Unleashed
Summary - a person's point of view about the life he leads
Pairings- None~ the character can be anyone you find suitable
Disclaimer- Unfortunately, I do not own anything, even if I really want to, I DON’T.
Warning- May contain contents that some may want to avoid.
----
I am a ‘nobody’; or at the very least, that’s what I think of myself. Many may think I’m ‘somebody’ or even sometimes, something more than just a mere ‘somebody’. I come from a wealthy family with servants and maid, butlers and cooks. I have almost anything one could name and everything one could want but something is just missing and empty that made a hole in my life. Freedom is something I lack.
It’s funny, thinking back now that I no longer remember. How I could get past time. How I could endure such pain, keeping everything to myself. It’s a huge mystery that no one knows but me. In other’s eyes, I’m an angel; a person of respect and with good discipline; a person to admire and follow as an example.
I’m a person with magnificent grades; a pet to all teachers. I’ve represented the school and had given it good name but now, I have no idea where and when did I get those awards placed in the living room. What value does it hold when I don’t even know what I did to deserve such awards? Even so, I’ll still get punished, scolded and pointed at the head if I were to get anything lower than 95%. That was how I became an honor student; through all those horrid scolding and more.
I believe on a saying, “explaining is hiding the truth”. The more I explain, the more you’ll think I’m talking crap. Once doubted, there’s no turning back. I’ll lose my trust in you and so will you in me. Thus, once doubted, my brain system by default will activate all defense system and block that person out. The term doubt is something strong that could crush a person such as me.
I’m so broken I don’t know if I could be piece back together. If compared to others, I may be very lucky, but I’m not as what most people think. I have parents, but I feel no different from an orphan. I was raised by the ‘caretaker’ who changes so very often. It might be a disgrace but I rather be an orphan than to have a family such as this.
It’s not easy living my life with a smile. I myself could not different shade between real and fake anymore. I was abandoned mentally but not physically. I was left alone when I need someone the most. I was alone, always alone.
With that said, trust is obviously a big issue for me to deal with. I may have loads of friends but honestly speaking, I trust none of them. I may be friendly but if you don’t know me, don’t act like you know me coz you indeed know nothing about me. I may have told you stuff but the stuff can’t be compared with the tiniest stuff if my life is concerned.
Though there is one person, a person I’ve never thought of befriending. That person was there. I knew nothing but that person woke me up. I’ve always thought, by being who my parents want me to be, I’ll be happy but it’s not it. That person has taught me so many things that can’t be expressed. That person was with me when I needed someone, though said person is someone I’ve never met.
I’ve learnt many things since I had this illness. I’ve learnt to just shut up when adults are speaking, even if I know they’re in the wrong, I have no right to disturb. I’ve learnt to ignore my own feelings, family rule, no relationships allowed. I’ve learnt that I’ll always be bounded, by this unhappy and worthless life of mine.
Being who I am not is my greatest talent; or can it even be called a talent. I was forced to entertain guest with much respect even though they disgust the crap outta me. This household of mine is not somewhere I would want to return if there’s a chance of escape which I can barely see to the near future. Being who I truly am is a very tough thing for I no longer know who the hell I am.
I am a patient of depression, or that’s what the doctors told me. I’m under stress and it’s not a good sign; not for someone my age. I could say I have a hint to why I’ve came down to this. My life and my wrist; I’ve injured my wrist in a fall and that has cause me the ability to do things that I love. I’ve never known until I tried and it hurts so bad that I thought my wrist would break; not like my parents care.
And when matters get out of hand and when I need a break from everything and anything at all, I'll take a boiling hot shower that no sane human would shower in. When the water flows down on me, literally burning me till my skin turns bright red, it's the time where I feel that I'm part of this place, I'm living, I'm breathing, I'm feeling the pain, I wakes me up and I'll have to live on again. It's endless.
Not much can be told now as most of the said are not based on memories but on dairies I wrote and such. Things are hard to be explained and none are even relevant to some people who are blinded by this innocent looking smile I have on my face when I’m actually crying my eyes out in the inside.
All this makes up to the metal decorated on the strap clinging around my ankle, shining proudly. I may not be leashed but I’ll never be unleashed. Not as long as I’m wearing that black strap under this ‘discipline first’ household.
----
A/N- this is actually pretty random~ I just felt like writing it out.. just need to let out some steam ^^ I would like to know what you guys think, do leave a comment if possible ne~
♥♥Comments are LOVED !!~♥♥
Pairings- None~ the character can be anyone you find suitable
Disclaimer- Unfortunately, I do not own anything, even if I really want to, I DON’T.
