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Yeah, Gaila doesn't know how to work the private communications buttons. She doesn't really bother to try. She does relay her current coordinates though.
To Pavel: Here I am!
To Man Jim: I really really wanna see you. So when you get a chance, could you stop on by?
To Pavel: Here I am!
To Man Jim: I really really wanna see you. So when you get a chance, could you stop on by?
It had been a relaxing few days on Risa, but by the time he got the message Jim was ready to see more of the planet. He wore the green shirt the other Jim had had made for him, and stopped by.
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He was really glad she'd made it back okay.
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And he had a really nice ass. One of Gaila's hands went there, while the other hand started unfastening his pants. She could feel he was already hard, and he was so warm and Jim and perfect, she could not wait.
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And then, because he was a captain of a starship and despite lots of rumors and fanfiction about him, actually capable of sometimes thinking with both brains at once, he stopped.
"Wait," he said, his voice confused and sort of strangled sounding. There was something he was supposed to remember, though everything else was screaming that this was a very good thing and there was no possible thing he was forgetting that would make this bad.
Spock deserved better than this from him.
It came to him in a flash, and he put his hands on Gaila's shoulders though he made no move away from her.
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"I can't," he said finally, feeling a little bit like he was slapping himself in the face or, more accurately, kicking himself in the balls. His expression was comically confused, but his conviction was growing.
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And Gaila dropped to her knees to examine his cock.
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"It's not my cock," he said finally. He couldn't believe he was saying this. He was on Risa, for heaven's sake! With an Orion! "My cock is fine. Excellent, even. It's..." He bit his lip, trying to work it out, because what he was about to say still seemed alien to him and he had to get it right, like a foreign language. "It's that Spock and Bones deserve more from me. I need to think about them."
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Gaila had no frame of reference for this. Jim had never said no to sex before. She had never imagined Jim saying no to sex before. It had never occurred to her that Jim would ever say no to sex before, or no to her--not about this.
Also, it was really hard to concentrate. It always worked; whenever she saw Jim--Man Jim or Jimbo--her cares and worries slid away. There were several reasons; sex was relaxing and made her feel better anyway, and Jim was really good at sex. But also, a lot of her troubles had to do with sex itself, with other people not understanding her attitude toward sex, not fitting in because no one understood this huge important part of her. But Jim understood, and sex with Jim wasn't just sex, it was that one perfect person who understood her, understood sex the way she did.
And now Gaila was facing some of the worst issues she'd had to face since her slavery--losing the Farragut, losing the position she'd worked so hard for there, losing the people she'd tried so hard to curtail her behavior ( ... )
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He did not like that feeling. What was more, he was not used to it, and like Gaila, had little context for it. He was raised human, and on Earth, so obviously he understood the concept of monogamy. Had even practiced it when necessary, in many of his traditional romantic relationships ( ... )
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Gaila was still before him on her knees. Her voice sounded from in her throat somewhere.
"I--Jim? I don't understand."
Her mind was a blank. She truly couldn't think of anything but shock.
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Fuck.
He sank to his knees in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Gaila, I..." This hadn't been what he'd expected. She had every right to be angry, to be upset, but this? His instinct was to hold her close and kiss her and make it better but he saw that would be counter-productive to his new conviction.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think. Spock and Bones... happened. We bonded. It's this Vulcan thing, we can feel each others' feelings, our thoughts, and I can't... I can't betray their trust, even if I don't understand it entirely, I... How can I make you understand?"
How could he, when he had trouble explaining that guilt himself?
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She stood up and looked down at him.
She still felt utterly blank inside.
"My pheromone suppressors stopped working," she said, in apparent non sequitur.
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"What?" he said, because she was angry, that he could tell from the jerking away, and maybe he should just go. "I don't..."
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Gaila was still looking at him blankly. Her voice was blank, but with odd pauses. She was having trouble finding the words.
"I usually have sex with lots of people. But now, if I want someone, I don't know if their consent is influenced. To me, it's natural, but to them it's unnatural. Freakish. Wrong. It's wrong in Federation cultures, and Starfleet, and everywhere I go. I've always been wrong."
Gaila usually didn't talk like this. Other people wouldn't understand. Jim would, but she didn't need to explain it to Jim, because she'd always felt wrong,
"Except when I'm with you."
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