Comments | nlazarus: A report on the sleep-training

nlazarus

A report on the sleep-training

Oct 01, 2009 08:58

So, we had a big debate about sleep-training, when I started it with Elizabeth a few months ago. We decided to sleep-train her because I found that I was spending the vast majority of the day putting her down for naps or bed, and then getting her up when she cried, letting her play a bit and trying again. Putting her down involved cuddling and ( Read more... )

parenting, elizabeth

Comments 13

catalyst75 October 1 2009, 18:34:22 UTC

Amen, sister. Well done!

spiceandsugar October 1 2009, 18:37:33 UTC

as a non parent I totally believe in sleep training
it helps a child learn they CAN go to sleep on their own and that cuddles are special

there was a great episode of Mad About You where they were sleep training and the entire episode is one long shot (no cut aways, just the one long take) of them sitting outside their baby's room
very well done and the single shot technique added to the long feel of the process

catalyst75 October 1 2009, 20:24:46 UTC

Oh I remember that episode well! It was a very affecting episode, they didn't even have commercial breaks. Perfectly captured the emotional strain of sleep training!

Hopefully I'm not jsut repeating myself, but apparently I can't just leave it alone :P fruitkakechevy October 2 2009, 00:08:53 UTC

Maybe it's the difference between nursing to sleep (contains sleep-inducing stuff) and bottles (I remember you had a hard time with nursing, and did all you could). Maybe it's cosleeping vs cribs. Maybe it's my trust that Josh will sleep when he's tired, or catch up the next day. Maybe it's my rabid dislike of any sort of schedule to my life that Must Be Followed Or Dire Consequences Ensue. Maybe it's because I don't have anything scheduled during the day that I can't cancel, or bring a tired baby to so that he'll nurse to sleep in my lap or walk to sleep in a carrier. Maybe it's my trust that any problem we're having will be short-lived and is developmentally appropriate, not a problem to be solved Or Else He'll Never Sleep Again, like most sleep books state. Maybe it's the people I have as parent-peers. Maybe it's just a matter of different children needing different things, and I'll totally eat my words when the next one comes along, but I doubt it :P ( ... )

2/2 nlazarus October 2 2009, 01:14:22 UTC

I haven't read any research (on baby monkeys or anyone else, and, by the way, I'd like to see your sources on that because the only references I've seen denouncing sleep training have been pretty sketchy), but I have observed hundreds of kids, as the eldest of twenty, as a nanny, as a shopgirl at the kid's market, as the kiddie play director at Clinton, etc, etc. And the kids who are the most confident, the most independant, the happiest and the most respectful of others are the kids who grew up with structure, discipline and consistency. I have a remarkably happy, confident baby, who has never had a "shy" phase, who takes "no" for an answer, who is affectionate and also independant and self-entertaining. I can't take credit for most of that; she was born this way. But I can fairly confidently say that I haven't fucked it up with sleep training. I might eventually fuck it up some other way, but so far she's doing great ( ... )

Re: 2/2 fruitkakechevy October 10 2009, 16:49:48 UTC

Oops! Didn't see this one.

Here's an overview, with links to some non-sketchy research with actual footnotes: .

Here's her rebuttal to some of the comments she got after posting the first one: And I DO believe that kids need consistency, and a general sort of pattern to the day. Some kids (though apparently not yours) need a house to be "run like a Nazi military base" once they've lost basic trust in their parents to consistently meet their needs. They need to cling to something, and that something is the almighty SCHEDULE. I know parents that panic if they have missed the second yawn, because it means that they have missed the beginning of the Bedtime Ritual, and their child will not sleep at he appointed hour (and thus really struggle) without the hour of snack-bath-books-bed. It seems like Elizabeth hasn't needed to attach herself to this, so lucky you! I don't believe, however, that kids need a lot of structure beyond the general biological necessity of meals and (usually) naps. What they need most is a comfortable, ( ... )

1/2 nlazarus October 2 2009, 01:14:52 UTC

Well, maybe Josh does sleep when he's tired. Elizabeth wasn't. Now she does. I don't know how or exactly when she lost the simple common sense of going to sleep when you're tired, but she did. Now she goes to sleep. It's not hard and fast. Sometimes she stays up a bit later, sometimes she naps a little longer. Sometimes she plays quietly in her crib for half an hour before going to sleep, and sometimes she conks out right away ( ... )

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