Bee!wish Granted!kdbleuSeptember 21 2011, 15:51:31 UTC
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“So?”
“You said you’d be here.”
“I had a briefing. I had to go.”
“Right.”
“I wanted to be…”
“But you weren’t.”
“Kara.”
“No, I’m mad at you now.”
“So I won’t give you that back rub, then?”
“You were going to give me a back rub?”
“Not now.”
“But you were going to?”
“Maybe.”
“I think you want to touch me. Make sure that I’m back.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Yes, maybe.”
“Just maybe? Just maybe, Lee?”
“No! Not maybe. I missed… Gods, I more than missed. I was frakking worried about you, Kara. I searched for you, wouldn’t give up. And then we were going to leave you on that frakking moon, and I was beside myself. OK? So, not maybe. Not maybe.”
Re: Bee!wish Granted!workerbee73September 22 2011, 01:26:52 UTC
You did great! It's one of those things I've been trying to do better at myself-- say more with the dialogue and less with the trappings. Hard to do, but really effective.
Re: Bee!wish Granted!kdbleuSeptember 22 2011, 15:38:32 UTC
I was a theatre major in college and took a playwriting class that has ended up being on the of the best writing classes I ever took. We could use minor stage direction and description, but other than that everything relied on words. It really changed how I look at exposition and pacing, both of which are really different when you have only dialogue.
Re: Bee!wish Granted!workerbee73September 25 2011, 14:15:56 UTC
It's so true. There's a kind of discipline with that kind of writing that you just don't get anywhere else. And really, well-done dialogue is worth its weight in gold. ; )
Re: Bee!wish Granted!kdbleuSeptember 22 2011, 14:50:21 UTC
That fact that Kara and Lee don't use words as much as they could made this kind of more challenging, but the banter too so it was about finding a balance. I'm glad you liked it. :)
“Hey.”
“So?”
“You said you’d be here.”
“I had a briefing. I had to go.”
“Right.”
“I wanted to be…”
“But you weren’t.”
“Kara.”
“No, I’m mad at you now.”
“So I won’t give you that back rub, then?”
“You were going to give me a back rub?”
“Not now.”
“But you were going to?”
“Maybe.”
“I think you want to touch me. Make sure that I’m back.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Yes, maybe.”
“Just maybe? Just maybe, Lee?”
“No! Not maybe. I missed… Gods, I more than missed. I was frakking worried about you, Kara. I searched for you, wouldn’t give up. And then we were going to leave you on that frakking moon, and I was beside myself. OK? So, not maybe. Not maybe.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“So can I get that back rub?”
“Just to make sure you’re really here.”
“Just to make sure."
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And thanks for you uncredited help last night. :)
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I LOVE IT!!! PILOT BACKRUBS AND CONFESSIONS OF ALMOST-FEELINGS AND BANTER!
Well done. : D
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I'm so glad you liked it. It was fun and a great challenge. :D
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**twirls you**
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The ending is lovely :) Awesome job :D
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