Teeth
I haven't updated in ages. in fact i have a pretty awesome entry about The Doctor Who premire and about meeting my darling Karen <3, and a bunch of new friends, i just never bothered to finish it. I really should, thats a much happier entry. No this one , this one's going to be kinda emo, bare with it. i have some stuff to vent out.
I was mugged, a week and a half ago now.
Seriously. As if i'm not going through enough lately?
I have a tendcy to turn what happens to me, no matter how ridic or weird or plain old depressing into a hilarious story to tell later , but frankly i cant find the funny part about this. And damned have i tried.
Spitting blood into into your hands ,crawling around blind and concuss'd cause a bunch of assholes figured they REALLY REALLY wanted $6 and a crappy prepaid phone, what's funny about that?
Joke's on them, receptions terrible and i only had like 5 minutes left on my plan anyways?
*weak smile*
There's no weirder feeling than being barked at in an ambulance because your not giving them answers (it was so weird, my brain felt like it was exploding and it was difficult to think much less talk) then suddenly realizing...my front tooth...where...what...
FUCK.
i start crying, they get uppity , i tell them to just take me to a hospital. the one guy yells at me cause i cant give him any info other than "my head, i think OWW" some random passerby's all 'they jumped him." then promptly walked away when pressed for more info. THEN they treated me nicer. then i got sleepy.
Nothing wakes a person up faster than these words yelled at you.
"YOU MIGHT HAVE A CONCUSSION.IF YOU FALL ASLEEP YOU MIGHT DIE!"
Wide eyed and scared as fuck, i suddenly realize im on my back and on a stretcher and suddenly its very fuzzy how i got there. The wail of an ambulance siren snaps me back.
"DO YOU.KNOW.WHERE .YOU ARE?"
"...AND AMBULANCE?"
Mind you its not that i was really sure at the time i was just sort of peicing it together, Cause even concussed and with memory loss, i'm the goddam batman.
"WHERE.ARE.WERE GOING?"
"I'D HOPE YOU'D KNO. YOUR DRIVING." now i was sure that was in my head but the priceless reaction on the guys face told me i said it out loud.
"............." Guy is looking serious as fuck right now. i attempt to focus harder.
"....THE HOSPITAL?maybe?This is an ambulance and I AM HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL! yeah?" i declared as if i expected a fucking shiny gold star for getting it right.
"DO YOU KNO. WHAT . HAPPEND?" lots of yelling. good god, do they not tell them them that's NOT the way to deal w/ people.
"..um....hospital...i taste blood....THE FUCK....MY TOOTH....WHERE THE FUCK...."
I RAGE. He holds me down. i stop fighting. theres a brace on my neck that making it hard for me to breath and im already breathing heavy.
they wont take it off. I panic more than ive ever paniced in my life. I'm still super drowsy but im scared to close my eyes, because well i want to open them again, and since they seem to be doing a terrible job of running my ID through whatever system they have, lord knows when my mom would ever find out about this. So at that point the goal became 'stay alive long enough for them to ID me and call someone..thn hope for the best."
i now Sounds melodramatic now, but at the time , im spitting blood, my brain felt like it was not just poping, but leaking and i felt like throwing up but, lying on my back as i still was... i didnt wana ruin my Flash hoody.
Yes, at that point, even with my brain exploding,i reasoned that if im going to die & come back as a ghost, it was a good thing i was wearing my favorite hoody. Heck even if for some reason they pry it off me..i was wearing my signature green lantern shirt under it AND my Doctor Who cap. You would recognize my ghost, i mean ok, i could use a shave, but maybe at somepoint after i was a ghost that would be optional.
like they'll be like "do you wana keep the beard, u dont look like yerself?" "yea, was killed before i got to shave...please be a doll, indescript ghost creator being!thanks"
they zoom me into a spot and imediately surround me w/ doctors cause they asked me a question and i stoped responding w/ words, just sounds and blood.
Haze.
My hat.My tooth. MY HAT.
i'd been clutching my Doctor Who cap this whole time like a small child holds a teddy bear and it was really the only thing keeping me from fucking losing it so i spazed out for my hat.
Everyone got quiet.