Warning- May contain contents that some may want to avoid.
----
I am a ‘nobody’; or at the very least, that’s what I think of myself. Many may think I’m ‘somebody’ or even sometimes, something more than just a mere ‘somebody’. I come from a wealthy family with servants and maid, butlers and cooks. I have almost anything one could name and everything one could want but something is just missing and empty that made a hole in my life. Freedom is something I lack.
It’s funny, thinking back now that I no longer remember. How I could get past time. How I could endure such pain, keeping everything to myself. It’s a huge mystery that no one knows but me. In other’s eyes, I’m an angel; a person of respect and with good discipline; a person to admire and follow as an example.
I’m a person with magnificent grades; a pet to all teachers. I’ve represented the school and had given it good name but now, I have no idea where and when did I get those awards placed in the living room. What value does it hold when I don’t even know what I did to deserve such awards? Even so, I’ll still get punished, scolded and pointed at the head if I were to get anything lower than 95%. That was how I became an honor student; through all those horrid scolding and more.
I believe on a saying, “explaining is hiding the truth”. The more I explain, the more you’ll think I’m talking crap. Once doubted, there’s no turning back. I’ll lose my trust in you and so will you in me. Thus, once doubted, my brain system by default will activate all defense system and block that person out. The term doubt is something strong that could crush a person such as me.
I’m so broken I don’t know if I could be piece back together. If compared to others, I may be very lucky, but I’m not as what most people think. I have parents, but I feel no different from an orphan. I was raised by the ‘caretaker’ who changes so very often. It might be a disgrace but I rather be an orphan than to have a family such as this.
It’s not easy living my life with a smile. I myself could not different shade between real and fake anymore. I was abandoned mentally but not physically. I was left alone when I need someone the most. I was alone, always alone.
With that said, trust is obviously a big issue for me to deal with. I may have loads of friends but honestly speaking, I trust none of them. I may be friendly but if you don’t know me, don’t act like you know me coz you indeed know nothing about me. I may have told you stuff but the stuff can’t be compared with the tiniest stuff if my life is concerned.
Though there is one person, a person I’ve never thought of befriending. That person was there. I knew nothing but that person woke me up. I’ve always thought, by being who my parents want me to be, I’ll be happy but it’s not it. That person has taught me so many things that can’t be expressed. That person was with me when I needed someone, though said person is someone I’ve never met.
I’ve learnt many things since I had this illness. I’ve learnt to just shut up when adults are speaking, even if I know they’re in the wrong, I have no right to disturb. I’ve learnt to ignore my own feelings, family rule, no relationships allowed. I’ve learnt that I’ll always be bounded, by this unhappy and worthless life of mine.
Being who I am not is my greatest talent; or can it even be called a talent. I was forced to entertain guest with much respect even though they disgust the crap outta me. This household of mine is not somewhere I would want to return if there’s a chance of escape which I can barely see to the near future. Being who I truly am is a very tough thing for I no longer know who the hell I am.
I am a patient of depression, or that’s what the doctors told me. I’m under stress and it’s not a good sign; not for someone my age. I could say I have a hint to why I’ve came down to this. My life and my wrist; I’ve injured my wrist in a fall and that has cause me the ability to do things that I love. I’ve never known until I tried and it hurts so bad that I thought my wrist would break; not like my parents care.
And when matters get out of hand and when I need a break from everything and anything at all, I'll take a boiling hot shower that no sane human would shower in. When the water flows down on me, literally burning me till my skin turns bright red, it's the time where I feel that I'm part of this place, I'm living, I'm breathing, I'm feeling the pain, I wakes me up and I'll have to live on again. It's endless.
Not much can be told now as most of the said are not based on memories but on dairies I wrote and such. Things are hard to be explained and none are even relevant to some people who are blinded by this innocent looking smile I have on my face when I’m actually crying my eyes out in the inside.
All this makes up to the metal decorated on the strap clinging around my ankle, shining proudly. I may not be leashed but I’ll never be unleashed. Not as long as I’m wearing that black strap under this ‘discipline first’ household.
----
A/N- this is actually pretty random~ I just felt like writing it out.. just need to let out some steam ^^ I would like to know what you guys think, do leave a comment if possible ne~
♥♥Comments are LOVED !!~♥♥