to catch up extracts from a more personal journal
Wed 30 Jan 08, 6:37 PM
I am sooooo tired. I had a few minutes at lunch time when I thought it was all getting away from me, but managed to get it all cleared by home time.
trouble is I am not getting to the swimming pool, I am not eating as well as I should - not eating badly - just not as well as I should . We had takeaway curry tonight because the thought of cooking made me want to cry.
Now I just want to clear away and sleep
I *feel* that I am not going to feel better till I find space for exercise and patience for better food in the evenings.
Perhaps it's just that I want it to be spring.
Mon 25 Feb 08, 8:23 PM
A few weeks ago I wrote about needing confidence, and thinking about whether I could do stuff after my line manager went off with stress..the line manager is still of sick.
In response that weblog my dear Duncan wrote
"As You say I have already said that I have confidence you can do it.
Now it seems if thats the song your singing it is slowly working. Soon it will become "I believe" closely followed by " We are the champions".
At which point they either make it a permanent position having proved you can do it or you step back and it all falls apart again.
Remember the small steps. Look at the problem. Sort out what you can change and what you can't. Change the things you can then reapraise the situation. Eventually you will find things start moving from the what you cant change to the what you can change pile.
You know you have it cracked when the things I can change is bigger than the things I cant change."
well on Friday I started to do something,, over the weekend Duncan gave me some help and today I was able to impress. Using the confidence gained I made some decisions about how my team worked, in the hope that we could improve our performance. The teams performance is 16 times as good as it was on the day I took over and I am changing my record.
because
I believe.
Thu 28 Feb 08, 6:23 PM
I had been so positive earlier in the week, then today I just wanted to weep, bits seemed to be coming off everywhere, and far from feeling as if I was confident and in control I was wanting to cry all the time.I resisted the desire to go and hide in the toilets and sob, and eventually felt a little better.
Thu 13 Mar 08, 8:51 PM
it will be recalled that 10 weeks or so ago my line manager walked out suffering from stress. I had to take over and, since then I have been doing 9 hour days with no lunch breaks. We were a new team in a new unit and my line manager has been there about 8 days. I had at first to do 3 jobs, then 2 and s of yesterday 1. I and then we put things in place to make the team succeed. Duncan counselled and supported me, and people will know that I had reached the point where I was able to sing I believe.
Well as of today I no longer need to believe, because now that I and my trusty assistant have got the whole thing working well and we are working on tweaking the system rather than creating something new , The Line Manager has decided he will come back next week.
It wasn't my job but I was actually upset that he is coming back, and worse yet I let others see that I was upset. bugger
ue 18 Mar 08, 5:53 AM
is supposed to be coming back today. I am not looking forward to it one bit. I don't know how I can work with him - except of course that i have to.
Tue 18 Mar 08, 5:16 PM
Guess whose line manager didn't come in today?
Our G7 had an e mail saying that he had a leak in his hot water tank and needed to be home for the tradesman.
Our G7 was not a happy man,the words swinging the lead may have been uttered.
They now have an appointment for a return to work meeting tomorrow at 8:30.
People are laying bets on whether he will turn up.
I texted Duncan to tell him boss was now coming back tomorrow.
Duncan he say "tomorrow never comes"
well we shall see
Wed 19 Mar 08, 10:16 PM
My line manager didn't come in.He e mailed the G7 to say he was still too sick to come in. Last night Duncan had spent some time going over with me what I ought to say in that eventuality, so I told the G7 how I felt and he said well I perfectly understand where you are coming from. He must however have taken the message on board as about 15 minutes later the G6 came down and his sentiments exactly mimiced what I had said.
He is going to look at finding somewhere else for him to go is he does come back and I am to carry on with what I am doing because *I am going a good job*!!!!
Tue 25 Mar 08, 8:09 PM
got to get in early tomorrow, Best bib and tucker, to make sure that the office is at its best - well as at its best as a 1970's office block in Croydon can look.
We are having a visitation.
The Strategic director is coming, and he is coming to see my team.
They wanted a volunteer team and I volunteered us, because of the way people have worked together and started to get to grips with the work. I shall be a bag of nerves but we did a run through of my presentation today and people are happy with it. I feel like a child doing a Christmas play for the grown ups. Nervous but proud to be playing the leading role.
Wed 26 Mar 08, 5:15 PM
I made a mistake, when our visitor arrived I offered him coffee. A cup of tea would be nice he said. Emergency tea supplies had to be sent for.
I talked him through our strategy, showed him our figures. What our challenges were. Let my deputy talk about stats, introduced him to other members of the team who talked him through some of the things they had done. As he left he said he knew something of what we had gone through as a team( i had been told that he would not be told) and he was very impressed by what we had achieved.
Apparently after they had left he asked the G6 if all the Caseowners had such a grip on the figures for their team He was told that they did, and the G6 said that he was at that point rushing off to make sure that they did, and he thought we had done brilliantly.
What I needed this afternoon was a bondage expert to tie me to my chair so that I didn't hit the ceiling as I floated.