"..im sorry..look..i just..can i have..my hat...i..was just walking home and now im in hospital and my fucking head HURTS SO BAD...im..i'm really scared and..i want my hat."
an orderly give me my hat back. i kinda cover my face and prey i wake up to find this was all just a fucked up and vivid dream.
A male voice, and again i cant see cause when i was KO'D they thought enuff to make sure they smashed my glasses, i assume was a doctor very calmly very touchingly reassures me im being taken care of and that it was ok to be scared.
i thank him but start crying a bit , they leave me.
a detective walks in starts to ask me question but notices me breaking down and says he'll be back but i call out to him.
"Did they, notify anyone?"
"no. do you know anyones number?"
GOD FUCKING DAMIT, I HAVENT LEARNED A NUMBER IN YEARS, HAVENT HAD TO.
wait. thats not true. i know a number, and i hope to god she's still awake.
"WAIT. i know a number!!!"
i want everyone to try something.
i want you to solve a alegbra problem, while huming the star spangled banner while sitting on your head while someone is periodicly hitting you squre in the temple with a hammer every couple of minutes.
Thats what remembering Leora's number, telling my mouth to say it, then getting it across to him felt like.
at the end i wasnt even sure i said it right cause he was all "RIght, your girlfriend, LENORA?"
"HAH..no..BEST friend...she should have my moms number...and she should..."
"relax, ill call her."
He left and i waited an eternity. Freaking out but trying to stay calm. i told myself i could sleep, and even though i was trying to the worlds largest and most uncoftable neck bace had been placed on me so not only couldnt i lay down comfortably i was having trouble breathing. There was a tv but my eyes couldnt see that far. i know it probly wasnt THAT long but it felt like a lifetime just alone and scared , sure the pain in my head had gone away a bit but even that was worrying me. maybe it meant i was dying. hell could i know. no ones come to see me in awhile.I miss my parents, i miss my brothers, i miss my friends. i just felt like i was going to be here in a tiny corner forgotten forever.
im finally drifting off as the detective pops in.
"yes?"
"your friend picked up."
"OMG..DID SHE GET AHOLD OF MY MOM?"
"yes, she's on her way...actually your friend is here NOW!"
"WHAT?"
"would you like to see her?"
"yes! wait (im covered in blood and i have a gap where my tooth should be) ..fuck it BRING HER IN!"
Its weird, i was SO HAPPY TO SEE HER, but i was also so....is embarassed the right word?
i tried my damndst to hold my mouth shut but upon seeing her and Donna, i fucking lost it. like hardest ive cried in ages. I loved them both so much and i was just.... i must of told her i loved her billion times.i hugged her so hard i didnt wana let go. thats when i became real to me. i mean hilariously nonchalant an hour ago about dying a settling things as a ghost, but I'D NEVER SEE LEE AGAIN and that crushed me.
god this all sounds so stupid, but there was just a montage of images in my head, all we've been through.
My dad shows up a few minutes later and it happens again....i just cant stop crying .
and im hugging ever so tightly my dad. My asshole dad who's on the verge of throwing me out of the house, my jerkass dad who's messy and a total d-bag 88% of the time who's usually just the bane of my existance and the worst roomate ever. But he's DAD, and he's here. sure , in retrospec, this wouldnt of happen if he didnt get the bright idea about moving into a dangerous neighborhood because of the cheap rent i wouldnt BE there, and the moment THAT nugget dawned on me and i got a bit angry i backed away and clung back to lee. As much as i hate my life sometimes,and occasionally my own friends and family, i'd be nowhere without them. its my family and friends who are pretty much family that help me through it and make it worth living.
I find it funny that in the even that when me & lee are incapacitated the role of "saracastic wiseass who makes jokes TOO SOON" Falls to Donna.
"dude if you had your sonic screwdriver on you ,this wouldnt of happend."
:O
oh fuck. i loled, i cried, i loled and cried.
Bless you!
i love everyone right now.
but they had to go, cause my mom showed up.
Oh she cant see me like this. i worried again.
My dad left and made sure they got a ride, i find out later cause after my mom showed up i aparently threw up like the excorist and promptly passed out. i dont remember that and im glad they werent around for it.
But mid morning i was feeling..well... comparatively better. they gave me meds for the pain of my bleeding gums ,took off the gorram neck brace and sent me on my way, Mom picked up my brother Matt on the way. his Girlfriend had just had the baby. He showed me pictures.She's fucking adorable.
he attempted to show me video and i told him to turn it off or ill throw up on him. No seriously, i wouldnt wana see that stone sober, after the night i've had , if i had to witness the miracle of birth , they would have to turn right back around cause i wouldve puked a lung.
So yeah, a week or so later and i've got a cap for my tooth, its temporary but looks damn good.
im going in for a root cannal tuesday (which sounds like the oposite of fun) and the real thing, or rather a fixed up one..i dont know, i just know after the temp im praising him and smiling like a doofus and he's all "no big, that not even the real one, that just for right now." and i wana hug him and i have to contain myself.
Up til this point i was , granted happy to be alive and looking on the bright side BUT, and i hate to admit this, just angry and moody.At night i'd just sneak off to the bathroom look at my bloody gums in the mirror and cry. I was just sad all the time and took all sorts of advantage of my medication. it made me sleepy, so i'd use it as an excuse to sleep in all day and when i wasnt sleeping, lay in bed brooding harder than Angel and Edward combined. Vampires cursed with souls wouldnt brood as hard as i was. (i like that last line better)
Emo as fuck. yeah i know, and you where warned by the way, so shame on you for reading this far.
but now i can smile again, i can open my mouth without fear of looking stupid. or sounding stupid. i learned quickly that unless i spoke slowly i gained a lisp. >__<
but no more! Still on a "look on the brightside regardless of how delusional" kick.
I'm looking for work again. i need to get my own place. i'm trying to work out. Idk if i wana go as far as a self defense class, but maybe. i'm going back into therapy too. I mean i was ALWAYS kinda krazy, but now im krazy an scared to be out after daylight. This opened a whole new box of krazy unfortunately.
and most importantly, if this long as heck entry would prove, im trying to get back into writing again.
i used to love it, i used to be good at it and for awhile i'd hit a brick wall creatively.
I'm looking to change that.
So yeah,
Happy, i dare say, HILARIOUS entry next time. Possibly Even tomorrow
Til then.
:D
I was mugged, a week and a half ago now.
Seriously. As if i'm not going through enough lately?
I have a tendcy to turn what happens to me, no matter how ridic or weird or plain old depressing into a hilarious story to tell later , but frankly i cant find the funny part about this. And damned have i tried.
Spitting blood into into your hands ,crawling around blind and concuss'd cause a bunch of assholes figured they REALLY REALLY wanted $6 and a crappy prepaid phone, what's funny about that?
Joke's on them, receptions terrible and i only had like 5 minutes left on my plan anyways?
*weak smile*
There's no weirder feeling than being barked at in an ambulance because your not giving them answers (it was so weird, my brain felt like it was exploding and it was difficult to think much less talk) then suddenly realizing...my front tooth...where...what...
FUCK.
i start crying, they get uppity , i tell them to just take me to a hospital. the one guy yells at me cause i cant give him any info other than "my head, i think OWW" some random passerby's all 'they jumped him." then promptly walked away when pressed for more info. THEN they treated me nicer. then i got sleepy.
Nothing wakes a person up faster than these words yelled at you.
"YOU MIGHT HAVE A CONCUSSION.IF YOU FALL ASLEEP YOU MIGHT DIE!"
Wide eyed and scared as fuck, i suddenly realize im on my back and on a stretcher and suddenly its very fuzzy how i got there. The wail of an ambulance siren snaps me back.
"DO YOU.KNOW.WHERE .YOU ARE?"
"...AND AMBULANCE?"
Mind you its not that i was really sure at the time i was just sort of peicing it together, Cause even concussed and with memory loss, i'm the goddam batman.
"WHERE.ARE.WERE GOING?"
"I'D HOPE YOU'D KNO. YOUR DRIVING." now i was sure that was in my head but the priceless reaction on the guys face told me i said it out loud.
"............." Guy is looking serious as fuck right now. i attempt to focus harder.
"....THE HOSPITAL?maybe?This is an ambulance and I AM HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL! yeah?" i declared as if i expected a fucking shiny gold star for getting it right.
"DO YOU KNO. WHAT . HAPPEND?" lots of yelling. good god, do they not tell them them that's NOT the way to deal w/ people.
"..um....hospital...i taste blood....THE FUCK....MY TOOTH....WHERE THE FUCK...."
I RAGE. He holds me down. i stop fighting. theres a brace on my neck that making it hard for me to breath and im already breathing heavy.
they wont take it off. I panic more than ive ever paniced in my life. I'm still super drowsy but im scared to close my eyes, because well i want to open them again, and since they seem to be doing a terrible job of running my ID through whatever system they have, lord knows when my mom would ever find out about this. So at that point the goal became 'stay alive long enough for them to ID me and call someone..thn hope for the best."
i now Sounds melodramatic now, but at the time , im spitting blood, my brain felt like it was not just poping, but leaking and i felt like throwing up but, lying on my back as i still was... i didnt wana ruin my Flash hoody.
Yes, at that point, even with my brain exploding,i reasoned that if im going to die & come back as a ghost, it was a good thing i was wearing my favorite hoody. Heck even if for some reason they pry it off me..i was wearing my signature green lantern shirt under it AND my Doctor Who cap. You would recognize my ghost, i mean ok, i could use a shave, but maybe at somepoint after i was a ghost that would be optional.
like they'll be like "do you wana keep the beard, u dont look like yerself?" "yea, was killed before i got to shave...please be a doll, indescript ghost creator being!thanks"
they zoom me into a spot and imediately surround me w/ doctors cause they asked me a question and i stoped responding w/ words, just sounds and blood.
Haze.
My hat.My tooth. MY HAT.
i'd been clutching my Doctor Who cap this whole time like a small child holds a teddy bear and it was really the only thing keeping me from fucking losing it so i spazed out for my hat.
Everyone got quiet.
"..im sorry..look..i just..can i have..my hat...i..was just walking home and now im in hospital and my fucking head HURTS SO BAD...im..i'm really scared and..i want my hat."
an orderly give me my hat back. i kinda cover my face and prey i wake up to find this was all just a fucked up and vivid dream.
A male voice, and again i cant see cause when i was KO'D they thought enuff to make sure they smashed my glasses, i assume was a doctor very calmly very touchingly reassures me im being taken care of and that it was ok to be scared.
i thank him but start crying a bit , they leave me.
a detective walks in starts to ask me question but notices me breaking down and says he'll be back but i call out to him.
"Did they, notify anyone?"
"no. do you know anyones number?"
GOD FUCKING DAMIT, I HAVENT LEARNED A NUMBER IN YEARS, HAVENT HAD TO.
wait. thats not true. i know a number, and i hope to god she's still awake.
"WAIT. i know a number!!!"
i want everyone to try something.
i want you to solve a alegbra problem, while huming the star spangled banner while sitting on your head while someone is periodicly hitting you squre in the temple with a hammer every couple of minutes.
Thats what remembering Leora's number, telling my mouth to say it, then getting it across to him felt like.
at the end i wasnt even sure i said it right cause he was all "RIght, your girlfriend, LENORA?"
"HAH..no..BEST friend...she should have my moms number...and she should..."
"relax, ill call her."
He left and i waited an eternity. Freaking out but trying to stay calm. i told myself i could sleep, and even though i was trying to the worlds largest and most uncoftable neck bace had been placed on me so not only couldnt i lay down comfortably i was having trouble breathing. There was a tv but my eyes couldnt see that far. i know it probly wasnt THAT long but it felt like a lifetime just alone and scared , sure the pain in my head had gone away a bit but even that was worrying me. maybe it meant i was dying. hell could i know. no ones come to see me in awhile.I miss my parents, i miss my brothers, i miss my friends. i just felt like i was going to be here in a tiny corner forgotten forever.
im finally drifting off as the detective pops in.
"yes?"
"your friend picked up."
"OMG..DID SHE GET AHOLD OF MY MOM?"
"yes, she's on her way...actually your friend is here NOW!"
"WHAT?"
"would you like to see her?"
