..I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk..
So I typed this long entry and
I typed it on what all has happened since the last update and really I thought, what's it mean to anyone what I have done and what I plan on doing? That's the thing, it doesn't mean anything. So now, i'm writing on what i'm worried/happy/I have no clue, about. Not like the people who still do read this even care, but oh well.
Nikki and I are somewhat back to where we once were and that was friends, well best friends but now it's friends. We started talking and yeah, she realized something, finally. No, i'm not trying to be mean with that sentence or this one coming but, IT TOOK HER LONG ENOUGH! Oh well, I love her the same. Even though it may not seem like a lot, us talking and joking around like we used makes me happy, really happy. When I told Ashley and Matt, Matt mostly gave me crazy looks, but whoa. Yeah.
Now the depressing part of my friendships. I have had a friend for about 2 years this month and it's slowly but surely fading. When we first started talking, I was the complete opposite of him, we liked/had different music, clothes, friends, hobbies, EVERYTHING, but it we basically, stuck. We fought a little at first, to the point that each time we'd get in a fight, it'd be viscious and i'd end up getting upset. Coughlyingbastardcough, was one of the fights we had that really tore everything apart. So then, the blonde that I was back in 8th grade thought "Oh, maybe if I liked the same things he does, he'll like me more." Boy, was I ever wrong. I changed for him and I basically lost him for half a year. He hated me and he tries to tell me he forgets everything but yeah, he lost it on me the one time and it hit me, I shouldn't have changed anything. But before, him and I would hang out every weekend, mostly every Sunday though, seeing we were both free that day. After Christmas and the year started to progress on, it was like a line, I was on one side, he was on the other and we just kept shifting to the point that I was lucky to see him maybe once after about a few months went by. Now, 2 years later, we still talk, not as much, not the same, and we still hang out, not as much, not the same. But I should be happy about this, that I still do get to see him and that I still do get to talk to him that every so often or every other night online but it's not the same. It's not even the fact that he has changed the person he once was, I don't even care about that anymore. I just want my close friendship back that I once had, where I could tell him anything and everything and know he'll be there anytime I need him or need to talk or something. Maybe, i'm asking for too much? I don't know, I think about the past times and hang outs we've had and it almost makes me want to cry that I can't have them back or can't go back and change that I changed for someone and fucked everything up. I just want to IM him with this whole thing and be like, I miss you, [ even though I see him all the time in school, when he goes, but I miss HIM, it's confusing but oh well ], it's hard not having the same conversations that we used to have, where I wouldn't have to watch if i'm being annoying or going to piss you off with what I say. I can't stand the distance we have between us like we do. I want us to be best friends again, even though it may take work to get to, and even though we say we are now, it doesn't feel like it. I would IM something like that to him, but i'm scared of what a response would be, so turn to the livejournal I guess?
Life has been good though for the most part. I may not act it some of the days, but I have my reasons. Rachel and I aren't fighting anymore, we came to the conclusion we won't talk to each other when we both have PMS at the same time, it causes bad news. Ashley and I hung out finally outside of school at the mall with Matt, we got abused. She got kicked and I got hit with a Hollister shirt, all over perfume.
Tonight I just got home from the mall with Rachel. We saw Eric, Brendon, Wayne, and thee hotties Andy and Collin (; It was fun.
Now I shall go watch Save The Last Dance and eat food (: