I cracked up dead while I was reading this. I hope you feel happy about that. >E
No, seriously. XD I luffed it. ♥ But~ I do have a couple grammar-ish points to touch on ^^;; I'm really horrible about that...
It was finally here, her long awaited summer vacation. Freedom. It’s been far too long.
You're switching tenses. You did this again with the line 'Oh look, is that a dead raccoon?' It'd be fine if it was a thought, italicised, yanno, but if it's just plain text there, you'd want to change it to past tense to fit the rest of the drabble. But like I said, thoughts are fine in present tense, of course :D
The other thing was this sentence: But she got the point, unless Candy’s glare meant: Go chew her out, Percy was supposed to be quiet and listen to the nasty teacher.XD;;; it just managed to confuse the heck out of me. So firstly, I think you need a semicolon after 'got the point', since that would technically~ be beginning a new sentence. Then I would get rid of the colon and put quotations around 'go chew her
( ... )
Wah~ It's been fixed! Thank you so much for catching those mistakes. I can't believe I didn't catch some of them. Well... People tend to ignore their own mistakes because they understand what they meant. ^_^;; But I love it when people correct or criticize me because it really helps me develop and learn as a writer.
On another note, I'm so glad you liked it. XD It makes me happy to know my efforts made someone amused. =D
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I cracked up dead while I was reading this. I hope you feel happy about that. >E
No, seriously. XD I luffed it. ♥ But~ I do have a couple grammar-ish points to touch on ^^;; I'm really horrible about that...
It was finally here, her long awaited summer vacation. Freedom. It’s been far too long.
You're switching tenses. You did this again with the line 'Oh look, is that a dead raccoon?' It'd be fine if it was a thought, italicised, yanno, but if it's just plain text there, you'd want to change it to past tense to fit the rest of the drabble. But like I said, thoughts are fine in present tense, of course :D
The other thing was this sentence: But she got the point, unless Candy’s glare meant: Go chew her out, Percy was supposed to be quiet and listen to the nasty teacher.XD;;; it just managed to confuse the heck out of me. So firstly, I think you need a semicolon after 'got the point', since that would technically~ be beginning a new sentence. Then I would get rid of the colon and put quotations around 'go chew her ( ... )
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On another note, I'm so glad you liked it. XD It makes me happy to know my efforts made someone amused. =D
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