I am so happy , I am singing "we are the champions"
edited to say i feel utterly exhausted,
not a lot then
I am sooooo tired. I had a few minutes at lunch time when I thought it was all getting away from me, but managed to get it all cleared by home time.
trouble is I am not getting to the swimming pool, I am not eating as well as I should - not eating badly - just not as well as I should . We had takeaway curry tonight because the thought of cooking made me want to cry.
Now I just want to clear away and sleep
I *feel* that I am not going to feel better till I find space for exercise and patience for better food in the evenings.
Perhaps it's just that I want it to be spring.
Mon 25 Feb 08, 8:23 PM
A few weeks ago I wrote about needing confidence, and thinking about whether I could do stuff after my line manager went off with stress..the line manager is still of sick.
In response that weblog my dear Duncan wrote
"As You say I have already said that I have confidence you can do it.
Now it seems if thats the song your singing it is slowly working. Soon it will become "I believe" closely followed by " We are the champions".
At which point they either make it a permanent position having proved you can do it or you step back and it all falls apart again.
Remember the small steps. Look at the problem. Sort out what you can change and what you can't. Change the things you can then reapraise the situation. Eventually you will find things start moving from the what you cant change to the what you can change pile.
You know you have it cracked when the things I can change is bigger than the things I cant change."
well on Friday I started to do something,, over the weekend Duncan gave me some help and today I was able to impress. Using the confidence gained I made some decisions about how my team worked, in the hope that we could improve our performance. The teams performance is 16 times as good as it was on the day I took over and I am changing my record.
because
I believe.
Thu 28 Feb 08, 6:23 PM
I had been so positive earlier in the week, then today I just wanted to weep, bits seemed to be coming off everywhere, and far from feeling as if I was confident and in control I was wanting to cry all the time.I resisted the desire to go and hide in the toilets and sob, and eventually felt a little better.
Thu 13 Mar 08, 8:51 PM
it will be recalled that 10 weeks or so ago my line manager walked out suffering from stress. I had to take over and, since then I have been doing 9 hour days with no lunch breaks. We were a new team in a new unit and my line manager has been there about 8 days. I had at first to do 3 jobs, then 2 and s of yesterday 1. I and then we put things in place to make the team succeed. Duncan counselled and supported me, and people will know that I had reached the point where I was able to sing I believe.
Well as of today I no longer need to believe, because now that I and my trusty assistant have got the whole thing working well and we are working on tweaking the system rather than creating something new , The Line Manager has decided he will come back next week.
It wasn't my job but I was actually upset that he is coming back, and worse yet I let others see that I was upset. bugger
ue 18 Mar 08, 5:53 AM
is supposed to be coming back today. I am not looking forward to it one bit. I don't know how I can work with him - except of course that i have to.
Tue 18 Mar 08, 5:16 PM
Guess whose line manager didn't come in today?
Our G7 had an e mail saying that he had a leak in his hot water tank and needed to be home for the tradesman.
Our G7 was not a happy man,the words swinging the lead may have been uttered.
They now have an appointment for a return to work meeting tomorrow at 8:30.
People are laying bets on whether he will turn up.
I texted Duncan to tell him boss was now coming back tomorrow.
Duncan he say "tomorrow never comes"
well we shall see
Wed 19 Mar 08, 10:16 PM
My line manager didn't come in.He e mailed the G7 to say he was still too sick to come in. Last night Duncan had spent some time going over with me what I ought to say in that eventuality, so I told the G7 how I felt and he said well I perfectly understand where you are coming from. He must however have taken the message on board as about 15 minutes later the G6 came down and his sentiments exactly mimiced what I had said.
He is going to look at finding somewhere else for him to go is he does come back and I am to carry on with what I am doing because *I am going a good job*!!!!
Tue 25 Mar 08, 8:09 PM
got to get in early tomorrow, Best bib and tucker, to make sure that the office is at its best - well as at its best as a 1970's office block in Croydon can look.
We are having a visitation.
The Strategic director is coming, and he is coming to see my team.
They wanted a volunteer team and I volunteered us, because of the way people have worked together and started to get to grips with the work. I shall be a bag of nerves but we did a run through of my presentation today and people are happy with it. I feel like a child doing a Christmas play for the grown ups. Nervous but proud to be playing the leading role.
Wed 26 Mar 08, 5:15 PM
I made a mistake, when our visitor arrived I offered him coffee. A cup of tea would be nice he said. Emergency tea supplies had to be sent for.
I talked him through our strategy, showed him our figures. What our challenges were. Let my deputy talk about stats, introduced him to other members of the team who talked him through some of the things they had done. As he left he said he knew something of what we had gone through as a team( i had been told that he would not be told) and he was very impressed by what we had achieved.
Apparently after they had left he asked the G6 if all the Caseowners had such a grip on the figures for their team He was told that they did, and the G6 said that he was at that point rushing off to make sure that they did, and he thought we had done brilliantly.
What I needed this afternoon was a bondage expert to tie me to my chair so that I didn't hit the ceiling as I floated.
I am so happy , I am singing "we are the champions"
edited to say i feel utterly exhausted,
not a lot then