How often should you get slapped?
Once upon a time I was talking with QoH about the dynamic I usually have with people I'm interested in, which is basically this: I make a move, and either the other person slaps me*, or they don't**. And it occured to me that QoH had never slapped me, which made me think that I hadn't been forward enough, or at least not optimally forward. (The theory being that, just like in negotiation or haggling, if the other person doesn't reject your first offer then you probably could've gotten more.)
For the sake of argument let's take it as given that if you are more forward you get more yesses but you also get slapped more. How do you personally strike that balance? Do you avoid rejection at all costs? Do you get slapped all the time? Or do you have some kind of happy medium, risking and gaining an acceptable amount while keeping rejection down to a bearable level? Are you happy with where you are, or do you wish you could be bolder, or maybe even more cautious?
Note: I phrased this in terms of romantic involvements, but I think the same risk/reward/rejection balance applies in a lot of other areas, so feel free to talk about how you balance this equation as an author, an artist, a job applicant or in any other area of life.
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* By which I mean they rebuff my advance in some way. I don't think I've ever actually been slapped, at least not nonconsensually.
** How I feel about the fact that it's almost always my job to make the moves is a topic for another time.
For the sake of argument let's take it as given that if you are more forward you get more yesses but you also get slapped more. How do you personally strike that balance? Do you avoid rejection at all costs? Do you get slapped all the time? Or do you have some kind of happy medium, risking and gaining an acceptable amount while keeping rejection down to a bearable level? Are you happy with where you are, or do you wish you could be bolder, or maybe even more cautious?
Note: I phrased this in terms of romantic involvements, but I think the same risk/reward/rejection balance applies in a lot of other areas, so feel free to talk about how you balance this equation as an author, an artist, a job applicant or in any other area of life.
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* By which I mean they rebuff my advance in some way. I don't think I've ever actually been slapped, at least not nonconsensually.
** How I feel about the fact that it's almost always my job to make the moves is a topic for another time.