"yes! wait (im covered in blood and i have a gap where my tooth should be) ..fuck it BRING HER IN!"
Its weird, i was SO HAPPY TO SEE HER, but i was also so....is embarassed the right word?
i tried my damndst to hold my mouth shut but upon seeing her and Donna, i fucking lost it. like hardest ive cried in ages. I loved them both so much and i was just.... i must of told her i loved her billion times.i hugged her so hard i didnt wana let go. thats when i became real to me. i mean hilariously nonchalant an hour ago about dying a settling things as a ghost, but I'D NEVER SEE LEE AGAIN and that crushed me.
god this all sounds so stupid, but there was just a montage of images in my head, all we've been through.
My dad shows up a few minutes later and it happens again....i just cant stop crying .
and im hugging ever so tightly my dad. My asshole dad who's on the verge of throwing me out of the house, my jerkass dad who's messy and a total d-bag 88% of the time who's usually just the bane of my existance and the worst roomate ever. But he's DAD, and he's here. sure , in retrospec, this wouldnt of happen if he didnt get the bright idea about moving into a dangerous neighborhood because of the cheap rent i wouldnt BE there, and the moment THAT nugget dawned on me and i got a bit angry i backed away and clung back to lee. As much as i hate my life sometimes,and occasionally my own friends and family, i'd be nowhere without them. its my family and friends who are pretty much family that help me through it and make it worth living.
I find it funny that in the even that when me & lee are incapacitated the role of "saracastic wiseass who makes jokes TOO SOON" Falls to Donna.
"dude if you had your sonic screwdriver on you ,this wouldnt of happend."
:O
oh fuck. i loled, i cried, i loled and cried.
Bless you!
i love everyone right now.
but they had to go, cause my mom showed up.
Oh she cant see me like this. i worried again.
My dad left and made sure they got a ride, i find out later cause after my mom showed up i aparently threw up like the excorist and promptly passed out. i dont remember that and im glad they werent around for it.
But mid morning i was feeling..well... comparatively better. they gave me meds for the pain of my bleeding gums ,took off the gorram neck brace and sent me on my way, Mom picked up my brother Matt on the way. his Girlfriend had just had the baby. He showed me pictures.She's fucking adorable.
he attempted to show me video and i told him to turn it off or ill throw up on him. No seriously, i wouldnt wana see that stone sober, after the night i've had , if i had to witness the miracle of birth , they would have to turn right back around cause i wouldve puked a lung.
So yeah, a week or so later and i've got a cap for my tooth, its temporary but looks damn good.
im going in for a root cannal tuesday (which sounds like the oposite of fun) and the real thing, or rather a fixed up one..i dont know, i just know after the temp im praising him and smiling like a doofus and he's all "no big, that not even the real one, that just for right now." and i wana hug him and i have to contain myself.
Up til this point i was , granted happy to be alive and looking on the bright side BUT, and i hate to admit this, just angry and moody.At night i'd just sneak off to the bathroom look at my bloody gums in the mirror and cry. I was just sad all the time and took all sorts of advantage of my medication. it made me sleepy, so i'd use it as an excuse to sleep in all day and when i wasnt sleeping, lay in bed brooding harder than Angel and Edward combined. Vampires cursed with souls wouldnt brood as hard as i was. (i like that last line better)
Emo as fuck. yeah i know, and you where warned by the way, so shame on you for reading this far.
but now i can smile again, i can open my mouth without fear of looking stupid. or sounding stupid. i learned quickly that unless i spoke slowly i gained a lisp. >__<
but no more! Still on a "look on the brightside regardless of how delusional" kick.
I'm looking for work again. i need to get my own place. i'm trying to work out. Idk if i wana go as far as a self defense class, but maybe. i'm going back into therapy too. I mean i was ALWAYS kinda krazy, but now im krazy an scared to be out after daylight. This opened a whole new box of krazy unfortunately.
and most importantly, if this long as heck entry would prove, im trying to get back into writing again.
i used to love it, i used to be good at it and for awhile i'd hit a brick wall creatively.
I'm looking to change that.
So yeah,
Happy, i dare say, HILARIOUS entry next time. Possibly Even tomorrow
Til then.
:D