what's the point of this thing. no one cares... lol

summer. is here. suffering begins. .....

NOW...

no wait. NOW.

i figured it out. someone made a comment about me yesterday about why i want to make myself miserable all the time. the reason for that is because i dont feel like i deserve to be happy. it's like i wanna punish myself for the things i've done in life and at the chance of happiness i turn it down and make sure that i'm miserable ( Read more... )

man.. i've always wanted a pet.. i never ever asked for clothes or a car or stuff like that. i just wanted a kitty, or a puppy. or something like that. my parents never let me get one. i think that's probably why i want to be a vet.

i really really want a puppy or kitten... i mean look at this, how could you not want it.

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alrighty! i'm done with spring break! though i really wish it wasnt over cuz i was so happy being there with him. i miss him already, he's all i really ever think of. this has got to be the real thing. i really love him ( Read more... )

Before i take off to go to ohio, i thought i'd write a pre-trip entry. though this will have nothing to do with the trip itself and what i'm expecting. oh yes, for those who dont know yet, i'm going to ohio to see chris (not natick chris). most of you dont know who chris is. actually.. prolly only janice does. lol! oh well ( Read more... )

this isnt my own life anymore. it doesnt belong to me, it never has. ok God fine. you win.. you can do whatever the fuck you want to do with it. make my parents hate me. go for it. make sure i dont love. go for it. if it floats your boat. i fucking hate this. everything ( Read more... )

sometimes i wonder why i even continue to write in this journal when i dont even feel like i can truly say what i want to say in fear of offending someone. but then again, that's why this is public right ( Read more... )

why does my dad love ryan more than me...

why does he smile and laugh with him and glare at me..

why doesnt he ever let me help him and let ryan help instead...

why doesnt he tell me he loves me... mom keeps telling me that he does..

why..

it's not fair.

you're right. life isnt fair.

I cant do this anymore ( Read more... )