dear sister from the white haired man." Also, the fic seemed to end a little abruptly.

However, it was definitely enjoyable. I like how Allen and Link banned Lavi from the apartment for three months, and the line "Link's heart was kind of soft and fluffy." I would read more of the same.

[nkiseki]

Thank you so much!

And I adore you for the crit ♥ (though you didn't have to do the sandwich method ^^) They are the highlights of people commenting. I'm definitely going to keep that in mind for the future. It's just always a little hard for me to find the right balance since there's only so many times I can repeat someone's name before it starts sounding boring and repetitive.

[symbolism_egg]

You're welcome! I wish people would give me concrit, so... XD (Also, that's the format I usually use when commenting.)

*nods* I understand that it might seem repetitive. However, usually it's best to use their name or a pronoun, unless the pronouns are confusing in context.

[nkiseki]

Haha, I'm guilty of rarely leaving concrit unless I'm beta-reading, but I usually try to point out specifics in what I like writers doing... which I guess can be helpful... maybe? D:

Hm, I'm going to try doing that. I'm almost completely positive that I don't use pronouns enough.